Straight Dope Message Board

[Dangerosa]

Originally Posted by Bridget Burke

(Hey, Pretentious Jello Shots might be an idea.)

Have you seen Bad Moms?

[Dangerosa]

Originally Posted by sitchensis

I really like pretentious drinks. Love to think about the history or thought involved. It's a lot better then drinking sour beer to be cool. If you want to make a pretentious drink, think herbs, basil, sage, rosemary. Put some fresh herbs in a whip cream dispenser and go crazy with herb foam.

I had an awesome cocktail last summer. A sweetish champagne, creme de violette and thyme liquor. That's pretty darn pretentious.

[Dangerosa]

Originally Posted by Dangerosa

If you drink Aviations (which is a pretentious cocktail, and one of my standards - I like purple, and it matches most of my outfits - a girl's drink should always match her shoes - and I have the prettiest pair of purple pumps) the creme de violette (there are three brands in the local liquor store - it used to be obscure) and maraschino are already in your cabinet. Creme de Menthe is needed for Grasshoppers (doesn't everyone drink grasshoppers at Christmas?) and grenadine is standard. I would have to buy the chartrusse.

However, that cocktail would taste like crap. Blech.

My favorite right now is a drink invented by the guys at Tattersalls. http://tattersalldistilling.com/gin-vodka-aquavit/
They call it a Baysider. Its aquavit, habenaro bitters, mint simple syrup, clarified lime juice and sale. Its pretty pretentious.

Sale should be salt. It does need salt

[bump]

Originally Posted by madmonk28

I think where pretentious enters in to food is when the ingredients don't actually improve the quality.

That's kind of where I was going, although I didn't articulate it well when I said "Grey Goose and Q Tonic".

I seriously doubt that anyone's going to taste the difference between say... Grey Goose and Smirnoff when mixed with ANY tonic. Amusingly, calling out the tonic would be the least pretentious thing about that particular drink; you would actually be able to tell the difference between say... Q and Canada Dry.

Similarly, calling out any higher-end liquor in most mixed drinks or cocktails is straight-up pretense, as while most mixed drinks feature the base spirit flavor pretty prominently, most differences that would distinguish one from the other are usually drowned by the additional ingredients like lime juice, liqueurs, bitters, etc... And even if you can tell that they used different say... rum in their mojito, I still think you'd be hard pressed to call it bad if it had Cruzan instead of 10 Cane.

So by that logic, calling your liquor in anything but maybe a legitimate cocktail, like a Sazerac or Old Fashioned, or if you're going to drink it neat is pretty pretentious. It's publicly proclaiming that you not only can afford that higher-end liquor, but that you can tell a difference, and that's the epitome of pretense.

[Casey1505]

I came in to find a recipe for a Screaming Viking so as not to waste my bruised cucumber.

I'll wait some more.

[madmonk28]

Originally Posted by bump

That's kind of where I was going, although I didn't articulate it well when I said "Grey Goose and Q Tonic".

I seriously doubt that anyone's going to taste the difference between say... Grey Goose and Smirnoff when mixed with ANY tonic. Amusingly, calling out the tonic would be the least pretentious thing about that particular drink; you would actually be able to tell the difference between say... Q and Canada Dry.

Similarly, calling out any higher-end liquor in most mixed drinks or cocktails is straight-up pretense, as while most mixed drinks feature the base spirit flavor pretty prominently, most differences that would distinguish one from the other are usually drowned by the additional ingredients like lime juice, liqueurs, bitters, etc... And even if you can tell that they used different say... rum in their mojito, I still think you'd be hard pressed to call it bad if it had Cruzan instead of 10 Cane.

So by that logic, calling your liquor in anything but maybe a legitimate cocktail, like a Sazerac or Old Fashioned, or if you're going to drink it neat is pretty pretentious. It's publicly proclaiming that you not only can afford that higher-end liquor, but that you can tell a difference, and that's the epitome of pretense.

I agree with all of this and would like to respectfully add the Manhattan and martinis to the list of acceptable paces to call your spirit (and when I say martini, I mean gin).

