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Old 03-07-2020, 07:24 PM
Yankees 1996 Champs is offline
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Does having a friend or an acquaintance of another race/ethnicity matter?


Does it really matter?

In race-obsessed America, they say that whites and blacks and Latinos and other groups should make friendships with each other, etc.

Does it matter if a white man only has white friends, a white circle?

Does it matter if a black man only has black friends, a black circle?

Does it really matter?
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Old 03-07-2020, 08:16 PM
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It matters only if you want to be a well rounded human being who can empathize with others plights, see different points of view, and understand other cultures.
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Old 03-07-2020, 08:54 PM
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It is easier for people to hate, hold misconceptions about, and be afraid of people who aren't like them when they don't have positive experiences with those people. I don't know if friendships are mandatory for getting-alongness. But positive experiences are.

I recently rewatched the movie Best of Enemies. Some license is taken in the story-telling, but it cannot be denied that a real friendship was formed between the KKK leader and the black "rabble-rouser". They were thrust together just long enough for them to see each other's humanity and goodness.
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Old 03-07-2020, 09:01 PM
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I'm an old, white male married to an Asian-American woman. One of my oldest friends is African-American. It's not like we sit around all day and have deep conversations, but I've learned more about race and culture from them than I have from a lifetime of books and documentaries.
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Old 03-08-2020, 03:57 PM
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It’s more important to have sincere relationships based on mutual respect. If they’re very different from you and the friendship prospers anyway, all the better I say. It’s not easy, though. It can sour existing friendships, and sometimes that’s not a bad thing. A more challenging road, for sure.

Like I said, sincere relationships. People sometimes seek friendship with “outsiders” because they think it will impress others. I speak from experiences as I’ve caught myself doing it and, just a couple of times, I felt I was being targeted like that.
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Old 03-08-2020, 04:57 PM
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I'd like the OP to answer.

Last edited by Chingon; 03-08-2020 at 04:58 PM.
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Old 03-08-2020, 07:09 PM
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I guess I would say it depends on what you mean by "matter". If you could pick that apart for us, it might help in answering.
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Old 03-08-2020, 08:55 PM
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I guess it doesn't matter, as long as we all agree the Yankees suck.
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Old 03-08-2020, 08:56 PM
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I guess it doesn't matter, as long as we all agree the Yankees suck.

(Duplicate post, but always worth repeating.)

Last edited by Hatchie; 03-08-2020 at 08:58 PM.
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Old 03-09-2020, 10:59 AM
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No. And you can toss sexuality and gender into the mix.

Next question?
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Old 03-09-2020, 11:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yankees 1996 Champs View Post
In race-obsessed America,
Heh.
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Old 03-09-2020, 12:01 PM
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It matters if one chooses not to be friends with someone based on ethnicity, but you don't have to have diverse friends in order not to be a bigot.
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Old 03-09-2020, 12:15 PM
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Some of my best friends think it matters!
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Old 03-09-2020, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yankees 1996 Champs View Post
In race-obsessed America
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinyl Turnip View Post
Heh.
Yeah, that kinda jumped out at me too.

I suspect the OP thinks that race shouldn't matter, and that therefore the racial makeup of a person's circle of friends or acquaintances shouldn't matter.

I'm somewhat sympathetic to that point of view. But the thing is: if race didn't matter, then it wouldn't matter; but it does, so it does.

I'm not totally comfortable with the phrase "white privilege," but I admit that being able to ignore race is a privilege that I have in a much greater degree than most non-whites do.
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Old 03-09-2020, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
No. And you can toss sexuality and gender into the mix.

Next question?
Why not?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dinsdale View Post
Some of my best friends think it matters!
heh.
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Old 03-09-2020, 01:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yankees 1996 Champs View Post
Does it really matter?

In race-obsessed America, they say that whites and blacks and Latinos and other groups should make friendships with each other, etc.

Does it matter if a white man only has white friends, a white circle?

Does it matter if a black man only has black friends, a black circle?

Does it really matter?
If you try to force it, it's just tokenism.

If you live in a diverse area but all your friends are of one race then you should think about whether there is a reason for that.
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Old 03-09-2020, 02:38 PM
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Yes, it matters. But this is a different question than "Does it make you a bigot if you don't?"

It matters because actually knowing a diverse group of people helps you be more sympathetic with them. It matters because it's easier to hate people you don't know, and easier to be oblivious to the things you do that bother that group.

But you can't help if you live in an area without many people of a particular minority. You can help being acquainted with them online, but it's not something you can seek out without being kinda shitty. The question is whether you would be acquaintances witht them.

That said, it's becoming harder and harder not to be at least acquainted with at least some minorities if you're online, so I would find it suspicious if you weren't.
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Old 03-09-2020, 02:47 PM
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accidental repost

Last edited by BigT; 03-09-2020 at 02:49 PM.
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Old 03-09-2020, 07:21 PM
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I'm a white guy who grew up in Detroit. Had a lot of black friends when I was younger. Some are still friends, most aren't. (Probably the same story you'd get from anybody from mostly white area vis a vis their white childhood friends.)

Does it matter? Does having friends matter, period?
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Old 03-09-2020, 07:32 PM
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It doesn't really matter. My best friend of 30 years is of Haitian descent. My wife is Chinese. My children are mixed race. And I love all of them. And yet somehow around the age of 45 I became one of these horrible white racists you hear about. I actually think it is ok to be white.
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Old 03-10-2020, 01:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yankees 1996 Champs View Post
Does it really matter?

In race-obsessed America, they say that whites and blacks and Latinos and other groups should make friendships with each other, etc.

Does it really matter?
I don't think a lot of people are going to answer that it matters per se. On the more PC/woke side of things, there seems to usually be suspicion that white people talking about their personal relationships with non-white people are trying to deflect from their racial thought crimes. On the anti-PC side of things I think the general opinion is the vibe I get from OP, that it's a sign of obsession with race to consider what race of people you have relationships with. The two sides would probably tend, practically, to agree on putting a fairly low weight on just the fact a person has transracial personal relationships (rather than some 'deeper' analysis of their thought, character etc).

Then also, although you mentioned 'blacks and Latinos and other groups' a lot of racial discussion, on this forum and generally in the US, still tends to default to considering the relationship between Americans of European descent and African Americans with deep roots in the US. And there is IME often some tension to overcome for a pair of people from those two groups to have a completely relaxed close friendship. There's *something* to note there, though I see no reason to pin medals on people or give them demerits for having such friendships or not. But where I live at least (NY area) 'white' people having friendships with Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern etc people is pretty much a complete non-event. I'm not saying 'race' is a complete non-issue in all ways wrt those groups. But it doesn't extend to palpable tension person to person that I can detect in everyday interaction, or rarely anyway.
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Old 03-10-2020, 01:35 PM
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It matters and it doesnít. Having friends of another race doesnít make you "not racist" and having no friends of another race doesnít make you a racist. The in between is nuanced and relates to how one's exposure to people of different races (or lack thereof) may inform one's viewpoints. The idea that if we all just got to know one another and made friends as individuals that racism would die is bunk. Mere friendship is not enough, but itís also not nothing.
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