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  #151  
Old 12-12-2016, 08:05 PM
aceplace57 aceplace57 is offline
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Ava Maria they play it every Christmas. Yuck.

I usually turn the volume off until it's over. It's like the singer is getting poked with a hot iron.

Last edited by aceplace57; 12-12-2016 at 08:08 PM.
  #152  
Old 12-12-2016, 08:13 PM
TheInimitableMaven TheInimitableMaven is offline
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Four pages in, and I can't believe I am the first one (AFAIK) to nominate "The Christmas Song" alias "Chestnuts Roasting Over An Open Fire". This has got to be the king daddy of the most overplayed, most covered pablum EVER. Back when I actually used to listen to the seasonal stations on XM (via DirecTV when they carried it) and Music Choice, I swore that "The Christmas Song" received airplay at least four-five times an hour. And if I'm doing my math right, that was over 100-200 different versions of Chestnuts I heard before I finally wised up and relied upon my own personal crap-free (at least to me :P ) holiday playlist for my seasonal fix.

My other nomination, and another one I am amazed hasn't been said yet, is "My Grown-Up Christmas List". Said stations played it to the point of nausea too, and it's got to be one of the most damn preachy things I've ever heard...who on Earth wants to hear anything remotely 'preachy', at least in their music, at Christmas? I almost wonder if Alan Alda may have wrote it...it certainly sounds like something he would have written, especially and particularly with the 'No more war!' lines in it.

I also have to close with another vote for "Christmas Shoes"...which honestly should be the de facto 'winner' of this thread. I've been quite thankful to have been spared of this utter tripe, even when I listened to those stations. But my curiosity was piqued thanks to all of the talk about "Christmas Shoes" a couple of years ago PLUS seeing/hearing the Patton Oswalt bit about the tune...so against my better judgement, I found a copy and listened to one minute of the dreaded Shoes...that's one minute of my life I'll never get back. o_O

And songs like that one and the above two make me have to say it...how can anyone, ANYONE listen to Christmas music, and most especially tunes like those, year round?! The only holiday music that is alright for year round listening is the entire Vince Guaraldi Peanuts/Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack (with the exception of the vocal version of "Christmas Time Is Here", but the instrumental version is completely fine), Duke Ellington's Nutcracker Suite, John Coltrane's takes on "Greensleeves" and "My Favorite Things", and the Heath Brothers' "Our Little Town" (an interpretation of "O Little Town Of Bethlehem" that stretches the overall structure to the point that no one will realize you're listening to what is supposed to be Christmas music)...and nothing else.

Last edited by TheInimitableMaven; 12-12-2016 at 08:16 PM. Reason: Pages increased from three to four whilst I was typing.
  #153  
Old 12-12-2016, 09:07 PM
nightshadea nightshadea is offline
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all those gag kid songs that people thought was funny in the 50s to mid 60s like the hippo song I aint getting nothing for xmas ect ......I saw mommy kissing santa... can just die

funny thing the grandma guy ended up hating the song for years and even wrote a song on how he didn't wanna hear that damn reindeer song but then he softened as it became a kids song .....
  #154  
Old 12-12-2016, 09:35 PM
Mahaloth Mahaloth is offline
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Mary, did you know?

I liked that song 25 years ago. I hate it now. All versions.
  #155  
Old 12-14-2016, 12:36 PM
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I would just like to add that any Christmas song that refers to Rudolph as "Rudy" should automatically be removed from airplay... and this needs to apply going forward for any wannabe songwriters of the future.
  #156  
Old 12-14-2016, 03:49 PM
CoastalMaineiac CoastalMaineiac is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kenobi 65 View Post
Also, while it's a Christmas song, "Wonderful Christmastime," by Paul McCartney, needs to just go away, because it's an awful song.
Quoted for truth! That song is right up there with Santa Baby and The Little Drummer Boy for me in terms of songs I hate.
  #157  
Old 12-14-2016, 05:06 PM
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I didn't think I had anything to contribute, but then someone started playing "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" in the background. That song, plus the annoying little kid behind the voice, can DIAF.
  #158  
Old 12-14-2016, 08:50 PM
Azeotrope Azeotrope is offline
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Originally Posted by Dung Beetle View Post
Suspicious!

