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Old 09-12-2019, 10:54 AM
filmore is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,577
Originally Posted by puzzlegal View Post
Women can't completely avoid the risk of sexual assault. And the impact of a lot of the "good advice" they get is to constrict their lives in ways that men are never asked to contemplate. Like, in all seriousness, what do YOU do to protect YOURSELF from assault? How often do you even think about it?
If anyone thinks I don't realize that things are different for men and women, they are 100% wrong. It is exactly because I see those differences that I think the data is wrong if it tries to say it's anyway similar for a man.

In my lifetime, I have experienced physical assault only a trivial amount of times, and that was as a few school fights. I'm not surprised that stats show so men are victims of PA, but my feeling is because those men are in environments where that is more common (e.g sketchy bars versus TGIFridays). How often does any man feel vulnerable in a dark parking lot in a suburban grocery store? Probably not very often.

In my lifetime, I have experienced such a trivial amount of unwanted sexual attraction of any kind that it's almost non existent. For all practical purposes, my risk over my life is 0%. The data may say that X men and Y women experienced SA, but I would guess that each of those Y women had many more incidents than each man did. Here's what my life has been like:

- In college, I had zero incidents of unwanted sexual contact, groping, forced kissing, spiked drinks, etc. How many incidents are typical for a woman in college?

- When I went jogging in my early 20's with my fit body in small running shorts, there was only one sketchy incident: someone pulled over and asked if I wanted a massage. Other than that, I didn't didn't have people honking, waving, leering, pulling up along side me or anything. How many incidents are typical for women jogging?

- I've never had a repair person at my house make me feel uncomfortable, ask for my number, chat about what I like to do, ask me out on a date, or rifle through my underwear drawer. How many women can say that?

- I'm basically invisible when walking down the street. I can walk most anywhere day or night and no one tries to catch my eye, checks me out, or tries to strike up a conversation. How many incidents happen to women?

- I'm basically invisible at the gym. No one complements my form, offers to help show me how to use the equipment, sets their mat uncomfortably next to mine, or strikes up a "conversation" where they talk endlessly while I stand there bored. How often do women experience that?

- I'm basically invisible at the workplace. No one complements my outfit, hair, backpack. No randos swing my by desk several times a day to chat. How many women can say the same about their workplace experience?

The only thing I experience that is anyway remotely similar is that a few times a month in the locker room, I look up and catch a guy staring at me and he turns away. So as a man, this is the worst I have to deal with on a regular basis: a few times a month a guy looks at me. It's so trivial compared to a woman's experience that I feel I'm being insulting to even mention it. I would bet that happens to women more times on their walk from their car to their office.

My personal experience compared to women is so vastly different that my feeling is that women experience 1000 or 10000 times more incidents of unwanted sexual attraction. From that, it seems ridiculous that anyone--man or woman--would in anyway try to imply that men and women have similar risks. I'm not putting out super "don't fuck with me vibes" or anything that is making me be this safe. I am essentially doing nothing and I have had basically no incidents worth mentioning. That's nothing like what it's like for women. Women can do 1000 more things to be safe than I do and they'll still have to deal with more of this crap than I will.

[NOTE: I'm not saying these things rise to the level of SA. But because of the huge difference in these kinds of incidents between men and women, it strongly establishes my feelings that there is a huge difference in SA risk between men and women.]