#1151  
Old 09-11-2018, 08:44 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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What To Do About Loud Co-Worker?
suggest a job for a mute


Get rid of loud co-worker, hire mute. Two problems solved!

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 09-11-2018 at 08:44 AM.
  #1152  
Old 09-11-2018, 09:38 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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What's the problem with US evangelical Christianity?
Is Diversity Our Strength?


Note diversity in religion, at least to the US evangelical Christians I've talked to.
  #1153  
Old 09-11-2018, 01:48 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Main page title/last poster combo:

Shooting for Sweden, Hitting...
Cheesesteak
  #1154  
Old 09-11-2018, 11:16 PM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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A skunk just came to the back door
Critter Cam out back.


Alas, no camera!
  #1155  
Old 09-12-2018, 07:15 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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70ís novelty country song
How do I wash a new white shirt that has red sleeves?


My red sleeves turned my undies pink
Lawd what can I do?
They razz me at the redneck bar
My carefree life is through


  #1156  
Old 09-12-2018, 10:22 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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The Tune Distorts the Lyrics
Soundtrack for a mental breakdown


Everything I hear has tunes and distortions!
  #1157  
Old 09-12-2018, 10:29 AM
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CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
The Tune Distorts the Lyrics
Soundtrack for a mental breakdown


Everything I hear has tunes and distortions!
I nominate They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haa! by Napoleon XIV


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/They%2..._Away,_Ha-Haaa!
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It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli
  #1158  
Old 09-12-2018, 10:31 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Dealing with the death of an abusive parent.
A skunk just came to the back door


Reincarnation is a bitch.
  #1159  
Old 09-12-2018, 12:40 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Kids speaking in questions
Should I be paranoid about this home buyer?

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 09-12-2018 at 12:41 PM.
  #1160  
Old 09-12-2018, 02:59 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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If Kavanaugh gets in and Roe v. Wade is overturned, what do you think that will look like?
Christians opposed to social justice


Sums it up
  #1161  
Old 09-12-2018, 04:00 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Don't shave your husky
There's got to be a German word for this


RasieredeinenHuskynicht
  #1162  
Old 09-13-2018, 09:59 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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optimizing gyroscope
Which way is up?


You'd know if you had an optimized gyroscope!
  #1163  
Old 09-13-2018, 10:49 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Is skipping out on a date and leaving them with the food bill a (literal) crime?
The French Toast MMP


It's French toast! Geez, don't make a federal case out of it!
  #1164  
Old 09-13-2018, 11:18 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Dallas cop kill innocent man
Emergency Declared For The DC Area


That's Dallas County
  #1165  
Old 09-13-2018, 01:09 PM
Hopeful Crow Hopeful Crow is offline
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I googled Medical Care in Florida and get TrumpCare as the number one choice.
I feel...hopeful.


Really? I feel cringey.
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A little poem I has writ,
Now you've read it; this is it.

Last edited by Hopeful Crow; 09-13-2018 at 01:11 PM.
  #1166  
Old 09-13-2018, 01:21 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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So I just overheard a stalker's phone call.
What music are you listening to now?


"Every Breath You Take" by The Police.
  #1167  
Old 09-13-2018, 05:28 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Selling grandpa's old collection of ...
Separate hotel beds for couples

Last edited by Ludovic; 09-13-2018 at 05:28 PM.
  #1168  
Old 09-13-2018, 09:11 PM
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MEBuckner MEBuckner is offline
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Selling grandpa's old collection of ...
Crack pipe vending machines
  #1169  
Old 09-13-2018, 10:11 PM
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kunilou kunilou is offline
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Emergency Declared For The DC Area
Things that are much smaller than you always thought


It's a tiny emergency
  #1170  
Old 09-14-2018, 05:46 PM
Derleth Derleth is offline
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What's under wood paneling?
Paradise on Earth


... not by the dashboard light?
  #1171  
Old 09-15-2018, 04:04 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Have You Ever Eaten At A Michelin-Star Restaurant? What Was It Like?
Butter
  #1172  
Old 09-16-2018, 03:35 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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I have a yeast infection................on my head.
How strong of a magnet do I need?


Get under one of those big electromagnets they use at the auto graveyard. Yanks those suckers right off.
  #1173  
Old 09-16-2018, 04:08 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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I'm thinking about driving from California to Florida ALL ALONE!
I need to build up my legs


I drove from California to Florida all alone, and boy are my legs tired.
  #1174  
Old 09-17-2018, 09:51 AM
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running coach running coach is offline
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I need to build up my legs
Johnny L.A.

Lab with weak hind legs

And all this time I thought Johnny was human.
  #1175  
Old 09-17-2018, 10:21 AM
RTFirefly RTFirefly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by running coach View Post
I need to build up my legs
Johnny L.A.

