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Old 05-15-2019, 08:41 PM
Triskadecamus is offline
Charter Member
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: I'm coming back, now.
Posts: 7,614
I have been male my whole life. I learned rules of behavior from childhood based primarily on the fact that I am male.

Rule one: Don't hit girls. The absence of a don't hit boys rule was never explained.
Rule two: Help girls with big muscle stuff. (This never made sense to me while I didn't have big muscles, but by the time my muscles got bigger, it was already a habit.)
Rule three: (actually an exception to the rule applying to both sexes to walk away from fights.) Don't walk away from fights and leave girls alone.
Rule four: Crying doesn’t change what you are crying about. (my dad was a lot more complex person than it takes to just say don’t cry.)
Rule five: Don’t kiss girls who don’t want to kiss you.

There were other more subtle expectations, but those were the hard and fast rules.

These rules shaped my behavior over my life. I broke rule one three times. That is the primary reason I got a divorce. Lots of things about divorce are bad, but for me, the knowledge that I broke rule one hurt the most. Losing my children was almost as bad, but not quite.
Rule two has been just a habit for a long time. I don’t think about it at all, but offer whenever I notice it. Now I am old enough that most of the women I offer are significantly stronger than I am. It’s not an issue.
Rule three has been the source of significant number of unfortunate experiences. Self confidence and an understanding of principles of behavior modification have been the most beneficial characteristics in reducing the unpleasantness of those encounters. Are those elements of masculinity?
Rule four has been a source of some consternation to me. I don’t cry much. A Bambi/Thumper single tear now an again over trivial tragedies would be the bulk of those experiences. Actually crying? Three or four times, face down on the ground abjectly weeping, all alone. Three of those times someone came to help me. I stopped crying as soon as I knew they were there. Turns out for me the rule was right. Crying did not change anything.
Rule five had a huge impact on my life. Turns out, most girls wait for you to kiss them before they let you know how they feel about it. If you don’t kiss them, after a while they decide you don’t like them. Boys who just kiss them to find out have a lot more girlfriends.

Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous.
~ David Hume, 1740 ~