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Old 06-10-2019, 06:02 PM
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Parents of Gay Kids: Did You Know Before They Did? Before They Were Out?


I've read a lot of coming-out stories, and many of them have the same theme: the parent or grandparent to whom the person came out already knew and was just waiting for the LGBTQ individual to tell them.

If you're a parent on an LGBTQ individual, did you know before they came out? Did you know even before your child did?
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Old 06-10-2019, 08:49 PM
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I doubt very much that I knew before they did. I certainly knew before they told me.
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Old 06-10-2019, 09:30 PM
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Sibling of gay brothers. I did not know. But once I figured it out, I forced the issue with the older brother (high school age) until he told me the truth. I promised not to tell the parents but Mom walked in on him. We never officially told Dad so he could pretend not to know. This was important in Dad's world view and we knew it. But he knew.

Younger brother is a bit of a different story. He tests on the (former) Asberger's scale so not terribly verbal, but I had a couple of hints when he was quite young. I wasn't sure if he was bi and afraid to speak to girls, so just stuck with guys or if he was actually gay. I still think he'd should to try a female relationship but due to his lack of social skills he's a bit of a bachelor farmer and lives alone. He has male friends; all of them are straight. He seems okay with life. I'm not going to bug him, though I am a straighter arrow. I, too, am without a partner at the moment and am not feeling pressure to be with someone. Meh.
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Old 06-11-2019, 07:00 AM
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It was a surprise, but not a shock.
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Old 06-11-2019, 07:35 AM
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Counterpoint: my parents were convinced I was gay when I was a teenager (according to my sisters). I'm not.
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Old 06-11-2019, 09:19 AM
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B52 Fred Schneider tells a great story of getting up the nerve to tell his mum as a teen- he nervously walks up to her while she's vacuuming and says "mom I'm gay" and she responds "oh Freddie I know that" and immediately resumes vacuuming. So for kids like Fred, the parents know. For kids less 'out", they don't.
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Old 06-11-2019, 09:51 AM
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My niece (33 yo) is gay and her parents didn't have a clue. No one in the family did. Now she dresses kind of masculine, but as a teenager, she didn't. She was always just kind of an odd little kid. She would get on kicks where she would get obsessed with something. Like for a while, she LOVED Jim Carrey as Lloyd Christmas in Dumb & Dumber. She would even blacken in part of her front tooth to look like him! She did the same thing with David Letterman and his gapped tooth smile. Then she became obsessed with the Lion King. She fashioned a pole like the one the baboons (I think) had. She brought that everywhere she went. She was obsessed with fire hydrants and fire extinguishers when she was really little. She'd have to touch everyone she saw.

She didn't have many friends and sat alone in the lunchroom through most of high school. Then she started sitting with the gay kids and found they accepted her. So when she first came out, my sister thought it was just because she found her tribe and that she wasn't really gay. I think she thought it was another one of her phases. But that was over 15 years ago. She's still gay. And she's happy! She's a great "kid". Very smart and kind. She graduated from college, has a good job and is in a relationship.

Her mom, dad and the rest of our family are very supportive and it isn't an issue at all.
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Old 06-11-2019, 11:27 AM
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My brother came out as trans/bi early last year, but I'd know that about him for about 20 years from various things. He was surprised that I didn't give a crap, and them more surprised that I already knew all that time.
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Old 06-11-2019, 11:40 AM
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Two of my coworkers were father and son; one day that the father was really down due to being super-worried about the possibility that his only child would end up alone, the guy with the biggest mouth in the factory outed the son. Well, started it: after the initial "duuuuuude, don't!", several of us helped spell it out. Once the father understood it, he was: ok with it; happy that his son did, in fact, have a partner (who happens to be a helluva nice guy, and they look so cute together); and worried that if his wife ever found out she would definitely not react well.

