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Old 08-18-2019, 07:39 PM
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wolfpup is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11,061
In all fairness, in thinking this over I'm not sure that Sammy claims to be an expert on absolutely everything. I believe his great expertise primarily centers on human relationships, finance, and of course his favorite, all of technology, science, and engineering. It seems to work more or less as follows:

Human relationships: Women are worthless except as sex objects to be exploited, and we should all be extremely jealous of Sammy's claimed ability to do so in his capacity as a whoremongering STD-infected misogynistic douchebag.

Finance: One should always over-extend oneself on credit cards and pay exorbitant interest on them, and claim on message boards that one is so financially astute that credit card debts are always paid in full. When challenged on this contradiction, claim that you own two credit cards, and follow the first policy on one, and the second on the other. One should note here that the best financial advice always comes from penniless bums.

All technology: The solutions to all technological problems -- everything from deflecting asteroids to building a ski lift on Mount Everest to achieving immortality -- can be extrapolated from knowledge of a few basic principles which fortunately Sammy knows. One "just" (√(-1) ∙ 3.762 x 10^109 nanobots) needs to extrapolate those principles using one's giant throbbing brain (which, again fortunately, Sammy possesses) and whango! -- problem solved! (One needs to mentally say "problem solved" in the voice of Inspector Clouseau saying "the case is solv-ed"). For example, immortality is easily achieved by killing old and sick people and stuffing them in a freezer until science give us the all-clear to thaw them out again. The thawing is easily achieved with a large microwave on the "defrost" setting. Bringing them back to life then "just" requires about a hundred thousand nanobots waving little tiny Japanese fans. And of course, the nanobots have to perform whatever medical miracles are necessary, which is trivial since this is in the future.

What we really need here and which technology has not yet achieved -- but I suspect we're on the cusp of it -- is a 30-day suspension for Sammy that is automatically renewed every 30 days in perpetuity.