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Old 12-01-2017, 08:02 AM
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Dumb pets

I thought German Shepherds were supposed to be really smart dogs. Mine is a dummy. I asked her to prepare our taxes last year and she just claimed the standard deduction instead of itemizing! I mean she KNEW about all the medical expenses we'd incurred and I even told her where to find all the receipts. If it was the cat I'd say that was sheer laziness, but in the case of our dog? I'm thinking stupidity.
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Old 12-01-2017, 08:11 AM
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Your problem is it takes a pit bull when you itemize.
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Old 12-01-2017, 09:22 AM
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I had a pug once, incredibly cute, but about as dumb as could be. She could not learn. Potty training was never complete. We decided after about 2 years she had a mental deficit. So, yes pets can be real dumb.
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:04 AM
racer72 racer72 is online now
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I had a dog that would drink out of the toilet then complain that his steak was overcooked. Wouldn't eat peas either, I would find them in a pile next to his food dish.
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:45 AM
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Third Christmas in a row that I've had these dogs, and third Christmas in a row that I got NO HELP putting up the outdoor Christmas lights. WTF?
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:08 PM
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My cats are not the least bit lazy. They work extremely hard to advise me when it's breakfast time and they never stop searching for the perfect place to nap. Usually in the middle of the hall. Lazy? Not at all!
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:24 PM
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My German Shepherd could use some help in the brain department. She can take her bowl to food bin, and lead me to it, but can she fill the bowl herself? Nooooo. Yeeesh.
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:53 PM
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Cut them some slack or this might await you:
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Old 12-01-2017, 12:59 PM
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I repeatedly tell my flock of budgies "Go forth, my minions, and do my evil bidding!" but they just peep and force me to hand-feed them treats. They're so dumb!

Heywaitaminute!?
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Old 12-01-2017, 01:00 PM
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Blackjack told me he knew how to drive a car. He was lying. An automatic maybe, but he couldn't drive a stick at all.
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Old 12-01-2017, 02:01 PM
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My Yorkie, (dog#1) falls off the porch on a regular basis. She ain't got any sense at all. I have had a very smart dog in the past, they are fun yet challenging. At this time of my life I prefer a dummy. Along as potty training is good. I think dog#1 might be a savant, she never forgets where the food is. She has never has forgiven my son for stepping on her a long time ago. But then runs head long into the wall behind a door. Dumb!!
  #12  
Old 12-01-2017, 02:01 PM
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I dunno, man. In all the years I've done taxes, even when I was paying off a mortgage, the standard deduction always worked out better, and a lot less hassle.

Give the dog a break.
  #13  
Old 12-01-2017, 02:05 PM
Malleus, Incus, Stapes! Malleus, Incus, Stapes! is offline
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My cats are not the least bit lazy. They work extremely hard to advise me when it's breakfast time
She tries, bless her heart, but my Breakfast Alarm Cat still hasn't gotten the hang of Daylight Savings Time.
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Old 12-01-2017, 02:13 PM
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I've had dogs that would sit in front of the sink and stare at the faucet when they were out of water. You'd think it they were that damn smart, they'd grab a glass and get their own drink.

Last edited by cochrane; 12-01-2017 at 02:14 PM.
  #15  
Old 12-01-2017, 02:16 PM
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Third Christmas in a row that I've had these dogs, and third Christmas in a row that I got NO HELP putting up the outdoor Christmas lights. WTF?
Yeah, I hear you. You'd think they would at least hold the ladder steady. But I'm afraid that's pretty typical pet ingratitude these days.
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Old 12-01-2017, 04:07 PM
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I mean she KNEW about all the medical expenses we'd incurred and I even told her where to find all the receipts.
You can't use the medical deduction unless it is a sizeable portion of your income. The dog is smarter than you are when it comes to taxes.
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Old 12-01-2017, 04:08 PM
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Wouldn't eat peas either, I would find them in a pile next to his food dish.
Did you give him honey for his knife?

