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Old 08-10-2019, 12:43 PM
Manda JO is offline
Charter Member
Join Date: Jul 1999
Posts: 11,625

Misogyny and Moderation, again

Per instructions, I am taking this to ATMB, because I think it illustrates the issue here.

Originally Posted by engineer_comp_geek View Post
Moderator Note

To clarify, the OP wasn't given a pass because the resulting discussion ended up being interesting. Everyone's responses in the thread showed that, instead of just shutting down the thread (in which case nate would learn nothing), everyone could instead point out the various issues in the OP and address them, and hopefully nate can actually learn something from all of this.

In any event, discussions about the moderation and whether or not threads should be closed should be in ATMB. If anyone wishes to discuss this further, please start a thread there.
OP starts a thread where he says that when he sees a hot woman with "ass cheeks hanging out", all he can think is that he wants to "hit that".

Rather than give a note that says something like "Hey, dude, we don't talk about women like that here", the burden is put on us to unofficially "educate" him that there's something wrong with talking about women as if they were objects. Spoiler, it didn't work, because in post #86, he was doubling down:

Originally Posted by nate View Post


I see this in me, I see this in my co-workers, I see this everywhere and I don't really understand why some on the SDMB have a problem admitting this. It's not a value judgement. It is an observation. Just admitting that men are ultimately controlled by sex is not a crazy thing. And in fact, if true social progression is to be made, we shouldn't just push this under the rug and demonize it but rather accept that our evolution has brought us here, but also realize our minds give us the ability to rise above not to act on such things.
He's clearly not here to have a conversation. He even goes on to explain:

As a (horrid, to some) example, I was driving with my wife in our minivan, stopped at red light and this girl pulled up next to us on a scooter. The way she was sitting, the short shorts she was wearing, her body's shape, I don't know, I couldn't even hold a conversation with my wife even when she was complaining about me being distracted by her... it's like it didn't matter to me, I couldn't bypass it, I had to just take in the sight of this and I didn't care how irritated my wife was. I know I sound like a real winner, but I'm just being honest.
Understand, when women read this story, we are the wife, and the girl on the scooter, being oogled by a dude who has apparently lost control of his mind and who has reduced the sight of her, of US, to the "sight of this". It's a creepy story. Whatever the intent, it has the effect of serving as a stark reminder that for many, we are only interesting, we only matter, when we make someone's dick twitch. And all the lurid details aren't there to help us understand what happened--it at least comes across as an excuse to linger on the memory: recounting it makes his parts warm in memory and he wants to humble-brag about his virile experience. And we all know this. Can you imagine telling that story in any sort of mixed company? At a work function? A back-yard BBQ with women present? At a bus stop to your dude best friend where women could hear you?

The OPs behavior is creepy and uncouth and makes women uncomfortable. But the powers that be have decided that it's our job to "educate" assholes and creeps--there apparently can't be any official guidance.

And it DOES shut down discussion. Because now before I can participate in the thread, I have to FIRST address the misogyny. Women end up stuck in the meta, arguing about how something was said instead of the content, because we can't just let the meta go--it's exclusionary, and so we have to address that it exists in order to even be clear where we are coming from when we comment on the content. THEN we get bogged down in an argument about whether or not it's misogynistic to say "I just want to hit that" because apparently that's controversial.

Last edited by Manda JO; 08-10-2019 at 12:48 PM.