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Old 06-04-2019, 07:17 PM
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manson1972 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 11,431
Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya View Post
Sorry, had to actually work today. I really don't want to minimize the deviant with the candy van because although the particulars are campy I can read it as code for any number of really dumb choices a 14 y/o can make. And my oldest, although an upstanding 23 year-old woman now, was a major pain in my ass when she was 14. Looking back, I think the hardest thing about parenting is understanding they are going to do what they want to do--just like we did--and the louder you shriek "No!" at them, the more they'll want to do it. Really all you can do is try to instill some confidence in them while they're young, so that when they're wrestling with the dumb choice they at least don't make decisions to get the approval of someone else. The rest is paying attention and maintaining credibility so you can walk them through the potentially stupid thing. And a huge chunk of luck. I could be wrong, but any reasonably attentive parent won't be taken by surprise if they get confronted with a Mr. CandyVan scenario.

So what about drugs. Same as above--explain the drawbacks, acknowledge the good bits, keep an eye on how it may be affecting the kid's life and intervene when necessary. Above all, recognize the kid will do it anyway if they want, and do what you can to make the experience safe from dangers and the law. If that means at home, then grit your teeth because that's what it means. Orgies, raves, pool parties, school, malls, friends' houses...all are places where kids are known to 1) take whatever drugs they want and, 2) screw. Solution: education and birth control. Both daughters were HPV vaccinated and armed with IUDs by the time they were 14. They asked, and they received. The boys...we did what we could for them, short of vasectomies (which my bio son has wanted since he was 17). But all that is just MY idea of being a protective parent. A parent can't kill all the wolves in the woods to keep his family safe, but he can sure as hell arm his family and teach them about wolves.
Thanks, this makes a lot of sense. But if your doorbell rings, and your 14 year old daughter answers it, and then says "Hey Dad, my friends are here to take me to the drug orgy, see you later!" you just say "Ok, have fun. Remember what I taught you!" or you say "Yeah, I don't think so"?