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Old 05-13-2019, 12:50 PM
kanicbird is offline
Join Date: May 1999
Posts: 19,680
Originally Posted by Machinaforce View Post
A calling isnít rooted in fear and paranoia.
The calling itself - no, not following it - yes, or at least it could be. The biblical story of Johan tells of a calling that someone was running from.

Bear in mind Iím afraid Iím wrong and living a lie mostly because Buddhism says so. And there is a notion in the West of Buddhism as ďdifferentĒ from others. Itís what makes it hard to let go unlike other religions.
One of the principals of Il Won Buddhism is that it is no different, it is not Dharma, but it is a door to it. They acknowledge other religions also are doors to it. So perhaps learning more about it will show you that, while it is different in ways, it is basically the same as all others. And it has to be, due to all religions point towards dharma for the seeker.

I donít know why either, the way their advice gets framed sometimes sounds like anything but compassion and makes you feel bad for just being human.

Like this one part I read some where: ďThe cause are mental fabrications that fabricate loneliness. Stop fabricating mental fabrications that fabricate loneliness. In your case, if you're using social media to ease loneliness, it's like postponing the resolution of suffering to a latter date. Instead of focusing on the cause of your loneliness, you're focusing on social media. You think you need social media to ease loneliness. In reality you most probably don't need social media ... you just need to get rid of loneliness. Once you'll get rid of loneliness, you'll probably stop spending time on social media.
What you're experiencing is normal suffering due to loneliness.
Ok, this one is easy, it's basically you have to master it and not have it as your master. It does not mean no more social media, but there could be such a period of adjusting, but it has to be in it's proper place. If you have identified the problem, loneliness and realized that your solution (social media) is not a long term solution, you need to seek a long term solution.

Psychologists will tell you it's normal as long as it does not interfere negatively on your physical or mental health. Most people do something to ease feelings of loneliness (make new friends, read, do sports, watch TV, ..). But that's not curing loneliness. It's like having a disease and alleviating its symptoms. This is no different than being depressive and drinking alcohol to ease the depression. Off course it's not dysfunctional as drinking alcohol, but the mechanism is the same: you suffer, and instead of resolving your main problems which are the cause of your suffering, you're postponing their resolution to a later date.Ē

It makes me feel bad for being lonely and wanting friends. Like thatís some kind of disease. It makes the assumption that my life sucked when really my life was pretty good before it.
Ok, so what you are doing does not work, why repeat it (definition of insanity). Try something different. Perhaps a pilgrimage would help. Make a journey somewhere, somewhere where there are other people taking such a journey. Learn the life and ways of such a person, you might find a deeper level of conectiveness then you knew possible, and just might learn the real meaning of friendship and family along the way.