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Old 09-24-2017, 08:35 PM
HoneyBadgerDC HoneyBadgerDC is offline
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" Hard to believe but there usually was something to what he was trying to say"
Old 09-24-2017, 09:06 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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Posts: 9,337
Originally Posted by guestchaz View Post
Actually, I rather like your choice for an epitaph.
It feels, mmm, suitablely smartassed, something I might have picked for myself, tempted to steal it.
Since I doubt we'll be buried in the same cemetery, you are welcome to use it. I totally thought it up myself, when I was picnicking in a cemetery not far off from a sign that said "no picnicking." My friend I was with said that was just wrong, and he'd want people to picnic on him. In fact, instead of a headstone, he was going to have a picnic table. I said I thought I'd have a dance floor, because anyone who wanted to dance on my grave was welcome. Then we both agreed that we didn't want people to spit, even if it would be an eff-you to convention, or whatever, just, "no spitting." It's gross.
Old 09-25-2017, 02:53 PM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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Location: Jawja
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I have no intention of being buried, but this does give me an idea...

In my will I'll direct that a standard grave be dug in the family plot and the removed dirt be spread wide around it. An empty, open coffin shall be filled with chains and padlocks before being lowered therein. A memorial stone will be erected with my name and the epitaph:

Houdini was a piker
Old 09-25-2017, 04:06 PM
Crazy Canuck Crazy Canuck is offline
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The best I can hope for is "He was an asshole, but he was a funny asshole."
Old 09-25-2017, 04:21 PM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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Whadda YOU lookin' at?

Get off me, ya mook!
Old 09-26-2017, 02:33 PM
Dung Beetle Dung Beetle is offline
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"I did not take that Flintstone vitamin, and I did not quit my job because Deana told me to." Make 'em wonder.

On the other hand, "No spitting" is pretty snappy.
Old 09-26-2017, 02:38 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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My favorite line from (the River) Styx: And Lord, I'll try the best that I can to carry on.
Old 09-26-2017, 03:52 PM
Shodan Shodan is offline
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It's too long, but I like Robert Louis Stevenson's epitaph-


Under the wide and starry sky
Dig the grave and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.

This be the verse you grave for me;
"Here he lies where he longed to be,
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill."
Old 09-26-2017, 04:12 PM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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Location: Frogstar World B
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I had a fond musing of
As you push off from the shore
Won't you turn your head once more
And make your peace with everyone
For those who chose to stay
Will live just one more day
To do the things they should have done
But would be satisfied with "Did you notice? I bet you didn't."
Old 09-26-2017, 05:46 PM
epolo epolo is offline
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"Be right back"

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Morpheme Addict
Old 10-04-2017, 09:45 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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The epitaph of the dead at Thermopylae is hard to beat:

Tell them in Sparta, passerby,
that here, obedient to their laws, we lie

My dad was on the board of our local cemetery association for many years. His favorite headstone, by a widower for his late wife in the early 1900s, was:

Forty years with a tongue so sharp
O angels, give her a harp!

My own epitaph will probably just be my name and birth and death years.
Old 10-04-2017, 12:40 PM
2nd Law 2nd Law is offline
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Originally Posted by Leaffan View Post

Actually, I just want to be cremated and my ashes spread on a golf course.
My plan is to have my ashes scattered in a particular sand trap on a particular golf course. I already spent an eternity there, so I figure it'll feel homey.

I also figure, as that sand trap is near the hole, with the assistance of numerous golfers I'll eventually be on the green.
Old 10-04-2017, 01:00 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 41,945
I don't know.

I notice that at least one of the journals I published in has disappeared, hardly anybody knows about, and my work in it isn't cited even where it's relevant.
Seeing that, it's hard to beat the classics:

Look Upon my Works, Ye Mighty, and Despair!
On weekends, Hogwarts had The Sorting Hat separate the laundry. It hated that.
Old 10-04-2017, 01:35 PM
Sternvogel Sternvogel is offline
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"A man was born ... He lived and he died!"

