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Old 09-11-2019, 10:05 PM
nelliebly is offline
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,770
Originally Posted by filmore View Post
By understanding, I mean understanding why people can get so inflamed in these discussions. For example:

- How can I keep my car safe? .... Park it in well-lit area
- How can I be safe when visiting country X? ... Stay in this part, not that part
- How can women be safe from SA? You're an misogynistic ahole!

And as to why I'm focusing on SA is because the emotional consequences are so great. We have some acquaintances that lost their daughter to suicide after she was date raped in college. She switched schools but her depression continued to get worse. These discussions get so heated with people calling each other out, but there are real women who deal with this all the time. If what I'm saying is so bad, instead of just calling me an misogynistic ahole, tell me what to say.

This isn't theoretical for me. My daughters are in college right now. Thorny, if what I'm saying is so bad, what should I say?
Not addressed to me, but here's my 2. I understand your concern. I have a daughter (now grown), too. And I'm in that 10% who were sexually assaulted by strangers. So I get the fear. But women are not asking how to be safe from SA because--and this is the hardest, most terrifying part--there IS no way to be safe from SA. None. That's part of the point MandaJO was making. Unlike car theft, SA is not confined to streets or parking lots. Unlike a foreign country, there are no truly safe neighborhoods. These are part of the myths people cling to in order to feel safer or feel their kids are safer (or to blame victims). SA's happen in family rooms. They happen in daylight. They happen when other people are in the next room. They happen to sober women, to women with males they trust, to women who cover themselves neck-to-toes.

We can make sure our daughters know what to do if they are sexually assaulted. We can reassure them they can tell us and we'll believe them and support them. We can work harder to change the culture and to keep the Brock Turners from getting off so easily. And we can stop perpetuating the myth that there are behaviors that keep women significantly safer.