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Old 10-07-2019, 03:42 PM
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What is the funniest lyric in a non-comical song?


Recently I listened to Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell" for the first time in a long time. Out of all of the great tunes on that record (that's how old I am, when it came out it was on a LP Record), I like "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" the best, because it has what for my money is the funniest one-liner in all of music, namely, "Now, I'm praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive." After the huge build-up to that moment, that line just kills me every time.

So what do you Dopers think is the funniest song line? Let's have at it.:-)
  #2  
Old 10-07-2019, 04:06 PM
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Foreigner put out a greatest hits album that had a live version of "Hot Blooded" on it.
During the song's fade out, the lead singer sings

"I'll make you famous
start on your anus"

The first time I heard that I did the classic 'did I just hear what I thought I heard?'
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Old 10-07-2019, 04:12 PM
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I've always liked the macabre punch line at the end of the Grateful Dead's Me and My Uncle. After a story about how the amoral narrator and his uncle cheated a group of cowboys out of a bunch of gold at a poker game, he concludes

I love those cowboys, I love their gold
I love my uncle, God rest his soul.
He taught me good, lord, taught me all I know.
He taught me so well that I grabbed that gold
And I left his dead ass there by the side of the road.
  #4  
Old 10-07-2019, 04:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xizor View Post
Foreigner put out a greatest hits album that had a live version of "Hot Blooded" on it.
During the song's fade out, the lead singer sings

"I'll make you famous
start on your anus"

The first time I heard that I did the classic 'did I just hear what I thought I heard?'
You've reminded me of Deep Purple's song "Knocking At Your Back Door" -- I'm not sure if that song really counts as "non-comical," since it is full of sexual innuendo (particularly about anal sex), but there's one line, in particular, that I love for its wordplay:

So we put her on the hit list
Of a common cunning linguist
A master of many tongues


Last edited by kenobi 65; 10-07-2019 at 04:16 PM.
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Old 10-07-2019, 04:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zamboniracer View Post
Recently I listened to Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell" for the first time in a long time. Out of all of the great tunes on that record (that's how old I am, when it came out it was on a LP Record), I like "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" the best, because it has what for my money is the funniest one-liner in all of music, namely, "Now, I'm praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive." After the huge build-up to that moment, that line just kills me every time.

So what do you Dopers think is the funniest song line? Let's have at it.:-)
Same album, funnier line: “‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad.” (Sure, I want you and need you, but no way will I love you....but, hey...cheer up!)
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Old 10-07-2019, 04:47 PM
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Elvis Costello in Red Shoes:
"I said "I'm so happy I could die",
She said "Drop dead" then left with another guy"
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Old 10-07-2019, 04:51 PM
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Elvis Costello has lots of lyrics that are so clever they can count as funny.

from Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes:

"I said I'm so happy I could die
she said Drop Dead and left with another guy."

from New Amsterdam:

"I step on the brake to get out of her clutches."

from Senior Service:

"They took me in the office and they told me very carefully
the ways that I could benefit from death and disability."

ETA: argghhgh!!!

Last edited by Tim R. Mortiss; 10-07-2019 at 04:52 PM.
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Old 10-07-2019, 04:59 PM
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Tom Petty, "Free Fallin' "
Quote:
She's a good girl, Loves her mama
Loves Jesus, and America, too
She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis
Loves horses, and her boyfriend, too
It amused me that horses were a higher priority than the boyfriend.



Alanis Morissette, "You Oughta Know"
Quote:
You told me you'd love me until you died,
But you're still alive!
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Old 10-07-2019, 05:07 PM
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"Here's to the Halcyon" by Old 97s is a song about a man who's boat has sunk and he's bargaining with God to save his life, including giving up booze if he survives.

I'll prove to you a sinning man can turn his back on sin
Give me some fresh water, Lord, I'll never drink again
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  #10  
Old 10-07-2019, 05:35 PM
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Roy Clark:

I've made a small fortune and you squandered it all
You shamed me till I feel about one inch tall
But I thought I loved you and I hoped you would change
So I gritted my teeth and didn't complain
Now you come to me with a simple goodbye
You tell me you're leaving but you won't tell me why
Now we're here at the station and you're getting on
And all I can think of is Thank God and Greyhound you're gone
  #11  
Old 10-07-2019, 05:46 PM
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"Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall."
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Old 10-07-2019, 05:47 PM
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Lil Wayne "Real G's move in silence like lasagna"
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Old 10-07-2019, 07:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mbh View Post
Tom Petty, "Free Fallin' "

It amused me that horses were a higher priority than the boyfriend.



