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Old 08-23-2016, 03:50 AM
DKW is offline
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,977
Wow, is it just me or did the Olympics seem to last a really long time? Well we're back, and you know what that means: Our final round of scraped-the-bottom-of-the-barrel-so-hard-they-cut-a-hole-in-it stories!

Alyssa Beird - "If you set to mind to anything, you can do it! Which means that if you fail to accomplish something, it means that you're a hopeless underachiever and will never amount to anything! Oops, better leave that part out!"
Carl Fantauzzo - Empty nest syndrome! Took up ninja competition because he had nothing better to do with his life! Hey, beats drinking!
Alex Dell'aquila - He portrays a knight for dinner theater. Which is good preparation for ANW because, well, running around and swinging heavy objects and all that.
Fabio Figueiredo - Cutting hair is a lot like ANW because...okay, now these are starting to get a bit ridiculous.
Michael Torres - Took woodshop in high school...and now he's a CAPRENTER! Wow, what are the odds?
Najee Richardson - Gymnast, injury, career over, tragic, family, sacrifices, family, ANW, family. Did I mention family?
Jamie Rahn - He has a girlfriend! AND a dog! Thereby proving that [widely mocked subculture Rahn is a part of] isn't a bunch of losers!
Jesse Labreck - (Oh sweet Suwako, we really are going to see THAT FACE every goddam second of her run, aren't we?)
Geoff Britten - "I hit 6 buttons, so now there's no pressure! It's all fun now! Which is good, because I sure as hell aren't making any damn MONEY off of this! Oops, better leave that part out!"

Lot to unpack later on. For now, my top thoughts, in order:

5. I don't think it's really that huge a deal that we've had no finishers for the first time ever. There have been a few close calls prior to tonight, and this one was an absolute monster. Step Hopper, in particular, was flat-out evil; it's had the look of three Stage 3 obstacles piled on top of each other. And putting Rolling Thunder and Invisible Ladder on the same course is just cruelty. I really think that NBC needs to take a good, hard look at easing up a bit. Remember, if no one (or almost no one) can finish, that means that finishing means nothing. Not the kind of attitude you ever want to foster, even in the wackyland Cityfinals.

4. There's going to be the usual hand-wringing from the testosterone-poisoned "SJW"-barfing tiresome meathead crowd about NBC crowing so hard about there being four women in Cityfinals. Me, yeah, I think it was a bit overboard, but I've seen far more objectionable stuff on this show (see #1), and let's face it, this is almost certainly a one and done. I don't begrudge them their one shining moment. If anything, I don't think enough has been made about Michelle Warnky's place on the ladder. It's become abundantly clear in recent seasons that she's just not in the same echelon as Jessie Graff or Meagan Martin, or even Kacy Catanzaro, and it's getting increasingly disingenuous to put her with them.

3. Wow. Jesse Labreck kicked butt. Never saw that coming. She deserves whatever accolades she gets this season. Too bad that she has to bring THAT FACE, and she had to dedicated everything to THAT FACE, and we're going to be seeing THAT FACE in Stage 1 as well, meaning that I absolutely refuse to watch her ever ever ever again (see #1).

2. After this season, I'm definitely going to have to watch the whole thing on mute from now on. Between the endless banal cheerleading ("You can do it! You got this! Stay focused!"), that ridiculous sound effect at Floating Steps, "beeh daah waw", and of course the announcers, who seem to get worse every year, this show is rapidly approaching nails-on-a-chalkboard territory. Enough. Three more eps and I am done with this crap forever.

1. Okay...I'm taking a risk here, but dammit, I feel really, really strongly about this, and this bothers me more than ANYTHING else I've ever experienced on this show...and given Iseman and Gbajabiamila's record, that's saying a if I'm going to get crucified, I'm going to get crucified. I don't actually think I will, but I'm willing to accept the possibility. It just bothers me that much. [Deep sigh] goes.

I know that special needs people exist. I know that unattractive or even downright ugly people exist. I know that "alternative lifestyles" exist. I know that very often it's through no fault of their own. I think that judging based on appearance is at best wrongheaded and at worse offensive. I do not think they should be persecuted, discriminated against, or mocked. I believe they deserve as many opportunities in life as anyone else.

I do not, for a moment, dispute these people's right to exist.

That does not mean that I want to see CONSTANT EXTREME CLOSE-UPS OF THEM.

Good lord, THAT FACE. It was disturbing. It was unsettling. It made my skin crawl. Gaah! And worst of all, it completely took me out of what should been the highlight of the Cityfinals. Probably the most astonishing, jaw-dropping breakout performance, in the history of this stage, and I couldn't even enjoy it, and can't ever watch another second of it because of THAAAAAT FAAAAACE!

I mean, okay, Labreck's thing is that she has a big heart and cares for our most unfortunate citizens. Hardly think that should be any kind of prerequisite for getting the time of day in Cityfinals (that certainly doesn't seem to be the case for the majority of them), but whatever. Compassion is cool, taking care of others is cool, making the world a better place is cool, I dig it. I mean, if I was going to pick a story for her, that would've been a no-brainer.

So have the story, show this unfortunate individual's life to remind us that we're all human, show what a wonderful person Labreck then have the actual goddam run be about the goddam incredible athlete doing the run, and not have us forever look at THAT FACE, THAT FACE, THAT FACE!!


I need a shower. Be back when I get back.