Another coworker asked him "you don't have a problem with this?" "I did my military service in the Legion [think Marines, but shorter, with bigger guts and the most famous corporal in the Spanish army, a male goat]. The most important thing I learned is that how much of a man someone is has nothing to do with either how much they yell or what they like in bed."
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Old 06-11-2019, 02:28 PM
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Not to derail the thread but it seems to be an assumption of some that if a teenage guy doesn't have a girlfriend or is afraid to ask girls out that he must therefore be gay. Much more likely, it's just relationship shyness or maybe just not feeling it yet. Mis-accusing him of being gay is likely to antagonize and worsen his situation further.
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Old 06-11-2019, 02:42 PM
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I knew pretty early on but my daughter wasn't very covert about it to begin with. Everybody on my wife's side of the family was remarkably accepting and I'll always be enormously appreciative of that. I couldn't say the same thing for my own side.
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Old 06-11-2019, 02:49 PM
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Not to derail the thread but it seems to be an assumption of some that if a teenage guy doesn't have a girlfriend or is afraid to ask girls out that he must therefore be gay. Much more likely, it's just relationship shyness or maybe just not feeling it yet. Mis-accusing him of being gay is likely to antagonize and worsen his situation further.
there's just so much to unpack here
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Old 06-11-2019, 03:10 PM
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When my son was 15 he told us he was transgender.

I gotta tell ya' it came right out of the blue for me. I had no idea: no clue.

I saw nothing in her upbringing to suggest this was even a remote possibility. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Now, I was, am, and always have been 100% supportive. To me there are no other options as a parent. I must admit though that it still is somewhat difficult to completely wrap my head around it, but support and unconditional love is what I provide. Fortunately my ex and all friends and family are in total agreement.
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Old 06-11-2019, 04:31 PM
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Two of my coworkers were father and son; one day that the father was really down due to being super-worried about the possibility that his only child would end up alone, the guy with the biggest mouth in the factory outed the son. Well, started it: after the initial "duuuuuude, don't!", several of us helped spell it out. Once the father understood it, he was: ok with it; happy that his son did, in fact, have a partner (who happens to be a helluva nice guy, and they look so cute together); and worried that if his wife ever found out she would definitely not react well.

Another coworker asked him "you don't have a problem with this?" "I did my military service in the Legion [think Marines, but shorter, with bigger guts and the most famous corporal in the Spanish army, a male goat]. The most important thing I learned is that how much of a man someone is has nothing to do with either how much they yell or what they like in bed."
Not so sure that's all he learned about gayness in the Spanish Legion...

Last edited by bump; 06-11-2019 at 04:32 PM.
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Old 06-11-2019, 06:59 PM
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Mis-accusing him of being gay is likely to antagonize and worsen his situation further.
This is a really awful thought. Thinking your child might be gay isn't accusing them of anything, any more than presuming they are straight is an accusation. The whole presumption behind this question is that it's bad to be gay. I hope that's not what you meant, but that's how it comes across to me.

I don't know whether anybody knew before I did, but it would have really helped A LOT if even one person had indicated that it was actually okay if that was the case. Nobody did. When I did come out, I heard the "surprised but not shocked" line a lot, from many different people, and it wasn't particularly helpful, either.
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Old 06-11-2019, 07:51 PM
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This is a really awful thought. Thinking your child might be gay isn't accusing them of anything, any more than presuming they are straight is an accusation. The whole presumption behind this question is that it's bad to be gay. I hope that's not what you meant, but that's how it comes across to me.
But I was using personal experience. I'm straight. I didn't get a girlfriend until relatively late in life, and before I did, I was taunted, "If you don't get a girlfriend soon, I'm going to tell people you're gay!" Which, believe it or not, did not, in fact, help me in the relationship process.

So in the context that it was used, yes indeed, it was an accusation of gayness, and the implication was indeed that being gay is bad.
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Old 06-11-2019, 07:59 PM
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I was reasonably sure my daughter was bisexual prior to her actually telling me. There were A LOT of pointed questions when she was little “Mom, what if I was different?” etc

I always told her the same thing “You are my baby and I love you. Nothing you are or that you can do will ever change that. Period.”
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Old 06-11-2019, 08:22 PM
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When my son was 15 he told us he was transgender.

I gotta tell ya' it came right out of the blue for me. I had no idea: no clue.