Lab with weak hind legs

And all this time I thought Johnny was human.
You beat me to it. But my comment:

On the Internet, nobody knew you were a dog...until now.
  #1176  
Old 09-17-2018, 10:24 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Outed!
  #1177  
Old 09-17-2018, 10:24 AM
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running coach running coach is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RTFirefly View Post
You beat me to it. But my comment:

On the Internet, nobody knew you were a dog...until now.
You may have missed the pairing but you came through with the zinger.

:two thumbs:
  #1178  
Old 09-17-2018, 01:07 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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What did they call an adrenaline rush before they discovered adrenaline?
Paradise on Earth
  #1179  
Old 09-18-2018, 07:36 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Another "cut off on the main page" one:

Can Democrats actually stop...
Butter
  #1180  
Old 09-18-2018, 07:38 AM
RTFirefly RTFirefly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by running coach View Post
You may have missed the pairing but you came through with the zinger.

:two thumbs:
Thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. View Post
Outed!
Life is ruff sometimes.
  #1181  
Old 09-18-2018, 08:10 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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How best to convince my employer to hire me?
Japanese Female Names


Along with some pictures you found on the Internet, amirite?
  #1182  
Old 09-18-2018, 08:27 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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I need to build up my legs
Shin splints and flip flops


Asked and answered.
  #1183  
Old 09-18-2018, 11:06 AM
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CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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And the new "Bosley" for Charlie's Angels is...

Bojack Horseman season 5 discussion (with spoilers)










"Where We Treat You Like Family!"

Hurricanes make men beat their wives to death.
__________________
It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli

Last edited by CalMeacham; 09-18-2018 at 11:07 AM.
  #1184  
Old 09-18-2018, 11:41 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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The oldest jingle you have in your memory
Butter


Parkay!
  #1185  
Old 09-18-2018, 03:06 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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I'm thinking about driving from California to Florida ALL ALONE!
Different places to have sex


"Uh, no, officer. I was texting...really!"
  #1186  
Old 09-18-2018, 03:39 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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What is the most incomprehensible, pseudo-smart sentence you've ever read?
Roseanne (the character) dies of ... OPEN SPOILERS AHEAD


It's incomprehensible that someone could die of open spoilers, but Roseanne the character dying is pseudo-smart.
  #1187  
Old 09-18-2018, 04:07 PM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Different places to have sex
Where/how to spend a couple extra days betw Phoenix/Grand Canyon?
  #1188  
Old 09-19-2018, 05:09 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Different places to have sex
I visited the US Holocaust Memorial Museum in DC today.
  #1189  
Old 09-19-2018, 07:36 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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The oldest jingle you have in your memory
Bert and Ernie still not gay


Doo dah, doo dah.
  #1190  
Old 09-19-2018, 08:40 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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The oldest jingle you have in your memory
Bert and Ernie still not gay


Well, okay, but just so you know �
IF YOU WERE GAY
THAT'D BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
  #1191  
Old 09-19-2018, 08:58 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Black Sheep of the Family
I'm thinking about driving from California to Florida ALL ALONE!


Because my family hates me!
  #1192  
Old 09-19-2018, 06:04 PM
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CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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My mother had me tested...

I won a bicycle!



Now I wish my mother had had me tested, so I could've won a bicycle, too!
__________________
It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli
  #1193  
Old 09-19-2018, 06:08 PM
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CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Where/how to spend a couple extra days betw Phoenix/Grand Canyon?

Different places to have sex


Asked and answered.
__________________
It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli
  #1194  
Old 09-20-2018, 12:51 PM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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I won a bicycle!
I lost a model project


:shrug: You win some, you lose some.
  #1195  
Old 09-20-2018, 04:09 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Question about horses
Why don't vehicles have electric water pumps and A/C units?


I know why horses don't.
  #1196  
Old 09-20-2018, 09:52 PM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Nose rings
Mouse Buttons


Nose rings are over. The cool kids are wearing mouse buttons.
  #1197  
Old 09-21-2018, 08:26 AM
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ftg ftg is offline
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Person with gun in home, spouse is a felon, and Heller
My mother had me tested...


But has the spouse been tested?
  #1198  
Old 09-21-2018, 10:45 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Will we ever advance above the integrated circuit?
If you rub the lamp, you get the genie!


It's a standard feature on the new iPhone XS.
  #1199  
Old 09-21-2018, 03:14 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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Selling grandpa's old collection of ...
Art, crafts, photography - how are these things judged?


By taking them to an appraiser, most likely.
  #1200  
Old 09-21-2018, 05:12 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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bon, c'est bon, bon, bon, c'est bon, bon, what does it mean?
Nose rings


I would've guessed a French guy who smokes a lot of dope, but he might well have nose rings too.
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