#1  
Old 06-10-2019, 07:31 PM
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Scare me, just for fun


So lately, past 6 months or so, I've had no appetite. I get hungry as all get out, but food just seems icky. Even stuff I'd normally pack away is a turn off. I still enjoy cooking for the family, I just dont want anything. Some days I'll have a protein shake or smoothie for breakfast, work through lunch, no dinner, maybe a handful of grapes or a couple strips of bacon before bed. And zero weight loss. True story.

I could see a doctor, but that's no fun and it's not what this is about. Today, I want YOU to be the doctor. So dig deep in your book of medical woo, consult your maiden aunt, roll some dungeon dice and consult a chart---tell me what's wrong with me.
  #2  
Old 06-10-2019, 07:33 PM
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Not enough exercise?
  #3  
Old 06-10-2019, 07:40 PM
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Lupus. Definitely.
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  #4  
Old 06-10-2019, 07:43 PM
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n/m just read OP again.

Your family is anally feeding you calories when you sleep.

Last edited by manson1972; 06-10-2019 at 07:45 PM.
  #5  
Old 06-10-2019, 08:29 PM
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Probably diabetes. Your blood sugar remains so high hunger is not triggered.

More likely, though, you are possessed by a race of demonic leeches called Ickhkayala. They eat the victim hollow from the inside while secreting hormones to make the brain immune to hunger, as they don't like their victims eating junk food. You are doomed. Sorry.
  #6  
Old 06-10-2019, 08:43 PM
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Thyroid problems.

Or you're from the upside down - you choose.
  #7  
Old 06-10-2019, 09:01 PM
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I have thoroughly questioned the Seven Spirits That Hide in the Wind and consulted the Chrystal of the Nine Hells. I drank the Blood of the Snake and cast the Bones of the Holy Lightbringer. What ails you is clear. A shade of famine haunts the lands of your tribe, seeking entry so that it may ruin your harvest and break your people. The only appropriate way to answer is to sleep upon a bed of wheat chaff for one night then trek alone though the plaguelands until you find the Vale of the Witchbreakers. I would suggest carrying a sacred amulet or an enchanted weapon or similar.
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  #8  
Old 06-10-2019, 09:12 PM
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No doubt you're just sleep binging on junk food and assorted crap your waking brain can't admit to liking. Check you credit card statement for charges to "Bill's Deep Fried Lard" (now with midnight delivery). Check the area trash cans for an inordinate number of "Little Debbie" wrappers.

You should maybe super-glue your mouth shut before bed just to be safe.
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  #9  
Old 06-10-2019, 09:15 PM
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You've put your body into starvation mode and it is trying to burn as few calories as possible. When you resume eating again, you will become huge before it catches on to the fact that it no longer needs to be in this mode.
  #10  
Old 06-10-2019, 09:32 PM
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high thyroid would also cause anxiety, restlessnes and weight loss.

Some drugs like ambien can cause night eating. I've known people who ended up eating a ton while they were asleep and not remembering it.

Also a starvation diet does reduce metabolism, but only by 10% or so.

Diabetes is easy to test for. You can have a blood draw to have fasting glucose and A1c tested.
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Last edited by Wesley Clark; 06-10-2019 at 09:33 PM.
  #11  
Old 06-10-2019, 09:33 PM
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Cancer
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It may be because I'm a drooling simpleton with the attention span of a demented gnat, but would you mind explaining everything in words of one syllable. 140 chars max.
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Old 06-10-2019, 09:45 PM
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Cancer
+1
  #13  
Old 06-10-2019, 09:53 PM
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Scare me, just for fun


I'm pregnant and you're the father!
  #14  
Old 06-10-2019, 10:15 PM
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THC deficiency, take two blunts and apply Oreos as necessary.
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Old 06-10-2019, 10:22 PM
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I'm sorry to be the one to inform you, but you have an enormous bezoar growing in your stomach.
  #16  
Old 06-11-2019, 01:00 AM
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Definitely ovarian cancer.
  #17  
Old 06-11-2019, 01:05 AM
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Remember that old gypsy woman you slighted in some way?
  #18  
Old 06-11-2019, 06:33 AM
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Remember that old gypsy woman you slighted in some way?
Ah, that time I struck a happy medium back in '08?
  #19  
Old 06-11-2019, 07:00 AM
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Lupus. Definitely.
Nah. It's never lupus.
  #20  
Old 06-11-2019, 07:10 AM
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How are you even posting here? You died two weeks ago! Don't you remember? Go into the light, Inigo. There is peace and serenity in the light. All are welcome, all are welcome...
  #21  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:40 AM
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Remember that old gypsy woman you slighted in some way?
*Touches Montoya's cheek with one wizened finger*

"T 'inner."