I saw nothing in her upbringing to suggest this was even a remote possibility. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Now, I was, am, and always have been 100% supportive. To me there are no other options as a parent. I must admit though that it still is somewhat difficult to completely wrap my head around it, but support and unconditional love is what I provide. Fortunately my ex and all friends and family are in total agreement.
I'm terrible with high drama situations. We do what we have to do, but I detest drama. It's hard to imagine what it's like to be blindsided like that. It's one thing if you see signs. It's entirely something else when there are no indications.

On top of trying to adjust, it becomes your problem - socially, financially, medically.

There is something I was wondering about - did you go through a mourning period for the loss of your son?

I was thinking about if I had had to deal with such a situation. I think it would be like losing a child in a way, and I might be a bit resentful about my child being ripped away from me. Of course you have to give support. That's understandable, but your children are not interchangeable. If you lose one, even though you're trading a son for an unexpected daughter, there has to be a sense of loss and grief.

Or, is it slightly different from that?

If you grieve, does it have to be private? If you grieve, do you have to hide it from your daughter?

I have a lesbian daughter and it wasn't a big surprise based on her temperament and personality, but am thankful I didn't have to negotiate this minefield.
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Old 06-11-2019, 09:05 PM
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Poysyn, I don't know if your daughter has ever said, or if she even knows, but that is an amazing act of love that probably saved her so much heartache and grief. I don't care what you do with the rest of your life, you are a good person and a great parent.
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Old 06-11-2019, 10:31 PM
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...

There is something I was wondering about - did you go through a mourning period for the loss of your son?...
That's a great question. Yes. Yes I did go through that period, because what I once believed to be true was thrown into bewilderment and confusion.

Mourning, as a word, might be a bit strong, but it's not far off the mark.
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Old 06-11-2019, 10:39 PM
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Not to derail the thread but it seems to be an assumption of some that if a teenage guy doesn't have a girlfriend or is afraid to ask girls out that he must therefore be gay. Much more likely, it's just relationship shyness or maybe just not feeling it yet. Mis-accusing him of being gay is likely to antagonize and worsen his situation further.
Hey, at one time my mother called our then-VP a dyke.

I pointed out that one, that was completely irrelevant for her job and two, how the fuck did my mother know, had the VP made a pass at her? (They hadn't met).

Mom's response was: "a woman over 40 and unmarried? She's a dyke!"

I pointed out I was over 40 and unmarried, had I been batting from the wrong side all my life? Boy, would my ex-boyfriends be surprised!

Instead of fixing her prejudice, Mom started trying to find me a suitable girlfriend


You just proved my coworker's point. You have no idea if that guy is gay but you're assuming he is, on account of wearing his uniform the way it's supposed to be worn.
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Old 06-12-2019, 12:25 AM
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On the other side, I knew early on that my son was straight - not because I made assumptions, but because I deliberately didn't assume anything about his orientation, and was totally open to letting him reveal himself as whatever his true self happens to be. From the moment he was old enough to have conversations, I made sure he knew that cisgendered male partnered with cisgendered female was a pretty common configuration, but anything else is fine too and he should be aware that there are plenty of other ways to be human.

I would have been fine with any gender/orientation outcome as long as he was a decent human being, but damned if that kid didn't seem relentlessly heterosexual from the get-go. From first grade onward, he always loved (his word, not mine) a girl. Within a couple of months of breaking up with his girlfriend of 7 years, he became deeply involved with another young woman. He's a hopeless romantic, I guess. It's sweet.
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Old 06-12-2019, 12:38 AM
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(This is the first time I've said this, anywhere.)

