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  #251  
Old 01-24-2012, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by StGermain View Post
This Turduncan got her long scarf wrapped around the axel of her open car, causing a broken neck.
This turkey performed a triple axel.
  #252  
Old 01-24-2012, 11:22 AM
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This turkey's bound for glory, this turkey
This turkey's bound for glory, this turkey
This turkey's bound for glory
I used a sharp knife so it wasn't gory
This turkey's bound for glory, this turkey
  #253  
Old 01-24-2012, 01:15 PM
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This turkey drew aces and eights while sitting with its back to the door.

This turkey didn't come back from Dead Mans Curve.

This turkey dropped acid and thought it could fly.

Last edited by Hypno-Toad; 01-24-2012 at 01:16 PM.
  #254  
Old 01-24-2012, 01:17 PM
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Originally Posted by blondebear View Post
This turkey got a Red Ryder air rifle for Christmas and shot its eye out. The BB lodged in the brain and the poultry surgeons were not able to save the unfortunate bird.
I'm chuckling at the thought of poultry surgeons - you mean chefs?
  #255  
Old 01-25-2012, 09:18 AM
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This turkey made Dirty Harry's day.
"Well? Do you feel clucky, punk?"
  #256  
Old 01-25-2012, 09:25 AM
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Death Note
I want turkey for Thanksgiving.*
This turkey died so that you can live.

* Next time remember not to use Death Note for grocery list.

Last edited by furryman; 01-25-2012 at 09:30 AM.
  #257  
Old 01-25-2012, 11:48 AM
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This turkey built a coop on a burial ground and was killed by poultrygeists.
  #258  
Old 01-25-2012, 12:50 PM
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This turkey died so that you can live.
Yes, this turkey died for our (cou)sins.
  #259  
Old 01-25-2012, 01:46 PM
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This turkey participated in this thread.
  #260  
Old 01-25-2012, 02:17 PM
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This turkey met legba at the crossroads at midnight on a night with no moon. For thirteen years he was the greatest blues guitarist the world has ever known.

... there are Hellhounds on his Trail, no longer.

Last edited by G0sp3l; 01-25-2012 at 02:18 PM.
  #261  
Old 01-25-2012, 02:21 PM
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This turkey was played by Sean Bean
  #262  
Old 01-25-2012, 02:33 PM
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Domestic turkeys have been bred for large amounts of white breast meat, to the degree that not only they can/t fly, they can't breed. All are artificially inseminated. Another reason I'm glad I'm not a turkey (tho I've been called one . . .).
  #263  
Old 01-25-2012, 03:04 PM
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This turkey was killed on the farm on orders of Napoleon.

This turkey was mistaken for an un-parrot.

Last edited by Shinna Minna Ma; 01-25-2012 at 03:07 PM.
  #264  
Old 01-25-2012, 03:06 PM
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This turkey had an earworm crawl into its ear and enter its brain. Fortunately it came out the other side. Unfortunately, it laid a lot of eggs in the brain.

This turkey squeezed a pimple on its nose and the pus went into its brain and killed it.
  #265  
Old 01-25-2012, 03:40 PM
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This turkey fell into a vat of eyedrops and dilated its entire body.
  #266  
Old 01-25-2012, 04:26 PM
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Damn! It WAS the CIA1
  #267  
Old 01-25-2012, 05:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frodo View Post
This turkey was played by Sean Bean
Can I ask for an explanation? I've seen a similar joke about SB, but I don't know anything about movies. I didn't even know he was an actor until I read a parody summery.
  #268  
Old 01-25-2012, 05:19 PM
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This turkey was killed by a vengeful Armenian, who unfortunately had misunderstood a few details.
  #269  
Old 01-25-2012, 06:44 PM
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This turkey seems to be immortal. Fun while it lasted!
  #270  
Old 01-25-2012, 06:55 PM
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This turkey was headed for the pilots' cabin with a box cutter, and was brought down by three heroic passengers and a flight attendant.

On the following flight, the passengers dined on turkey tetrazzini.
  #271  
Old 01-25-2012, 07:15 PM
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This turkey, he caught the 3:10 to Yummy.
  #272  
Old 01-26-2012, 07:18 AM
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Can I ask for an explanation? I've seen a similar joke about SB, but I don't know anything about movies. I didn't even know he was an actor until I read a parody summery.
Many of Sean Bean's characters die, a meme was born.
  #273  
Old 01-26-2012, 07:28 AM
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This turkey fought well and bravely, but was killed from behind by a coward's blade. I shall see this turkey again in Valhalla.
  #274  
Old 01-26-2012, 11:50 AM
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This turkey took a ride on that long black train.
  #275  
Old 01-26-2012, 01:03 PM
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This turkey didn't shoot Andy but they hung him anyway, don't trust backwoods southern lawyers.
  #276  
Old 01-26-2012, 02:09 PM
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This turkey didn't shoot Andy but they hung him anyway, don't trust backwoods southern lawyers.
Thanks for this. I tried everything I coudl think of to twist this one into an answer, and just couldn't come up with it. "Trusted his soul to a back-woods southern lawyer." Of course!

