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Old 05-22-2020, 06:50 PM
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Fuck you, asparagus boy!


At the grocery store today and some guy looking over the asparagus. I wanted some, so I wait...and wait...and go back to the bakery section and pick up some hamburger buns and go back to produce. He's still there, picking through all of the bundles of asparagus. Now, I'm not usually a confrontational guy, but what the everlasting fuck? You don't handle things and put them back in the middle of a fucking pandemic.

So I told him "Just grab one and move on, don't paw at all of them." He came back with "You don't even know how much alcohol and sanitizer is on my hands."

Right, that's the point, I don't know. Asshole.
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:52 PM
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I don't even make a list of things I need at the store anymore. I just go there and look for the people hanging around items in an aisle the longest, and that's how I know what I need.

At Home Depot, I just look for the big ladders they have, and then I know that whatever I might need is behind them in that aisle.

Last edited by manson1972; 05-22-2020 at 06:53 PM.
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Old 05-22-2020, 07:13 PM
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what the everlasting fuck? You don't handle things and put them back in the middle of a fucking pandemic.
Asparagus boy sounds unreasonable, but I have to admit that I have touched things and put them back in the grocery store recently. I am very cognizant of doing it, and it makes me wince a little, but the reasons I've done so include
  1. Seeing, by virtue of picking it up, that the package of strawberries I selected was getting moldy on the bottom.
  2. Finding a product (UHT milk) in another aisle that suited my needs better, after having put a less desirable product (powdered milk) in my basket because I didn't know the better item was available. (I'm still surprised to have found UHT milk here - this is the first time in 2 years I've seen it in Hawai'i.)
  3. Discovering a much cheaper option after accidentally picking a more expensive one.

Number 3 is arguably my fault, given that it would be smart to check all the options/prices BEFORE putting something into one's cart (though while I don't remember the circumstances precisely, I do try to be careful so there may be extenuating circumstances when I did it.)

I dunno ... should I just accept the moldy strawberries, put up with the powdered milk, and pay more?

ISTM that while people should strive to be careful, it's not realistic to demand that nobody touch anything unless they're 100% certain they're going to stick with it.
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Old 05-22-2020, 07:29 PM
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ISTM that while people should strive to be careful, it's not realistic to demand that nobody touch anything unless they're 100% certain they're going to stick with it.
Agreed, but I probably would have been pissed at this guy in the before times. I mean over 5 minutes in front of a display of vegetables. Yes I timed.
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Old 05-22-2020, 07:33 PM
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Unless I just saw a stockperson put something out on the shelf in front of my very eyes, I assume it's been there awhile*. If so it has been handled by dozens of people by the time I get to it. Last I heard (and maybe I'm out of date on this), you can't get COVID by eating tainted (so to speak) food. Sneezing etc. yeah, and touch sometimes---but not eating it. So would asparagus boy be more dangerous because of the air around him or because of touching something you later touch?

Mrs. L and I try to remind each other to use sanitizer every time we go anywhere. Even if we didn't buy anything, there's a good chance we touched some things. Sometimes we buy asparagus that's already wrapped in plastic, sometimes not. I wonder which is more likely to spread Covid. I'm guessing the plastic but I really don't know. And I microwave asparagus sometimes, boil it in soup other times, and even put it on the grill. I wonder at what temps the virus might be killed.

*And really, from farm to warehouse to distributor to store to stockperson....?

ETA: Ah the time involved. Yes, some definitely have a decision making disorder.

Last edited by lobotomyboy63; 05-22-2020 at 07:35 PM. Reason: post from OP
  #6  
Old 05-22-2020, 08:37 PM
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Originally Posted by CairoCarol View Post
Asparagus boy sounds unreasonable
Actually, it sounds like the title of a song by the Ramones.

Gonna kill and destroy
I'm not an animal boy
Why don't they understand
I'm not an asparagus man

Don't have brain damage
I never fondled the cabbage.
Don't push me around
Don't bring my head of lettuce down


I confess that, in the days when I dared walk into a supermarket, I would gently compress a few plastic-wrapped heads of iceberg lettuce to find a nice firm one. But asparagus? Every bunch looks the same.

