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Old 12-04-2019, 09:59 AM
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The Cat In The Snax: An ode


Yesterday I made a mix,
Of Chex and nuts and pretzel stix.
Worcestershire, butter, and lovely spice,
Roasted in the oven til it was hot and nice.

Then last night a marauder appeared,
Clawed and fanged and pointy-eared,
Prowling the house in search of a snack,
She found my treasure and went on the attack.

The crash was heard through the bedroom door,
As my lovely treat met up with the floor.
I tumbled from bed, made my way through the house,
Followed closely behind by my bleary-eyed spouse.

And there she sat, in the midst of the mess,
Calmly munching (much to my distress).

Now its all in the trash, my lovely snack mix:
Chex and nuts, and yes, even the stix.
Gone all gone and Im in need of a nap,
But I cant get up, cause the cats in my lap.
  #2  
Old 12-04-2019, 10:33 AM
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*applauds*
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Old 12-04-2019, 10:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chefguy View Post
Yesterday I made a mix,
Of Chex and nuts and pretzel stix.
Worcestershire, butter, and lovely spice,
Roasted in the oven til it was hot and nice.

Then last night a marauder appeared,
Clawed and fanged and pointy-eared,
Prowling the house in search of a snack,
She found my treasure and went on the attack.

The crash was heard through the bedroom door,
As my lovely treat met up with the floor.
I tumbled from bed, made my way through the house,
Followed closely behind by my bleary-eyed spouse.

And there she sat, in the midst of the mess,
Calmly munching (much to my distress).

Now its all in the trash, my lovely snack mix:
Chex and nuts, and yes, even the stix.
Gone all gone and Im in need of a nap,
But I cant get up, cause the cats in my lap.
Lovely. I hope the bandit appreciates his banditry being immortalized so.

Also, the highlighted bit is probably the root cause. I have my own little counter bandit who would claw through armor plate for something buttery or cheesy. (I don't think she's a Mercotan, but maybe? I've never seen her tongue do any zymolosely polydactile things, but I've never tried to block access to her prize with anything as absolute as neutronium, either.)
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Old 12-04-2019, 11:06 AM
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Bravo. I wish we had an applause smilie.
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Old 12-04-2019, 11:29 AM
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Delightful! I especially love how even as you're relaying the tale of dirty deed, said perpetrator has you in custody
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Old 12-04-2019, 11:50 AM
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Great stuff, Chefguy! Clever and funny. You lifted my spirits today, and I thank you for that!
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Old 12-04-2019, 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted by gnoitall View Post
Lovely. I hope the bandit appreciates his banditry being immortalized so.

Also, the highlighted bit is probably the root cause. I have my own little counter bandit who would claw through armor plate for something buttery or cheesy. (I don't think she's a Mercotan, but maybe? I've never seen her tongue do any zymolosely polydactile things, but I've never tried to block access to her prize with anything as absolute as neutronium, either.)
We've learned from bitter experience not to leave a croissant on the counter, even if it's in a storage bag. Mmmm. . . butter. . .

WOOKINPANUB: Angry as I was at 0430, you can't remain angry at an animal. They only act on instinct, not out of any human motivation, so continued anger or any retaliation is pointless. She's a sweet cat, all in all. I just had to laugh that I was trying to type my little poem while she was flopped on my left arm and hip.
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Old 12-04-2019, 11:53 AM
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Nice!
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Old 12-04-2019, 12:22 PM
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My parents had an Irish Setter, name of Clancy, who could not resist butter. He once managed to eat an entire cube that had been left out on an unguarded countertop to soften for a recipe. My parents were annoyed.

They were much more annoyed when the butter had worked its magic on the dog's guts a couple of hours later.
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Old 12-04-2019, 12:40 PM
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Great stuff!
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Old 12-04-2019, 01:07 PM
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I don't even LIKE poetry, and I thought it was adorable!

Of course, it helps that I'm a cat person!


~VOW
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Old 12-04-2019, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by VOW View Post
I don't even LIKE poetry, and I thought it was adorable!

Of course, it helps that I'm a cat person!


