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  #51  
Old 08-29-2018, 01:10 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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Originally Posted by Miller View Post
My condolences for what you're going through. I'm going to move this to MPSIMS, not because it's mundane or pointless, but because that forum is better suited to sympathy and advice than the Pit.
Understood, and thank you.
  #52  
Old 08-29-2018, 01:49 PM
Springtime for Spacers Springtime for Spacers is offline
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This sounds terrible for you and your wife. Lots of good advice in this thread. You mentioned that you work nights, making adult day care less than useful. However is it possible for you to change to working days. Could you talk to your employer about your situation?
  #53  
Old 08-29-2018, 02:05 PM
StGermain StGermain is offline
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I'm so sorry you'r going through this, kaylsdad99. Please seek respite care for yourself.

BTW - It never occurred to me that the blind would be exceptional workers in a darkroom. That makes so much sense!

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  #54  
Old 08-29-2018, 02:59 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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Originally Posted by Springtime for Spacers View Post
This sounds terrible for you and your wife. Lots of good advice in this thread. You mentioned that you work nights, making adult day care less than useful. However is it possible for you to change to working days. Could you talk to your employer about your situation?
We have a pretty strong union (USPS), and the contract calls for strict adherence to the seniority issues regarding shift changes. Swaps between individuals are not permitted. I have updated my schedule preference sheet to indicate that I am only voluntarily accepting changes to the third Tour (2:00 - 10:30 p.m.). But there's a reason those are called "dream sheets."
  #55  
Old 08-29-2018, 04:04 PM
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kenobi 65 kenobi 65 is online now
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Wow, kaylasdad, you have my sympathies, and I'm keeping you and your wife in my thoughts. I hope that you're able to get the help that both you, and she, need.

As I read through your post, I started to get worried that I was seeing a vision of my own future. I'm 53, my wife is 55, and while she doesn't currently face the sorts of ongoing health issues that your wife has been dealing with for years, she's overweight, very sedentary, and refuses to go to the doctor.

Last edited by kenobi 65; 08-29-2018 at 04:04 PM.
  #56  
Old 08-29-2018, 04:31 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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Wow, kaylasdad, you have my sympathies, and I'm keeping you and your wife in my thoughts. I hope that you're able to get the help that both you, and she, need.

As I read through your post, I started to get worried that I was seeing a vision of my own future. I'm 53, my wife is 55, and while she doesn't currently face the sorts of ongoing health issues that your wife has been dealing with for years, she's overweight, very sedentary, and refuses to go to the doctor.
Feel free to show her the OP.
  #57  
Old 08-29-2018, 04:33 PM
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We have a pretty strong union (USPS), and the contract calls for strict adherence to the seniority issues regarding shift changes. Swaps between individuals are not permitted.
Have you talked with your union rep about accommodations for medical impairment or caregivers of those with medical needs? Also, IIRC, the USPS has its own social workers on staff, they might be very helpful in negotiating accommodations for you.

This is horrible, and my heart breaks for you.

It also scares me - I'm an morbidly obese woman in generally good health, but I'm getting older and I don't foresee it getting any easier.
  #58  
Old 08-29-2018, 05:08 PM
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Life's a motherfucker. Sorry dude.
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  #59  
Old 08-30-2018, 11:35 AM
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Fuuuuccckk! That is truly a heart rending tale, KD! I have nothing but admiration for people that can bear this kind of burden, and I truly hope you get the help and support you need. Don't discount any help you can get, it's important to advocate not only for your wife, but yourself as well. You have my sincerest best wishes, for what they are worth.
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  #60  
Old 08-30-2018, 03:40 PM
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I'm really sorry, kaylasdad. My mom started to show symptoms of cognitive decline about 10 years ago (she was in her mid-60s). It was a pretty rough time for our family. Based on our experience, my advice is to try to be proactive about the cognitive decline. My dad was like a frog in a slowly heating pot. By the time things progressed to the point that he really needed help, he was overwhelmed by caring for my mom (who was having hallucinations, kept trying to escape the house, and was violent) and wasn't able to get the help he needed. None of us kids realized how bad it had gotten (once we realized, we were able to get her into a dementia care facility. Her dementia has progressed to where she doesn't know who I am, but she seems happy and my dad visits her every day).