Last edited by burpo the wonder mutt; 06-11-2019 at 08:43 AM.
  #22  
Old 06-11-2019, 12:41 PM
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Bilious Fever?
  #23  
Old 06-11-2019, 12:48 PM
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Its a tapeworm.

Its set up housekeeping in your intestines, and is laying eggs in all your major organs. Soon, as its sentience increases, it will start to "improve" upon your organs.

The movie "The Thing" will no longer be funny to you.
  #24  
Old 06-11-2019, 12:48 PM
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Tapeworm in the brain?
  #25  
Old 06-11-2019, 01:41 PM
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Its a tapeworm.

Its set up housekeeping in your intestines, and is laying eggs in all your major organs. Soon, as its sentience increases, it will start to "improve" upon your organs.

The movie "The Thing" will no longer be funny to you.
The only thing funny about The Thing is Wilford Brimley swinging an axe.
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It may be because I'm a drooling simpleton with the attention span of a demented gnat, but would you mind explaining everything in words of one syllable. 140 chars max.
  #26  
Old 06-11-2019, 02:03 PM
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Remember that old gypsy woman you slighted in some way?
No, not slighted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya View Post
Ah, that time I struck a happy medium back in '08?
No, not struck. It was the puns. She cursed you because of the puns.
  #27  
Old 06-11-2019, 03:00 PM
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Definitely stomach cancer. I know somebody who had it, and their symptoms were exactly the same as yours. They were dead in less than a year.









Too much? (I made it up just to scare you.)

Last edited by ioioio; 06-11-2019 at 03:03 PM.
  #28  
Old 06-11-2019, 04:00 PM
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Remember the night that you dreamed you were a snake and swallowed an egg whole? Wondering why your TMJ seemed really bad the next morning? Still can't find your bowling ball? Mmmhmm. The answer is in the questions, grasshopper.
  #29  
Old 06-11-2019, 04:20 PM
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Congratulations! You're on your way to being a Breatharian! Or a Lizard Person!
  #30  
Old 06-11-2019, 04:34 PM
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Remember the night that you dreamed you were a snake and swallowed an egg whole? Wondering why your TMJ seemed really bad the next morning? Still can't find your bowling ball? Mmmhmm. The answer is in the questions, grasshopper.
Well, one night I dreamed I was eating a five pound marshmallow and when I woke up, half my pillow was gone.
  #31  
Old 06-11-2019, 04:38 PM
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So lately, past 6 months or so, I've had no appetite. I get hungry as all get out, but food just seems icky. Even stuff I'd normally pack away is a turn off. I still enjoy cooking for the family, I just dont want anything. Some days I'll have a protein shake or smoothie for breakfast, work through lunch, no dinner, maybe a handful of grapes or a couple strips of bacon before bed. And zero weight loss. True story.

I could see a doctor, but that's no fun and it's not what this is about. Today, I want YOU to be the doctor. So dig deep in your book of medical woo, consult your maiden aunt, roll some dungeon dice and consult a chart---tell me what's wrong with me.
you're pregnant
  #32  
Old 06-11-2019, 04:39 PM
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Just like the old gypsy woman said!
  #33  
Old 06-11-2019, 05:52 PM
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Ah, that time I struck a happy medium back in '08?

I always wondered what happened to Patricia Arquette...
  #34  
Old 06-11-2019, 07:41 PM
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The good news is that you’re as attractive healthy as an ox, scrappy as a honey badger and destined to live a good, long life!

However, at the end of that good, long life, there is no God and therefore no heaven.

… but, that’s not the bad news.

You see, while Richard Dawkins et al are correct about the non-existence of God, resent research in the field of deadology proves conclusively that Satan does exist. Not only that, but you and everyone else are going to hell for all of eternity. To make matters worse, the deadologists all agree that the real hell makes Dante’s version seem like a walk in the park.

… so, sleep tight.
  #35  
Old 06-11-2019, 09:13 PM
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Obi Wan never told you the truth, but you somehow knew it all along, and now your body is reacting to the intuition you've suppressed,

WHEEZE GAAASSSP

Trump, is your father!

WHEEZE GAAASSSP

what? He said to scare him!
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Last edited by DorkVader; 06-11-2019 at 09:14 PM.
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