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  #151  
Old 01-15-2012, 06:06 PM
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This turkey was cut in about a hundred places and he was shot in a couple more.
  #152  
Old 01-15-2012, 06:18 PM
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This turkey was cut in about a hundred places and he was shot in a couple more.
In effect, this bird be's dead.
  #153  
Old 01-15-2012, 07:48 PM
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This turkey fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
  #154  
Old 01-15-2012, 08:27 PM
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Lisa: Mom, are those turkeys dead?
Marge: No, they're just, uh, sleeping. Upside down. And... inside out.
  #155  
Old 01-15-2012, 10:09 PM
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this turkey is walkin' Spanish down the hall

this turkey got 16 shells from a thirty-ought six

this turkey was a murder in the red barn
  #156  
Old 01-15-2012, 10:48 PM
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"This turkey is dead. This turkey remains dead. And we have killed it. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? The most tender and toothsome of domestic fowl that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of thanksgiving, what new stuffing recipes shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we not become master cooks simply to appear worthy of it?"

- Nietzsche, Talking Turkey, And Other Holiday Recipes (1882)
  #157  
Old 01-15-2012, 11:37 PM
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*Chute* me now.
Damn. Wish I'd said that.
  #158  
Old 01-15-2012, 11:44 PM
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..this turkey said "Hi!" like a spider to the fly...
  #159  
Old 01-16-2012, 12:04 AM
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This turkey was pardoned by the President. With tears of gratitude, it tried to hug Mr. Obama . . . and was shot by Secret Service. Its blood splattered across the entire First Family.
  #160  
Old 01-16-2012, 12:50 AM
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This turkey pulled a knife, we pulled a gun.
  #161  
Old 01-16-2012, 03:24 AM
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Ten years ago, on a cold dark night, this turkey was killed beneath the town hall light.
  #162  
Old 01-16-2012, 06:23 AM
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This turkey was found dead in the bathtub of a seedy motel along with a note that read "call 911". No giblets included.
  #163  
Old 01-16-2012, 06:31 AM
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This turkey invented and patented a combined feather removal and head cutting device, and then sadly fell into it by accident.
  #164  
Old 01-16-2012, 08:42 AM
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The nice, burnished glow on the outside skin is due to someone going medieval on hillbilly turkey's ass with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.
  #165  
Old 01-16-2012, 09:12 AM
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This turkey was forced to look beyond the veil to unspeakable eldritch horrors.

This turkey was touched by a being that cannot exist in our reality, but somehow does.

This turkey was granted immortality by beings of unspeakable terror. On the 17th day of the third month after it's packaging, it will rise up and gain revenge on those who consume it.
  #166  
Old 01-16-2012, 09:34 AM
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This turkey was first stabbed, but it survived. It was then poisoned with enough cyanide to kill a horse, but that didn't drop it either, so it was then shot in the head. However, it somehow still kept getting back up, so it was shot three more times, bludgeoned, castrated and then thrown into a frozen river. We think it's dead now, but if it jumps up during Christmas dinner and starts babbling mystical nonsense in Russian, well, don't say we didn't warn you.
  #167  
Old 01-17-2012, 12:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scumpup View Post
This turkey was cut in about a hundred places and he was shot in a couple more.
This turkey looked like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone.

This turkey was drawn and quartered. No additional prep work needed!
  #168  
Old 01-17-2012, 01:52 AM
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This frozen turkey carries a terrible curse!








But it comes with a free frogurt.
  #169  
Old 01-17-2012, 08:22 AM
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This turkey threw herself in front of an eggbeater to save her children.
  #170  
Old 01-17-2012, 09:42 AM
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This turkey is not pinin', it's passed on. It is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late turkey. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it'd be pushin' up the daisies. It's run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible.

This. Is an Ex. Turkey.
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  #171  
Old 01-17-2012, 10:28 AM
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Please God, this turkey's only 17!
  #172  
Old 01-17-2012, 11:23 AM
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This turkey left holy ground only to be met by the Highlander.
  #173  
Old 01-17-2012, 11:33 AM
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This turkey woke up this morning, put on its slippers, walked in the kitchen and died.
  #174  
Old 01-17-2012, 12:29 PM
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This turkey simply walked into Mordor.
  #175  
Old 01-17-2012, 12:45 PM
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This turkey was killed in a freak accident.

Siamese twins were talking to each other while driving a car and ran over him.
  #176  
Old 01-17-2012, 02:08 PM
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This turkey made Dirty Harry's day.
This turkey threatened Indiana Jones with a saber.
This turkey pulled a knife on Crocodile Dundee.
This turkey tried to pry a gun from Charlton Heston's warn live hands.
  #177  
Old 01-17-2012, 02:42 PM
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This turkey called Kevin Kline stupid.
  #178  
Old 01-17-2012, 04:11 PM
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This turkey's death at Altamont signaled the end of the 1960's

This turkey was hanged, drawn and quartered for the attempts regicide of Louis IV. It's last words were "this will be a hard day."

