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Old 07-05-2019, 12:01 PM
Les Espaces Du Sommeil's Avatar
Les Espaces Du Sommeil is offline
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Well, one of the main reasons is that she's extremely serious about her work. Introducing this subject on the workplace is going to be awkward as hell for both of us and I sure don't want her to feel uneasy. I also want to point out that I've never found myself in such a situation there. I'm definitely not known to hit on my colleagues. My workplace is about 70% female and it was the very first time in my 15+ years there that I thought "OK, something's happening here." Over time, I've managed to find innocent meanings to most of the things she told me but I'm down to a dozen that I cannot interpret in any way other than signs of romantic interest, no matter how hard I try to handwave them away.

Anyways, what I don't get is this constant flip-flopping. As I said above, the standing-me-up and barely-talking-to-me-during-lunch things should be obvious messages. But I also heard her say something extremely positive about me to her coworkers at one point when I was coming back to the table after leaving for a short while. There was no point of saying anything good in my absence if she didn't mean it.

Also her happy reaction two days ago, when I offered to go for a drink looked 100% authentic. Either that, or I really need to go live a cave because there's no way I can misunderstand someone's facial expression so completely. I know some people have a hard time saying "No" for fear of disappointing others but there's an unmistakable difference between a half-hearted "Sure..." and her "YES !" (x3).

Finally, I've been thinking about her reason for not being in her office this morning when we had agreed to meet and I don't think it's BS after all. She's far too serious about her job to come late just to avoid me. But I don't understand why she didn't just let me know. That is so not like her, as she's always been considerate, even in her "blowing cold moments".

As I've said, I'll back off once more, hopefully for good this time. I really don't see how anything good could come out of this, and I respect her to much to cause her embarassment.

Still, for a while there, it felt so good...
__________________
Mais je porte accroché au plus haut des entrailles
À la place où la foudre a frappé trop souvent
Un cœur où chaque mot a laissé son entaille
Et d’où ma vie s’égoutte au moindre mouvement

Last edited by Les Espaces Du Sommeil; 07-05-2019 at 12:06 PM.