View Single Post
Old 09-03-2019, 09:34 PM
nelliebly is online now
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Washington
Posts: 2,842
Originally Posted by Ann Hedonia View Post
So I was at the doctor a few weeks ago, and she called me out on being overdue for colonoscopy. I keep putting it off because I detest the prep. But I watch TV and I’ve seen those Cologuard commercials, where some little cartoon character giggles about “collecting your sample”. So my doctor agreed to send me a Cologuard kit.

It came in a disturbingly large box. It turns out they weren’t kidding about that sample thing. Basically, you take a crap into a little plastic bucket and send them the whole damn thing. Which got me to thinking that worst job in the universe is located at the Exact Science Laboratory in Madison, WI.

The large box included the plastic crap bucket, a bracket for affixing the crap bucket to the toilet, a big bottle of crap preservative, and a crap probe ( to be used before you pour on the turd fixative). Crap, probe, preserve, seal and label. The instructions include a little drawing of a turd in a bucket with the disclaimer that this sketch of a turd may not look like your turd. So don’t freak out.

Then you put the bucket of crap in a big ziplock bag and put the big ziplock bag in the cardboard box that it came in. Then you get to take your box with the bag containing your bucket of crap to UPS, and send it to Wisconsin using the prepaid return label. The DISTINCTIVE prepaid return box. Tomorrow morning I get to walk into my corner store, the place where I frequently buy milk, and hand over my crap box to my friendly neighborhood shop owner.

What a way to start the day.
Been there, done that, with the exception that I had to walk mine (Can't drive) almost a mile to the very crowded UPS place, where I stood in line with my "distinctive" return box for almost 20 minutes. Fun times.

Still better than the colonoscopy.