This turkey is a product of Balkan agriculture, so its eyelids were sliced off and its head held in place so that as it died it would have to watch its daughter being raped and murdered. (too dark?)
  #179  
Old 01-17-2012, 10:09 PM
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Somebody won a war by making this poor dumb turkey die for his country.
  #180  
Old 01-18-2012, 10:09 AM
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"He's dead, Jim."

"I'm a doctor, not a cook!"
  #181  
Old 01-18-2012, 10:31 AM
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This turkey may, or may not, be dead. It depends on when you look in the bag.
  #182  
Old 01-18-2012, 10:38 AM
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This turkey may, or may not, be dead. It depends on when you look in the bag.
Or the box! Just yesterday the "Rock in the Box, I burning your dog" thread reared its wonderful head. Maybe this turkey is in need of a little flame-proofing!
  #183  
Old 01-18-2012, 12:10 PM
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This turkey refused the offer.

This turkey has only suffered a flesh wound. Thighs and Wings not included.
  #184  
Old 01-18-2012, 12:16 PM
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Or the box! Just yesterday the "Rock in the Box, I burning your dog" thread reared its wonderful head. Maybe this turkey is in need of a little flame-proofing!
This turkey didn't know the people who were given the box.
  #185  
Old 01-18-2012, 12:43 PM
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This was Luthien, the turkey maiden who gave her love to Beren, a mortal.

This turkey was found dead in Ft. Marcy Park in Washington, DC of a self-inflicted gunshot wound on July 21.
  #186  
Old 01-18-2012, 12:46 PM
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This turkey was shot by its mother when it was trapped in a burning car wreck, stuck to Hitler with acid glue.
  #187  
Old 01-18-2012, 01:07 PM
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This turkey was found flash-frozen with a deep wound to the hand and numerous abrasions and bruises, indicating that he was involved in hand-to-hand combat shortly before his death. A craniocerebral trauma with major bleeding in the back of the brain along with a skull fracture, indicates a fall or attack, and was initially thought to be the cause of death.

However, X-rays showed foreign body lodged in the left shoulder - a flint arrowhead. Penetrating the body, the arrowhead created a 2-cm-wide hole in the left wing and ended up just a few centimetres from the lung. Vital organs were not hit, but the arrow severed a major blood vessel and damaged the neurovascular fascicles of the left wing, which must have caused heavy bleeding and possibly paralysis of the wing. This turkey probably bled to death within a matter of minutes.




SPOILER:

Last edited by TruCelt; 01-18-2012 at 01:07 PM.
  #188  
Old 01-18-2012, 02:04 PM
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This turkey is not dead yet. He's getting better. He feeeeels happyyyy...
  #189  
Old 01-18-2012, 02:11 PM
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This turkey's heart was wounded with a monotonous languor... but then it got hit by a truck.

Last edited by lieu; 01-18-2012 at 02:13 PM.
  #190  
Old 01-18-2012, 08:34 PM
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This turkey grabbed Danny Vermin. Once.
  #191  
Old 01-18-2012, 09:18 PM
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This turkey taunted Happy Fun Ball.
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  #192  
Old 01-18-2012, 09:30 PM
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This turkey is dead because it left its heart in San Francisco.
  #193  
Old 01-18-2012, 09:40 PM
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DOWN by the river
I shot my turkey.
  #194  
Old 01-18-2012, 10:07 PM
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I shot the Turkey! But I did not shoot the Cornish hen...
  #195  
Old 01-18-2012, 11:13 PM
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This turkey is dead because it left its heart in San Francisco.
And its liver in Kansas City. No giblets included.
  #196  
Old 01-18-2012, 11:19 PM
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This turkey chose the tiger.

This turkey was an extra in The Wild Bunch.

This turkey went against the family.

This turkey dated Little Joe.

This turkey sleeps with the fishes.

This turkey was killed by a Predator drone. It wasn't a terrorist or anything. We were just screwing around.

This turkey went on a Mediterranean cruise.
  #197  
Old 01-19-2012, 06:57 AM
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It was the 3rd of September
A day I'll always remember
The day my tur-key died
  #198  
Old 01-19-2012, 10:22 AM
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This turkey tried to hijack a plane with Mark Wahlberg on board.
  #199  
Old 01-19-2012, 10:29 AM
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This turkey was crushed by Mark Wahlberg's testicles.
  #200  
Old 01-19-2012, 11:27 AM
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This turkey was running with scissors.

This turkey died from not eating all his vegetables.
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