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  #101  
Old 01-12-2012, 09:22 PM
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This turkey killed 5 people and injured 8 others in an office rampage before being shot by a police sniper.
  #102  
Old 01-12-2012, 09:28 PM
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This turkey inexplicably fell out of a window while practicing a piece from Bach's cello suites.

This turkey died at the Paris opera house during a rehearsal of Puccini's Tosca, in a bizarre accident involving a prop WWI pistol.

This turkey was found dead in New Orleans, wearing a turkey suit.

SPOILER:
Police suspect blood money is involved.
  #103  
Old 01-12-2012, 09:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jjimm View Post
This turkey was killed by hand with a blunt knife.

ETA: it took forever. Please excuse the mess.
Criminy, dude! I just saw this thread and was going to post almost EXACTLY the same thing.
Are you my long lost son, or something?
I hate being ninjaed and from ... 12 hours ago?
  #104  
Old 01-12-2012, 09:40 PM
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Hey, uh... is this a real word?
zoroastrianized

Come on, you turkey!
  #105  
Old 01-12-2012, 09:53 PM
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This turkey was mistaken for an Iranian nuclear scientist.
  #106  
Old 01-12-2012, 10:14 PM
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Cannon to the right of them,
Cannon to the left of them,
Cannon in front of them
  Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
  Rode the six hundred.

Happy Thanksgiving, from the Charge of the Lightly Brined.
  #107  
Old 01-12-2012, 10:15 PM
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This turkey never did nothing to William Zanzinger.
  #108  
Old 01-12-2012, 10:26 PM
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On Friday night, this turkey died in New York. Somebody knows why. Out there, somebody knows...
  #109  
Old 01-12-2012, 11:12 PM
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This turkey moved to Cabot Cove, Maine.
This turkey met Harry Callahan, and felt lucky.
Samuel L. Jackson has had it with these motherf***ing turkeys on this mortherf***ing plane.
  #110  
Old 01-13-2012, 07:09 AM
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This turkey laid down that boogie and played that funky music till he died.
  #111  
Old 01-13-2012, 07:20 AM
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This turkey said they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist
  #112  
Old 01-13-2012, 07:21 AM
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Police in New york City chased this turkey through the park. In a case of mistaken identity, they put a bullet through its heart.

This turkey was slowly decapitated after getting its head trapped while looking out of the town clock.
  #113  
Old 01-13-2012, 07:25 AM
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This turkey ended its life in a Mechanical Suicide Booth
  #114  
Old 01-13-2012, 07:43 AM
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http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=...Q9QEwAA&dur=36


It was the cows what did it.
  #115  
Old 01-13-2012, 08:21 AM
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This turkey slipped on a bar of soap in the shower.
  #116  
Old 01-13-2012, 08:23 AM
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Questo tacchino vissuto la pistola e il coltello, il tacchino morto dalla pistola e il coltello.
  #117  
Old 01-13-2012, 08:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gagundathar View Post
Hey, uh... is this a real word?
zoroastrianized

Come on, you turkey!
Of course it is. What do you think, this is a joke thread or something? Are you squawkin' at me?


This turkey fell out of a tree when his friend jounced the limb . . .
  #118  
Old 01-13-2012, 09:00 AM
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This turkey came in second in a razor fight.

This turkey left the road at 90, that's all there is to say...

This turkey just up and quit.
  #119  
Old 01-13-2012, 09:16 AM
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One can even set up quite ridiculous cases. A turkey is penned up in a steel chamber, along with the following device (which must be secured against direct interference by the turkey): in a Geiger counter, there is a tiny bit of radioactive substance, so small that perhaps in the course of the hour, one of the atoms decays, but also, with equal probability, perhaps none; if it happens, the counter tube discharges, and through a relay releases a hammer that shatters a small flask of hydrocyanic acid. If one has left this entire system to itself for an hour, one would say that the turkey still lives if meanwhile no atom has decayed. The psi-function of the entire system would express this by having in it the living and dead turkey (pardon the expression) mixed or smeared out in equal parts. It is typical of these cases that an indeterminacy originally restricted to the atomic domain becomes transformed into macroscopic indeterminacy, which can then be resolved by direct observation. That prevents us from so naively accepting as valid a "blurred model" for representing reality. In itself, it would not embody anything unclear or contradictory. There is a difference between a shaky or out-of-focus photograph and a snapshot of clouds and fog banks.

~Schroedinger's turkey

Last edited by Kilmore; 01-13-2012 at 09:17 AM.
  #120  
Old 01-13-2012, 09:16 AM
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two turkeys entered, this turkey did not leave.
  #121  
Old 01-13-2012, 09:35 AM
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This turkey dated Joran Van der Sloot.

