#751  
Old 03-12-2010, 03:29 PM
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Easy directions:
add eggs and water to mix
Birthday cake success!
  #752  
Old 03-12-2010, 04:23 PM
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Easy directions
Turn right at the big oak tree
Then left at the barn

Drats!

Birthday cake success
Don't forget to add sugar
Leave out the arsenic

Last edited by Intergalactic Gladiator; 03-12-2010 at 04:24 PM.
  #753  
Old 03-12-2010, 04:34 PM
otternell is offline
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Leave out the arsenic?
Maybe use thalidomide,
I bet that hurts too.
  #754  
Old 03-12-2010, 05:26 PM
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I bet that hurts too
smashing your toe with hammer
(relative to thumbs)
  #755  
Old 03-12-2010, 07:21 PM
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realitive to thumbs,
the finger family mocked toes
snobs snubbing support
  #756  
Old 03-12-2010, 09:41 PM
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Snobs snubbing support;
aristocrats with flat feet.
O how they will ache!
  #757  
Old 03-13-2010, 05:38 AM
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O how they will ache!
Those tummies after eating
Too much Taco Bell
  #758  
Old 03-13-2010, 08:17 AM
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Too much Taco Bell
and Pizza Hut and Arbys
Give me fast relief!

Last edited by Uncle Goat; 03-13-2010 at 08:18 AM.
  #759  
Old 03-13-2010, 09:30 AM
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Give me fast relief
There's too much confusion here
Joker to the thief

Last edited by Mean Mr. Mustard; 03-13-2010 at 09:31 AM.
  #760  
Old 03-13-2010, 10:23 AM
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Joker to the thief:
"Shall we try to off Batman?
I doubt he's prepared."
  #761  
Old 03-13-2010, 11:19 AM
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I doubt he's prepared
(said to Mean Mr. Mustard)
Y'all get it? Prepared?

link

Last edited by Mean Mr. Mustard; 03-13-2010 at 11:21 AM.
  #762  
Old 03-13-2010, 11:29 AM
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Y'all get it? Prepared?
Mustard linking joke in all
leave puns alone, sir
  #763  
Old 03-13-2010, 02:16 PM
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leave puns alone, sir
they are not to be disturbed
lest they murder you
  #764  
Old 03-13-2010, 04:35 PM
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lest they murder you
and throw your corpse to the dogs
you will have no peace
  #765  
Old 03-13-2010, 09:33 PM
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You will have no peace
if you keep killing people
Chill out, Uncle Sam!
  #766  
Old 03-13-2010, 10:03 PM
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Chill out. Uncle Sam
is rehabilitating
He'll straighten out soon.
  #767  
Old 03-13-2010, 10:06 PM
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"He'll straighten out soon,"
Liberace's mom once said,
but boy, was she wrong!
  #768  
Old 03-13-2010, 10:35 PM
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But boy, was she wrong!
there is just no way Clark Kent
Could be Superman
  #769  
Old 03-13-2010, 11:09 PM
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Could be Superman
Could be the Batman, maybe
They all look alike
  #770  
Old 03-14-2010, 12:18 PM
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"They all look alike,"
my crotchety grandpa said.
He was right: triplets!
  #771  
Old 03-14-2010, 01:39 PM
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He was right. Triplets
Are freak abnormalities
That give me the chills
  #772  
Old 03-14-2010, 02:19 PM
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That give me the chills
Goosebumps dance upon my skin
No more news for me
  #773  
Old 03-14-2010, 03:18 PM
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No more news for me.
No more fucking lies I see.
Land of the free? Please.
  #774  
Old 03-14-2010, 04:00 PM
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Land of the free? Please.
America is psycho
Money is our god
  #775  
Old 03-14-2010, 04:32 PM
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money is our god
I must be an atheist
there is no money!

Last edited by Mean Mr. Mustard; 03-14-2010 at 04:33 PM.
  #776  
Old 03-14-2010, 06:40 PM
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"There is no money!"
The Donald said with a frown
as bankruptcy loomed.
  #777  
Old 03-14-2010, 06:55 PM
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As bankruptcy loomed
I had a great idea
Hey! A life of crime!
  #778  
Old 03-14-2010, 07:14 PM
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Hey! A life of crime!
I can run for President!
Said George W.
  #779  
Old 03-14-2010, 07:18 PM
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Said George W
Waterboarding is okay
let him try it out
  #780  
Old 03-14-2010, 09:18 PM
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Let him try it out
How dangerous can it be?
Ouch! Son of a bitch!
  #781  
Old 03-14-2010, 09:30 PM
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Ouch! Son of a bitch!
Last time I use toilet brush
Instead of paper

Last edited by Uncle Goat; 03-14-2010 at 09:30 PM.
  #782  
Old 03-14-2010, 10:59 PM
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Instead of paper
why not cunieform tablets?
Sumeria rulz!
  #783  
Old 03-15-2010, 06:32 AM
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Sumeria rulz!
They didn't shove tubes up butts
Colonoscopy
  #784  
Old 03-15-2010, 07:42 AM
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Colonoscopy
Monday here we go again
I need better job
  #785  
Old 03-15-2010, 08:31 AM
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I need better job,
bigger house, much more money
And some "a's" and "the's"

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 03-15-2010 at 08:32 AM.
  #786  
Old 03-15-2010, 08:36 AM
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And some "a's" and "the's"
These are unused articles
Send them to Goodwill
  #787  
Old 03-15-2010, 10:13 AM
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Send them to Goodwill
Send them to craigslist as well
Lots of great stuff there
  #788  
Old 03-15-2010, 10:32 AM
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Lots of great stuff there
On the craig's list, you can get
Rugs, old toys, and sex
  #789  
Old 03-15-2010, 11:33 AM
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Rugs, old toys, and sex?
I think you can also get
Old rugs and sex toys
  #790  
Old 03-15-2010, 12:17 PM
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Old rugs and sex toys
2 things you should never beat
Unless you're dirty.
  #791  
Old 03-15-2010, 12:56 PM
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Unless you're dirty
You won't want me to clean you
The way a cat would
  #792  
Old 03-15-2010, 01:00 PM
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the way a cat would
react when he's embarrassed?
Not be embarrassed.
  #793  
Old 03-15-2010, 01:10 PM
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Not be embarrassed?
Twain said cats and dogs are not;
only people are.
  #794  
Old 03-15-2010, 02:44 PM
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Only people are
Embarrassed, or need to be
(aforementioned Twain)
  #795  
Old 03-15-2010, 02:52 PM
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Aforementioned Twain
Said much, but lots of "his" quotes
Never left his mouth
  #796  
Old 03-15-2010, 03:10 PM
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Never left his mouth
His tongue did; it was always
Firmly in his cheek
  #797  
Old 03-15-2010, 04:25 PM
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Firmly in his cheek
was a plug of tobacco
Cancer chewed him up
  #798  
Old 03-16-2010, 08:20 AM
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cancer chewed him up
then, of course, it spit him out
he did not taste good
  #799  
Old 03-16-2010, 08:27 AM
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He did not taste good,
but a heart attack killed Twain,
not cancer, you know.
  #800  
Old 03-16-2010, 08:36 AM
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not cancer, you know
born with Halley's Comet, and
He died with it, too.
Reply

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