[nightshadea]

why even bother with a cocktail ... just get a bottle of johnny walker blue and drink it straight from the bottle ...... just make snarky comments about how drinking it is a regular occurrence and anything else being peasant swill

[Dangerosa]

Originally Posted by bump

That's kind of where I was going, although I didn't articulate it well when I said "Grey Goose and Q Tonic".

I seriously doubt that anyone's going to taste the difference between say... Grey Goose and Smirnoff when mixed with ANY tonic. Amusingly, calling out the tonic would be the least pretentious thing about that particular drink; you would actually be able to tell the difference between say... Q and Canada Dry.

Similarly, calling out any higher-end liquor in most mixed drinks or cocktails is straight-up pretense, as while most mixed drinks feature the base spirit flavor pretty prominently, most differences that would distinguish one from the other are usually drowned by the additional ingredients like lime juice, liqueurs, bitters, etc... And even if you can tell that they used different say... rum in their mojito, I still think you'd be hard pressed to call it bad if it had Cruzan instead of 10 Cane.

So by that logic, calling your liquor in anything but maybe a legitimate cocktail, like a Sazerac or Old Fashioned, or if you're going to drink it neat is pretty pretentious. It's publicly proclaiming that you not only can afford that higher-end liquor, but that you can tell a difference, and that's the epitome of pretense.

That depends on what you drink and how you are mixing it.

For instance, I like Few Gin - its a herbal gin - really light on the juniper. I can certainly tell the difference between a Few Gin and Q Tonic (Q is a really good tonic) gin and tonic and a Gordons and Canada Dry. But in my world a Gin and Tonic is not a Tonic and Gin, you have at least as much Gin in there. (I really don't like Gin and Tonics, I like Few Gin and Tonics). I like Hammer and Sickle vodka. Now, I buy a lot of big jugs of cheap vodka to infuse and play with (if you are making homemade Kahlua, yeah, it really doesn't matter what you start with in a vodka - and if your vodka is a base for a heavy on the triple sec, heavy on the cranberry juice cocktail Cosmo, who cares), but if I'm going to be drinking something where the sugar content isn't high - something in the dirty martini range (or a bartender who makes a decent Cosmo) - yes, I can tell if you are pouring Phillips.

We don't mix the Woodford Reserve with Coke - at least not often. But I wouldn't make a Manhattan or Old Fashioned with Beam. I also like Few's Bourbon - it tastes very different from other Bourbons - you'd notice it in something like a Manhattan.

Then there are liquors that can be amazingly different within their type. Tequila and single malt scotch come to mind. Now, I don't know many people who mix single malt scotch - and I'm not a tequila drinker, but I'd think the difference in tequilas would be noticeable in a margarita unless you overdid the triple sec.

(I couldn't tell the difference between Grey Goose and Smirnoff though in a vodka tonic - but I think they both suck as sipping Vodkas. I can in a vodka martini).

[pulykamell]

I don't care about vodka, but shitty well vodka is pretty shitty, no matter how much mixer you put in it. I learned that in college when someone made cocktails with Wolfschmidt. Good lord! But it depends on what that bar's rail pour is. If it's that, Vladimir or Aristocrat, forget about it, I'm calling the shot. (But it's rare that I'll drink a vodka cocktail.)

Gin has lots of differences between brands and varieties within a brand. It makes sense to call it if you have preferences. I want a strong medicinal, juniper-tasting gin for my gimlet, since the Rose's and lime does cut through it. And that's why I specifically want Bombay Dry and not Sapphire, as the latter is too soft and sexy for a gimlet for me.

[pulykamell]

Originally Posted by nightshadea

why even bother with a cocktail ... just get a bottle of johnny walker blue and drink it straight from the bottle ...... just make snarky comments about how drinking it is a regular occurrence and anything else being peasant swill

A blended malt? Pffft.... Amateur. I'll be over here with my Macallen 25 sherry oaked whiskey. Not quite the most expensive scotch whisky in the world, but at about a grand and a half a bottle, makes for a nice day-to-day sipper. And single malt, dammit.

[madmonk28]

Originally Posted by Dangerosa

That depends on what you drink and how you are mixing it....

We don't mix the Woodford Reserve with Coke - at least not often. But I wouldn't make a Manhattan or Old Fashioned with Beam. I also like Few's Bourbon - it tastes very different from other Bourbons - you'd notice it in something like a Manhattan...

