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  #351  
Old 03-23-2017, 07:06 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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This is the best Top Ramen you have ever made

I discovered a secret, the flavor packet
  #352  
Old 03-23-2017, 07:15 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Sheldon: Professor Hawking, it's an honor and a privilege to meet you, sir.
Stephen Hawking: I know.
  #353  
Old 03-23-2017, 07:17 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Where does your mom keep the Crisco?
Oh I don't know, maybe in a wad in her cheek
  #354  
Old 03-23-2017, 08:18 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Oh, gosh, golly. I made a boo-boo, and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
  #355  
Old 03-23-2017, 09:31 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no, let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
  #356  
Old 03-23-2017, 09:55 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no, let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
If he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement; it'd be a more merciful death.
  #357  
Old 03-23-2017, 12:30 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Howard: Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.
Leonard: That's fine, you win.
Howard: What's his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there!
  #358  
Old 03-23-2017, 01:41 PM
eschereal eschereal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Oh, gosh, golly. I made a boo-boo, and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
Great. Another fainter.

Last edited by eschereal; 03-23-2017 at 01:42 PM.
  #359  
Old 03-23-2017, 07:32 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Sheldon: [about Stephen Hawking] He's a famous physicist.
Penny: Hang on, I know. He's the wheelchair-dude who invented time.
Sheldon: Close enough.
  #360  
Old 03-23-2017, 08:59 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Penny: Sheldon, we [women] are just people. We talk about the same things you talk about.
Sheldon: You talk about if werewolves can swim?
  #361  
Old 03-23-2017, 09:07 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Leonard: It's a bachelor party. There could be strippers. Won't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Come on Leonard. It's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye contact and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework.
  #362  
Old 03-23-2017, 11:13 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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I may be a bad waitress but you, your a bad person ~~~ Now...wanna hear the specials
  #363  
Old 03-24-2017, 12:59 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Howard: She was my second cousin.
  #364  
Old 03-24-2017, 08:06 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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(squirt) Bad Leonard.
  #365  
Old 03-24-2017, 08:10 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooky View Post
This is the best Top Ramen you have ever made

I discovered a secret, the flavor packet
That sucker is well-named.
  #366  
Old 03-24-2017, 09:07 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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When was the last time you were at Best Buy and you heard someone say, "Ooh, check out this Blu-Ray player, it must be good, it was built in Russia"?
  #367  
Old 03-24-2017, 09:23 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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You still go left!
  #368  
Old 03-25-2017, 01:09 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Two years ago we didn't even know each other. And now, I'm in your apartment after dark. How much faster can this thing go?
  #369  
Old 03-25-2017, 01:19 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Don't worry, luckily I had the good sense to drown that kitten in the river
  #370  
Old 03-25-2017, 09:09 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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I love strawberry Quik. It's my favorite pink fluid. Narrowly beating out Pepto-Bismol.
  #371  
Old 03-27-2017, 03:17 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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For future reference, if I want to watch Mean Girls, I'll just stream it on Netflix.
  #372  
Old 03-27-2017, 04:11 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Nothing takes the sting out of a shattered life like a properly seasoned bowl of onion soup.
  #373  
Old 03-27-2017, 04:49 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Dimitri: [To Howard] He calls you Fruit Loops, because of your very gay hair cut?
Howard: No. It's because I live with my mother and she makes me Fruit Loops.
Dimitri: Go with the gay story. People are more accepting of it.
  #374  
Old 03-28-2017, 11:46 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Leonard: Sheldon, this is not your home!
Sheldon: This isn't anyone's 'home'. This is a swirling vortex of entropy.
  #375  
Old 03-28-2017, 12:07 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Raj: Howard and Bernadette, the five of us stand before you as your friends and newly ordained ministers.
Mrs. Wolowitz: LOUDER!
Bernadette: They all got ordained! They’re all marrying us! It’s adorable! You want to hear it, come closer!
  #376  
Old 03-28-2017, 06:05 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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You walked in on your father and me, naked. I was swatting his bottom with your new ping-pong paddle. How did that make you feel?
  #377  
Old 03-28-2017, 06:09 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RivkahChaya View Post
You walked in on your father and me, naked. I was swatting his bottom with your new ping-pong paddle. How did that make you feel?
I didn't dream that?!?
  #378  
Old 03-28-2017, 06:57 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Sheldon & Leonard have just lost Pictionary (in a big way) to Amy and Penny. It's pretty much all Sheldon's fault.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, you're always full of fun little facts. Where did the expression "Got your ass handed to you" come from?

