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Old 11-17-2017, 12:52 PM
AHunter3 AHunter3 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: NY (Manhattan) NY USA
Posts: 19,893
The situation of transgender individuals trying to date already puts more burden on them than almost anyone else trying to date has to contend with. I don't feel like I'm in a position to advise transgender people on how to behave with regards to when to inform their dating partners; they face some steep risks ranging from ridicule and disgust to violent beatings and murder.

An episode of "The Closer" revolved around a trans man who was murdered by a shocked and horrified woman who had become involved and was not expecting to find herself involved with a person who had female-body configurations. Part of what made the episode good suspense was that this is a rare situation for such violence —it's mostly trans women who are at risk, and mostly from men.

I was once flirted with by someone I assumed to be female; she was presenting as a woman, and was friendly and invited me to go smoke pot with her. In the apartment she led me to, I felt uncomfortable once I was stoned and it felt to me I was being leered at in a prurient way that felt, I don't know, ...snarky. Creepy. We had kissed a bit and done some light fondling. I didn't like how I was feeling and withdrew a bit and thanked her for sharing her pot and declined the offer to stay; she grinned at me and abruptly groped me in the crotch. At no point did she either yank her garments aside to reveal anything so as to confirm male-body types of parts or tell me "Hey, I'm transgender", but somehow I drew the conclusion that I'd been spending the last half hour with a peniled person. (Quite possibly identifies as a crossdresser not a transgender woman, but who knows?) I think this is the sort of scenario that lots of guys who demand being told "up front" are concerned about: they envision being tricked into participating with someone they think of as a female woman and thus lured into kissing and fondling someone who turns out to have boy-shaped parts.

Yeah, well? What harm was done? I didn't appreciate the crotch-grab. I bet lots of women go on dates with guys and wish their partners had told them upfront "I like to grab women without their consent and force myself on them a bit to see if they'll fight me off or submit to it, then call them bitch if they do". I found the person rather creepy. We'd all probably like disclaimers from the world's creepy people: "I behave badly when I think maybe I'm gonna get some action, I practically drool, wanna go on a date?" But ultimately that's what dating is, it's the environment where you find out how things might be with this person.

This person was not a good poster child for transgender people and their dating behavior. It's decently close to worst case scenario for the poor worried cisgender straight guys. As someone who's been there and done that (or had that done), I say "get over yourself, you'll live".