</snip>
You should hear the first draft.

In concert, Billy Joel has been known to occasionally change "I don't know why I go to extremes" to "I don't know why I go for ice cream."
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Old 10-07-2019, 08:18 PM
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Bob Dylan:
Poor boy, in the hotel called the Palace of Gloom
Calls down to room service, says, "Send up a room"

John Prine:
Please don't bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, I'd druther have 'em cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size

Lyle Lovett:
The preacher asked her
And she said I do
The preacher asked me
And she said yes he does too
  #15  
Old 10-07-2019, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
John Prine:
Please don't bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, I'd druther have 'em cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size
My uncle passed away last year; he donated his body to science.

His children had a memorial gathering a few months later. One of his sons (my cousin) is a bluegrass singer and guitarist, and has been in a band for many years. During the gathering, he and his band played that song, in honor of his father's bequest of his body.
  #16  
Old 10-07-2019, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
Lyle Lovett:
The preacher asked her
And she said I do
The preacher asked me
And she said yes he does too
I don't think that song can really be described as non-comical; it's subtly funny from start to finish.

I'd put forth Barry Manilow's version of Copacabana, especially with the cheery, uplifting way he sings, "And then she lost her mind."

Last edited by RealityChuck; 10-07-2019 at 09:11 PM.
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Old 10-07-2019, 09:18 PM
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Country music is full of irony, if not laugh out loud funny.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom T. Hall
God came through Belleville, Georgia
He was ridin' on the noonday train
All power to him and praise his holy name
He never got off of the train
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loretta Lynn
You wined me and dined me
When I was your girl
Promised if I'd be your wife
You'd show me the world
But all I've seen of this old world
Is a bed and a doctor bill
I'm tearin' down your brooder house
'Cause now I've got the pill
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lefty Frizzell
Her dad met me in Saginaw, Michigan
He gave me a great big party with champagne
Then he said, son, you wise young ambitious man
Will you sell your father-in-law your Klondike claim
Now he's up there in Alaska digging in the cold, cold ground
The greedy fool is looking for the gold I never found
It serves him right and no one here is missing him
Least of all the newlyweds of Saginaw, Michigan
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Old 10-07-2019, 09:27 PM
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A few of Dylan's always cracked me up

Brownsville Girl "Way down in Mexico you went out to find a doctor and you never came back
I would have gone on after you but I didn't feel like letting my head get blown off"

Idiot Wind "She inherited a million bucks and when she died, it came to me. I can't help it if I'm lucky"

Desolation Row "Cinderella she seems so easy..."
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Old 10-07-2019, 09:46 PM
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Maybe a lover comes along,
maybe in story or in song,
maybe the heart is really strong,
a million lemmings can't be wrong.
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Old 10-07-2019, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobLibDem View Post
A few of Dylan's always cracked me up...
I was doing homework while the title cut of my new Dylan album played, when I heard my dad chuckle from across the room. I realized he'd been listening to the lyrics:

It was down in Chaynee County
A time they talk about
With his lady by his side
He took a stand
And soon the situation there
Was all but straightened out
For he was always known
To lend a helping hand
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Old 10-07-2019, 10:46 PM
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Come down off the cross; we can use the wood
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Old 10-07-2019, 10:49 PM
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Van Hagar's "only time will tell if we stand the test of time" always cracks me up; it's the only high point in the song for me, unfortunately.
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Old 10-07-2019, 11:53 PM
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In Brian Adams' "Cut Like a Knife", I like how the title relates to the following lyrics:

...and how was I to know, that you've been letting go.
Now it cuts like a knife, and it feels soooooooo, right...YEAH!



Just for sheer maudlin grotesquery and delivery, there's "I was the black sheep of the fa-mi-ly" from Terry Jacks' "Seasons in the Sun".