*it would not reassure me to be told by the asparagus freak that he was dripping alcohol and hand sanitizer over the display.
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Old 05-22-2020, 09:00 PM
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Originally Posted by manson1972 View Post
I don't even make a list of things I need at the store anymore. I just go there and look for the people hanging around items in an aisle the longest, and that's how I know what I need.

At Home Depot, I just look for the big ladders they have, and then I know that whatever I might need is behind them in that aisle.

There's an amusing anecdote in the book Eighth Moon. A young woman living in communist China had the chore of lining up every morning to get necessities for her family. She said, "Watever it was being sold, we were certain to need it." One morning when she finally got to the head of the line, the seller asked her for measurements. "Whose measurements? For what?" The answer was measurements of the deceased so the coffin would fit.

Come to think of it, that might not be too far off in today's US with the damn dirty lying sack of dung in the White House now.

Last edited by Monty; 05-22-2020 at 09:04 PM.
  #8  
Old 05-22-2020, 09:02 PM
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Before I got locked down here and shopped, I worried about raw produce being touched. I often got the plastic produce bags and grabbed my bananas with my hand inside the bag, inside out. It's maddening if you fall into the germaphobe rabbit hole.
I've been doing it for years.
Someone standing over a produce bin and touching multiple bunches of veg would make me change my dinner plans to another vegatable I found less germy. Mostly it was my imagination. But there you have it.

The whole world has come over to my way of thinking. It seems.

I knew I was right, all along.

But, yeah Asparagus boy needed to be told to move on. Wish I was that brave.
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Old 05-22-2020, 09:07 PM
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Golf clap for Jackmanniii’s faux Ramones lyrics!
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Old 05-22-2020, 09:33 PM
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Is Asparagus Boy any relation to Pea Boy?
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Old 05-22-2020, 10:27 PM
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On a positive note, he spared you from buying asparagus.
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Old 05-22-2020, 11:30 PM
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No experience with Asparagus Boy, but I can tell you about Steak Woman.

On my last trip to the supermarket, I needed some ground beef, among other things. As I headed over to the ground beef section, which is next to the steaks, a woman got in front of me. No problem; I can wait at a safe distance.

She couldn't decide which steak she wanted--looked at one, then at another, then at a third. After about a minute of this, I decided I could come back in a minute or two, so I went down a nearby aisle, up the next aisle (as the floor arrows indicated) getting things I needed in both along the way. Now, let's head for the meat department.

Steak Woman is still there! Now, she's taking a photo of two steaks, then concentrating on her phone--I'm assuming she's texting the photo to somebody and asking their opinion on which steak to buy. Time for another couple of aisles for me. When I return, she's still standing right where I need to go, still texting.

Thankfully, at that point, she finishes texting, puts a steak in her cart, and moves on. But honestly, she must have been standing there for ten minutes, trying (with the help of her correspondent) to decide on a steak. Fercryingoutloud, Steak Woman, you've taken a photo and sent it--move away from the meat department to have your text conversation, so others can get near it!
  #13  
Old 05-22-2020, 11:42 PM
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Originally Posted by CairoCarol View Post
...
Finding a product (UHT milk) in another aisle that suited my needs better, after having put a less desirable product (powdered milk) in my basket because I didn't know the better item was available. (I'm still surprised to have found UHT milk here - this is the first time in 2 years I've seen it in Hawai'i.)
...
That's funny. I never buy UHT milk, but I did last fall in Hawaii. I knew I wanted milk and cereal for breakfast, and that some of the places I was staying had no fridge, and also that I was moving from place to place and leaving my luggage in a hot car. And I found a 12-pack of little cartons of UHT milk. Perfect!! We carried those around until the last place we stayed, which did have a fridge, and where we invested in a half gallon or ordinary milk.

But the Target near Hilo had UHT milk in November.

