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  #401  
Old 04-07-2017, 02:01 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Alex: I'm sure you get hit on all the time.
Leonard: Right. Because girls are always like: "Oooh, that guy owns two Star Trek uniforms and gets lots of ear infections. I gotta get me some of that."
  #402  
Old 04-07-2017, 02:52 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Leonard: You convinced me. Maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet?
Sheldon: You don't think that crosses a line?
Leonard: Yes! For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?
  #403  
Old 04-07-2017, 07:37 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Shouldn't you be out with your gang spray painting equations on the side of buildings?
  #404  
Old 04-11-2017, 06:41 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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My my, the plot like my gravy thickens
  #405  
Old 04-12-2017, 02:26 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Everywhere you go, guys hit on you, even if I'm standing right there. And they're all taller than me. WHY IS EVERYONE TALLER THAN ME?
  #406  
Old 04-12-2017, 06:54 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Old, broken things are so much better than new things that work.
  #407  
Old 04-12-2017, 09:08 AM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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Originally Posted by Brooky View Post
Where are you going Lovey Dovey? Come back ~~~~I already ordered 20lbs of bird seed on Amazon!
Get back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you.
  #408  
Old 04-12-2017, 11:20 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met! Do you really think another transparently manipulative - Oh, it's a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.
  #409  
Old 04-12-2017, 07:10 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Howard: [talking about his new car] It's parked in 294.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, 294 is my parking spot.
Raj: You don't even drive.
Leonard: Maybe they'll reassigned it because you don't use it.
Sheldon: I don't use my nipples either, maybe they should reassign those.

Last edited by panache45; 04-12-2017 at 07:11 PM.
  #410  
Old 04-14-2017, 10:08 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Sheldon (to Leonard, who has decided to give up on Penny): Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted, smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so you don't crash into Geek Mountain again.
  #411  
Old 04-14-2017, 12:04 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Bernadette: Gosh, Amy, I’m sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon’s work, your sex life is also theoretical?
  #412  
Old 04-14-2017, 05:36 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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And he really does have [a girlfriend], you jerks on the comment board.
  #413  
Old 04-15-2017, 01:58 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Sheldon: [he picks up the tub of VapoRub and sits on the couch opposite Amy] Now, you may notice some tingling...
Amy: Oh, I’m counting on it!
  #414  
Old 04-15-2017, 06:55 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Just remember with great power comes great responsibility
  #415  
Old 04-15-2017, 07:33 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Sheldon: [he picks up the tub of VapoRub and sits on the couch opposite Amy] Now, you may notice some tingling...
Amy: Oh, Iím counting on it!
You w-want to (voice cracks) rub something on my chest?
  #416  
Old 04-16-2017, 01:34 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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I can’t return these things if there’s chunks of duck all over them.
  #417  
Old 04-23-2017, 12:26 AM
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Do you think we an out run him?

I don't need to out run him, I just need to out run you!
  #418  
Old 04-23-2017, 03:51 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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I’m not a stranger to dice games. I was the Temple Beth-El Hebrew School Yahtzee champion.
  #419  
Old 04-23-2017, 11:13 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Your desperate need for friendship makes you weak
  #420  
Old 04-23-2017, 11:45 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Penny: Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
Leonard: Little bit, yeah.
  #421  
Old 04-28-2017, 07:13 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Leonard (when Sheldon wakes him up again in the middle of the night): My life would be so much easier if I were a violent sociopath.
  #422  
Old 04-28-2017, 07:44 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Are you feeling insecure? Because that’s MY thing, and if you take it away, I don’t know what I’m bringing to this relationship.
  #423  
Old 05-06-2017, 10:46 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Why are there 2 wine glasses on the table?
Well.....I have 2 hands, and a bit of a drinking problem
  #424  
Old 05-06-2017, 03:36 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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The monkey in my tobacco study has taken to smoking a pipe. I'm supposed to remove his brain to examine, but it's hard because now he reminds me of my uncle.
  #425  
Old 05-10-2017, 07:40 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Oh thats a lot of incense~~or somebody set a hippie on fire!
  #426  
Old 05-10-2017, 08:53 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would've been unthinkable.
  #427  
Old 05-19-2017, 12:28 AM
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Penny: I'm just a blond monkey to you ain't I?

