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  #51  
Old 10-05-2019, 03:09 PM
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Get an airhorn. When they yell, blast 'em!!


(And run)
  #52  
Old 10-05-2019, 04:44 PM
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This thread is better suited to IMHO.

Moving thread from GQ to IMHO.
  #53  
Old 10-05-2019, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Ulfreida View Post
If you did that to me I would start throwing things at you. Sharp things.
Yikes.
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In my experience, the reason people usually yell is because they do not believe they are being heard.
She's yelling at household objects.

And when she defends herself, she's completely missing the mark. Whatever you want to call what she's doing, whatever the decibel level, it's making The Sheikh, her husband, feel stressed and uncomfortable. She needs to acknowledge that and decide whether that's worth it.

Maybe it is. Maybe he's being a dick, and she needs to be heard, and making him uncomfortable is a feature, not a bug.

But if she's doing it to the kids, and she's doing it to the car or whatever, she doesn't need to be making him uncomfortable. That's not a feature.

It may still be worth it. Maybe she'll decide he's being a wuss and needs to get over himself. I'm not there.

But if it were me, and if I were trying to tell someone that I was getting stressed out by their yelling at inanimate objects, and if they responded "I'm not yelling!" I'd be pretty pissed at how they weren't listening to me. Not pissed enough to commit violence with sharp objects, but pissed anyway.

Last edited by Left Hand of Dorkness; 10-05-2019 at 05:01 PM.
  #54  
Old 10-05-2019, 05:44 PM
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Originally Posted by ALOHA HATER View Post
I think OP could find a better place to seek advice on this topic.
Well, OP was really looking for a factual answer. But now that the thread has been moved, OP, why don't you just start screaming in the middle of the night, randomly, just to wake her up? Don't get up, or sit up, just lie there. Scream once LOUDLY. Keep the old eyelids closed and pretend you're sleeping. (Try not to giggle.) If she "wakes " you and asks what the sound was, claim you didn't hear anything. Once a week for a few, three weeks and you'll feel better. That's my advice. Then again, my marriage ended in divorce. As with my previous advice, report back, OK?
  #55  
Old 10-05-2019, 09:38 PM
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Serious answer as an old married. Objective reality is not the issue. He feels yelled at. She intends no yelling.

Respecting each other’s perceived realities is key. It doesn’t matter if she is objectively yelling or not.
  #56  
Old 10-05-2019, 09:54 PM
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  #57  
Old 10-05-2019, 11:50 PM
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Unless you've been married a short time and think that things can change, I don't get the end game here.
  #58  
Old 10-05-2019, 11:59 PM
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I don't even view raising my voice as "cathartic". I do it when I'm trying be heard (perhaps at the other end of the house) or when I get overly excited. Yes, it can happen in the midst of an argument, but that's hardly the only time.

But yes, in my husband's family, a loud voice meant verbal aggression, and a violation of social norms.
My family is much like your husband's. My parents never yelled at us kids. That's carried over to my married life. My spouse and I don't yell at each other. There are times that I tell her to stop yelling at me, but what I really mean is, "You are being overly aggressive when there is no need to, and I feel threatened. Let's have a reasoned discussion." She understands that, takes a few breaths and we work it out. When I catch myself doing the same to her, I immediately apologize and back down.
  #59  
Old 10-06-2019, 12:12 AM
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One person's notion of a "yell" is somebody else's idea of sotto voce.

The concept of yelling is subjective, at least to some extent. I don't think that dBs/volume is the sole criterion. A given example of yelling could be at lower dBs and volume than a given non-yelling example. Part of "yelling" is the context, content, and tone as well as various non-verbal communication being transmitted concurrently.
  #60  
Old 10-06-2019, 03:23 AM
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When my children got over excited or angry or needed a nap they would get loud I always, ALWAYS reminded them to use an inside voice. And I kept saying it until they did. It never seemed to end. I thought it was a failed lesson til they grew up and are not yellers or screamers. The lil'wrekker can get shrill when she's over-excited. We still tell her to calm down and use an inside voice.
I see an awful lot of young Moms in stores and other public places just screaming willy-nilly at their kids. I get it, they have 3 or 4 kids pulling on them all talking at once and they need to be heard over the racket. But shouldn't that have been taken up at home?
My DIL is a bit severe with her kids. She would never scream at them in public. I've seen her do the count to 3 or else thing. I really hate that. I say if the kid needs punishing just get on with it.
Mid-daughter boys are crazy hyper. I might would scream at them if I had them enough. She doesn't as far as we can tell. She doesn't stop them from doing much. I tell her she's a lazy disciplinarian. She just rolls her eyes at me.
I think loud noisy arguing or yelling will not accomplish much.
Like stated above all families are different. If concerned parties are feeling threatened or put upon a way of discussing it should be found. It's not gonna be easy.. Good luck.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 10-06-2019 at 03:24 AM.
  #61  
Old 10-06-2019, 03:31 AM
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If your kids start referring to you as "ISAMU!!" because they've learned that's how to say your name then you've got a case, but don't expect to win this battle.
  #62  
Old 10-06-2019, 04:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Saintly Loser View Post
That sounds like if she's yelling, it must be his fault. He just needs to be more calm and respectul.

I bet she'd agree 100%.
No, but if she's communicating in a way he doesn't understand, or if she believes he'd not paying attention, clarity is better achieved by telling her what did he understand than by whatever it is he's doing now.