From this Peanuts strip, which is linked in this old thread.
Old 10-04-2017, 02:27 PM
Whatever4 Whatever4 is offline
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"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."
Old 10-04-2017, 03:53 PM
Rhiannon8404 Rhiannon8404 is offline
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"She made a difference"
Old 10-04-2017, 09:59 PM
DSeid DSeid is offline
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Originally Posted by Shodan View Post
... Regards,
Yeah, that could work.
Old 10-05-2017, 09:09 AM
DesertDog DesertDog is offline
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A finger in the water.
Old 10-05-2017, 05:40 PM
swampspruce swampspruce is online now
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Veni. I saw, I conquered, I came. In all likelihood I won't have a gravestone at all so this is more for the humour than anything (such as it is.) A reading of of Mary Elizabeth Frye will suffice as I scatter to the wind and wave.
Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must have the opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful. -Margaret Mead
Old 10-05-2017, 06:21 PM
Delicious Delicious is online now
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"Died as he lived, in a woodchipper"
Old 10-05-2017, 06:40 PM
guestchaz guestchaz is offline
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wait, 70 posts in and still nobody had submitted "Get Off My Lawn" ?
"I find your lack of candy disturbing" Darth Desserticola
Old 10-06-2017, 03:38 AM
AppallingGael AppallingGael is offline
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Rock on
Old 10-07-2017, 09:17 PM
Kropotkin Kropotkin is offline
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"Look out behind you!"
Old 10-07-2017, 09:57 PM
Aquadementia Aquadementia is online now
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Maybe my 1x3x9 grave marker will read:

"It's full of stars"

Originally Posted by DSeid View Post

I've settled on the following for myself:

"A curious person who mostly reached his potential."
Mine actually might be closer to:
I wish, but I'm not nearly there.
Old 10-07-2017, 10:12 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is online now
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"When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth"
Old 10-08-2017, 01:58 AM
LongTimeLurker LongTimeLurker is offline
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"The best example he ever set was what not to do with your life."
Old 10-08-2017, 03:24 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Sausage, olives and mushrooms.


Sorry, I read the question as “What do you want on your Tombstone?
Old 10-08-2017, 03:39 AM
Foggy Foggy is offline
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Location: San Francisco, CA
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“Death, I welcome your cold embrace, release from this fever called life.”
(A phrase I came up with around 1996. I’m rather proud of it.)

In reality, there will be no grave, so no epitaph, which is fine by me.
Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.
Old 10-08-2017, 03:41 AM
Face Intentionally Left Blank Face Intentionally Left Blank is offline
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Originally Posted by TokyoBayer View Post
"This page left intentionally blank."
Say what now?

I could go the Harry Dresden route: "He died doing the right thing.", but it's questionable that I'll ever stick that landing.

I don't much care for my adopted state, and often gratuitously and irrationally blame all my misfortune upon it. I've often said that my epitaph would be, "Fucking" then the name of my state.

Here Lies
Face Intentionally Left Blank
Fucking (state)

or possibly:
"Well, that was the long way around just to end up here."
-= The Threadkiller =-
Old 10-09-2017, 12:53 AM
pkbites pkbites is offline
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Don't just stand there! Get me the hell out of here!




You too, one day

Originally Posted by Chefguy View Post
"Well, this sucks."
It's been done.
I got tired of coming up with last-minute desperate solutions to impossible problems created by other fucking people!

William Stranix
Old 10-09-2017, 03:19 AM
Dobbs Dobbs is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 202
“I did some good stuff, too.”

Or maybe, if I wind up in the same place, as I expect -

“Mom & Dad, over here.”

To those of you who expect to be cremated and scattered, I understand, and 15 years or so ago, I would have been solidly in your camp. But I’ve been doing a bit of genealogical research lately, and grave markers tell a story. And in the end, all we are is a collection of stories. Some day, somewhere, someone might look for the marker, and it might be a clue to where they came from, and it might be a story they could tell.

In truth, I expect that after the medical people take whatever spare parts are safe to harvest, the rest will be burned and the ashes will be put in a hole in a wall in the Vet cemetery mom & dad are in, but they probably won’t allow the ‘over here’ line. The stone will list my modest military accomplishments, and not anything else. They’re picky about that, but it’s mostly free to those I leave behind. That suits me.
Old 10-09-2017, 04:30 PM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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Location: Jawja
Posts: 9,256
Originally Posted by Face Intentionally Left Blank View Post
"Well, that was the long way around just to end up here."
Ashes to ashes,
How time passes by!
Came forth from a hole
Now in one I lie.

Burst forth from one hole,
Passed into another.
The latter is cold,
The former was mother.