It's been mentioned upthread but the Alzheimer's Association is a great resource and may be a good place to start. I hope that you are able to get kaylasmom the treatment she needs with a minimum of trouble. Keep us posted.
  #61  
Old 08-30-2018, 04:17 PM
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Wow, kaylasdad. Much respect to you.

My elderly widower neighbor has a caregiver come in the evenings to make sure he's taken all his meds, etc. I suspect there may be a similar program that could help your wife while you're gone.

I also agree with whoever mentioned talking to your union rep and finding out what options you have. It seems to me you might need to get the process going for applying for FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act). Your union rep would know. Here's a boring link:

https://about.usps.com/manuals/elm/html/elmc5_005.htm

When reading your post, I was also concerned about abuse allegations. The only thing I can suggest is that you document every day in detail. If you do consult a lawyer, s/he would be the one to ask about that.

The best of luck to both of you.
  #62  
Old 08-30-2018, 08:03 PM
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My elderly widower neighbor has a caregiver come in the evenings to make sure he's taken all his meds, etc. I suspect there may be a similar program that could help your wife while you're gone.
It's not my call of course, but from reading the OP's posts, I don't think she should be on her own. Walking on a broken ankle is an obvious danger to herself.
  #63  
Old 08-30-2018, 08:36 PM
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Iím so sorry kaylasmom is going through all of this and Iím just as sorry it has all landed on you. Vent all you need to, and as someone said upthread, donít let it break you down. If you can get some help, even a little, do it.
  #64  
Old 08-30-2018, 10:22 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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Yesterday, I asked kaylasmom if she would be willing to go for the blood work, just in case she changes her mind in the next week and a half. She said "No," so I went ahead and served her breakfast. Later in the day, I asked her if she wanted me to call the orthopedist and just cancel the surgery officially. She did, so I did. Scheduled a visit in four weeks to have the cast removed.

In the meantime, kaylasmom is finding it very difficult to find a comfortable position in bed. MAYBE if the question of surgery doesn't come up for a few more days, the discomfort will inspire her to change her mind about it (I won't fraudulently forge her signature on a consent form, but I don't have a problem with manipulating her a little). I don't have high hopes that this will work, especially since the window for even DOING the surgery is closing soon (Labor Day will mark the third week since the ankle was immobilized, and my understanding is that by the fourth week, there will have been too much healing), but it's worth saving the lab work and CXR orders for another week in case it does.

Kaylasmom is spending nearly ALL of her time in bed now, and she's being more cooperative about letting me put her into the wheelchair for going to the dining table. I got her a bedside commode a while back, and she's gotten pretty good about using it without assistance. The biggest problem with that is that, a few years ago, she started having bowel incontinence problems at unpredictable times, including in the bed, so she's taken to wearing Depends at all times. Pulling down the Depends (without putting weight on the ankle) so she can use the commode is a little tricky, but eventually she should master it. Last night when I went to work, I just took off the Depends to make it easier for her. Her only bowel movement had been a little golf ball-sized turd about four days ago, so I felt it was an acceptable risk.

Thing is, she's been having a VERY poor appetite for a couple of days, and she's complaining of an upset stomach, and refusing to take her meds, which includes a Percocet at least twice (and up to four times) per day, for pain in her shoulder. So last night, while I was at work, the removal of the opioids also apparently removed their constipating side effect. When I got home, she had a very satisfactory collection of stools in the commode (which I dumped out). She wasn't remembering to grab her TP off the nightstand, though, so I had to clean her with a damp washcloth. Then I found a wire coat hanger and sculpted a TP holder to hang on the side of her commode. Good thing, too, because her bowels began to make up for lost time, and she had to go several more times today. Once, she just missed getting out of bed in time to save the sheets and her robe. The robe went into the laundry for cleaning, but I was able to spot-clean the sheets (which I had only put on two days ago) successfully, so I put her in another Depends and back to bed.