I'd definitely notice as a Manhattan should be made with rye.

[Dangerosa]

Originally Posted by madmonk28

I'd definitely notice as a Manhattan should be made with rye.

Depends on whether you specify bourbon on not. When you specify a bourbon Manhattan, it should definitely have bourbon in it and not rye.

[August West]

My new favorite cocktail has a nice pretentious-sounding name - the Boulevardier.

It's basically a Negroni with bourbon. But a name like Boulevardier, you can't beat that for adding pretentiousness. The latest one I had was served with house-made orange bitters and aged in a countertop bourbon barrel.

[bump]

Originally Posted by Dangerosa

We don't mix the Woodford Reserve with Coke - at least not often. But I wouldn't make a Manhattan or Old Fashioned with Beam. I also like Few's Bourbon - it tastes very different from other Bourbons - you'd notice it in something like a Manhattan.

Then there are liquors that can be amazingly different within their type. Tequila and single malt scotch come to mind. Now, I don't know many people who mix single malt scotch - and I'm not a tequila drinker, but I'd think the difference in tequilas would be noticeable in a margarita unless you overdid the triple sec.

(I couldn't tell the difference between Grey Goose and Smirnoff though in a vodka tonic - but I think they both suck as sipping Vodkas. I can in a vodka martini).

That's more or less where I was going with the "legitimate cocktail" comment in my post; the old-school cocktails (as opposed to mixed drinks) DO definitely point up the differences in spirits. So things like Martinis, Manhattans, Sazeracs, Old Fashioneds, Bronxes, etc... are all ones where it would make sense to call a specific spirit.

But something like a margarita... I don't know. You *can* tell the difference between the various tequilas, although it's usually more along the lines of tequila types (highland, lowland, mixto) within a category (blanco, anejo, reposado) than being able to distinguish brands within the same type and category.

I guess some of it ultimately depends on where you're doing your drinking; more reputable places have higher quality well spirits, so there's no need to douchebag it up and call for a specific spirit. But if you're risking getting McCormick's gin, maybe it's not so pretentious to ask for Beefeater.

[Aspenglow]

Originally Posted by eunoia

As pulykamell suggests, definitely something with obscure homemade bitters, so we're talking a whisky cocktail.

Start with muddled jabuticaba. For heaven's sake not over-muddled jabuticaba! Practice an imperious sneer if anyone else even attempts to muddle.

Plenty of whiskies to choose from but I'll suggest George Dickel Rye Whiskey. Affordable, suitably obscure. Go nuts on the pronunciation of Dickel. Points for getting others to break character and giggle. Anybody who mentions a finer rye like Sazerac for a mixed drink is the epitome of gauche. Conversely, even the most expensive single barrel bourbon is "insufferably low-rent".

Make a sugar syrup from organic turbinado sugar. Try to mention "organic turbinado sugar" at least thrice. Stir thrice. Say "thrice" a lot.

Amaro is so chic right now and goes great with whisky cocktails. Something like Amaro Silano, and since you're designing an original, you're free to name the cocktail and expound on its origins in the pre-war Calabrese underworld.

Finish with a twist of buddha’s hand and voilà!

This was a confection of pretentiousness and deserves to be recognized. eunoia, I laughed, a lot and hard!

My vote for a pretentious cocktail: The Extra Mile. This one has it all.

2 1/2 oz. rye whiskey (I'll go with the Dickel, too.)
3/4 oz. lemon juice
3/4 oz. broiled grapefruit-and-brown-sugar juice (That turbinado stuff, extracted with your extraordinary muddler.)
1/2 oz. roasted raspberry syrup
Dashes of bitters (Two kinds! Coffee pecan and bergamot -- homemade, naturellement.)
1 barspoonful of apple cider vinegar (Not a teaspoon, not a teaspoon-and-a-half. A barspoonful.)
Selzer water (For keeping it real and just on the knife's edge of pretentious, not ridiculous.)

Prepare your fixin's. Combine all ingredients except the seltzer in a cocktail shaker and shake. Strain into a glass over your perfect ice, and top with selzer water.

Serve, and shiver in the praise heaped upon you.

[bump]

Originally Posted by Aspenglow

This was a confection of pretentiousness and deserves to be recognized. eunoia, I laughed, a lot and hard!