Something in the way Lou Gramm belts out "...STAY, ALL, NIGHT....Shall I, leave you, my keys?" in Hot Blooded, that well, gets my blood goin. Skeevier-lyrics-later-on bonus!
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Old 10-08-2019, 06:29 AM
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From Schools Out by Alice Cooper...

We can't even think of a word that rhymes
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Old 10-08-2019, 07:07 AM
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Gang of Four's "I Love a Man in a Uniform" has:
To have ambition was my ambition
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Old 10-08-2019, 07:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by digs View Post
I was doing homework while the title cut of my new Dylan album played, when I heard my dad chuckle from across the room. I realized he'd been listening to the lyrics:

It was down in Chaynee County
A time they talk about
With his lady by his side
He took a stand
And soon the situation there
Was all but straightened out
For he was always known
To lend a helping hand
I don't get it.
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Old 10-08-2019, 08:08 AM
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Faith Hill, "This Kiss":

Cinderella said to Snow White
Why does love get so off-course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
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Old 10-08-2019, 08:14 AM
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I don't get it.
Not overt hilarity, just the humor of a wild west "hero" who was perhaps a bungling fool. John Wesley Harding, though well-intentioned, apparently always made things more of a clusterfck.
  #29  
Old 10-08-2019, 08:22 AM
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from Reba's masterpiece Fancy (and in an accent so think you could walk a mouse across it)

"Your Pa's runned off and I'm real sick and the baby's going to starve to death"


a dire situation, indeed.

Last edited by JackieLikesVariety; 10-08-2019 at 08:23 AM. Reason: typo
  #30  
Old 10-08-2019, 08:35 AM
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Zevon needs to be represented. I've mentioned this line before, but in "Desperados Under The Eaves," he wrote:

Quote:
And if California slides into the ocean
Like the mystics and statistics say it will
I predict this motel will be standing until I pay my bill
Not a comic song at all, but I always laugh listening to that lyric.
  #31  
Old 10-08-2019, 08:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Author Balk View Post
From Schools Out by Alice Cooper...

We can't even think of a word that rhymes

Quote:
Well we got no class
And we got no principals
And we got no innocence
We can't even think of a word that rhymes
It's funny and works so well in the song.

The Refreshments and later Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers have a trove of great songs with funny lyrics slipped in. My favorite is "Down Together "I could forget the words just one more time And hope that none of you notices"

Last edited by Sparky812; 10-08-2019 at 08:40 AM.
  #32  
Old 10-08-2019, 09:15 AM
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Quote:
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I don't get it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by digs View Post
Not overt hilarity, just the humor of a wild west "hero" who was perhaps a bungling fool. John Wesley Harding, though well-intentioned, apparently always made things more of a clusterfck.

My mind was in the gutter when reading it.
  #33  
Old 10-08-2019, 09:52 AM
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The Desert Song (1929) must be a strong contender. Wonderful music, but incredibly bad lyrics for all the songs.

Also, over the top hammy acting, a totally unbelievable plot, and amateurish production... but intended perfectly seriously.

The best lyrics:

Riff Song
Ho! So we sing as we are riding!
Ho! It's the time you'd best be hiding low!
It means the Riffs are abroad.
Go, before you've bitten the sword! [sic]

Ho! That's the sound that comes to warn you, so
In the night or early morn you know
If you're the Red Shadow's foe
The Riffs will strike with a blow
That brings you woe!

The Riff Song from "The Desert Song" (film) 1929
  #34  
Old 10-08-2019, 10:22 AM
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From Train's 50 Ways to Say Goodbye
Quote:
How could you leave on Yom Kippur?
  #35  
Old 10-08-2019, 10:32 AM
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Courtney Barnett's Avant Gardener makes me smile when she sings:

The paramedic thinks I'm clever 'cause I play guitar
I think she's clever 'cause she stops people from dying


Priorities, I guess.
  #36  
Old 10-08-2019, 10:37 AM
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Brad Paisley

Today she met me at the door
Said I would have to choose
If I hit that fishin' hole today
She'd be packin' all her things
And she'd be gone by noon

Well I'm gonna miss her
When I get home
  #37  
Old 10-08-2019, 10:38 AM
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Barenaked Ladies songs are filled with great humor (maybe to the point of not qualifying for this thread since they could perhaps be considered comical songs).