Quote:
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...Fercryingoutloud, Steak Woman, you've taken a photo and sent it--move away from the meat department to have your text conversation, so others can get near it!
But then someone else might take one of the steaks as she was trying to decide!
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Old 05-22-2020, 11:48 PM
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I always assume somebody has sneezed on anything that isn't covered. In the past I would accept that risk if I wanted a tomato or something (I would wash it before eating), but these days I'm more cautious.

Last edited by Manduck; 05-22-2020 at 11:49 PM.
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Old 05-23-2020, 12:00 AM
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Can't decide, can't decide, all night
Fuck you, the asparagus boy.
Can't decide, can't decide, all night
Fuck you, the asparagus boy.

Paintcharge take a drive to the grocer in the store
Just to pick up some buns because s/he needs some more.
He sanitized his hands
He is dripping where he stands
If you want asparagus
Better castigate that man

(and the Pea Boy)
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Old 05-23-2020, 12:04 AM
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As a grocery store worker, I'd say the bacon handlers are the worst. You'll see people dig through several cases of bacon, carefully scrutinizing each one in search of the Perfect Strip, then leave the entire area a mess that takes longer to reorganize than it does to stock.
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Old 05-23-2020, 07:27 AM
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This was one of those titles that catches your šttention and you have to read it
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Old 05-23-2020, 08:07 AM
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This was one of those titles that catches your šttention and you have to read it
Yep, I came in here to give kudos based on the title alone.
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Old 05-23-2020, 09:22 AM
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No experience with Asparagus Boy, but I can tell you about Steak Woman.
I would have been sorely tempted to sneak by her cart and grab that steak. It would have tasted so very good.
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Old 05-23-2020, 10:16 AM
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I don't know how to buy just-ripe avocados without giving them a gentle squeeze. Sometimes I have to touch a lot of them.

I guess I should start buying them hard and green and just wait for them to ripen.
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Old 05-23-2020, 12:27 PM
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No experience with Asparagus Boy, but I can tell you about Steak Woman.

On my last trip to the supermarket, I needed some ground beef, among other things. As I headed over to the ground beef section, which is next to the steaks, a woman got in front of me. No problem; I can wait at a safe distance.

She couldn't decide which steak she wanted--looked at one, then at another, then at a third. After about a minute of this, I decided I could come back in a minute or two, so I went down a nearby aisle, up the next aisle (as the floor arrows indicated) getting things I needed in both along the way. Now, let's head for the meat department.

Steak Woman is still there! Now, she's taking a photo of two steaks, then concentrating on her phone--I'm assuming she's texting the photo to somebody and asking their opinion on which steak to buy. Time for another couple of aisles for me. When I return, she's still standing right where I need to go, still texting.

Thankfully, at that point, she finishes texting, puts a steak in her cart, and moves on. But honestly, she must have been standing there for ten minutes, trying (with the help of her correspondent) to decide on a steak. Fercryingoutloud, Steak Woman, you've taken a photo and sent it--move away from the meat department to have your text conversation, so others can get near it!
Been there with Egg Couple, Sour Cream Man, Frozen Vegetable Woman, and many others. Not just taking some time, taking enough time for me to continue shopping and come back around twice, without moving, being totally unaware of all the people who stop to wait for them before giving up and moving on.
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Old 05-23-2020, 01:21 PM
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The steak thing is easy to deal with; take one of the steaks. Her decision is made.
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Old 05-23-2020, 01:57 PM
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Asparagus Boy* must be on a road trip. He was at Miller's Grocery in Verona today. Makes me wonder if those people have always been around, fretting over a particular product while I gleefully ignored them. Maybe I just swooped in , grabbed what I needed, and never noticed that they were there. And still there, after I'd already checked out.



*Could you draw a Saturday morning cartoon of him? I'll work on the theme song:

Asparagus Boy,
Asparagus Boy,
Does whatever, he's unemployed.
Can he stall? Is he done...?
Nope, take a look in aisle one...
Hey there, there goes Asparagus Boy...!



Then do a spinoff with his sidekick, Broccoli Bob!
Broccoli Bob,
Broccoli Bob,
Busy playing with his...