Another thing that complicates this is that she hates being in bed alone, so she wants me in the bed with her as much as is possible. She tends to be a light sleeper, and it's difficult to get out of the bed and accomplish anything without her complaining that she doesn't want to be left alone (in point of fact, I'm sort of playing hooky from the bed as I write this, using the excuse that I'm feeding the cat and the dog, and preparing to make dinner). I've pushed it for about as long as I safely can, now, so I'ma hit "submit reply" and join her in bed for an hour.

ETA: Thanks all, for being there for me.

Last edited by kaylasdad99; 08-30-2018 at 10:24 PM.
  #65  
Old 08-30-2018, 11:20 PM
nearwildheaven nearwildheaven is offline
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That, and it seemed a little long for the mini-rants thread.

A note about our circumstances. Iíve got a pretty well-paying job at the Post Office, but not the kind of scratch to pay for a long-term care facility. I mention in the thread title that sheís sixty-five, so one might expect her to be on Medicare. Unfortunately, she doesnít have the forty quarters of work history necessary to qualify for free premiums for Part A. I might be able to handle her Part B premiums, but the Part A would run me over $400 per month. So sheís going to stay on my pretty good PPO plan for another three years, when I turn 65, and they let me get free Part A for both of us.

ETA: Also, I work nights, so an adult daycare isnít as available an option as it might be otherwise.
Your wife may be eligible for additional benefits due to her visual impairment. A hospital social worker or disability rights lawyer (who you would probably see to get a POA for her) should know what to do.

Non-Medicare health insurers often pay for nursing home benefits, should somebody need them (with restrictions that aren't even as strict as Medicare's, either). Might want to find out before you need that information.

Many hugs to both of you.
  #66  
Old 08-30-2018, 11:20 PM
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What will happen if she doesn't get the surgery? Does she understand (can she understand) the ramifications of her decision? What are the consequences for you as her caregiver?

If your life will be easier, and/or she will have better quality of life with the surgery, can you persuade her to do it?

Best wishes to you.
  #67  
Old 08-30-2018, 11:54 PM
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I'm so sorry that you're going through what sounds like hell. Dementia is a cruel disease. My sister's husband has it, and she's the only one around to care for him. It's been a nightmare. Maybe what our family has learned will help you.

First, see an attorney who specializes in eldercare. Your local council on aging may be a help there. An eldercare attorney can advise you on getting the medical POA and how to go about getting one if Kaylasmom isn't with it enough to legally sign the form. There's a process.

The attorney can also advise you on how to prep financially for putting her into a care facility or, at the very least, getting a home health aide. I'm going to be very frank here: your dear wife suffers from dementia, obesity and a precursor to osteoporosis. She is refusing medical treatment for broken bones, can't follow medical advice, and is visually impaired. Her dementia makes it extremely difficult to take care of her, and you simply can't be there during the day. It's important to get all that lined up ASAP.

You'll probably have to get her on Medicaid. There are rules for this that would, with some planning on your part, make her eligible. As I understand it, you'd get to keep your home and your car, as well as half your savings, such as they may be. But I'm not an expert. That's where the eldercare attorney comes in. A social worker is also a good idea.

You've carried this load alone for too long. Please take care of yourself. It's an old saw, but it's true: there's a reason airplane passengers are told to put an O2 mask on themselves first.
  #68  
Old 08-31-2018, 05:42 AM
Brayne Ded Brayne Ded is offline
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You will break down if you're not careful. Get some help if you can. Maybe through a home health organization. Check and see what your insurance will cover. She is a real danger to herself. I found with my in-laws that dementia patients can go through phases of anger and disbelieving of their caregivers.
I agree fully, having been through the same, although not nearly as intense or prolonged. But you will only run yourself into the ground. You must get help, I just hope you can afford it.