Sheldon: You said it
  #428  
Old 05-19-2017, 07:13 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Sheldon: It took me forever to get him on a bathroom schedule. He would go whenever the mood struck him.
Amy: Like a dog boy.
Sheldon: Exactly.
  #429  
Old 05-19-2017, 04:22 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Bernadette (drunk): Guess who won $100 playing craps? (shows Penny a chip)
Penny: That's a dollar.
Bernadette: Then guess who wildly over-tipped a cocktail waitress.
  #430  
Old 05-19-2017, 04:28 PM
Saltire Saltire is offline
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Penny: You're like a collectible action figure, and Ramona wants to collect you.

Sheldon: But Amy's already taken me out of my box and played with me!
  #431  
Old 05-20-2017, 04:32 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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I even stopped wearing lip gloss because you said it made my mouth look too slippery.
  #432  
Old 05-20-2017, 06:15 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Leonard (helping Althea with the crossword puzzle): One across is Aegean, eight down is Nabokov, 26 across is MCM, fourteen down is-- move your finger, phylum, which makes 14 across Port-au-Prince. See, Papa Doc's capital idea, that's Port-au-Prince. Haiti.
  #433  
Old 05-20-2017, 10:09 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Sheldon: Oh, hold on. While I’m comfortable speaking about science, I’m not sure I know how to spark the interest of schoolchildren. Better Google it.

Howard: What exactly are you looking up?

Sheldon: How do I get 12-year-old girls excited.

Leonard and Howard (together): No!
  #434  
Old 05-20-2017, 10:37 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
Sheldon: Oh, hold on. While Iím comfortable speaking about science, Iím not sure I know how to spark the interest of schoolchildren. Better Google it.

Howard: What exactly are you looking up?

Sheldon: How do I get 12-year-old girls excited.

Leonard and Howard (together): No!
Another time, when he was interested in mines, he Googled "hot, dark and moist."

"Oh, look! there's a bunch of videos!"
  #435  
Old 05-20-2017, 10:40 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
The monkey in my tobacco study has taken to smoking a pipe. I'm supposed to remove his brain to examine, but it's hard because now he reminds me of my uncle.
Amy: You can get them [monkeys] addicted to harmful substances, remove their brains for study, but fling their own feces back at them, and suddenly you're unprofessional.
  #436  
Old 05-20-2017, 11:49 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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[Penny is performing on stage in A Streetcar Named Desire as Blanche DuBois]

Sheldon: When do we get to the part about the streetcars?
...
How can she remember all those lines, but as a waitress she can't remember "no tomato" on my hamburger?
  #437  
Old 05-20-2017, 12:56 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
[Penny is performing on stage in A Streetcar Named Desire as Blanche DuBois]

Sheldon: When do we get to the part about the streetcars?
I did a scene from that in drama class when I was 14, and I was completely whooshed by the part about the streetcars too.
  #438  
Old 05-23-2017, 07:44 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Hello, female children. Allow me to inspire you with a story about a great female scientist. Polish born, French educated Madame Curie. Co-discover of radioactivity. She was a hero of science until her hair fell out, her vomit and stool became full with blood and she was poisoned to death by her own discovery. With a little hard work I see no reason why that can't also happen to any of you.
  #439  
Old 05-27-2017, 06:54 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Amy (drunk): I came here to get a bottle of wine like Penny taught me to do when you're sad.
  #440  
Old 05-28-2017, 08:14 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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It was a map, leading to the lost treasure of famous pirate One-Eyed Willy.
  #441  
Old 06-03-2017, 11:17 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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jokes are better when you end them with waka waka or choo choo choo!
  #442  
Old 06-04-2017, 02:22 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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You may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
  #443  
Old 06-12-2017, 01:40 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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I described your love making as aloof yet effective
I wish you wouldn't have done that! It's gonna make me a "chick magnet" and I'm busy enough as it is~
  #444  
Old 06-12-2017, 07:50 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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A friend would have told me about the elevator.
  #445  
Old 06-12-2017, 07:56 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no - let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
  #446  
Old 06-12-2017, 08:01 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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I don’t think our relationship is a joke. I think a horse goes into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?” That’s a joke. It’s a good one, too, because a horse has a long face.
  #447  
Old 06-12-2017, 09:01 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Leonard: Do you have any ideas?
Sheldon: Yes, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a Power Ring.
  #448  
Old 06-12-2017, 09:04 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Originally Posted by RivkahChaya View Post
Amy (drunk): I came here to get a bottle of wine like Penny taught me to do when you're sad.
Whoa! Somebody finally found second base!
  #449  
Old 06-13-2017, 06:50 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Just look at us. It’s only been three years. Here we are in bed together.
  #450  
Old 06-13-2017, 09:19 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no - let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
Frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement. It'd be a more merciful death.
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