(ETA: It's a work in progress. Oh, and ALL my songs are sung to the tune of the Spider-Man animated TV show)

Last edited by digs; 05-23-2020 at 02:00 PM.
  #24  
Old 05-23-2020, 02:04 PM
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Asparagus Boy; Marvel or DC?

ETA: super power is stinky pee.

Last edited by kayaker; 05-23-2020 at 02:05 PM.
  #25  
Old 05-23-2020, 02:40 PM
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Asparagus Boy* must be on a road trip. He was at Miller's Grocery in Verona today. Makes me wonder if those people have always been around, fretting over a particular product while I gleefully ignored them. Maybe I just swooped in , grabbed what I needed, and never noticed that they were there. And still there, after I'd already checked out.



*Could you draw a Saturday morning cartoon of him? I'll work on the theme song:

Asparagus Boy,
Asparagus Boy,
Does whatever, he's unemployed.
Can he stall? Is he done...?
Nope, take a look in aisle one...
Hey there, there goes Asparagus Boy...!



Then do a spinoff with his sidekick, Broccoli Bob!
Broccoli Bob,
Broccoli Bob,
Busy playing with his...


(ETA: It's a work in progress. Oh, and ALL my songs are sung to the tune of the Spider-Man animated TV show)

broccoli knob!

I'm picturing Freakazoid, but green, and sloooow moving.
  #26  
Old 05-23-2020, 02:40 PM
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Steak Woman is still there! Now, she's taking a photo of two steaks, then concentrating on her phone--I'm assuming she's texting the photo to somebody and asking their opinion on which steak to buy. Time for another couple of aisles for me. When I return, she's still standing right where I need to go, still texting.

Thankfully, at that point, she finishes texting, puts a steak in her cart, and moves on. But honestly, she must have been standing there for ten minutes, trying (with the help of her correspondent) to decide on a steak. Fercryingoutloud, Steak Woman, you've taken a photo and sent it--move away from the meat department to have your text conversation, so others can get near it!
Well, yeah - unless she's shopping for someone else. Our folks who do Instacart and Shipt run into picky customers all the time that demand photos and hem and haw over everything.

And, more on topic - having food allergies I HAVE TO read the ingredient labels on anything I buy, which means picking up the package, which means touching it. And if I can't eat it yes I put it back. At least a half dozen people have handled that box or bag before it got to the shelf. If you're that worried by all means wipe down containers when you get home.

But when it comes to produce - unless what I just picked up is moldy or something I buy what I touch. And if it is foul I don't put it back, I hand it off to staff to dispose of it.
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Old 05-23-2020, 03:11 PM
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my uncle was sort this way ....if there were 2 cans of peas that had a 4 cent price difference hed take 45 minutes trying to decide which was better...

and often get both but it was the same with everything ........
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Old 05-23-2020, 05:25 PM
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I wonder whether Asparagus Boy is related to String Bean Lady whom I've encountered. Filling her bag with string beans, one at a time, inspecting each bean, and putting all the rejects in an ever-growing pile. She was there for a good 15 minutes, while I patiently waited for her to individually inspect each goddamn string bean. Then she turned to me and mumbled some comment about my "attitude."

I didn't even want any string beans (I don't care for them), but she was blocking the eggplants. I had politely asked her to move, but she pretended not to hear me.
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Old 05-23-2020, 06:05 PM
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I had a couple stay so long in front of the meat section, I thought they were gonna put up camp. Cart, and 2 big fat asses. Blocked a solid 12-15 feet of access.

Me and some other gal just looked at each other and shook our heads.
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Old 05-23-2020, 06:35 PM
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the Target near Hilo had UHT milk in November.
Hey, thanks for the tip! I'll check next time I go.

I never thought to look for UHT milk at Target as I don't think of them as a grocery store. Guess I should rethink that.
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Old 05-23-2020, 10:01 PM
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I think we stopped by because I wanted to buy swimming stuff, which they didn't have. But as long as we were there, we ended up buying a Hawaiian shirt and a lot of shelf-stable groceries, like cereal and UHT milk.
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Old Yesterday, 03:25 AM
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Asparagus Boy; Marvel or DC?