Dementia is tragic, watching the person's personality ebb away. As someone said somewhere, in old age you become a parody of yourself.
  #69  
Old 08-31-2018, 11:08 AM
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Man, you have a rough row to hoe for some time, now. Hugs.

With the misstep a couple days ago I think it is time to evoke the Ring Theory of providing comfort: Patient is in the center, relatives in the ring outside that, close friends in the next ring, acquaintances etc in rings further out. Kvetching is from the inner rings to the outer. Only comfort from the outer to the inner.
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When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you're going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn't, don't say it.
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  #70  
Old 08-31-2018, 11:35 AM
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My sympathies, kaylasdad. Do what you can to take care of yourself while you're taking care of kaylasmom. I wish there was something I could do to help. My thoughts are with you.
  #71  
Old 09-01-2018, 09:35 AM
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kaylasdad99, I can understand that the situation you and your family are in is difficult and upsetting. I don't have advice to add, but I'll just say, I admire that you care so much for your wife. I wish the best for your family.
  #72  
Old 09-01-2018, 09:54 AM
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Make sure you have time to yourself. When my father had dementia, he visited a care centre twice a week for the whole day.

You really do need that Power of Attorney.

Something else: think about the appearance of elder abuse. You're not going to do it, of course, but over here all it takes is for some over-zealous doctor or social worker to draw the wrong conclusion and you'd be in a world of trouble.
I could not agree more with everything in this post. You are a loving partner and caregiver and you need some respite for yourself.

The power of attorney and other health care directives are so important and if there is definite neurological signs of Alzheimer's or dementia you need to get those in order before she is completely incapacitated and you have to go to court to take power of attorney.

The last thing that Quartz mentioned is a sad truth that you must be wary of.
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  #73  
Old 09-02-2018, 09:13 PM
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kaylasdad99, I can understand that the situation you and your family are in is difficult and upsetting. I don't have advice to add, but I'll just say, I admire that you care so much for your wife. I wish the best for your family.
I don't have any to add either but wishing the same things, only for the best for your and your wife in this trying time.
  #74  
Old 09-03-2018, 12:45 AM
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I have no legal advice or much more to add, just another vote for taking care of yourself too. I am so sorry you are going through this - it is awful.
  #75  
Old 09-07-2018, 06:34 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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Yesterday, I asked kaylasmom if she would be willing to go for the blood work, just in case she changes her mind in the next week and a half. She said "No," so I went ahead and served her breakfast. Later in the day, I asked her if she wanted me to call the orthopedist and just cancel the surgery officially. She did, so I did. Scheduled a visit in four weeks to have the cast removed.

In the meantime, kaylasmom is finding it very difficult to find a comfortable position in bed. MAYBE if the question of surgery doesn't come up for a few more days, the discomfort will inspire her to change her mind about it (I won't fraudulently forge her signature on a consent form, but I don't have a problem with manipulating her a little). I don't have high hopes that this will work, especially since the window for even DOING the surgery is closing soon (Labor Day will mark the third week since the ankle was immobilized, and my understanding is that by the fourth week, there will have been too much healing), but it's worth saving the lab work and CXR orders for another week in case it does.

<SNIP>
New developments. I spoke with my supervisor last Sunday, and he suggested that I apply for an FMLA case number so I can take leave at least until she’s out of the cast and is safe to hobble on her own. So I gave our EAP call center a ring and asked about that. The counselor told me I should get recommendations from both kaylasmom’s primary doctor and the orthopedist. I found the pdf for the form online, and commenced filling it out. I was halfway through the process when she called to me from the bedroom and said that if I truly feel that surgery is the best option for her, she’ll consent to it.