My version:

Said the cat to the people everywhere
Do you see what I have?
Underneath my tail everyone
Do you see what I have?
It's pink, it's pink
And it doesn't stink
Cause I wash it with my-y tongue!
Cause I wash it with my-y tongue.
I've decided to blame you for the fact that my cat suddenly decided to wash his unstinky pink thing just as I read this.
  #159  
Old 12-14-2016, 11:10 PM
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Originally Posted by CheshireKat View Post
Christmas Don't Be Late by Alvin & the Chipmunks. Thankfully I haven't heard it in a few years.
I made the mistake of listening to a version that had been "corrected" to the actual recording speed...creepy. huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuula hoooooooooooooooooop

Apparently the first two verses of Do You Hear What I Hear were meant to evoke images of nuclear war. Nice.

That hippo song has been everywhere this year. Ugh.

I could do without Blue Christmas and Baby It's Cold Outside, the former for sounding awful and the latter for not aging well at all.
  #160  
Old 12-15-2016, 02:31 AM
jz78817 jz78817 is offline
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all of them. this is rapidly becoming my least favorite time of the year.
  #161  
Old 12-15-2016, 03:19 AM
Smapti Smapti is offline
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Originally Posted by amarinth View Post
But.... but... it's a gift God wrapped in green.
If God heard "Christmas In the Northwest", I think He'd want to actively distance Himself from being associated with creating this part of the country for fear of people blaming the song on Him.

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Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
I have always considered that to be the most repulsive Christmas song ever written. The kid's mother's on her death bed, and instead of being by her side, the kid's off buying fuck-me pumps for mom to wear, to impress Jesus when she meets him. How fucked up is that? And you just know, after bullshitting some dumb schmuck to pay for the shoes, the kid's out in the parking lot trading them for drugs.
Perhaps Patton Oswalt's take on the song will provide you with some Christmas cheer.
  #162  
Old 12-16-2016, 09:13 PM
Zeke N. Destroi Zeke N. Destroi is offline
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I work in retail. The store radio is all Christmas all the time right now. But there can be no songs that even hint at religion so we are stuck with non-religious Christmas songs which pretty much means:

1) Grown-ups reinterpreting kids songs
2) Original Christmas songs.

Jumping Jesus!

Worst offenders:

It's a Marshmallow World (by anyone!) Worst lines "The world is red / like a pumpkin head" and "It's a yum yummy world made for sweethearts"

Jingle Bells (Barbara Streisand)

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (Except the J. C. Mellencamp version because I like zydeco)

Carol of the Bells - unless it is done with bells! Fucks sake it isn't called Carol of the Piano

Mele Kalikimaka - Jesus fucking wept

I was once subjected to Marshmallow World 3 times back to back to back. One by some crooner fuckwad, one by some woman and one instrumental.

Last week I was treated to no fewer than six (6!) renditions of I Saw Mommy... in an eight hour shift.
  #163  
Old 12-16-2016, 11:49 PM
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Winter Wonderland...stupid lyrics. "Later on, we'll conspire....to face unafraid the plans that we made..." Nothing like a good Christmas conspiracy. Why were you making plans that you'd be afraid of in the first place?
  #164  
Old 12-17-2016, 01:17 AM
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Originally Posted by NetTrekker View Post
Winter Wonderland...stupid lyrics. "Later on, we'll conspire....to face unafraid the plans that we made..." Nothing like a good Christmas conspiracy. Why were you making plans that you'd be afraid of in the first place?
Snowmen are also not legally authorized to marry couples.
  #165  
Old 12-17-2016, 04:23 AM
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Originally Posted by NetTrekker View Post
Winter Wonderland...stupid lyrics. "Later on, we'll conspire....to face unafraid the plans that we made..."
Dad always changed it to "perspire" when singing that song.
  #166  
Old 12-17-2016, 11:09 AM
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The local AM channel that turns to All Christmas Music All The Time on Thanksgiving plays Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, Holly Jolly Christmas and Jingle Horse Rock at least once an hour. Added to that is Winter Wonderland by assorted artists.

Every singer seems to have the need to put out a version of Oh, Holy Night whether they have the range for it or not. Most of them are limited to the first two verses.....
  #167  
Old 12-17-2016, 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness View Post
Little Drummer Boy by anybody.

If there's a good version of this one, I haven't heard it. And yes, that includes Bing and Bowie, and Joan Jett's versions.
Try the Johnny Cash version. No parum-pah-bahs.

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Originally Posted by Ethilrist View Post
The Twelve Days of Christmas. Any song where people commonly make it into a joke because of how long it takes to scing the chorus? Not a good song.
I think it's a drinking game, as in you throw back a shot every time you screw up.
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I've hated Silent Night ever since being subjected to Jay North's awful rendition on Dennis The Menace.
Hey! A relative wrote that! And Jay North ruined it. Why isn't he dead?
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Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan View Post
I've Got Some Presents For Santa, Sarah Taylor.