ETA: super power is stinky pee.
Well, that settles his alter ego: a tomcat!
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Old Yesterday, 04:59 AM
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I will admit to being yogurt expiration date lady. I don’t eat much yogurt and I need it to last so I do check the front ones and then the ones further back to get the latest date. I felt bad about it but I didn’t want to buy something I would throw away in a couple of weeks and I don’t want to have to actually go into a grocery store very much. (I just checked and my current stock has one that expired 5/15 and the rest are in June)
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Old Yesterday, 07:04 AM
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I will admit to being yogurt expiration date lady. I donít eat much yogurt and I need it to last so I do check the front ones and then the ones further back to get the latest date. I felt bad about it but I didnít want to buy something I would throw away in a couple of weeks and I donít want to have to actually go into a grocery store very much. (I just checked and my current stock has one that expired 5/15 and the rest are in June)
We always have yogurt in the refrigerator. Checking right now, we have a large half-full thing of Greek yogurt stamped 5/9. It's seperated a bit, so I just gave it a good stir and tried some. Delicious.

Does yogurt "go bad"? Maybe I've been lucky, but I've never seen it.

ETA: I often use yogurt in lieu of sour cream, another dairy product I've never seen "go bad" although beyond its best-by date.

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Old Yesterday, 07:44 AM
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Number 3 is arguably my fault, given that it would be smart to check all the options/prices BEFORE putting something into one's cart (though while I don't remember the circumstances precisely, I do try to be careful so there may be extenuating circumstances when I did it.)

It's really a question of being reasonable. These people are clearly demonstrating that they haven't stopped for even one second to consider the needs of people around them, so we have to assume, for safety's sake, that they make the worst possible decisions out of sheer cluelessness.


But the checking prices thing can be a problem, because a lot of the stores haven't thought these things through, either. I was shopping the other day, and the store had a good special on steak, so I thought I'd pick one up. But I'm at a point in my life where I can't eat even a medium sized steak in one sitting, so I tend to buy the smallest one available. But of course, the store has stacked the packages in such a manner that you can't see the relative sizes without picking up every single one, even though there was room enough in the display to lay them out is a manner so you could at least see the price label on each. So there I am, trying to decide, do I paw through them all like an asshole, or just buy the one on top, knowing that I'm probably going to waste half the steak?

It's the fact that they don't seem to ever think that worries me. Sure, any one encounter probably isn't a problem, but when you look at life in the aggregate, every thoughtless action increases the likelihood of a problem. It's all a question of probabilities.
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Old Yesterday, 08:57 AM
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Yogurt gets a bit more sour with age. I don't think it really goes bad, though.

I love some cold leftover steak. That's what I plan to have for lunch, today, in fact. No need to waste the excess.
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Old Yesterday, 09:17 AM
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I have been reading labels for many years. So, I'm pretty sure what I can have on my restricted diet.
It's when companies change their products that cause me problems.
If the product has 'new' or 'improved' we look at the label to see what's changed.
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Old Yesterday, 09:17 AM
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Perhaps Asparagus Boy was merely looking to the asparagus for guidance?
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Old Yesterday, 09:27 AM
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Perhaps Asparagus Boy was merely looking to the asparagus for guidance?
The article didnít mention just what she did with the asparagus, but you could totally use asparagus spears to throw the I Ching.
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  #40  
Old Yesterday, 09:58 AM
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I love some cold leftover steak. That's what I plan to have for lunch, today, in fact. No need to waste the excess.


I'm not such a great fan of leftovers in general, and left over steak in particular. That's part of why I go with the smallest steak. I've been known to pass them up entirely because all the ones available are too big for me.

Plus, with all the problems with supply, I figure it's the socially responsible thing to leave the larger steaks for those who actually want the larger ones. Reducing waste at each stage of the process is probably a good idea. What I'll probably do is cut some of the steak off before cooking, and freeze it for making a stew later on.