My immediate reaction was a mixture of relief and apprehension. It’s been more than four weeks since the break; will the surgeon even think there’s time? I called his office and asked the nurse if it’s still possible for kaylasmom to change her mind. The nurse rang off, promising to ask the doctor and get back to me ASAP. Twenty minutes later she called me back with a scheduled surgery date of September 25. SEVEN WEEKS after the break? I said I thought that was a little late (only two days before we were originally going to remove the cast). She saw the sense in that, and apparently juggled some things around, because she now has us scheduled to go in on the 14th.

I got the blood work drawn Thursday morning, and the Chest X-ray at around noon. I’m still going to request FMLA leave for the duration of her convalescence, and next Monday, we have a pre-op consultation with the surgeon, where I’ll learn how long that will be. I’ve got a little more than seven weeks of sick leave banked, plus eleven weeks of annual leave in case I run out, so we should be okay.

All in all, things seem to be looking up.

Last edited by kaylasdad99; 09-07-2018 at 06:35 AM.
  #76  
Old 09-07-2018, 06:56 AM
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All in all, things seem to be looking up.
That's great. I hope it all goes off smoothly and she recovers quickly.
  #77  
Old 09-07-2018, 07:53 AM
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I have no additional advice, but wanted to chime in to wish you well. You must be overwhelmed. Take care of yourself, however you can.

If I am not for myself, who is for me?
If I am only for myself, what am i?
If not now, when?

Okay, I lied, I have advise from the Talmud. You need to care for yourself before you can help others.
  #78  
Old 09-07-2018, 10:32 AM
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Thank you for the update. We worry about you and your wife, and appreciate you sharing with us.
  #79  
Old 09-07-2018, 11:04 AM
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Glad there is some better news. Please keep us updated on how the surgery goes. Lots of people here are rooting for you guys.
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Old 09-07-2018, 12:21 PM
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I might not be totally up to speed, but something to keep in mind: after her surgery, Medicare will pay for up to 90 days in a rehab facility (nursing home). Find a good one that gives good care and seriously consider taking advantage of this. She will get round-the-clock supervision, three square meals a day, companionship, hygiene care, physical therapy, and most importantly, YOU will get some relief. She may protest, but I urge you strongly to insist.

My mother fell when she lived in San Diego and was hospitalized, then discharged to a rehab facility. At first she HATED it, but as the end of the three months approached, she didn't want to leave! It was so much more interesting than being at home by herself all day. She didn't have to worry about mealtime, or laundry, or finding someone to talk to. And she was even in a room with two other people! I couldn't believe that she got to like that part, as she is the most anti-social person I ever knew.

Eventually I moved her to assisted living in my city and she also did extremely well there. (In a single room.) Again, at first she hated it and accused me of abandoning her, but finally got to where she like the aides (who were exceptional in this particular facility) and she became known for her humor and her wild socks. She was very lucky at bingo. She passed away peacefully in March at age 93.

Medicare does not pay for nursing home/assisted living care if you just go and want to check in. A lot of people are misinformed about this. My mother had some money saved (thank God) and Assisted Living cost $4,000 per month (that's about a mid-price). However, many people don't know about the Medicare after hospitalization option. Someone upthread said talk to the hospital's social worker. Alternatively (and what I did before Mama moved here) was to hire a Geriatric Care Manager. Google that for your city. I got someone through Jewish Family Services (you don't have to be Jewish to use the agency), and the woman was fantastic. She was my surrogate in San Diego before I moved Mama. Now that your wife is 65, she is eligible for lots of programs. A Geriatric Care Manager can walk you through that jungle. Or talk to your local Area Agency on Aging.