Sheldon: Don't know.

Penny: I wonder if it's from, like, ancient Rome, where they'd actually chop somebody's ass off and then go "Here." You know, to appease Loseronius, the god of losers.
  #379  
Old 03-28-2017, 09:16 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Amy: Bernadette, I want to thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honor. I also wanted you to know that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out.
  #380  
Old 03-30-2017, 10:25 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Where are you going Lovey Dovey? Come back ~~~~I already ordered 20lbs of bird seed on Amazon!
  #381  
Old 03-30-2017, 06:12 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Amy: Have I ever told you you're like a sexy praying mantis?
Sheldon: Every time you drink alcohol.
  #382  
Old 03-30-2017, 09:48 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Sheldon does not HAVE a cousin Leo.
  #383  
Old 03-31-2017, 12:30 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Penny: How did you even get in, you weirdo?
Sheldon: Yeah, really? I've seen strange men traipsing in and out of here for years, but when I do it, it’s weird?
  #384  
Old 03-31-2017, 05:23 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Really. You need an inhaler to breath earth air, he can't eat earth nuts, but I'm the alien.
  #385  
Old 03-31-2017, 08:26 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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It's OK: it' your Millennium Falcon. You and Chewbacca do whatever you want. Me and Princess Leia here (gestures toward Raj) will find some other way to spend the evening.
  #386  
Old 04-01-2017, 05:19 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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While Leonard is not considered a tall fellow in our country, in today’s North Korea, he’s downright average.
  #387  
Old 04-01-2017, 03:58 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Tweepadok.
  #388  
Old 04-01-2017, 04:49 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Raj: Has your assistant said anything about me?
Sheldon: Oh, in fact, she has. Uh, her exact words were, "What is that guy’s problem?"
Raj: I’m in her head. Let the dance begin.
  #389  
Old 04-04-2017, 01:03 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Oh these are cute, of course if I get them I'll have to rent my womb out to a gay couple
  #390  
Old 04-04-2017, 02:12 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Oh, good, Leonard, you’re here. Science news. This will interest you. And, Penny, feel free to paint your nails.
  #391  
Old 04-05-2017, 02:53 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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I don't want five bucks! I want my dignity!

Oh what's that, ten bucks?
  #392  
Old 04-05-2017, 03:53 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Oh! Ow! Blueberry in my nose! Blueberry in my nose!
  #393  
Old 04-05-2017, 09:45 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Leonard: You're going march yourself over there right now and apologize [to Penny]!
Sheldon: Pfffft.
Leonard: What's funny?
Sheldon: Wasn't that sarcasm?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: Oh. Boy, you are all over the place this morning.
  #394  
Old 04-05-2017, 11:08 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Dr. Stephen Hawking: What do Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? They both suck! Neener, neener, neener!
  #395  
Old 04-06-2017, 01:35 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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You're cruisin for beaton Wheaton!
  #396  
Old 04-06-2017, 03:20 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Wil Wheaton: Sheldon, do you really think we're going to fight?
Sheldon: My fists are not up here because I'm milking a giant, invisible cow.
  #397  
Old 04-06-2017, 09:45 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Sheldon: I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering that at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
  #398  
Old 04-06-2017, 07:57 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Call me Leonard. Dr. Hofstadter is my father. And my mother. And my sister. And our cat. Although I'm pretty sure that Dr. "Boots" Hofstader's degree is honorary.
  #399  
Old 04-07-2017, 09:16 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Queen Penelope AFK; wha-aaat?
  #400  
Old 04-07-2017, 09:24 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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I'm surprised you struck out with Penny. Apparently she's a big ol' 5.


("Big ol' 5," 4, 2, whatever, is part of the vernacular around here. If you are enthusiastic about something-- not just sex-- you say "I'm a big ol' 5 for that." Not so enthusiastic? Big ol' 1.)
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