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I had ample time between 0400 and 0700 to dream it up.
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Old 12-04-2019, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by gnoitall View Post
(I don't think she's a Mercotan, but maybe? I've never seen her tongue do any zymolosely polydactile things, but I've never tried to block access to her prize with anything as absolute as neutronium, either.)
You just helped me make the connection between our Qadgop the Mercotan and Doc Smith. All this time! I had totally forgotten that little nested story!

~Max
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Old 12-04-2019, 02:06 PM
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Brilliant! It's a shame you can't get Boris Karloff to record it for you.
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Old 12-04-2019, 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Chefguy View Post
[...]Angry as I was at 0430, you can't remain angry at an animal. They only act on instinct, not out of any human motivation, so continued anger or any retaliation is pointless. She's a sweet cat, all in all. I just had to laugh that I was trying to type my little poem while she was flopped on my left arm and hip.
I also can't stay angry at an animal, but I did once have a dog who demonstrated quite clearly, on multiple occasions, that dogs are capable of lying, and I think the motivations matched up pretty well with human ones. It's just that it is still somehow done innocently....


The dog's signal that she needed to be let out for bathroom purposes was to go to the French doors and sit. Her favorite and customary place to hang out was on the couch. Sometimes, she would head for the couch, but find people were sitting on the couch, thereby occupying "her" spot. She would then turn away, go to the French door and sit, indicating she needed to be let out. When one of us would get up to let her out, she'd dash to the couch and take the vacated spot. She lied about needing to go out in order to trick someone into giving up their spot so she could take it. She did this pretty regularly, though ultimately not often, as we would usually leave her a space.

Last edited by eschrodinger; 12-04-2019 at 02:12 PM.
  #16  
Old 12-04-2019, 02:21 PM
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Brilliant! It's a shame you can't get Boris Karloff to record it for you.
He was, in my head
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Old 12-04-2019, 02:32 PM
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youre lucky..my bag of fleas would of watched me throw it in the trash and then would of jumped in the trash can after it and knocked it over because well shes rotund and she knows it .,,,,
  #18  
Old 12-04-2019, 02:57 PM
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Brilliant! It's a shame you can't get Boris Karloff to record it for you.
I do a pretty credible Karloff impression; too bad I can't record it here.
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Old 12-04-2019, 03:17 PM
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That's how I read it in my head as well.
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Old 12-04-2019, 03:27 PM
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That is fucking EPIC! Fabulous!
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Old 12-04-2019, 04:31 PM
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Bravo! Give this man a... *surreptitiously scans Wikipedia's list of poetry awards* ...a Griffin Poetry Prize.
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Old 12-04-2019, 05:29 PM
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Bravo! A lovely bit of...catterel? SWMBO just made a giant batch for a staff meeting and I've eaten about a pound of it by myself. Ella the Hellcat has been assisting. Trade ya recipes! We got this one from Anna Olson at CIN 2019. Her cookbook is here and worth every penny.

cup (115g) unsalted butter
2 tsp celery salt
1 tsp each chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, mustard powder
pinch of ground cinnamon
4 to 5 dashes Worcestershire sauce
2 cups each of Shreddies, Cheerios, Crispix, pretzels
1 cup each whole almonds and unsalted peanuts
1 Tbsp (15mL) dry hot sauce powder or hot sauce (optional) This is really mandatory in my eyes but to each their own).

1. Preheat the oven to 300 F (150 C) and line a large baking tray with parchment paper.

2. Melt the butter in a small saucepan over medium-low heat and whisk in the celery salt, chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, mustard powder, cinnamon, hot sauce powder (or hot sauce) if using, and Worcestershire.

3. Combine the cereals, pretzels, peanuts and almonds in a large mixing bowl and pour the spiced butter over. Toss well (using your hands is quickest and most effective) and then spread this mixture on the baking tray.

4. Bake for about 40 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the cereal browns a little. Let the mix cool on the tray on a wire rack. Scoop into an airtight container.
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  #23  
Old 12-04-2019, 05:37 PM
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Originally Posted by swampspruce View Post
Bravo! A lovely bit of...catterel? SWMBO just made a giant batch for a staff meeting and I've eaten about a pound of it by myself. Ella the Hellcat has been assisting. Trade ya recipes! We got this one from Anna Olson at CIN 2019. Her cookbook is here and worth every penny.

cup (115g) unsalted butter
2 tsp celery salt
1 tsp each chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, mustard powder
pinch of ground cinnamon
4 to 5 dashes Worcestershire sauce
2 cups each of Shreddies, Cheerios, Crispix, pretzels
1 cup each whole almonds and unsalted peanuts
1 Tbsp (15mL) dry hot sauce powder or hot sauce (optional) This is really mandatory in my eyes but to each their own).