REALLY give this some thought. Please. You can't do this all yourself, and you don't have to.
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Last edited by ThelmaLou; 09-07-2018 at 12:24 PM.
  #81  
Old 09-07-2018, 03:23 PM
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Glad to hear the good news! Wishing you well on the road ahead. Please continue to update us.
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Old 09-07-2018, 09:17 PM
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Thank you for sharing this heck of a good turn!! Keep us posted.
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  #83  
Old 09-07-2018, 09:33 PM
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I am happy she agreed to the surgery. Expect a change of heart the day before. Hold to your guns, tell her it's scheduled and cannot be changed. Expect tears and admonitions. I agree with the after surgery rehab center. They will keep her down, off that foot and you can have a break from daily care. Goodluck.
  #84  
Old 09-07-2018, 09:47 PM
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Hugs to both of you, and thanks for the update.
  #85  
Old 09-08-2018, 10:27 AM
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Twenty minutes later she called me back with a scheduled surgery date of September 25. SEVEN WEEKS after the break? I said I thought that was a little late (only two days before we were originally going to remove the cast). She saw the sense in that, and apparently juggled some things around, because she now has us scheduled to go in on the 14th.

...

All in all, things seem to be looking up.
E-e-eyeah, the medical definition of 'urgent' seems to be different than us laypeoples'. I was worried about edema more than a month before Burning Man was due to start so I went to a cardio doc who promptly ordered an urgent heart test scheduled August 31st, four weeks later and right in the middle of the fest. Missed it for the first time in ten years.

My brother said the same thing kept happening when his wife was succumbing to cancer. "That looks really nasty; we better schedule this special blood work-up -- in six weeks."

Keep annoying at them with a stick or something. Good luck.
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  #86  
Old 09-08-2018, 10:51 AM
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Whack-a-Mole Whack-a-Mole is offline
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I sympathize with you and your pain. None of it is easy. While nowhere near the level of problems your wife has my mother had her share including a descent into profound dementia.

I strongly recommend seeking help for her care be it a nurse who visits or putting her in a facility for her care or something else. With dementia it is easy for them to hurt themselves and you just can't be present 100% of the time. Even in a facility it was remarkable the things my mom still managed to get up to (she sort of...painted...her bathroom with nail polish at one point -- I was the one who found it before the staff did and when I walked in the bathroom I thought it was blood everywhere and freaked for a second [the smell though was of nail polish so it was only a moment of shock but still).

If you cannot obtain professional help then do what you can to get family to help. Get family help even if you have professional help. It is really too much of a chore for one person to handle all the time. Even if you still do 85% of the care it is important you get some time for yourself in there to just chill for a bit.

This really goes with the above but DO NOT neglect your own well-being. In this case mostly mental but whatever it means to you be sure to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. It is easy to lose that when caring for her and it is to both of your benefit that you don't burn out.

Also, I would start the process of getting medical power of attorney if you have not already done so. Talk it over with your sister and an attorney but it seems from what you have written you will need it.

All the best!
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Last edited by Whack-a-Mole; 09-08-2018 at 10:54 AM.
  #87  
Old 09-08-2018, 03:57 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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Thatís great news she has consented to the surgery and that you were able to move things up. It also sounds like you are getting a plan in place, which doesnít make your load any easier, but having a plan always helps to make sense out of situations that sometimes appear bigger than we can handle. Please keep us posted, Iím sending good thoughts for both of you.
  #88  
Old 09-09-2018, 07:11 PM
Mama Zappa Mama Zappa is offline
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The suggestion of a rehab facility after the surgery is an excellent one - talk to the doctor about that. Insurance should pay if there's an argument that there is a medical necessity, though they might try weaseling out of it. My MIL spent a couple weeks in rehab after each of her two hip replacements. If she does go to one, be very visible to the staff because unfortunately we found that with the last one, they didn't always provide all the services they should have done.

And it'll give you a bit of a break from caregiving, which will be HUGE for your own health.

Does your job have any kind of Employee Assistance Program? If so, they might have some resources to help you out.