I tend to be a loud talker (grew up in a place where those volumes are normal, spend a lot of time public-speaking without a microphone); when I'm really angry I go low. Many people think that since I'm not SCREAMING, I can't be angry. The same volumes mean different things for different people.
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Last edited by Nava; 10-06-2019 at 04:16 AM.
  #63  
Old 10-06-2019, 06:32 AM
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Originally Posted by The Sheikh View Post
My wife yells all the time; at the kids, at me, and at house objects. Whenever I complain, she denies my claims and I have to go through a worse experience: fact-free argument. I need a device with an alarm that would go off when ever the voice goes over a certain level.
What sort of thing does she saw when she "yells at house objects"?
  #64  
Old 10-06-2019, 10:31 AM
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What sort of thing does she saw when she "yells at house objects"?
My gf loses her temper on inanimate objects all the time. The other day our toaster-oven was a "motherfucking shiteater" because the rack was difficult to adjust. She once carried her old clock radio (that was a pain in the ass to set) down to the basement where she let out a roar and dashed it to the ground. I heard the scream and smash, later found bits of plastic on the basement floor, and noticed the clock radio debris in the garbage.

The only reason it bothers me is that I then have to reassure our "sensitive" dog (if she's in earshot) that she's a good girl so she'll stop trembling.
  #65  
Old 10-06-2019, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
My gf loses her temper on inanimate objects all the time. The other day our toaster-oven was a "motherfucking shiteater" because the rack was difficult to adjust. She once carried her old clock radio (that was a pain in the ass to set) down to the basement where she let out a roar and dashed it to the ground. I heard the scream and smash, later found bits of plastic on the basement floor, and noticed the clock radio debris in the garbage.

The only reason it bothers me is that I then have to reassure our "sensitive" dog (if she's in earshot) that she's a good girl so she'll stop trembling.
But I'm curious what the OP's wife yells at objects. Since she apparently doesn't think she is yelling. I bet your girlfriend was aware that she was yelling at the toaster oven, and would agree with you if you commented on it.
  #66  
Old 10-06-2019, 09:46 PM
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JohnClay! You bastard! Welcome back!

That's is! I couldn't quite put my finger on it until now but he reminds me of JC, too.
  #67  
Old 10-07-2019, 09:40 AM
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My husband yells a lot too. Mostly at dogs, because we have a lot of dogs underfoot, but also at people and inanimate objects. Whenever we spend more than a few minutes out in the barn, the noise of the roosters gets on his nerves and he starts screaming. It's very stressful to me, but it's not going to change. He has a lot of good qualities also, so I choose to overlook this (though I think rude and nasty thoughts at times).
  #68  
Old 10-07-2019, 10:37 AM
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My wife doesn't yell, but she says I have two faults. I don't listen and... I forget what the other thing was.
  #69  
Old 10-07-2019, 12:00 PM
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The only time my ex yelled was when he was doing repairs, and then he was pretty much guaranteed to yell. It seemed like a defensive move, to me. Like: "this isn't working the way I expected it to, but that doesn't mean I'm incompetent, it means that the X is being outrageously unreasonable."
  #70  
Old 10-07-2019, 01:27 PM
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Is being right worth a divorce?

< Cue If/Then Diagram >
  #71  
Old 10-07-2019, 04:19 PM
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Thereís an app for that


Quote:
Originally Posted by Velocity View Post
buy some device that measures decibels (I don't know where to buy it any more than you.)
There are multiple smart phone apps for a decibel meter with a variety of features, from simple to complex. Many of them are free.
  #72  
Old 10-07-2019, 04:39 PM
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I could (sorta) recommend a 4th option.

I went swimming in a Lake in Texas, and had a grand old time. Moonshine, the whole works. We partied till dawn.

14 hours later, I have a horrible ear infection. Go to the doc, doc sends me same day to the ENT. ENT wants 800 bucks up front, which I don't have.

Ear infection runs its course in a few weeks. Now I am deaf for the most part in that ear. When someone screams or yells at me now, they sound like a Transformer singing karaoke with AutoTune applied randomly, played through a fax machine. Its amazing.

So I get a legit reason to glaze over when the wife starts yelling about whatever. She senses this, and takes down the volume a bit.


Works for me.
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  #73  
Old 10-08-2019, 08:58 AM
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This is an interesting thread to me. It makes me want to know what everyone's definition of "yelling" is.

i.e. can you yell quietly? (imagine telling kids to sit still or be quite in church or a movie theater)

I'm loud. Or as I've been told my entire life... my voice 'carries'. If I were speak emphatically to a family member, they would likely ask why I was yelling at them!
On the other hand, every time I make an intentional effort to talk quietly, i WILL get asked if everything is OK, or why am I sad!
  #74  
Old 10-08-2019, 11:53 PM
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In case nobody has mentioned it yet, you can download a sound meter app for your phone. The one I downloaded a while ago is called Sound Meter.
  #75  
Old 10-08-2019, 11:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Translucent Daydream View Post
I could (sorta) recommend a 4th option.

I went swimming in a Lake in Texas, and had a grand old time. Moonshine, the whole works. We partied till dawn.

14 hours later, I have a horrible ear infection. Go to the doc, doc sends me same day to the ENT. ENT wants 800 bucks up front, which I don't have.

Ear infection runs its course in a few weeks. Now I am deaf for the most part in that ear. When someone screams or yells at me now, they sound like a Transformer singing karaoke with AutoTune applied randomly, played through a fax machine. Its amazing.

So I get a legit reason to glaze over when the wife starts yelling about whatever. She senses this, and takes down the volume a bit.


Works for me.
I'm sorry. That's pretty funny. Again I'm sorry for laughing. It's perfect. I may steal it. You just never know someone may yell at me tomorrow.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 10-09-2019 at 12:00 AM.
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