View Single Post
Old 09-02-2019, 08:32 AM
Dangerosa is offline
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
Posts: 22,549
Originally Posted by Guinastasia View Post

I think SOMETIMES, people confuse gender roles and gender identity. SOMETIMES. (Not accusing anyone here of doing that). Let kids like what they like, and if there IS some deviation from their gender/sex, I'm sure they'll let you know.
Having spent a lot of time talking to non-binary youth over the past few years - my kid, my friends' kids, my kid's friends - no, they don't - because non-binary youth see them as parts of the same thing. Mine is more non-binary because they don't want to be defined by gender roles - gender roles is why their gender identity is non-binary. Some non-binary people have gender dysmorphia - their parts don't match their identity - but that's far from universal - and is more and more the minority with the people I interact with. Its more that their parts don't match the expectations other people have for them with those parts - so they turn to androgyny and a non-binary identification in an attempt to shed gender roles.

That likely means, IMHO, that as those who choose non-binary as an identity in their youth because labels are important my shed that non-binary identification as the label becomes less important to who they are....but that doesn't mean they aren't non-binary or trans.

I always think about a friend of mine that I've known 35 years now. When I met her, she was a Lesbian - didn't like men at all. And who could blame her, she'd been abused and screwed up and wrote off the whole sex. But over years, she met someone who happened to be male, that she fell in love with and married - she is still (nearing 60 now) resolving those issues from her childhood, but it hasn't precluded writing off all men as bastards for the past 20 years. Now, her sexuality is part of a continuum, and who she chooses to be with has more to do with the person than the gender - and the label that was so important to her in her late 20s doesn't apply. That doesn't mean there aren't people who are lesbians, and have no attraction to men whatsoever (my friend's girlfriend when I met her is still also a friend of mine - and has NEVER had any attraction to men at all), but that there are multiple variables that may affect any one persons sexual attraction - and those may change over time - along with a persons identity. I think gender is similar. I see a lot of young non-binary people running from toxic masculinity or toxic femininity - wanting nothing to do with the aggression of one or the bitchiness of the other because they've been hurt and damaged by it.