View Single Post
Old 05-13-2019, 12:08 PM
Manda JO is online now
Charter Member
Join Date: Jul 1999
Posts: 11,633
Originally Posted by DSeid View Post
You don't attack the values. You don't label people or groups as "toxic."

You identify the specific problematic behaviors and identify other behaviors to value as part of being good citizens and good human beings. You discuss systemic factors that are issues preventing fairness.
But what if those systemic factors are gendered? For example, the social pressure on a woman to be "nice" and non-confrontational is different than the pressure on a man to be the same--and it starts in pre-school. If you are talking to a person about their passive-aggressiveness, it matters if they are a man or a woman, because it's rooted in different fears and is in response to different pressures. Tell a woman not to be passive-aggressive, she likely hears a command to be passive-passive; tell a man not to be passive-aggressive, he hears a command to gird his loins and stand up for himself. And YES, there are exceptions but we can't talk about why people exhibit these behaviors if we ignore the cultural context that shaped them.