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Old 05-13-2019, 10:08 AM
kanicbird is offline
Join Date: May 1999
Posts: 19,758
Originally Posted by Machinaforce View Post
See it was quotes like that which kind of got me into this bind in the first place. This stuff doesn’t help or liberate me, it just hurts.

I wasn’t interested in heaven, or enlightenment, or whatever spiritual endgame. I just wanted to live life. But I can’t shake the sense that Buddhism is “correct” and anything I do besides it is “wrong”. Truthfully I don’t really care much about the teachings or what they claim, but the fear of living a lie or being wrong is so great that it keeps drawing me back to this stuff even though deep down I don’t want to. It’s like I’m hostage in my own body.
That sounds very much like a 'calling', it has it's purpose, though one can resist, but the resistance to a calling is what is living the lie.

I would suggest seeking different aspects of Buddhism, there are many variations and many aspects of it to explore. The parts you have already explored don't hold your attention. It may be just part of your own life which is trying to change.