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  #5051  
Old 04-03-2016, 06:27 PM
kopek is offline
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That's right, yeah. I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks, and what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts... One... people are not wearing enough hats. Two... matter is energy; in the Universe there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this soul does not exist *ab inito*, as orthodox Christianity teaches; it has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.
  #5052  
Old 04-03-2016, 10:51 PM
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Why does the world not hear more of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?
  #5053  
Old 04-04-2016, 02:17 AM
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You must return here with a shrubbery, or else you will never pass through this wood...
...
alive.
  #5054  
Old 04-04-2016, 06:53 AM
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'Tis but a scratch!
  #5055  
Old 04-04-2016, 06:54 AM
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Shut your festering gob you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert!
  #5056  
Old 04-04-2016, 09:03 AM
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Well, Brian...........(interminable pause)............I kicked the ball first time, and there it was in the back of the net!
  #5057  
Old 04-04-2016, 12:34 PM
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Watch it - there's still a few crosses left!
  #5058  
Old 04-05-2016, 07:05 AM
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Well hello, it's the wacky Queen again!
  #5059  
Old 04-05-2016, 09:29 AM
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Very good golfer. Very good golfer. Rotten at finance. It'll be Parkinson next.
  #5060  
Old 04-05-2016, 11:32 AM
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Don't come here with that posh talk you nasty, stuck-up twit.
  #5061  
Old 04-05-2016, 02:22 PM
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We'll have none of your imperialist tidbits!
  #5062  
Old 04-05-2016, 03:21 PM
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Albatross!
  #5063  
Old 04-05-2016, 05:21 PM
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Of course they've brought forth juniper berries. They're juniper bushes! What do you expect?!
  #5064  
Old 04-06-2016, 08:21 AM
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Is your name not Bruce, then?
  #5065  
Old 04-06-2016, 09:15 AM
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Arthur Charles Herbert Runcie MacAdam Jarrett, you have been convicted by twelve good persons and true, of the crime of first degree making of gratuitous, sexist jokes in a moving picture.
  #5066  
Old 04-06-2016, 12:32 PM
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Good evening. Here is the news for Parrots. No parrots were involved in an accident on the M1 today when a lorry carrying high-octane fuel was in collision with a bollard. That's a bollard and not a parrot. A spokesman for parrots said he was glad no parrots were involved. The Minister of Technology (photo of minister with parrot on his shoulder) today met the three Russian leaders (cut to photograph of Brezhnev, Podgorny and Kosygin all in a group and each with a parrot on his shoulder) to discuss a 4 million airliner deal...(cut back to narrator) None of them went in the cage, or swung on the little wooden trapeze or ate any of the nice millet seed yum, yum.
  #5067  
Old 04-06-2016, 03:58 PM
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Rondar, untie Mr. Paslow!

Regards,
Shodan
  #5068  
Old 04-06-2016, 04:00 PM
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But it's my only line!
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Where's the kaboom? After 500 posts, there should've been an Earth-shattering kaboom!
  #5069  
Old 04-07-2016, 09:10 AM
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Oh, yes, definitely - "splunge" for me, too.
  #5070  
Old 04-07-2016, 09:35 AM
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The Theory by A. Elk brackets Miss brackets. My theory is along the following lines...All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much MUCH thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I have and which is mine, and what it is too.
  #5071  
Old 04-07-2016, 09:43 AM
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Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights.
  #5072  
Old 04-07-2016, 10:18 AM
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It's only a model.
  #5073  
Old 04-07-2016, 11:20 AM
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I feel happy!
  #5074  
Old 04-07-2016, 08:29 PM
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So there I was, perched on the very brink of that precipitous descent, contemplating infinity and generally exulting in the overwhelming beneficence of that sultry afternoon, when suddenly
  #5075  
Old 04-07-2016, 11:20 PM
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Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeaker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, then 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat (laughs) (squeaker) Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the' (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-drawers Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat (sings) 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mainwaring (hoot, 'whoop') Smith (Very Silly Party)... two.
  #5076  
Old 04-07-2016, 11:44 PM
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Aw, yeah (cough, hack, expectorate, cough) After five years they give me a brush.
  #5077  
Old 04-08-2016, 07:15 AM
kopek is offline
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Ooh I don't like this, Ooh I don't like that. Oh I don't think much to all this. Oh fancy using that wallpaper. Fancy using mustard. Oo is that a proper one? Oo it's not real. Oh I don't think it's a proper restaurant unless they give you finger bowls. Oo I don't like him. I'm going to have a baby in a few years.
  #5078  
Old 04-08-2016, 07:35 AM
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Dinsdale!
  #5079  
Old 04-08-2016, 08:14 AM
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A duck!
  #5080  
Old 04-08-2016, 09:44 AM
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Oh! What wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face! I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the face.
  #5081  
Old 04-08-2016, 02:23 PM
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Lovely people, the Romans.
  #5082  
Old 04-08-2016, 06:11 PM
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She has....HUGE.....tracks of land!
  #5083  
Old 04-08-2016, 11:38 PM
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(I think that's "tracts")

Gimme the 'oop!
  #5084  
Old 04-08-2016, 11:39 PM
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Oh yes Kipling Road was a typical East End Street, people were in and out of each other's houses with each other's property all day long.
  #5085  
Old 04-09-2016, 11:52 AM
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Oh, you never know till you try. Look at Mrs Brando's son next door. He was mending the fridge when they came and asked him to be the Wild One. What do they want you to do?
  #5086  
Old 04-09-2016, 10:26 PM
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Various villainous vestal virgins vehemently venerated vesicular ventriloquists.
  #5087  
Old 04-09-2016, 10:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
(I think that's "tracts")

Gimme the 'oop!




Don't worry, sir, you're among friends now, sir....Mr Bradford, Mr Crawley...These are our fitters, sir. We've had a lot of experience in this field and we do pride ourselves we offer the best and most discreet service available. I don't know whether you'll believe this sir, but one of us is actually wearing a toupee at this moment...
  #5088  
Old 04-10-2016, 10:13 AM
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In 1945, peace broke out. The jokes were over.
  #5089  
Old 04-10-2016, 11:06 AM
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You can hear episode two of, "A Minute Passed," tomorrow night at a minute past.
  #5090  
Old 04-10-2016, 01:30 PM
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I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must cross this bridge.
  #5091  
Old 04-10-2016, 07:57 PM
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What is the capital of Assyria?
  #5092  
Old 04-10-2016, 09:45 PM
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SQUAD! Camp it... UP!
  #5093  
Old 04-11-2016, 04:55 AM
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There are more things in heaven and earth, you know.
No, there aren't.
  #5094  
Old 04-11-2016, 09:34 AM
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Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
  #5095  
Old 04-11-2016, 09:53 AM
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Are you insinuating something?
  #5096  
Old 04-11-2016, 10:29 AM
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Morning, madam, I've come to read your poet.
  #5097  
Old 04-11-2016, 10:43 AM
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Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?
  #5098  
Old 04-11-2016, 08:40 PM
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Wouldn't you just die without Mahler?
  #5099  
Old 04-11-2016, 10:21 PM
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Better get me a bucket.
  #5100  
Old 04-12-2016, 12:20 AM
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What's so special about the cheesemakers?
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