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Old 08-09-2017, 12:51 AM
DKW is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,964
Eddy Stewart: Man, I do not like balance obstacles at ALL! Bleah! Bleck!
Josh Butler: Dewey. Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey. God! Braxtil. Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil. Dewey, Braxtil, Dewey. Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil, Braxtil, Dewey, Dewey, Braxtil. Supernatural healing!
Michael Johnson: I have iiiice in my veeeeiiins. I'm dedicating this run to three women in my life. These three women are the world to me. I have iiiice in my veeeeiiins. These three women have played such an important role in my life. These three women were instrumental in putting iiiice in my veeeeiiins.
Emily Durham: I was an elite wakeboarder for 16 years, and now I'm in the Cityfinals of ANW. I also have two children who I love very much. That proves that if you have two kids but aren't a star jock, you are a complete loser. And vice versa, of course! SUCK IT, GRAFF!
Rigen Henry: I have long curly hair and like to scream a nonsense word every so often! This is extraordinarily bizarre behavior for someone on an American reality show in 2017! (Aisde: Eyes...look...I know you're not particularly knowledgable about...well, anything, really, but could you at least try to come up with a better reference than a trashy comedy from 35 years ago?)
Kevin Carbone: Hey, I designed the third obstacle! Because I'm so proud of that fact, I'm going to make an absolutely bizarre metaphor involving an even less relevant movie than Fast Times at Ridgemont High that will make me sound a bit creepy, which is just the image this show is trying to portray!
J.J. Woods: Zoe means everything to me. I love Zoe. I would anything for Zoe. I'm dedicating every obstacle to Zoe. Yeah, you'll pretty much never hear anything about me again, just deal with it.
Lindsay Eskildsen: I was in competitive gymnastics for 12 years. When I got too old for that, I got into competitive cheerleading, and I got good enough at it that I moved on to the WNBA. And now I'm in the Cityfinals of American Ninja Warrior. Just goes to show you what a woman is capable of when she works toward her dreams and isn't afraid to be strong and capable and...ahh ahh, man! I have a man! I have a man! MANMANMANMANMANMANMANMANMANMAN!!!!! I LOVE HIM! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM! Hahh...phew, that was a close one. Uh, what I meant to say was, a woman who has a man is capable of anything! SUCK IT, GRAFF!
Jessie Graff: Look...I'm getting through, it's a given...there aren't two women in the country who are going to finish ahead of me, much less at Daytona...but given what an upper-body-a-rama Cityfinals has become, I don't have much of a chance of finishing, so bottom line is, I got nothing to talk about. Ah, screw it, let's just go with "Damn you [obstacle that took me out in Qualifying], damn you to hell!"
Drew Dreschel: I used to be a used car salesman who competed in a competition with next to no chance of making any real money and where one tiny mistake would knock me out for the entire year, but then I decided to do the latter full time. This was the greatest decision of my life, thereby implying that if you are a used car salesman, you are a complete loser! NBC said this was perfectly fine since used car salesmen aren't in their target demographic!

Sheesh, I know NBC has agendas, but do they have to be so damn blatant about them? Am not looking forward to Jesse Labreck, that's for sure.

Only one finisher, the second time this year and the third overall. You know what, I've grumbled at how arm-intensive Cityfinals has become, but I think the real problem is a little simpler: there are too many obstacles. There's no real point in finishing (if you clear the 8th, you're home free), and with the emphasis on grinding for every inch, it's made the runs really slow-paced and a slog to watch. Starting from the 5th obstacle would be a better idea. Have the same length as Qualifying but with a tougher set; make speed a priority and the security of finishing meaningful.

Great run from Graff; shame she couldn't quite pull it off. Cityfinals is the last empty space on the trophy rack for her, and every year it seems to pull just out of reach.