Too smarmily smutty for my tastes, despite my usual tolerance for double entendres and the like.
Smut makes the holidays merry for everybody older than six.

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Originally Posted by WOOKINPANUB View Post
Aw, these are two of my favorites, pop music wise. And anyone who doesn't like Messrs. Bowie and Crosby singing Little Drummer Boy deserves a lump of coal in their stocking
There is no way they were in the same hemisphere when they recorded it.

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Originally Posted by EmilyG View Post
"Happy Xmas War is Over" and "Wonderful Christmastime." Much as I like John Lennon and Paul McCartney's other music, I dislike those two songs.
Appallingly bad.

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Originally Posted by missred View Post
Y'all forgot the Band Aid number from the eighties Do They Know It's Christmas?. DO THEY FUCKING CARE?
No, because they're freaking Muslims or Anamists or simply starving, regardless your white privilege holiday..

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Originally Posted by racer72 View Post
Up on the Rooftop or anything by the Carpenters.
Up on a housetop reindeer paws,
Reindeer teeth and reindeer jaws,
...
Up on a housetop, click, click, click,
Look here, I found a reindeer dick!

Last edited by dropzone; 12-17-2016 at 12:30 PM.
  #168  
Old 12-17-2016, 02:18 PM
EmilyG EmilyG is offline
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Originally Posted by aceplace57 View Post
Ava Maria they play it every Christmas. Yuck.

I usually turn the volume off until it's over. It's like the singer is getting poked with a hot iron.
I'm tired of this song because many subway buskers here play it, all year round, and usually badly, and sometimes with a crappy/cheesy back-up recording.
  #169  
Old 12-17-2016, 02:22 PM
Dr_Paprika Dr_Paprika is offline
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Some songs are better than others. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth is not my favourite song. November Christmas music is too early for me.
  #170  
Old 12-19-2016, 11:30 AM
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Okay, anything sung by an operatic singer. If anyone can fuck up a Christmas song, it's some soprano showing off her range or a baritone dragging out a song until you want to slit your wrists. We went to the annual "Comfort and Joy" concert yesterday. The only joy I felt was when my wife suggested we leave at intermission. The arrangements were lackluster, and the baritone soloist was awful. You know the feeling of intimacy you hear when Karen Carpenter sings The Christmas Waltz? Imagine it as a dirge. As a bonus, he forgot part of the lyrics to one of the songs and tried to ad-lib "la-la-la", then fucked up the end of another song by thinking he was at the end, when the orchestra still had another bit to do.
  #171  
Old 12-19-2016, 05:52 PM
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Apparently Leann Rimes covered the hippo song? She actually managed to make it boring.
  #172  
Old 12-20-2016, 02:31 PM
August West August West is offline
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This, specifically the Jackson 5 version. Fortunately I've only heard it once this season and that was on Pandora.

ETA: great. Now it's on CISL.
The horrible, off-key, efforts of the "other" Jacksons is so evident in this song that it makes you wonder how they ever got signed as an act.
  #173  
Old 12-20-2016, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by DSYoungEsq View Post
Ok, I will say that Feliz Navidad is really, really annoying. It has like four lyrics, period. Endlessly repeated. Endlessly.
Jose Feliciano, ya got no complaints.
  #174  
Old 12-21-2016, 10:12 AM
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The local cable company found a worse version of "Santa Baby" for their seasonal music channel. Michael Bublé singing "Santa Buddy" just ain't right.
  #175  
Old 12-21-2016, 10:16 AM
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Jingle Bells (Barbara Streisand)
Pick a tempo and stick with it, lady!

Last edited by Skywatcher; 12-21-2016 at 10:16 AM.
  #176  
Old 12-21-2016, 10:54 AM
Lamia Lamia is offline
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I was doing some shopping yesterday, and there was a family there with two kids who kept singing the same two lines of "The Little Drummer Boy" over and over again, thus reminding me why I have decided never to have children. They finally left, then moments later "The Little Drummer Boy" came on the store's sound system.

I managed not to fall to my knees and scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" right there in the store, but it took some willpower.
  #177  
Old 12-21-2016, 12:03 PM
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A Peter Griffin Christmas album.
  #178  
Old 12-21-2016, 12:12 PM
DrDeth DrDeth is offline
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Originally Posted by hogarth View Post
I've been occasionally tuning in to the local "all-Xmas music" station. Two of my least favourites so far this year have been "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year" (my Xmas doesn't usually include ghost stories or toasting marshmallows) and "It's A Marshmallow World" (way too saccharine for my taste).