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life.
They do taste kind of funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.
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Old 12-01-2017, 05:32 PM
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I have a Shih Tzu and a cocker spaniel. They have licenses so when Iím too damn tired to go to the store, why wonít they grab the keys and go? They get to take lots of naps, when do I get a break?
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Old 12-01-2017, 06:03 PM
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My hearing dog was very smart ! He was a Standard Poodle
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Old 12-01-2017, 06:04 PM
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Typical incompetent dog, a la Gary Larson
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Old 12-01-2017, 06:52 PM
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I'm pretty sure our pug is psychic. She must see dead people - why else would she bark like a maniac at an empty yard?
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Old 12-01-2017, 09:55 PM
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I'm pretty sure our pug is psychic. She must see dead people - why else would she bark like a maniac at an empty yard?
Rake up the goddam leaves, cut the grass.
  #23  
Old 12-01-2017, 10:19 PM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is online now
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My cats are all fervent anti-vaxxers. You should hear the fuss they put up when I bring them into the vet's for rabies shots. Their willful ignorance on this debunked hokum is embarrassing.
  #24  
Old 12-02-2017, 02:11 PM
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My cat Dirk broke my DVD player. When I tell people that, I like for them to ask me "how"? so I can tell them he told me he could hack it to be region-free but now it doesn't work at all.

Stupid cat.

Actually he is just fat and jumped on the drawer when it was open.
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Old 12-02-2017, 02:32 PM
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My cat Dirk broke my DVD player. When I tell people that, I like for them to ask me "how"? so I can tell them he told me he could hack it to be region-free but now it doesn't work at all.

Stupid cat.

Actually he is just fat and jumped on the drawer when it was open.
He's probably looking for parts.
  #26  
Old 12-02-2017, 02:52 PM
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I have a cat that as a kitten had no clue how to groom, my older cat had to show him. This cat was abandoned by his mother due to him being too big for her to move. He was HUGE, way bigger than the other kittens.


I have a dog that barks at anything that sounds like a person knocking, even if you rap on a table in front of him.
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Old 12-02-2017, 03:31 PM
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I have a dog that barks at anything that sounds like a person knocking, even if you rap on a table in front of him.
Our dogs bark at doorbells on television.
I guess I should blame Onkyo high fidelity.

Last edited by carnivorousplant; 12-02-2017 at 03:31 PM.
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Old 12-02-2017, 03:34 PM
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I dunno, man. In all the years I've done taxes, even when I was paying off a mortgage, the standard deduction always worked out better, and a lot less hassle.

Give the dog a break.
My dog has a shitload of student loans; he should have foreseen that eventually the Repubs would rescind claiming SL loan interest.
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Old 12-02-2017, 03:35 PM
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Yeah, I hear you. You'd think they would at least hold the ladder steady. But I'm afraid that's pretty typical pet ingratitude these days.
Millenial dogs are so lazy and entitled.
  #30  
Old 12-02-2017, 03:37 PM
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Our dogs bark at doorbells on television.
I guess I should blame Onkyo high fidelity.
The doorbells on tv get ours every time.
  #31  
Old 12-02-2017, 04:33 PM
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My cat Dirk broke my DVD player. When I tell people that, I like for them to ask me "how"? so I can tell them he told me he could hack it to be region-free but now it doesn't work at all.
He made it region-free. Its free of all regions.
  #32  
Old 12-02-2017, 08:45 PM
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I've had dogs that would sit in front of the sink and stare at the faucet when they were out of water. You'd think it they were that damn smart, they'd grab a glass and get their own drink.
I had a shepherd who could turn on faucets.

[and truth is stranger than fiction, people...]
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Old 12-02-2017, 09:10 PM
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...I have a dog that barks at anything that sounds like a person knocking, even if you rap on a table in front of him.
I'm pretty sure ALL dogs do this.

We used to play hide-and-seek with our Bichon. It really was entertaining watching her run from room to room.

Sadistic? Perhaps.
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Old 12-02-2017, 10:23 PM
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I've had dogs that would sit in front of the sink and stare at the faucet when they were out of water. You'd think it they were that damn smart, they'd grab a glass and get their own drink.
The hell are you doing, letting your dogs run out of water?
I bet they have SPCAES on speed dial.
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Old 12-03-2017, 01:02 AM
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My dog is so dumb (this should a thread game, btw) she begs the cats for their food. They eat up on a counter and she sits below them in the beg position and whines, til a morsel falls, she eats it and spins in her happy dog dance. I am really gonna lose it if one of the cats says 'who's a good girl' one of these days!

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 12-03-2017 at 01:04 AM.
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Old 12-03-2017, 01:22 AM
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My cats aren't dumb. They've trained me well enough.