I'm pretty sure my younger niece is a lesbian, and have since she was a preschooler. If she is, and she wants me to know, she will tell me, and it won't affect my opinion of her one speck.
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Old 06-12-2019, 04:12 AM
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My oldest son is bisexual. I was surprised! It hadn't occurred to me. He didn't tell us until he had a boyfriend (he'd had girlfriends before). We had made it clear during his upbringing that being gay was just a regular thing and when he told us it was no big deal.
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Old 06-12-2019, 08:02 AM
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But I was using personal experience. I'm straight.
Can you not turn this thread about gay people coming out into being about heterosexuals? Thanks.
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Old 06-12-2019, 08:24 AM
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Here's a coming-out story from a family I knew obliquely:

The family (Mom, Dad, girls about two years apart in age) attended a fundamentalist church that taught that homosexuality is a sin, the pastor had a gay-conversion therapy clinic on speed dial, etc. They weren't just casual attendees, either: the mom and dad both worked in the various youth programs, helped out with putting on Vacation Bible School, the whole drill.

When the younger girl came out, to no one's surprise, at about age 12/13, it became obvious that the family's church no longer welcomed them unless they dealt with their daughter's "sin." However, rather than adhere to the church's teachings, force the girl into "therapy," etc., the mom and the girls just found a new, accepting congregation. That may seem rather mundane to the casual reader, but considering how deeply they were into the church's mission, it came as quite the surprise to everyone who knew the family.

FWIW, the dad is out of the picture now. Don't know if the daughter's sexuality played a role or not.
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Old 06-12-2019, 08:46 AM
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No idea. My daughter was even married to a guy for a while.
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Old 06-12-2019, 09:50 AM
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You just proved my coworker's point. You have no idea if that guy is gay but you're assuming he is, on account of wearing his uniform the way it's supposed to be worn.
I have no idea if he is gay or not and nor do I care; between his muscles and the particular uniform, that particular look does come across as super-gay though

Part is the uniform- the bare chested shirt and sea-green coloring is kind of peculiar for a military uniform, to say the least. And part is that the particular soldier in uniform looks like a real-life version of a particular gay artist's work whose name I can't recall, but he's famous for muscular sailors, etc...
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Old 06-12-2019, 09:59 AM
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Tom of Finland

A real gay dude wouldn't ruin the line of his pants with a big ole phone. Now I want to see bump play gay or european.
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Old 06-12-2019, 11:33 AM
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Tom of Finland

A real gay dude wouldn't ruin the line of his pants with a big ole phone. Now I want to see bump play gay or european.
Hah! I've played it in Europe with gay men actually.
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Old 06-12-2019, 12:34 PM
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My daughter could be or could not be - she sends out rather confusing signals which I feel is just part of being a teen.

Pro-hetero: Has a thing for her boy bands, her favorite actors, etc. Definitely has a "type". Claims to be hetero.

Pro-gay: Big into the gay rights movement (has been for years). Some of her best friends (male) are gay. Doesn't date*.

We've discussed this with her, she says she's hetero, we say we don't care, just be happy, life goes on.

*Doesn't necessarily mean "pro gay", but she has had plenty of opportunities to go on M/F dates and has refused every one of them. OTOH, girls night out and dancing with her friends at the prom are definitely things she does. Like I said... she's a teen, so I'm probably getting some of this wrong and she's probably finding out about herself as well. It's just not that big a concern to me, one way or another.

Last edited by JohnT; 06-12-2019 at 12:35 PM.
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Old 06-12-2019, 06:53 PM
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Our oldest (late 20s) just came out to us recently as trans (M -> F) and bi. It surprised us but didn't shock us; in fact, in context, it was a relief, because she told us in a phone call, with a buildup that made us worry that something was seriously wrong. Of course, we immediately told her that she had our complete support and that we were happy that she was throwing off something (living as a male) that was making her unhappy.

It's still sinking in. Probably the hardest thing at the moment is trying to remember to use the right pronouns. She's only recently started taking hormones and her voice is still deep, which doesn't help. Also, she lives several states away and we haven't seen her since she told us, but she and her girlfriend (also trans) are planning to visit us this summer.

We have no sense of mourning or loss, she's still the same person, we just know something important about her now that we didn't before. We do go back and look for clues in her earlier life, more out of curiosity than anything else. There are clues there, but there were also things that seemed to point in stereotypically male directions, like an intense interest in big machines and engineering. So that's why we were surprised to learn she was trans. My wife is happy she now has the daughter she always wanted, and a little unhappy she didn't come out earlier so they could have been mother/daughter while (now) daughter was still living at home.

