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Old 05-13-2019, 11:59 AM
Manda JO is offline
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Join Date: Jul 1999
Posts: 11,436
Originally Posted by DSeid View Post
Manda JO,

And discussing those gender related specific systems issues is useful. "Toxic" this or that however impedes discussing those in meaningful ways.

Encouraging parents to raise strong non-passive daughters, being aware of what messages our chosen myths (be they Disney or other) send to our children is not served by the phrase "toxic masculinity." In your example we should not be teaching boys to be men less willing to stand up for themselves. We do need to teach them to expect women to stand up for themselves as well as men and to value that.
This is how I might use these phrases:

"Society pushes the idea that in order to be "feminine" a woman must be passive and use her wiles to convince a man to take action on her behalf. This is a toxic construction of femininity. This sort of toxic femininity pushes women toward passive aggressive behaviors that are ineffective and damage their interpersonal relationships and happiness"

Society pushes the idea that in order to be "masculine", a boy needs to be aggressive--it's not enough to be assertive, they must be domineering and respected as the one in charge. Some boys really struggle to reconcile this toxic idea of masculinity with their own inherent empathy and so end up adopting passive-aggressive behaviors in an attempt to live up to the toxic standards of masculinity they feel bound to. This behavior is ineffective and damages their interpersonal relationships and happiness".

I don't understand how that's impeding the discussion. Telling people 'Some of the things society tells you about being a man/woman are toxic and untrue" seems liberating, not restrictive.