Does your wife have enough quarters of work to qualify for disability payments? I don't know how that would work since she is already 65, but I wonder if the fact that the disability(ies) all started before that age might affect her eligibility for services now.

https://www.specialneedsalliance.org...y-insurance-2/

https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10043.pdf

A couple of possibly-relevant quotes from that PDF:

Before age 65, you are eligible for Medicare Part A at
no cost if:Youíve been entitled to Social Security disability

People age 65 or older, who are citizens or permanent
residents of the United States, are eligible for Medicare
Part A. Youíre eligible for Part A at no cost at age 65 if...Your spouse (living or deceased, including divorced
spouses) receives or is eligible to receive Social
Security or railroad retirement benefits;

What I'm getting at is: it sounds like she might have qualified for SSDI at some point, even though she might not have applied for them - and maybe applying now might qualify her for Medicare? I honestly have no clue, and you may well have looked into that already.
benefits for 24 months;
  #89  
Old 09-09-2018, 08:59 PM
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My MIL spent a couple weeks in rehab after each of her two hip replacements.
I was recently in hospital and I went to a rehab hospital afterwards (NOT orthopaedic surgery). I'd have thought that with ankle surgery, they'd have to give her rehab. She won't just be able to leap up and be back to full mobility. There'll be swelling and the usual things that happen with surgery and she'll need to do some exercises to get things back to normal. It's a bit of a no-brainer that orthopaedics would need rehab, when "ordinary" surgeries also need you to have it.
  #90  
Old 09-09-2018, 09:30 PM
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I'd have thought that with ankle surgery, they'd have to give her rehab.
Have had surgeries on both ankles (had to have holes put through my ankle bones to run the tendons through. as they were so loose I was constantly breaking my ankles.) No rehab here - six weeks in a cast each time, a month in an air boot learning to bear weight again after that, and then I was allowed to get back to full weight bearing with no external apparatus. I was told these were apparently fairly invasive surgeries with more of a risk and recovery time than just surgically repairing a break, so it's possible no rehab would be indicated just on the basis of the surgery alone.

(Am also in the US, if that means anything.)

Haven't chimed in before know because frankly I don't really know what to say, but I suppose in lieu of anything more pithy, wise or otherwise better, I'll just offer my best wishes to you and your wife, kaylasdad.
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  #91  
Old 09-09-2018, 09:57 PM
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(Am also in the US, if that means anything.)
It may do, there seems to be a lot of difference between insurers over there as to what people get
I would expect physiotherapy to be needed when the cast comes off. Doing nothing very quickly makes bits "not work". I lost all of my strength, just from lying about after surgery. You can't just pick right back up from that, without some help.

Anyway, I hope Mrs OP gets all of the assistance she is entitled to and that she is entitled to plenty.
  #92  
Old 09-10-2018, 03:02 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Zappa View Post
The suggestion of a rehab facility after the surgery is an excellent one - talk to the doctor about that. Insurance should pay if there's an argument that there is a medical necessity, though they might try weaseling out of it. My MIL spent a couple weeks in rehab after each of her two hip replacements. If she does go to one, be very visible to the staff because unfortunately we found that with the last one, they didn't always provide all the services they should have done.

And it'll give you a bit of a break from caregiving, which will be HUGE for your own health.

Does your job have any kind of Employee Assistance Program? If so, they might have some resources to help you out.

Does your wife have enough quarters of work to qualify for disability payments? I don't know how that would work since she is already 65, but I wonder if the fact that the disability(ies) all started before that age might affect her eligibility for services now.

https://www.specialneedsalliance.org...y-insurance-2/

https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10043.pdf

A couple of possibly-relevant quotes from that PDF:

Before age 65, you are eligible for Medicare Part A at
no cost if:Youíve been entitled to Social Security disability

People age 65 or older, who are citizens or permanent
residents of the United States, are eligible for Medicare
Part A. Youíre eligible for Part A at no cost at age 65 if...Your spouse (living or deceased, including divorced
spouses) receives or is eligible to receive Social
Security or railroad retirement benefits;

What I'm getting at is: it sounds like she might have qualified for SSDI at some point, even though she might not have applied for them - and maybe applying now might qualify her for Medicare? I honestly have no clue, and you may well have looked into that already.
benefits for 24 months;
She has never been found eligible for SSDI, as she doesnít have forty quarters of employment history. She spent many years before we got married on SSI (and several months in the early 2000s, when I spent more than two years unemployed), but that doesnít help her.