As for her sexuality, it was never obviously one way or another and we were quite prepared for that to turn out any possible way. She knew we were supportive of LGBT rights and equality, and she was involved in her high school's Gay & Straight Alliance. But whether she herself preferred males or females we never really discussed and she didn't do anything we would have called dating while living at home. (Do kids even do that anymore?)
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:27 PM
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Sibling of gay brothers. I did not know. But once I figured it out, I forced the issue with the older brother (high school age) until he told me the truth.
I'm a little confused by this. When you say you didn't know, what time period are you referring to. You obviously knew before he told you. What changed from *not knowing* to *figuring it out*?

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Can you not turn this thread about gay people coming out into being about heterosexuals? Thanks.
Cut him some slack. He was only responding to another poster questioning the meaning of his first (admittedly hijackish) post.
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:49 PM
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Poysyn, I don't know if your daughter has ever said, or if she even knows, but that is an amazing act of love that probably saved her so much heartache and grief. I don't care what you do with the rest of your life, you are a good person and a great parent.

Awwww...shucks...

She is an amazing young woman, and I am very proud of her. I work hard to be the Mom she deserves, sometimes I miss the mark, but overall I think she is doing great.
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Old 06-12-2019, 08:19 PM
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I know a family who had a kid who we suspected was gay when he was a year old. And when he hit puberty, yup.
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Old 06-12-2019, 08:50 PM
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I know a family who had a kid who we suspected was gay when he was a year old....
Impossible.
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Old 06-12-2019, 09:04 PM
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I know a family who had a kid who we suspected was gay when he was a year old. And when he hit puberty, yup.
That's so silly.
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Old 06-12-2019, 09:15 PM
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I know a family who had a kid who we suspected was gay when he was a year old. And when he hit puberty, yup.
What made you think this at 1 year of age?

Like I said earlier, I've suspected it with my niece since before she started kindergarten, but how could you tell with a baby?
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Old 06-13-2019, 01:31 PM
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Our youngest has always been the quiet type and we thought maybe he was gay. Last year she came out as transgender (M->F) and both sides of our family and close friends have been totally supportive.

I'm a little bit sad because she waited so long to say something. She had been cutting herself from the stress of hiding. That and we would have gotten her started earlier on hormones. One stressor for her will be lessened as she is moving from a small community in Iowa to one of the most accepting of LGBTQ students place for college (U of I).

My husband has worries mainly I think because of the possibility of future surgeries (she hasn't discussed that with us... I hope if and when that time comes she feels able to reach out to us for support). We both worry about the risks of the hormones (the same level of worry if a cis daughter went on the pill). Throw in the violence being perpetuated on Trans people by ignorant, despicable and horrible sub-humans.

We love her and just want what makes her happy. She's still a quiet and private person but she's not as angry and blank as she was (we just figured "Meh, teenager" having went through that with her older brothers).
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Old 06-13-2019, 04:23 PM
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Apropos of nothing, just something similar and interesting I just read on futility closet that I have never heard and don't know the veracity of- it said if you are male, for each older brother you have, you are 1/3 more likely to be gay.
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Old 06-13-2019, 04:29 PM
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... She had been cutting herself from the stress of hiding....
Experienced that too.
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Old 06-15-2019, 12:58 AM
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I suspected my now college daughter was gay from middle school. She was ultra huggy with other women is one item that I noticed. There were multiple other clues that made me go hmmm every once in a while. There were more than a few somewhat tense conversations at dinner with my wife (more on her later). Shit like parroting some right wing talk radio "marriage is between a man and a woman", with me going WTF and daughter taking more personally that standing up for injustice and against bigotry.

Driving my daughter to sophomore year of high school, we had a conversation that somehow turned toward dating. I told her "I don't care if you like boys, girls or both." Long silence. "Glad we're not having this conversation at the dinner table." And left it at that. Then about 6 months later she came out to her mother and I. My response was to hug her and say "you're our daughter, you always will be, and we love you as you are" or something to that effect.