My vote for a pretentious cocktail: The Extra Mile. This one has it all.

2 1/2 oz. rye whiskey (I'll go with the Dickel, too.)
3/4 oz. lemon juice
3/4 oz. broiled grapefruit-and-brown-sugar juice (That turbinado stuff, extracted with your extraordinary muddler.)
1/2 oz. roasted raspberry syrup
Dashes of bitters (Two kinds! Coffee pecan and bergamot -- homemade, naturellement.)
1 barspoonful of apple cider vinegar (Not a teaspoon, not a teaspoon-and-a-half. A barspoonful.)
Selzer water (For keeping it real and just on the knife's edge of pretentious, not ridiculous.)

Prepare your fixin's. Combine all ingredients except the seltzer in a cocktail shaker and shake. Strain into a glass over your perfect ice, and top with selzer water.

Serve, and shiver in the praise heaped upon you.

Excellent example! Why not raspberry syrup and grapefruit juice, and some commercially available bitters? That would have kept it this side of pretentious.


(a "barspoon" is a common measurement in most cocktail/mixed drink books, and is equal to a teaspoon, and is the bowl of one of those long, spiral-handled spoons. Why they don't just say a teaspoon is anyone's guess, although mine is because most any set of bartending tools will have one of those spoons as a matter of course, while a lot of people may not have a set of measuring spoons, believe it or not.)

All that said, I don't think drinking gets more pretentious than being made with Norwegian glacier ice.

[Wallaby]

Originally Posted by bump

All that said, I don't think drinking gets more pretentious than being made with Norwegian glacier ice.

Pffffft.

Antarctic Nail Ale

[bump]

Originally Posted by Wallaby

Pffffft.

Antarctic Nail Ale

I don't know... that's more of a publicity stunt than outright pretense. I got the impression from the article I linked to, that those bars were serving glacier ice as a matter of everyday business.

[nearwildheaven]

I thought about this thread just now, because one of my Facebook friends posted that the water spout on her refrigerator suddenly got very slow, and she found out it was full of gold glitter, most likely placed there somehow by her 8-year-old niece, whom she is raising.



Nope, not gold leaf, just that cheapo glitter that kids love and parents hate.

[Annoying Buzz]

If you've got time, something that will give you some 'pretentious' cred while actually having an interesting (and quite possibly good) flavor is to make your own infusions.

Back at my old job we made a bunch in preparation for a bartending magazine we were producing, and they turned out pretty well. Take a handful of a really flavorful herbs or spice chopped up to maximize surface area (IIRC, we made infusions of cardamon, cinnamon, naga jolokia, vanilla and a few others), and let them steep in a liter of either dry or sweet vermouth for about 2 weeks. Use them to mix cocktails as you ordinarily would.

[silenus]

Originally Posted by Dangerosa

Depends on whether you specify bourbon on not. When you specify a bourbon Manhattan, it should definitely have bourbon in it and not rye.

If you are making it with bourbon, it isn't a Manhattan. It's a Queens at best.

Originally Posted by bump

Excellent example! Why not raspberry syrup and grapefruit juice, and some commercially available bitters? That would have kept it this side of pretentious.

But it wouldn't taste nearly as good, I'll bet. Sometimes "pretentious" is just people with lesser taste buds or understanding attempting to deal with things out of their ken. Or even their Barbie.

[Dr. Strangelove]

Originally Posted by pulykamell

Look through this thread. The guy answering the questions and giving the recipes is Toby Maloney, head mixologist at the Violet Hour, a well-known Chicago spot for top-shelf cocktails.

...and the followup.

I decided to go with The Fox Hunt, in part because everything was easily available at the local BevMo. I am somewhat ashamed to say that, aside from the ice, the only homemade part was the simple syrup.

I took third place. The winner was an Aviation, which was done well and pretentious, but frankly I think took first due to being very sweet and thus more accessible than mine (usual comment: "It's like a SweetTart in drink form").

Still, I got plenty of compliments and I think the whole thing was fun and done well. Everyone liked the monocle, and I got to explain my ice manufacturing process as usual.

Thanks again for the suggestions, all. The Fox Hunt was in fact damn tasty and I'll be adding it to my repertoire.