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Old 02-13-2020, 06:36 PM
thorny locust's Avatar
thorny locust is offline
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 2,432
Originally Posted by Shodan View Post
If you are looking for both, you won't find both if you settle for only one.

"That's not what I'm looking for in a relationship" is just as valid an answer for a man to give to a woman who wants one kind of relationship but not another, as it is for a woman.
To the first point: you might, because sometimes people actually do fall in love and/or in lust with their friends. It's a bad idea to assume that this will happen; but sometimes it does. Lots of people have started sexual relationships with somebody in their friends circle; sometimes with people they've been non-sexual friends with for some time.

To the second point: yes, certainly. And there are situations in which 'I don't want to hang around with you if there's no chance of sex' is entirely reasonable. If people go on a date with the explicit or strongly implicit idea of the date being intended to find out whether there's interest in a sexual relationship, and the conclusion on the part of one person is that there isn't, the other person's under no obligation to hang out with them anyway. If one person falls in love with a friend, finds it unrequited, and finds it too difficult to keep seeing them in non-sexual contexts, they're under no obligation to keep doing so. And so on.

Plus which, there's a limit to the number of people one can in practice actually be friends with; and that limit's going to be lower for some than for others.

But the attitude that there's no sense, in general, in a man being friends with a woman if there isn't going to be any sex involved: that's a problem. And men with that attitude are, I strongly suspect, going to wind up having both fewer friends and less sex than men who don't have that attitude.

And attempting to appear to make friends with a woman, in a general context, under the pretense that one is just trying to be friends, if in fact one is only interested in a sexual relationship, is dishonest. (And it's not the same thing as trying to make friends in general, with a general hope that maybe one of them will turn into a lover.)

-- bump, that makes sense. Sorry that I misread it (twice, actually, as you probably saw further along in the post that you quoted; but the second time in a more pleasant misinterpretation.)