My wife grew up in China and moved to the US about 10 years ago. She listened to a lot of day time radio that turned out to be very conservative, and a lot of memes were absorbed. She was very welcoming of the lesbian friend of our daughter. Then, daughter came out. That night my wife kinda lost it. Daughter #3 is on the autism spectrum, so my wife started saying "I now have two handicapped kids." We had long talks, and the gist was I said "who cares? We have a happy, talented kid that takes care of her younger sisters, is polite, well mannered, good grades, a heck of an artist, gets on well with most people, no drugs, no drinking. We are blessed."

My wife went on anti-depressants. Went to one PFLAG meeting that ended in tears. Quit marriage counseling after one session (our daughter's orientation was raised as a stressor to work thru). Quit 1:1 therapy after one session. Was totally validated by her extended family that a gay child was a horrible outcome. A segment of the Chinese population from the post-revolution/cultural revolution era when homosexuality was a crime* cannot accept a gay family member (or hell, maybe it's just my soon to be ex in-laws and extended family. Very weird that they seem to be understanding of "born in the wrong body" but not accepting of "born this way." Has alienated her daughter. A lot more private crap I'm not going to share. We are getting divorced because I can't be married to a bigot that is not accepting of our child (in addition to the private crap that was probably a really horrendous self-coping strategy). Sis in law says "you have to understand Chinese culture." To which I say "you need to accept your niece or we have no relationship." It's beyond sad with my daughter basically estranged from her mother and entire Chinese side of the family.

In fact last weekend, I gave it one last try to see if there is a way to salvage our marriage. "It's be 3.5 years, get over your issues with our daughter's sexuality." "Don't you tell me how to feel." We are done.

Oh, by the way, 14 year old middle daughter has been out for a year or two. To the OP, I didn't have a vibe that she is gay. I'm supportive and don't care. That said, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if a few years down the road she comes out as straight. But what do I know?

Daughter #3 is on the autism spectrum, and cannot vocalize sexuality. It is challenging to understand her, or even understand if she has attractions. Her situation is far too complicated to try write on a message board.

*Eldest daughter was happy to report that Shanghai has a large gay community that are "out" if you can read the code. For example, a coffee shop with potted flowers in an not to obvious rainbow of colors arrangement. Being gay is also no longer illegal. Gay marriage even is talked about in social media. Gay marriage is now legal in Taiwan.
  #43  
Old 06-15-2019, 01:17 AM
China Guy is offline
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Oh, forgot to mention that seeing how Mom treated her big sister was a massive stressor on middle daughter. Middle daughter developed severe anxiety, was well on the way to full blown anorexia and expressed suicidal thoughts at school. I had missed many of these signs but eldest daughter intervened with me. Then we went on a week long camping trip last summer to Canada, and everything was in full sight.

I am extremely grateful to the Seattle Children's Hospital that had a 8 week anxiety group for my daughter, and a break out session for parents. BTW, my wife does not believe in therapy, was not supportive, was not involved in the therapy or exposures, but my daughter and I managed to get thru it. From about week 2, the therapy and associate exposures started to help. The borderline eating disorder didn't go over the line, and in fact now she seems to have a normal teenage appetite. She's been making and taking her lunch to school for a few months. Now I very rarely check her weight and she is slowly adding a couple of pounds. The anxiety is way down, and in fact she is now is annoyed that there is a 504 plan in place at school. When I told her about the divorce she was relieved. Thankfully no cutting. School counselor reported that the past few times they have talked, daughter no longer "jokes" about suicide.

We are not out of the woods but reasonably back from the cliff. I monitor closely with the school, and am now cautious instead of deeply concerned.

Unfortunately, my wife doesn't want to move back to China because of the kids. I want my twins 100% but willing to settle for 50%. Unfortunately, it looks like we probably have to go to court over custody. Thanks for letting me vent.

Last edited by China Guy; 06-15-2019 at 01:18 AM.
  #44  
Old 06-15-2019, 01:24 AM
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ChinaGuy Really sorry to hear that. That really sucks. I know a lot of Taiwanese who have similar feelings.