As I posted above, I donít become Medicare-eligible for another three years. Iíve been told that as long as I keep her on my health insurance until then, Iíll be able to enroll her in Medicare Part A with me, and not be subjected to any penalties for enrolling her outside her three-month window.

This week Iíll be starting six weeks of FMLA sick leave. Iíll be using some of that time exploring physical therapy options.
  #93  
Old 09-10-2018, 11:31 AM
Q.N. Jones Q.N. Jones is offline
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My understanding is that if you are 62, and your wife is 65, she can claim Medicare based on your work record and not pay Part A premiums. I recommend looking into it. She can have Medicare and also keep your PPO plan through work at the same time.

Best wishes to you in this difficult time.
  #94  
Old 09-10-2018, 02:29 PM
CapnPitt CapnPitt is offline
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Kaylasdad99 I wish you peace. You deserve it. You're a good person doing the right things. I might be jaded, but I think that's rare these days. Keep up the good work. And I have to echo everyone upthread. Take care of yourself. Look into respite care. Help her by helping yourself.

I wish I had more I could do or say.
  #95  
Old 09-10-2018, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by blob View Post
I would expect physiotherapy to be needed when the cast comes off. Doing nothing very quickly makes bits "not work". I lost all of my strength, just from lying about after surgery. You can't just pick right back up from that, without some help.
Yes, PT I did have. It wasn't a rehab type situation though - I saw the therapist at my doctor's clinic every week or so and she showed me exercises to do at home.

Which brings up a point that is very important. kaylasmom absolutely needs to do any exercises prescribed - not trying to be alarmist, but failure to do so could easily mean she loses use of that ankle. (My therapst may or may not have regaled me with horror stories of non-compliant patients. I was downright religious about the exercises.) I'll keep my fingers crossed that she's compliant with that - it sounds like there's a real possibility she would get ornery about it.
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  #96  
Old 09-19-2018, 02:00 PM
PastTense PastTense is online now
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How did the surgery go? Is she recovering?

I hope everything turns out OK.

Last edited by PastTense; 09-19-2018 at 02:02 PM.
  #97  
Old 09-19-2018, 03:22 PM
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Same here. Please update when you can, kaylasdad99. I hope you're both coping well.
  #98  
Old 09-19-2018, 08:03 PM
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kaylasmom absolutely needs to do any exercises prescribed
Yes, and some supervision might be necessary to make sure she does them and does them properly, a visiting physical therapist, if she's at home (if that's covered).
  #99  
Old 09-20-2018, 09:48 AM
Cartooniverse Cartooniverse is offline
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I don't remember if you have ever mentioned what city you live in. My local Visiting Nurses Association was absolutely supportive in their guidance and instruction as I learn to do my physical therapy at home.

AND they are not the spouse. Some patients are more inclined to listen to a medical professional who is not a relative.

I'm not saying that is the case with you and your dear wife but it is sometimes the case.
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  #100  
Old 09-21-2018, 08:28 AM
ohiomstr2 ohiomstr2 is offline
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I greatly admire your dedication to the oath you made to your spouse all those years ago. Too many of us allow the tribulations of life to get in the way of remembering those words.

Please look into getting help with your wife. Even the most able bodied and mentally fit person can reach burnout. You must find time to take care of yourself if you are going to continue helping her.

Your situation is sad but there seems to be a tremendous amount of strength involved in working through it.

If you send me a PM with the county you are located I will help you with locating resources to choose from.

Hang in, know that there are others who want to help and stay strong. You are a rare individual and have my utmost respect.

Last edited by ohiomstr2; 09-21-2018 at 08:30 AM.
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