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Old 11-10-2019, 02:46 PM
Sunny Daze's Avatar
Sunny Daze is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Bay Area Urban Sprawl
Posts: 13,231
We are in the midst of something similar with my mother-in-law. The place she is in will keep her, but the costs are now extremely high. Unfortunately, it's easy to see that they will keep rising from here. We are covering this and we can't keep doing it.

Originally Posted by markn+ View Post
There's also this web site which purports to match patients to appropriate facilities:
I used them with mixed results. They did refer me to some nice places, but none of them were able to care for my mom. If you use them, be crystal clear about what the issues are so you don't waste time looking at inappropriate places.
I am using several of these sites right now and I have come to the conclusion that they are essentially useless. Most homes are not listed.

I am finding more useful information by finding the county group that handles elder issues. Usually, if I start at the county website I can look for social services and then find something. The elder services offices often have housing services. I have also thought about finding local senior centers and calling them to see if they have any referrals to make. I haven't gotten that far.

Originally Posted by Emiliana View Post
I'm with Colibri. Your mother needs to see a doctor who specializes in dementia. Anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs are tricky with elderly people generally, and dementia patients in particular. Some combination of something might help.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. My mother just became sweeter (and more anxious) as her dementia progressed, and that was hard enough.

ETA: Sorry, we cross-posted. Yeah, your brother needs to step up. Or you could send your mother to your sister's house for the love.
I agree with Emiliana. If your family cannot agree on sending her to a dementia doctor (who should also have good suggestions on where to find housing), then the sister who thinks she just needs love needs to take her.

In our case, I am starting to have luck by looking at religious homes. I should note that my MiL is very religious and has been her whole life. She recently asked me if she could move to a religious home. They are not listed with any of the services, so it's taken more digging to find them. The ones I am finding though are less expensive and more accommodating. It's something to look into, if your mom was ever at all religiously inclined.

We are also exploring at home care with us.