As the saying goes, "Dogs have owners. Cats have staff."
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Old 12-03-2017, 01:28 AM
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Personally I am a cat slave and cat furniture. I have to praise their beauty and brains everyday or they act all aloof and cranky. And for Gods sake don't forget treat time.
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Old 12-03-2017, 01:56 AM
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Personally I am a cat slave and cat furniture. I have to praise their beauty and brains everyday or they act all aloof and cranky. And for Gods sake don't forget treat time.
Isn't that the truth! I don't know how they do it, but every day around 6:00 pm, I'm surrounded by my cats who are meowing for their daily treats. It makes no difference whether the sun has set, or whether the clocks have switched from standard to daylight time (or vice versa), I'm nagged for treats every day at about 6:00 pm.

How they manage that, I don't know, but they are certainly not dumb animals!
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Old 12-03-2017, 03:09 AM
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I met one of my neighbors who was out walking his puppy. We chatted for a bit and he mentioned that the dog was half rottweiler and half border collie. I said that was a dangerous combination; a dog that could kill you, and make it look like an accident.

I've never met a cat that could parallel park worth a damn.
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Old 12-03-2017, 10:17 AM
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I met one of my neighbors who was out walking his puppy. We chatted for a bit and he mentioned that the dog was half rottweiler and half border collie. I said that was a dangerous combination; a dog that could kill you, and make it look like an accident.

+10

I've never met a cat that could parallel park worth a damn.
Parallel park? Pfft.
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Old 09-21-2018, 08:56 AM
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I recently came into possession of laser pointer.....my GSD chases the danged light around like she's a cat!!! When word of this gets out I'm pretty sure she's going to be asked to turn in her dog card. Do other dogs do this?
  #42  
Old 09-21-2018, 09:06 AM
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If it was the cat I'd say that was sheer laziness, but in the case of our dog? I'm thinking stupidity.
Actually, your dog was showing incredible intelligence by PLAYING dumb in order to avoid a whole lot of work that would save YOU money and get him NOTHING.

The cat, on the other hand, wouldn't even bother with such subterfuge because of the arrogant disdain for which cats are famously known, opting instead for the open and unabashed "Fuck You" approach.
  #43  
Old 09-21-2018, 09:34 AM
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I was under the pickup changing the oil and asked the dog to bring the new filter. But he brought the one for the Subaru instead! I told him the red one, not the orange one. And it said Subaru on the side. Can't he read?
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Old 09-21-2018, 10:25 AM
Lucas Jackson Lucas Jackson is offline
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Our dogs bark at doorbells on television.
I can beat this. I used to have a dog that barked at doorbells on TV. Our house did not have a doorbell.
  #45  
Old 09-21-2018, 10:41 AM
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I can beat this. I used to have a dog that barked at doorbells on TV. Our house did not have a doorbell.
Indeed, that trumps me.
  #46  
Old 09-21-2018, 10:41 AM
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I ask my dogs to put on their collars and leashes by themselves EVERY DAY before we go for a walk. They have yet to do so.

They tell me they would but they don't have thumbs.
  #47  
Old 09-21-2018, 11:25 AM
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The fish in my little pond are so dumb that when it starts raining, they race up to the surface, certain that they are being fed.

Then they bite at the raindrops.

One of the fish, Scooter, prefers his pellets DRY.

Another one, Pinky, is absolutely fascinated by the airstone. She stares at it for hours.
  #48  
Old 09-21-2018, 11:29 AM
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I have a cat who doesn't know how to make biscuits. Whoever heard of a cat who can't make biscuits?!?
  #49  
Old 09-21-2018, 12:08 PM
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My neighbor cats know my work schedule. They are on my porch at 8 and 5 waiting for me to leave or come home so I will give them some food. The dumb thing is they do this on the weekends, too. Everybody knows you don't go to work on the weekends! You would think they would have figured this out by now.
  #50  
Old 09-21-2018, 02:05 PM
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Speaking of dumb dogs, I, um, used to have one. I'm certainly not referencing my my current dog, who posts here under the moniker "snfaulkner" and may well see this post. This "other" dog consistently turns, I mean turned off his firewall so he could watch blocked doggie porn sites like "Poodles Galore" and invariably gets, um, got malware. He could get infected just fine, but could he clean it up? Hell no.

Last edited by Doctor Jackson; 09-21-2018 at 02:08 PM.
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