My wife is really progressive so that won’t be a concern no matter what my kids wind up. They are still 10 and 8 and have yet to really show any indication either way.

I have a sibling who identifies as non-gender. The sibling transitioned from female, and my mother couldn’t handle it. The sibling has a female long-term partner and again my mother and many of the extended family (all Mormon) didn’t really do well with that either.

“C” is autistic with some serious emotional issues from the abuse in our family, so it wasn’t obvious what C’s internal state was. I have no problem, of course. C is and will always be my sibling.

The situation did make easier the introduction to my kids of the concepts of gay and transgender people. Before C was public about being transgender, then we would talk to the kids that some women like other women, like C and her partner. After C came out, then it was “some people are born as girls but feel they are boys or neither.” When children are exposed to that when they are small, then it just seems natural.

Last edited by TokyoBayer; 06-15-2019 at 01:24 AM.
  #45  
Old 06-16-2019, 10:47 AM
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Nobody in my immediate family is gay, but one of my best friends and a cabinmate from Boy Scout summer camp came out to me when he was in college. I'd already strongly suspected it for several years, so it came as no great shock. He told me later he was surprised that (a) I already knew, and (b) I was as accepting as I was; he thought I was more conservative on such matters than I really was (or am). My wife and I attended his union ceremony a few years later (still no SSM in Ohio at that point) and he still remains a good friend.
  #46  
Old 06-16-2019, 12:00 PM
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Originally Posted by bump View Post
I have no idea if he is gay or not and nor do I care; between his muscles and the particular uniform, that particular look does come across as super-gay though

Part is the uniform- the bare chested shirt and sea-green coloring is kind of peculiar for a military uniform, to say the least. And part is that the particular soldier in uniform looks like a real-life version of a particular gay artist's work whose name I can't recall, but he's famous for muscular sailors, etc...
Ah, so you're finding Metallica's influences in the Bible. Gotcha.
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  #47  
Old 06-16-2019, 06:17 PM
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I wasn't sure but I wasn't surprised either. She went through an "I'm asexual that's a thing" period and then she met her true love. They were married last year. We are lucky in that both extended families of the brides are completely accepting and they all came to the wedding. It was very sweet. I know that isn't the case for many.
  #48  
Old 06-17-2019, 11:34 AM
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My older daughter was only 14 when she came to me concerned about feels she was having, and that was a little bit surprising. But that was 16 years ago and we weren't quite so open even that short time ago. I felt bad for her because she thought something was wrong with her and didn't want to feel that way. Glad things are easier now.

My 14 year old who is trans was less of a surprise but I honestly wondered at first if it wasn't due to hormonal issues making him feel confused. He has PCOS and even at 12 had a lot of excess hair and rather masculine build, so I feel like it was natural for me to think medication for the hormone issue would help. But no, the medication only confused him more and made him gain weight and develop breasts, causing deep depression. I suspected, I didn't really know for sure, I thought you know there's still that whole "tomboy" thing, but no, once the breasts developed I could tell how miserable he was and expected it the day he told me.
  #49  
Old 06-18-2019, 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Helmut Doork View Post
Apropos of nothing, just something similar and interesting I just read on futility closet that I have never heard and don't know the veracity of- it said if you are male, for each older brother you have, you are 1/3 more likely to be gay.
Not sure the precise figures are established, but it's called the Fraternal Birth Order Effect (and a variety of similar, related names).

j
  #50  
Old 06-19-2019, 09:58 AM
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Nope. My daughterish has always been odd and alternative, but I sort of figured eventually they'd settle into being interested in boys since a lot of young women start with mixed feelings about men. They are Ace and Aro, so its a little different. And non-binary - but does "feminine" very well and has shown an interest in that sort of girly from early middle school (they enjoy androgyny - but really can't hit masculine)- so there aren't a lot of clues. They started telling me pretty young, and my take has always been "that is awesome, and sexuality and gender may be fluid, so if you decide differently as you get older, that is fine as well."
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