This turkey went running back to a car stalled on the railroad tracks, to get her boyfriend’s class ring.
  #122  
Old 01-13-2012, 09:53 AM
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This turkey had forgotten the face of its father.
  #123  
Old 01-13-2012, 10:28 AM
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This turkey's lack of faith was... disturbing
  #124  
Old 01-13-2012, 10:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hypno-Toad View Post
This turkey was killed while trying to escape.
... or committed suicide. I haven't made up my mind.
  #125  
Old 01-13-2012, 10:44 AM
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This turkey chose ... unwisely.
  #126  
Old 01-13-2012, 10:46 AM
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The other turkey got the Lady.
  #127  
Old 01-13-2012, 11:40 AM
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This turkey told us he was sick.
  #128  
Old 01-13-2012, 12:01 PM
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This turkey regretted he had but one life to give for Thanksgiving.
  #129  
Old 01-13-2012, 12:14 PM
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This turkey's name was John.
  #130  
Old 01-13-2012, 02:15 PM
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This turkey failed its saving throw.

This turkey died young and left a good-tasting corpse.

Last edited by Hypno-Toad; 01-13-2012 at 02:19 PM.
  #131  
Old 01-13-2012, 03:56 PM
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This turkey put a bottle to it's head and pulled the trigger. (Fully marinated, just bake and eat!)

This turkey carries her dreams with a broken wing. Man, you ought to see her fly.

This turkey spent the night in the pines, where the sun never shines, and shivered when the cold wind blowed. (Thaw three hours at room temperature or in the refrigerator overnight.)

They found this turkey's head in the drivin' wheel, and his body in the pines.

This turkey went down in flames. (Natural smoke flavor!)

This turkey stopped lovin' her today. (Fresh, never frozen!)

This turkey took four steps toward the door.

Last edited by TruCelt; 01-13-2012 at 03:59 PM.
  #132  
Old 01-13-2012, 05:25 PM
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Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon this turkey's head.
  #133  
Old 01-13-2012, 11:08 PM
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This turkey was killed by a chicken armed, apparently, with a pullet gun.
  #134  
Old 01-14-2012, 01:22 AM
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All in the merry month of May, when green buds all are swellin', this turkey on his deathbed lay for love of Barbara Allen.
  #135  
Old 01-14-2012, 09:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTerribleTako View Post
This turkey died after swallowing a duck that swallowed a chicken.
...that swallowed a fly.
I don't know she swallowed the fly
But she died.

This turkey molested Eric & Lyle Menendez.

House's team misdiagnosised this turkey (IT'S NEVER LUPUS!!!!)
  #136  
Old 01-14-2012, 10:32 AM
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"They're too precious about the food. 'Hello, my name is Aldo and I'll be your waitperson tonight. Tonight's special is wood-roasted breast of free-range chicken. Your chicken's name will be Maurice. As a young chick, Maurice roamed the lush pastures and fertile valleys. He was free and happy. He enjoyed supervised activities - golf, Pictionary. He dreamed of visiting India, of one day being a circus performer. But when he reached five pounds, we cut his head off! *sniffle* He is survived by his wife Henrietta and two eggs...' " - Marga Gomez
  #137  
Old 01-14-2012, 10:32 AM
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This turkey was nibbled to death by ducks.
  #138  
Old 01-14-2012, 01:00 PM
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This turkey pissed off Randall Flagg in Vegas.

This turkey had a count that came up light.

This turkey brought his mom a Cadillac with the Air France money.

This turkey thought the crew didn't know he was a Rat.

Last edited by Count Blucher; 01-14-2012 at 01:03 PM.
  #139  
Old 01-14-2012, 01:39 PM
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turkey: Doc, it hurts when I do this! *kills self with sharp knife*
turkey doctor: Then don't do that!
  #140  
Old 01-14-2012, 02:01 PM
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This turkey drank the vessel with the pestle instead of the chalice from the palace.
  #141  
Old 01-14-2012, 04:08 PM
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This turkey thought it could cross and re-cross the bridge indefinitely, gaining a point every time. Then he got stuck on the wrong side of the chasm and had to reset.

This turkey fed the pie to the eagle, rendering himself defenseless against the yeti.
  #142  
Old 01-14-2012, 08:47 PM
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Quote:
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This turkey drank the vessel with the pestle instead of the chalice from the palace.
Just when I thought this thread was winding down. A solid gold post, sir!
  #143  
Old 01-14-2012, 08:50 PM
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The farmer accidentally left this turkey on the riverbank with the fox while he ferried the grain across.
  #144  
Old 01-15-2012, 08:26 AM
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This Turkey was killed by cruel farmers in underground turkey killing competitions
  #145  
Old 01-15-2012, 09:37 AM
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This turkey only had three days left before retirement.
  #146  
Old 01-15-2012, 12:21 PM
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Someone left this turkey out in the rain. And where is that damn recipe?

This turkey married one of them boys from the Ponderosa Ranch.
  #147  
Old 01-15-2012, 12:35 PM
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Please forgive this moment of seriousness, but if you haven't seen My Life as a Turkey you owe it to yourself to give it a try. It's special!
  #148  
Old 01-15-2012, 12:43 PM
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This turkey was a doctor killed by an anti-abortionist an abortionist killed by a pro-lifer.
  #149  
Old 01-15-2012, 03:25 PM
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Did I miss it, or did no one here state the obvious?:

Fowl play!
  #150  
Old 01-15-2012, 05:33 PM
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That Turkey was jive.

The hand with the sharp knife was just following orders.
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