1. Preheat the oven to 300 F (150 C) and line a large baking tray with parchment paper.

2. Melt the butter in a small saucepan over medium-low heat and whisk in the celery salt, chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, mustard powder, cinnamon, hot sauce powder (or hot sauce) if using, and Worcestershire.

3. Combine the cereals, pretzels, peanuts and almonds in a large mixing bowl and pour the spiced butter over. Toss well (using your hands is quickest and most effective) and then spread this mixture on the baking tray.

4. Bake for about 40 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the cereal browns a little. Let the mix cool on the tray on a wire rack. Scoop into an airtight container.
I just used the recipe on the Chex box. Boring, I know. But now that I find myself deprived of my traditional December snack (are you listening, gato?), I may have to try this one.

Last edited by Chefguy; 12-04-2019 at 05:37 PM.
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Old 12-05-2019, 12:01 AM
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Bravo, Chefguy!

I would have swept up the buttery mess and dumped it into the cat's litter box. That way, she can get some input while she's outputting. Why waste it?
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Old 12-05-2019, 12:34 AM
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Chefguy, that was great!
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Old 12-05-2019, 10:44 AM
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Bravo, Chefguy!

I would have swept up the buttery mess and dumped it into the cat's litter box. That way, she can get some input while she's outputting. Why waste it?
It didn't make it into the poem, but in addition to the Chex mix, there was a box of almond toffee candy sitting on top of the container that also hit the floor. It burst open and the unwrapped candy was scattered all over the kitchen. It was a fine spectacle.
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Old 12-05-2019, 03:49 PM
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I just used the recipe on the Chex box. Boring, I know. But now that I find myself deprived of my traditional December snack (are you listening, gato?), I may have to try this one.
Oh, that's far from boring! It also makes a great starting point to customize because it already tastes pretty damn good!
Be warned that this stuff is pretty addictive...
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Old 12-05-2019, 04:09 PM
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Oh, that's far from boring! It also makes a great starting point to customize because it already tastes pretty damn good!
Be warned that this stuff is pretty addictive...
The Ms just asked me to make another batch, so I'm going to try your recipe.

I'd also like to say that I'm glad I could make people smile with all this. I'm still dealing with anger from my son's death last year and my posts sometimes reflect that. Hopefully nobody has been terminally offended.
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Old 12-05-2019, 04:18 PM
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Bravo, Chefguy!
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Old 12-05-2019, 07:48 PM
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One small editing comment: As written, the muncher could be either the cat or the bleary-eyed spouse.

Last edited by Two Many Cats; 12-05-2019 at 07:49 PM.
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Old 12-05-2019, 08:11 PM
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One small editing comment: As written, the muncher could be either the cat or the bleary-eyed spouse.
I realized that when I wrote it. Perhaps it should have been: "And there the cat sat, in the midst of the mess. . ."
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Old 12-05-2019, 08:26 PM
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I realized that when I wrote it. Perhaps it should have been: "And there the cat sat, in the midst of the mess. . ."
Yes, that's even better for the meter.

Nice poem.
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Old 12-05-2019, 09:07 PM
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10/10 and I've already sent it to a few family & friends; I credited you immediately after the title.
  #34  
Old 12-05-2019, 09:27 PM
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The Ms just asked me to make another batch, so I'm going to try your recipe.

I'd also like to say that I'm glad I could make people smile with all this. I'm still dealing with anger from my son's death last year and my posts sometimes reflect that. Hopefully nobody has been terminally offended.
I wondered about that. You seem like such a nice guy. And occasionally you let the barbs out. I wasn't offended by any. I'm happy you're going through your grief. But its 'your' grief. It will only be valid to you. Good luck.
  #35  
Old Yesterday, 11:57 AM
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I wondered about that. You seem like such a nice guy. And occasionally you let the barbs out. I wasn't offended by any. I'm happy you're going through your grief. But its 'your' grief. It will only be valid to you. Good luck.
I've always considered myself to be a nice guy who takes no shit.
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