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  #1  
Old 12-19-2016, 07:24 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Random Big Bang Theory quotes

Here we go again... this time with The Big Bang Theory.




Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize is the day I begin my research on the drag coefficient of tassels on flying carpets.
  #2  
Old 12-19-2016, 09:15 PM
janis_and_c0 janis_and_c0 is offline
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Do you realize what this MEANS?!! All I need is a healthy ovum, and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!
  #3  
Old 12-19-2016, 09:17 PM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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I informed you thusly.
  #4  
Old 12-19-2016, 10:43 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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It's very simple. Look -- Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
  #5  
Old 12-20-2016, 12:07 AM
Suburban Plankton Suburban Plankton is offline
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[knock] [knock] [knock]

panache?

[knock] [knock] [knock]

panache?

[knock] [knock] [knock]

panache?
  #6  
Old 12-20-2016, 01:02 AM
janis_and_c0 janis_and_c0 is offline
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Sheldon's escaped and is terrorizing the village

Last edited by janis_and_c0; 12-20-2016 at 01:03 AM.
  #7  
Old 12-20-2016, 07:22 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Sheldon can I talk to you? Why me? Koothrappali has to drink to talk to me, Wolowitz is just creepy. Yes he is, Ok.
  #8  
Old 12-20-2016, 08:06 AM
DCnDC DCnDC is offline
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If either of us invent time travel, we agree that our first stop will be this meeting, five seconds from now.

[both look around]

Well, that was disappointing.
  #9  
Old 12-20-2016, 08:24 AM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Bazinga!

Last edited by ivylass; 12-20-2016 at 08:24 AM.
  #10  
Old 12-20-2016, 08:54 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested.
  #11  
Old 12-20-2016, 09:18 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is online now
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You better find my husband's mother, 'cause one way or another we're walking out of this airport with a dead woman.
  #12  
Old 12-20-2016, 09:26 AM
DCnDC DCnDC is offline
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That's exactly what my father said. "Come to the games! Watch the games!" Week in and week out, from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life.
  #13  
Old 12-20-2016, 09:36 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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"I'm sorry, we don't have a code for robot's hand grasping a man's penis."

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 12-20-2016 at 09:36 AM.
  #14  
Old 12-20-2016, 10:26 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?
  #15  
Old 12-20-2016, 02:47 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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You may want to speak in a lower register.

Wow. I enjoyed that more than I thought I would.
  #16  
Old 12-20-2016, 06:01 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Please pass the butter!
  #17  
Old 12-20-2016, 06:17 PM
RedSwinglineOne RedSwinglineOne is offline
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Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.
  #18  
Old 12-20-2016, 07:34 PM
Rick Kitchen Rick Kitchen is online now
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Sheldon: "The best number is 73. Why? 73 is the 21st prime number. Its mirror, 37, is the 12th and its mirror, 21, is the product of multiplying 7 and 3... and in binary 73 is a palindrome, 1001001, which backwards is 1001001."
Leonard: "73 is the Chuck Norris of numbers!"
Sheldon: "Chuck Norris wishes... all Chuck Norris backwards gets you is Sirron Kcuhc!"'
  #19  
Old 12-20-2016, 07:52 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one’s mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
  #20  
Old 12-21-2016, 09:08 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Okay, now I just need to make sure I have a Lalita before I meet the grasshopper. It’s a sweet green miracle.
  #21  
Old 12-21-2016, 09:25 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Your "Check Engine" light is on.
  #22  
Old 12-21-2016, 09:31 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Mary Cooper: Oh, relax, Leonard, I have raised that boy. I’ve seen him at his best, I’ve seen him at his worst. There’s nothing he can do that’ll surprise me.
Leonard: Hold on to that thought.
Sheldon: Come in.
Leonard: Surprise.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 12-21-2016 at 09:31 AM.
  #23  
Old 12-21-2016, 10:07 AM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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I find myself oddly titillated.

He thought you were going to blow up the moon!

