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Old 11-11-2019, 03:03 PM
Dr. Drake is offline
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,444
Originally Posted by DummyGladHands View Post
He says he wants to keep the family peace, he's failing miserably.
Right, so that's the point: he's failing to keep the peace with you, and he's failing your mother. So the only one happy is your sister-in-denial.

So why is he prioritizing her over you or your mother or your other sibling? Is he also in denial and using her as a pretext? Is she the one who is most likely to give him grief for not placating her? (Because, although it's not ideal, you can outdo her in this regard if you need to and become the one to be placated.)

Anyway, it sounds like the healthiest thing to do is to withdraw from the discussion. "POA, if you're going to cave to Sister-in-Denial, I'm out. You can deal with all of this on your own, with no support."

Practically, you can't intervene on your mother's behalf without taking everyone to court, and by the time that's settled she will be dead. Her quality of life is, it sounds like, entirely in the now, and so even a poor outcome doesn't greatly increase her suffering: it's already pretty bad for reasons that are nobody's fault.