Last edited by TruCelt; 01-26-2012 at 02:09 PM.
  #277  
Old 01-26-2012, 02:42 PM
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This turkey took a ride on that long black train.
High on cocaine.
  #278  
Old 01-26-2012, 02:56 PM
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This turkey was struck down and became more powerful than you could ever imagine.
  #279  
Old 01-26-2012, 03:05 PM
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Listen, and understand. This turkey is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
  #280  
Old 01-26-2012, 03:27 PM
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Listen, and understand. This turkey is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
Bonerific!

I told this turkey to come with me if she wanted to live, she didn't listen.
  #281  
Old 01-26-2012, 04:25 PM
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This turkey didn't shoot Andy but they hung him anyway, don't trust backwoods southern lawyers.
it's "don't trust NO backwoods southern lawyer"

ain't yoo nevah bin to the south?


This turkey said hello to my li'l fren
  #282  
Old 01-26-2012, 04:35 PM
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This turkey died from drinking too much water in a hold your Wee for a Wii radio contest.

This turkey died from an IED in Iraq.

This turkey died when his mother heard the voice of God who told her to drown him in a bathtub.

This turkey died playing too much World of Warcraft in a Chinese labor farm.

This turkey died of avian flu.

This turkey died from Severe Combined Immune Deficiency Syndrome after living for 12 months in a plastic bubble.

This turkey died by being tasered by a trigger-happy officer who didn't know it was wearing a pacemaker.
  #283  
Old 01-26-2012, 04:47 PM
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Listen, and understand. This turkey is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
That's right, it's The Turkinator.
  #284  
Old 01-26-2012, 05:19 PM
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This turkey tried taking a canoe trip down the Cahulawassee.
  #285  
Old 01-26-2012, 05:30 PM
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This turkey was hit on the head by a plummeting tortoise that was dropped by an eagle.

The tortoise was unharmed (though rather surprised).
  #286  
Old 01-26-2012, 06:33 PM
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This turkey was east bound and down but failed to make it into the safety of the rockin' chair.
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Originally Posted by garygnu View Post
Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon this turkey's head.
Eleanor Rigby keeps this turkey's face in a jar by the door.

This turkey was trapped in time, surrounded by evil, and ran out of gas.
  #287  
Old 01-26-2012, 06:46 PM
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Tom Turkey, gobbler. A bird barely alive. "Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic fowl. Tom Turkey will be that fowl. Better than it was before. Juicier...meatier...tastier."

Last edited by G0sp3l; 01-26-2012 at 06:48 PM. Reason: spelin
  #288  
Old 01-26-2012, 06:46 PM
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All this and more -
news at eleven.
And now back to Judge Judy. This turkey is suing that turkey for using fowl language.
__________________
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Neither Windshield nor Bug am I.
Give us br'er rabbits.
  #289  
Old 01-26-2012, 07:14 PM
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This turkey performed a triple axel.
But you have to admit, it was poultry in motion.
  #290  
Old 01-26-2012, 07:20 PM
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This turkey gave Marsellus Wallace's wife a foot massage. I ain't saying it's right for Marsellus to throw this turkey into a four hundred degree motherfucking oven but this turkey should have fucking known better.

Last edited by Little Nemo; 01-26-2012 at 07:21 PM.
  #291  
Old 01-27-2012, 02:14 PM
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This turkey went hunting with Dick Chaney. 'Nuff said.
  #292  
Old 01-27-2012, 03:03 PM
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At 11 pm when the main hatchway caved in, this Turkey said:
"Fellows it's been good to know 'ya."

Last edited by TruCelt; 01-27-2012 at 03:03 PM.
  #293  
Old 01-27-2012, 05:39 PM
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This turkey went hunting with Dick Chaney. 'Nuff said.
This turkey said "nuff said" one too many times!
(sorta)
Peace,
mangeorge
  #294  
Old 01-30-2012, 06:10 PM
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...and with strange aeons, even turkey may die...
  #295  
Old 01-31-2012, 07:41 AM
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...and with strange aeons, even turkey may die...
And with that it is over.
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  #296  
Old 01-31-2012, 12:41 PM
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This turkey told Tommy to get his shinebox and was buried upstate.
  #297  
Old 02-02-2012, 02:55 PM
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This turkey used a match to check for a gas leak.
  #298  
Old 02-02-2012, 03:20 PM
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This turkey operated the hair dryer while sleeping in the bathtub. Precooked.

Last edited by TruCelt; 02-02-2012 at 03:20 PM.
  #299  
Old 02-02-2012, 07:17 PM
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This turkey used a match to check for a gas leak.
Silly turkey. If you're gonna do that, you gotta stand back!
  #300  
Old 02-02-2012, 09:19 PM
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This turkey declared war on the Allies in 1914.
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