My least favourite Xmas song of all time is probably "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas". That fake "widdle kid" singing just puts my teeth on edge..
Have you noticed that those all-Xmas music" stations really up the number of ads?

I do dislike "It's A Marshmallow World".

I do like "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas", but not in common rotation. It's nice heard a couple of times, but not over & over. Little Drummer Boy by Bing & Bowie is another song like that.

I despise "Grandma got..." and it is in rotation, same hate with "The Christmas Shoes" ... which at least I havent heard this year.

"All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" is a song I want to hear exactly once per season.
  #179  
Old 12-21-2016, 01:48 PM
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There is no way they were in the same hemisphere when they recorded it.
They must have been in the same hemisphere at some point unless this uses a green screen.
  #180  
Old 12-22-2016, 12:52 AM
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My 2nd* least favorite is "I Wonder As I Wander". Or is it "I Wander As I Wonder"? I can't tell, because every goddamn singer pronounces both words exactly the same. Whatever happened to WUNder and WAHNder? Do people forget how to pronounce simple English words when they start singing?

#1 is, and always will be, "Christmas Shoes".
  #181  
Old 12-22-2016, 06:22 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Originally Posted by NetTrekker View Post
Winter Wonderland...stupid lyrics. "Later on, we'll conspire....to face unafraid the plans that we made..." Nothing like a good Christmas conspiracy. Why were you making plans that you'd be afraid of in the first place?
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Originally Posted by Biotop View Post
Snowmen are also not legally authorized to marry couples.
But the next iteration says they'll have fun with Mr. Snowman, until the OTHER kiddies knock him down...

So the bit about the snowman officiating takes a back seat in the creepy and wrong derby to the little kirds getting married.
  #182  
Old 12-22-2016, 07:13 AM
asterion asterion is offline
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Originally Posted by Biotop View Post
I would just like to add that any Christmas song that refers to Rudolph as "Rudy" should automatically be removed from airplay... and this needs to apply going forward for any wannabe songwriters of the future.
I'm wondering if someone could write a novelty song comparing Rudolph to Rudy Guiliani. You know, a noun, a verb, and a foggy Christmas Eve.
  #183  
Old 12-22-2016, 07:53 AM
Sir T-Cups Sir T-Cups is offline
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Holy craaaaap here come's Je-sus.

And he doesn't look too haapppyy.
  #184  
Old 12-23-2016, 04:41 AM
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I have nothing against "Deck the Halls". However, when I was little I had a children's tape of Christmas carols and standards, featuring mostly children singing. I think it was part of the "Wee Sing" series. While most of the songs had a small chorus of kids, or a few kids singing different lines, their version of "Deck the Halls" featured a single kid who sang "fuh luh luh luh luh" instead of "fa la la la la". Annoyed the heck out of me.
  #185  
Old 12-23-2016, 12:37 PM
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I'm not sure it rises to a standard, but it just came on the radio and I remembered how much I hate it.

Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses. I think I hate that more than a theoretical Santa Baby It's Cold Outside medley.
I hate this one too. the lyrics are so obnoxious.
  #186  
Old 12-23-2016, 01:36 PM
Nema98 Nema98 is offline
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I'm a fan of Christmas songs, but I dislike the ones with religious overtones, Jesus birth and Mary and all. O'Holy Night sucks regardless of what artist covers it.
  #187  
Old 12-23-2016, 10:29 PM
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I'm not sure it rises to a standard, but it just came on the radio and I remembered how much I hate it.

Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses.
I was in a store today and they were playing some twee, slowed down acoustic cover version of it. Just in case you thought it couldn't get worse.

I guess the fact that it's getting covered might qualify it as a standard.

Last edited by Jophiel; 12-23-2016 at 10:30 PM.
  #188  
Old 12-23-2016, 11:06 PM
CelticKnot CelticKnot is online now
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There are many I am sick of since I work full time in retail.
Little Saint Nick
Run Run Rudolph
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (My grandmother passed away just before Christmas)
Little Drummer Boy
I'll Be Home for Christmas (no, we won't, for the 18th year)
Santa Baby (all of them, but especially one version sung by a man)
The worst may be a medley of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" with "Don't Worry Be Happy." (I'm not kidding)
  #189  
Old 12-24-2016, 07:03 PM
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Apple Music just hit the worst Christmas songs of all time trifecta:

John Lennon - Happy Christmas - Just can't stand it.
Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmastime - Probably the most insipid lyrics I can think of
Do they Know its Christmas?
  #190  
Old 12-24-2016, 08:07 PM
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Apple Music just hit the worst Christmas songs of all time trifecta:

John Lennon - Happy Christmas - Just can't stand it.
Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmastime - Probably the most insipid lyrics I can think of
Do they Know its Christmas?
What does Apple have to do with "do they know..."?