Obvious example:
If i had a million dollars
I would buy you a house
If i had a million dollars
i would buy you some furniture for your house (maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)

More subtle (from "the old apartment"):
Why did you keep the mousetrap?
Why didn't you keep the dish rack?
These things used to be mine
I guess they still are, I want them back
  #38  
Old 10-08-2019, 10:52 AM
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Tim Minchin mostly does comical songs, but "Drowned" isn't really one of them. He compares what his woman's love is like, the entire time. Here's a bit of the third verse; the funny part to me is in bold.

Your love is like one last breath of salty air
Your love is like a map that leads to nowhere
A wine glass on a concrete floor
The overuse of metaphor
The straight ahead in a sideways glance
Like the misstep in a dance
  #39  
Old 10-08-2019, 11:28 AM
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I saw you making love with him
You forgot to close the garage door.
  #40  
Old 10-08-2019, 11:39 AM
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I always loved Neil Diamond on The Monkees A Little Bit Me A Little Bit You:

Girl
I don't want to find
I'm a little bit wrong
And you're a little bit right.

(that sort of concession never won me many arguments).
  #41  
Old 10-08-2019, 11:46 AM
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Some more Zevon:

I went home with a waitress the way I always do
How was I to know she was with the Russians, too?
  #42  
Old 10-08-2019, 11:50 AM
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One could debate as to whether "If I Had A Million Dollars" by Barenaked Ladies is non-comical, but...

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)

Followed later in the song by...

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
Well I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)

Last edited by FastDan1; 10-08-2019 at 11:52 AM. Reason: Just saw Clawdio's post. A bit late by me.
  #43  
Old 10-08-2019, 11:56 AM
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David Allen Coe's. 'You never even call me by my Name"
He adds a verse at the end to make it the 'perfect' country song.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 10-08-2019 at 11:57 AM.
  #44  
Old 10-08-2019, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
David Allen Coe's. 'You never even call me by my Name"
He adds a verse at the end to make it the 'perfect' country song.
Don't leave 'em hangin', Beck!


Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song
And he told me it was the perfect country & western song
I wrote him back a letter and I told him it was not the perfect country & western song
Because he hadn't said anything at all about mama
Or trains, or trucks, or prison, or getting' drunk
Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song and he sent it to me
And after reading it I realized that my friend had written the perfect country & western song
And I felt obliged to include it on this album
The last verse goes like this here

Well, I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison
And I went to pick her up in the rain
But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got run over by a damned old train
  #45  
Old 10-08-2019, 01:23 PM
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^^Thx
  #46  
Old 10-08-2019, 01:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
David Allen Coe's. 'You never even call me by my Name"
He adds a verse at the end to make it the 'perfect' country song.
For anyone who hasn't heard it, you have* to.

Here it is live, cued up to his explanation...


*You may never have encountered a Mandatory Obligatory Verse in your life, but that doesn't change the fact that it is.


And this has been running through my head since I read the thread title:
She heard about a family living in the USA,
Y'know they traded in their baby on a Chevrolet.

-More Elvis C.
  #47  
Old 10-08-2019, 02:06 PM
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"I'm sick of elephants and clowns.
I want to run away and join the office."
-Mike Doughty, "American Car"
  #48  
Old 10-08-2019, 02:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobLibDem View Post
A few of Dylan's always cracked me up

Brownsville Girl "Way down in Mexico you went out to find a doctor and you never came back
I would have gone on after you but I didn't feel like letting my head get blown off"

Idiot Wind "She inherited a million bucks and when she died, it came to me. I can't help it if I'm lucky"

Desolation Row "Cinderella she seems so easy..."
Can I add Tangled Up In Blue?

I had a job in the great north woods
Working as a cook for a spell
But I never did like it all that much
And one day the axe just fell


j
  #49  
Old 10-08-2019, 02:26 PM
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Happy Mondays Kinky Afro starts off with

Quote:
Son, I'm 30
I only went with your mother 'cause she's dirty
  #50  
Old 10-08-2019, 02:37 PM
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Springsteen's Does this bus stop at 82nd street?
Quote:
Wizard imps and sweat sock pimps
Interstellar mongrel nymphs
Rex said that lady left him limp
Love's like that (sure it is)
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