I can drive. I choose not to.
  #24  
Old 12-21-2016, 11:16 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
"I'm sorry, we don't have a code for robot's hand grasping a man's penis."
"Because that's all you needed, right?"
  #25  
Old 12-21-2016, 02:27 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is online now
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I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.
  #26  
Old 12-21-2016, 04:50 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Penny: Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello.
Leonard: Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn't getting me beaten up enough.
  #27  
Old 12-22-2016, 08:48 AM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Emily or Cinnamon?
  #28  
Old 12-22-2016, 10:36 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is online now
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Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.
  #29  
Old 12-22-2016, 10:54 AM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Is the sex happening now?
  #30  
Old 12-22-2016, 12:13 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is online now
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Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on Myspace.
Leonard: Yes, and you've never met one of them.
Sheldon: That's the beauty of it.
  #31  
Old 12-22-2016, 12:57 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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And I gently caress your....nose.
Keep rolling.
  #32  
Old 12-22-2016, 01:21 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
  #33  
Old 12-22-2016, 01:31 PM
Rick Kitchen Rick Kitchen is online now
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Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
  #34  
Old 12-22-2016, 04:39 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Howard Wolowitz: So, this spring, I get to go to the International Space Station.
Mary Cooper: Oh, my word! A trip to the Heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I've got a good book you could read.
Howard Wolowitz: Thanks, but I watch the 'Charlie Brown Christmas Special' every year, so I get the gist.

Sheldon Cooper: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, Pee-Wee football; in fact, every form of football except the original: European football, which most Texans believe to be a commie plot.

Raj: What happened?
Sheldon: Obviously another carnal fiasco with the 'Shiksee' goddess.
Howard: Shiksa. Shik-Sa.
Sheldon: Forgive me. Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas. And if it was, it wasn't spoken for long.
  #35  
Old 12-22-2016, 09:46 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Sheldon: The housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, "Möchtest du eine Darmspülung?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"
  #36  
Old 12-22-2016, 10:43 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Sheldon: I have a Master's Degree & 2 Doctorates, the thing's I should know~ I do
  #37  
Old 12-22-2016, 11:14 PM
Rick Kitchen Rick Kitchen is online now
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Amy: I guess it must have been back when I was in the Girl Sprouts.
Bernadette: Girl Sprouts?
Amy: My mom made it up as an alternative to the Girl Scouts. She didn't want me selling cookies on some street corner like a whore.
  #38  
Old 12-22-2016, 11:52 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Sheldon: 15 years old—Dennis Kim is 15 years old, and he's already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to—you know—that other guy.
Howard: Antonio Salieri.
Sheldon: Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me.
  #39  
Old 12-23-2016, 01:52 AM
Meeko Meeko is offline
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"There's a Sarcasm Sign?!"
  #40  
Old 12-23-2016, 04:40 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Raj: The thing about Aqua Man...... Where does he poop!
  #41  
Old 12-23-2016, 05:32 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.
  #42  
Old 12-23-2016, 10:27 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Amy : Did you miss me?
Sheldon: I would have preferred to have you with me, or instead of me.
  #43  
Old 12-23-2016, 11:18 PM
TruCelt TruCelt is offline
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I'm stating it outright. Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast and defecates Clerk Maxwell. . .
  #44  
Old 12-24-2016, 12:44 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Penny: [to Leonard] Look, you are a great guy, and it is the things you love that make you who you are.
Howard: I guess that makes me large breasts....
  #45  
Old 12-26-2016, 11:55 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Sheldon: You know I don't enjoy Christmas, trees indoors
  #46  
Old 12-26-2016, 06:00 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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He once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head.
  #47  
Old 12-27-2016, 09:43 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janis_and_c0 View Post
Do you realize what this MEANS?!! All I need is a healthy ovum, and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!
Okay, all I’m giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.
  #48  
Old 12-27-2016, 10:31 AM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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I'm getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart!
That's the Del Taco.

Nah, I'd rather have the busboy.

Excuse me Leonard. I'm the one who's getting a divorce, Mitzi is the one who's dead, why are you making a fuss?

Last edited by ivylass; 12-27-2016 at 10:32 AM.
  #49  
Old 12-27-2016, 10:57 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is online now
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Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?
  #50  
Old 12-27-2016, 11:06 AM
SuperAbe SuperAbe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?
Howard: Wow, so you guys are like buds now?
Raj: Oh, yeah, we hang out all the time.
Stuart: Plus, he doesn't have a girlfriend, I don't have a girlfriend.
Raj: It's like we both had these holes in our lives, but now we fill each other's holes.
Stuart: That sounds a little funny to an American ear.
Raj: Which part?
Stuart: Just.....all of it.
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