I am going to pile onto that christmas rapping song by the waitresses. The idea of this chick that was last heard sneering at guys and saying "Nyah Nyah" talking at us and telling us that she had a stressful christmas season, and she'll "miss this one this year."

The most bathetic and worst of all time.
  #191  
Old 12-24-2016, 08:15 PM
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All of them. I don't mind instrumental only Xmas music but I hate the singing and I really hate the modern ones.
  #192  
Old 12-24-2016, 10:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Chefguy View Post
Feliz Navidad, may it and its author burn in hell for a million years.
Seconded and then some. My coworkers have been notified that I will not be responsible for my actions if this song comes on the radio and said radio is not immediately silenced.
  #193  
Old 12-24-2016, 10:35 PM
DrDeth DrDeth is offline
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Seconded and then some. My coworkers have been notified that I will not be responsible for my actions if this song comes on the radio and said radio is not immediately silenced.
Feliz Navidad joins my list of "I dont mind hearing it once...just once... a year. "

On a regular rotation, played every hour....
  #194  
Old 12-24-2016, 11:28 PM
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What does Apple have to do with "do they know..."?
Nothing in particular, just that they managed to string together the 3 worst Christmas songs together, one after another...
  #195  
Old 12-24-2016, 11:59 PM
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All of them, pretty much.

Last Christmas, especially. Look, we get it already. You got your heart broken last Christmas (well, the day after, technically), and this year you're determined for a little neener, neener, so you've already planned that you're going to fall in love with some hunk o' burnin' whatchamacallit who will you already know love you forevah, and that will show them, whoever it is that's happening to listen to this twee nonsense.

Who just might have the attention span of brain damaged lice, so you'll sing the same lyrics two or three times, just in case they didn't get if the first eternity or two. Okay, fine, but I've got to go: got to plan my final words to the priests I've got to find to execute me.
  #196  
Old 12-25-2016, 04:19 PM
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For many years, I sang in a symphony chorus that did an annual holiday concert, so I've performed just about every holiday song ever written, many of them many many times. We did a version of Do You Hear What I Hear that always brought the audience to their feet, yelling and applauding. I never figured out why.

Our most hated song was Merry Christmas Merry Christmas. Listen to it 200 times and you'll start to understand how we felt. Whenever I hear the song, I visualize the shower stabbing scene in Psycho.

While I'm here, I'll mention that the lyric "lo, he abhors not the virgin's womb" creeps me out. And "Let's give thanks to the Lord above cuz Santa Claus is coming tonight" is downright weird.
  #197  
Old 12-25-2016, 05:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Civil Guy View Post
All of them, pretty much.

Last Christmas, especially. Look, we get it already. You got your heart broken last Christmas (well, the day after, technically), and this year you're determined for a little neener, neener, so you've already planned that you're going to fall in love with some hunk o' burnin' whatchamacallit who will you already know love you forevah, and that will show them, whoever it is that's happening to listen to this twee nonsense.

Who just might have the attention span of brain damaged lice, so you'll sing the same lyrics two or three times, just in case they didn't get if the first eternity or two. Okay, fine, but I've got to go: got to plan my final words to the priests I've got to find to execute me.
It's rather poignant right now. (George Michael died). Mine is Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. It sounds anything BUT.
  #198  
Old 12-25-2016, 10:07 PM
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Skywatcher Skywatcher is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eulalia View Post
I can't believe no one's mentioned "The Christmas Shoes". I love Christmas music in general, but that one makes me nauseated.
Re-read post #4.
  #199  
Old 12-26-2016, 06:24 PM
Civil Guy Civil Guy is offline
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Regarding Post #195: At the time, I had not heard about George Michael's passing. I certainly meant no disrespect to him, and I truly wish that he rests in peace.
  #200  
Old 12-26-2016, 08:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helena330 View Post
It's rather poignant right now. (George Michael died). Mine is Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. It sounds anything BUT.
Last Christmas, I hope from now on this means they stick to the wham original instead of the pop tart version they've been playing in recent years. Not that the wham version is great or anything (I wouldn't miss it if gone) but it's a damn sight less obnoxious from whoever little ms thang singing it is.

HYAMLC, it's really not, when the original lyrics include "until then we'll have to muddle through some how" that doesn't exactly say holly jolly.
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