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Old 04-23-2017, 03:34 AM
Nava Nava is offline
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Hey! I'm located! WOOOOW!
Posts: 37,613
One of my brothers has very different criteria and tastes from his wife in a surprising amount of things, which led to much huffing and puffing in the first days of his marriage but also any time there is an external source of stress; the other one, there are still differences of course but they're less and also both have a sense of humor about it.

Some things which I know helped the first:
divide work. If the agreement isn't working for you, speak up, but if the only reason your part isn't done is that you didn't feel like doing it, shame on you. Judy is much neater in general, so cleaning is generally her job. Ed isn't as gourmet a cook but he's more efficient at both cooking and keeping the kids fed, so that's generally his job.
Get help as needed (if you can, of course). My mother is a lousy cleaner, but a perfectly fine babysitter so long as she isn't expected to move quickly.
Learn your mental mechanisms, both your own and each other's. Both Ed and Judy tend to redirect rage and frustration: when something that was already settled crops up again, it often means that there is a completely different source of tension hovering around. Acknowledging this makes it possible to search for the actual source of the problem, and maybe even solving it. It's not as if Ed will suddently start liking fruit now... he never has! Any time Judy complains about that again, it means there's some sort of irritation at work. Any time Ed finds himself bothered by the mountains of clothing, he knows it's likely to be because he's got problems someplace else and not because they've grown (they still fit inside the closets with enough pushing).

Last edited by Nava; 04-23-2017 at 03:37 AM.