From first hole to last,
The stuff in between,
Took up all my time -
But what did it mean?

Last edited by Doctor Jackson; 10-09-2017 at 04:32 PM.
Old 10-23-2017, 03:46 PM
Thuringwethil Thuringwethil is offline
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Old 10-23-2017, 04:13 PM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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I'd like my body to be turned into one of those museum exhibits with the preserved corpse cut into slices. So I guess my epitaph would be a nice little informational plaque written by an anatomist.
Old 10-23-2017, 04:16 PM
Tatterdemalion Tatterdemalion is online now
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Originally Posted by epolo View Post
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Now that's a funny epitaph.
Old 10-23-2017, 04:29 PM
Rhodes Rhodes is online now
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Location: TX
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A line from a good song: "We burned down Heaven and conquered Hell."
Old 10-23-2017, 05:33 PM
ZonexandScout ZonexandScout is offline
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Location: Southeast US
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Not very poetic, but here goes:

"He always spoke what was on his mind, but he was genuinely nice about it."
Old 10-23-2017, 09:46 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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I don't want an epitaph. I prefer to achieve immortality through not dying.
Old 10-24-2017, 08:36 AM
Haldurson Haldurson is offline
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"The party you are trying to contact is not currently available. If it makes you happy, feel free to leave a message."
Old 10-24-2017, 09:28 AM
wonky wonky is online now
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Location: DC area
Posts: 29,847
While I want the cremated route (no need to scatter. Find a dustbin), I could get behind a poem I wrote years ago with the appropriate title of "Epitaph":

Someone like you must lie here. Roses thrive—
their petals red as meat and slick with oil—
given sufficient acid in the soil.
Old 10-24-2017, 12:10 PM
Plumpudding Plumpudding is offline
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Posts: 1,300
I think I'd like a white-board and a white-board marker on my stone. But I'm gonna get taxi'd, so I won't need it.
Old 10-24-2017, 03:05 PM
smithsb smithsb is offline
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Originally Posted by Leaffan View Post
"HTTP 404 Error"

Actually, I just want to be cremated and my ashes spread on a golf course.
I'm donating usable body parts, skeleton and any remains will be cremated. The ash will be cast into a concrete yardage marker reading, "150 yards to clear water hazard". It will be deliberately placed 160 yds from clearing the water.
Old 10-24-2017, 04:18 PM
Jophiel Jophiel is online now
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Location: Chicago suburbia
Posts: 17,301
Gaze upon this marker and despair; for if God saw fit to take me from the Earth, what possible value could your own life hold?

I like to have a healthy sense of self-esteem.

Last edited by Jophiel; 10-24-2017 at 04:19 PM.
Old 10-27-2017, 02:19 PM
catkabrick catkabrick is offline
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Posts: 4
Stolen, but so applicable:
Sorry I'm late
Old 10-29-2017, 10:00 AM
CelticKnot CelticKnot is offline
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You can give me my beer back now.
Old 10-29-2017, 12:53 PM
Rocketeer Rocketeer is offline
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Posts: 6,893
Originally Posted by gigi View Post
In a flash, at a trumpet crash,
I am all at once what Christ is, since he was what I am, and
This Jack, joke, poor potsherd,
patch, matchwood, immortal diamond,
Is immortal diamond.
I love this.

For myself, I think I'd like: "Pretty good guy."
Old 10-29-2017, 01:10 PM
TreacherousCretin TreacherousCretin is offline
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Location: Moscow, Idaho
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I just saw this one in an online photo collection of grave markers/tombstones. For me, it takes the prize.

"I was hoping for a pyramid."
Old 10-29-2017, 02:51 PM
Morgyn Morgyn is online now
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Right now I'm planning on cremation, although I hope by the time I do actually kick off that the option for a tree burial will be available in the US (they plant you in a biodegradable pod and put a tree seed in with you, and you serve as fertilizer). If I do have an epitaph, it'll be the book lover's lament when finding out your book/series ends in a cliffhanger with no prospect of continuation.

Damnit, now I'll never know what happens next.
Old 10-29-2017, 03:40 PM
Una Persson Una Persson is offline
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"Never have I been a blue calm sea
I have always been a storm."
Old 10-29-2017, 11:13 PM
Real_Iggy Real_Iggy is offline
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"The rumors of my death are greatly accurate (this time)"


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