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Old 04-25-2017, 10:00 AM
LSLGuy LSLGuy is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Southeast Florida USA
Posts: 21,037
People are a package deal, whether we like that reality or not. Some people pick spouses for poor reasons, ignoring much of the reality of the package they're buying. Others pick more carefully. You'll be happier doing it the latter way. Even if you have to change spouses to get there.

Before we got married we had a conversation. It went about like this.
Originally Posted by Younger Me & She
Don't put up with. Never. Because if you or I do, pretty soon we'll both agree the score is 123,000 to 4. The only disagreement will be over who has the 123,000. That way lies perpetual resentment and anger.

Instead pick the couple things that annoy you the most and explain them calmly to the other. The other is obligated to work hard to fix them & keep them fixed. The objector is obligated to accept those best efforts as good enough. And to ignore all the minor crap.

Bottom line: Avoiding putting up with is a matter of each of us fixing our worst bad habits and ignoring the other's minor bad habits. If somebody is unable (or unwilling, which is worse) to do both of those things, don't marry them.
This is key:
Originally Posted by Aspenglow View Post
...I also think a key to our success was that we each made a point of doing for one other. He never failed to greet me each morning with a cup of coffee made exactly how I like it. It always made me feel so cherished. I made sure he could smell dinner cooking when he walked into the house after work. He loved that. He trained me on how to put the lid down on the toilet seat. What a small price to pay to make him feel appreciated. He ironed his own shirts because he knew I couldn't stand to iron. Little things. They make a big difference, and it sure helps to have that foundation when working out the big things.
If you can't remember the last time your spouse did something nice for you that made you feel special, there are two possibilities:
1) You're a thoughtless jerk who's not paying attention to his/her efforts to nurture the relationship.
2) He/She is a thoughtless jerk who's not nurturing the relationship.

In either case somebody deserves better. Fix it or find somebody else who will.

Last edited by LSLGuy; 04-25-2017 at 10:01 AM.