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  #4601  
Old 10-08-2015, 01:42 PM
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This whole sketch has gotten rather silly.
  #4602  
Old 10-08-2015, 02:51 PM
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You have green, scaly skin with a soft yellow underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. Although lizardlike in shape, you can grow anything up to thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. You inhabit arid and sub-tropical zones and wear spectacles.
  #4603  
Old 10-08-2015, 03:01 PM
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For millions, this 'life' is a sad vale of tears,
Sitting 'round with rien, nothing to say,
While the scientists say, we're just simply spiralling coils
Of self-replicating DNA.
  #4604  
Old 10-10-2015, 02:59 PM
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After three years of study these apprentice idiots receive a diploma of idiocy, a handful of mud and a kick on the head.
  #4605  
Old 10-13-2015, 09:09 AM
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I know, but they've got beautiful speaking voices, haven't they?
  #4606  
Old 10-13-2015, 09:13 AM
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My brain hurts!
  #4607  
Old 10-13-2015, 11:08 AM
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Two people have just fallen out of that window to their almost certain death.
  #4608  
Old 10-14-2015, 05:07 PM
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He's not quite dead!
  #4609  
Old 10-14-2015, 06:07 PM
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Hello, good evening and welcome to another edition of Blood, Devastation, Death War and Horror, and later on we'll be meeting a man who does gardening. But first on the show we've got a man who speaks entirely in anagrams.
  #4610  
Old 10-19-2015, 09:37 PM
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Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy...a shrubbery!?!
  #4611  
Old 10-20-2015, 03:06 PM
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The low slim-line has been cut off-the-shoulder to heighten the effect of the Minister's fine bone structure. Well, I think the Minister is coming to the end of his answer now, so let's go back over and join the discussion.
  #4612  
Old 10-20-2015, 03:17 PM
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My hovercraft is full of eels.
  #4613  
Old 10-20-2015, 08:14 PM
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One more peep out of you and I'll do you for heresy.
  #4614  
Old 10-20-2015, 11:15 PM
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Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeaker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, then 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat (laughs) (squeaker) Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the' (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-drawers Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat (sings) 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mainwaring (hoot, 'whoop') Smith (Very Silly Party)... two.
  #4615  
Old 10-21-2015, 11:30 AM
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Is she a goer?
  #4616  
Old 10-25-2015, 01:33 PM
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Yes. Now drop the roscoe.
  #4617  
Old 10-25-2015, 11:44 PM
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The plumage don't enter into it.
  #4618  
Old 10-26-2015, 09:23 AM
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Well, I think cement is more interesting than people think.
  #4619  
Old 10-26-2015, 09:25 AM
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It's not particularly silly, is it? I mean, the right leg isn't silly at all and the left leg merely does a forward aerial half turn every alternate step.
  #4620  
Old 10-26-2015, 10:38 PM
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Ten weeks! Blimey, can't you just leave this one?
  #4621  
Old 10-27-2015, 11:20 PM
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Are you insinuating something?
  #4622  
Old 10-28-2015, 08:28 AM
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Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime.
  #4623  
Old 10-28-2015, 10:07 AM
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What are ya gonna do, bleed on me?!
  #4624  
Old 10-28-2015, 12:23 PM
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No, it's not. An emergency is 290... "where there is actual or apparent loss of combustible gaseous substances."
  #4625  
Old 10-28-2015, 08:32 PM
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I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu..
  #4626  
Old 10-28-2015, 09:05 PM
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Look! There's the old man from Scene 24!
  #4627  
Old 10-29-2015, 08:41 AM
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He is that rarest of criminals - a blanc-mange impersonator and cannibal.

Regards,
Shodan
  #4628  
Old 10-29-2015, 09:31 AM
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No, no, no, you loopy brothel inmate!
  #4629  
Old 10-29-2015, 10:44 AM
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He scarpered!
  #4630  
Old 11-01-2015, 06:42 PM
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Now don't do a thing with it love, just put it in the bin over there.
  #4631  
Old 11-03-2015, 10:34 AM
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It's not much of a cheese shop, is it, really?
  #4632  
Old 11-03-2015, 10:52 AM
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Reg, for God's sake, it's perfectly simple: all you've got to do is to go out of that door now, and try to stop the Romans' nailing him up! It's happening, Reg! Something's actually happening, Reg! Can't you understand?!....>Groan<
  #4633  
Old 11-03-2015, 11:07 AM
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This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedemir. Explain again how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
  #4634  
Old 11-03-2015, 07:46 PM
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Never mind, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Ken Buddha and his inflatable knees.
  #4635  
Old 11-03-2015, 07:51 PM
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I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu..
  #4636  
Old 11-03-2015, 08:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buddha_david View Post
This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedemir....
Nitpick: Bedevere.

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0032689/?ref_=tt_cl_t5

Finest in the district!
  #4637  
Old 11-03-2015, 08:31 PM
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To be blunt, your cat is in a rut. It's the old stockbroker syndrome, the suburban fin de siecle ennui, angst, weltschmertz, call it what you will.
  #4638  
Old 11-03-2015, 11:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
Nitpick: Bedevere.

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0032689/?ref_=tt_cl_t5

Finest in the district!
I don't know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

(I just couldn't help myself )
  #4639  
Old 11-04-2015, 07:56 AM
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One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
  #4640  
Old 11-04-2015, 09:33 AM
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There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
  #4641  
Old 11-04-2015, 12:23 PM
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It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
  #4642  
Old 11-04-2015, 01:12 PM
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Well obviously, this is not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
  #4643  
Old 11-04-2015, 09:23 PM
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And now for something completely different - a man with a tape recorder up his nose.
  #4644  
Old 11-05-2015, 01:13 AM
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No, not the curtains!
  #4645  
Old 11-05-2015, 09:40 AM
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I might be arguing in my spare time.
  #4646  
Old 11-05-2015, 09:56 AM
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Listen, you spotty sassenach pillock..
  #4647  
Old 11-05-2015, 10:11 AM
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You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets. Thppppt!
  #4648  
Old 11-05-2015, 10:55 AM
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And now: a letter, a hotel registration book and a series of photographs, which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and possible criminal proceedings for a company director in Bromsgrove. He's a freemason, and a conservative M.P., so Mr. S that's 3,000 pounds please to stop us from revealing: your name, the name of the three other people involved, the youth organization to which they belonged, and the shop where you bought the equipment!

Last edited by Knorf; 11-05-2015 at 10:56 AM.
  #4649  
Old 11-07-2015, 09:34 AM
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Two boys have been found rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant. Now, some of you may feel that the cormorant does not play an important part in the life of the school, but I would remind you that it was presented to us by the Corporation of the town of Sudbury to commemorate Empire Day, when we try to remember the names of all those from the Sudbury area who so gallantly gave their lives to keep China British. So, from now on, the cormorant is strictly out of bounds! Oh, and Jenkins, apparently your mother died this morning. Chaplain?
  #4650  
Old 11-07-2015, 12:07 PM
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Watch it - still a few crosses left.
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