But that guy who wanted a huge steak for his weekend BBQ is probably slightly unhappy now.
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Old Yesterday, 10:17 AM
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Yogurt gets a bit more sour with age. I don't think it really goes bad, though.
Yogurt is already spoiled. That's what makes it yogurt.
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Old Yesterday, 10:39 AM
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I was shopping the other day, and the store had a good special on steak, so I thought I'd pick one up. But I'm at a point in my life where I can't eat even a medium sized steak in one sitting, so I tend to buy the smallest one available. But of course, the store has stacked the packages in such a manner that you can't see the relative sizes without picking up every single one, even though there was room enough in the display to lay them out is a manner so you could at least see the price label on each. So there I am, trying to decide, do I paw through them all like an asshole, or just buy the one on top, knowing that I'm probably going to waste half the steak?
I know the answer to this one! You put your hand inside the butcher dept plastic bag that you're going to use to keep the steak package from leaking all over your groceries, and use that to shield your hand germs while you paw through the packages. This is how I pick out my produce.
  #43  
Old Yesterday, 10:41 AM
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Yogurt can get moldy, but it takes awhile.
  #44  
Old Yesterday, 01:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Horatius View Post
I'm not such a great fan of leftovers in general, and left over steak in particular. That's part of why I go with the smallest steak. I've been known to pass them up entirely because all the ones available are too big for me.

Plus, with all the problems with supply, I figure it's the socially responsible thing to leave the larger steaks for those who actually want the larger ones. Reducing waste at each stage of the process is probably a good idea. What I'll probably do is cut some of the steak off before cooking, and freeze it for making a stew later on.

But that guy who wanted a huge steak for his weekend BBQ is probably slightly unhappy now.
If it's a lot too big, you can just cut it in half, and freeze to rest to cook later as another small steak, of course. I don't think there's anything unresponsible about that.

I, too, look for steaks that are a convenient size, but usually the steaks of a given type aren't all that different, in my experience. In better days, I, too, have pawed through all the steaks to pick the one that looked best, though.
  #45  
Old Yesterday, 03:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Horatius View Post
IBut of course, the store has stacked the packages in such a manner that you can't see the relative sizes without picking up every single one, even though there was room enough in the display to lay them out is a manner so you could at least see the price label on each.
Even if the store DID arrange them neatly I can guarantee within a half an hour chaos would reign simply because everything gets picked over, especially these days.
  #46  
Old Yesterday, 06:26 PM
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With respect to asparagus boy, selecting a proper asparagus spear is not a random event.

Look for slender, pencil size spears, no cigars. Observe the tops. Tight and green.

Maybe the asparagus boy was "milking it", or maybe the OP was impatient?

I will wait for the video to decide.
  #47  
Old Yesterday, 06:27 PM
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Get a large steak and freeze half of it.

And yogurt is still good, WAY past the exp date.
  #48  
Old Yesterday, 07:06 PM
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When Asparagus Boy meets Avocado Guy, they annihilate each other.

I always strive to be a Good Do Bee. Iím a good Do Bee Dad, a good Do Bee Dude and a good Do Bee Doper.

Iím also a good Do Bee Shopper. As a good Do Bee Shopper, Iím always courteous to grocery store clerks and fellow shoppers.

Donít Beeís donít keep social distance. Donít Beeís donít wear masks. Donít Beeís donít keep their dirty mitts off the fresh produce. Donít Beeís are dicks.

Being a good Do Bee isnít easy. Why, just yesterday at the grocery store, after scanning the produce bin for an attractive avocado with which to make fresh guacamole to go in my vegan (yes, weíre Animal Do Beeís...well, my kids are. Iím an unrepentant obligate carnivore like our cats) faux pork carnitas for Tuesday Tex-Mex Fiesta Nite. I grabbed a good one and placed it in my cart.

...but, then I saw a more attractive avocado, bigger; riper and less blemished than the one in my cart. I wanted that avocado. I wanted it bad. I stared at it longingly. I may have even drooled a little bit. But, did I return my tainted avocado back to the bin and snatch the prized Aphrodite Avocado?

No, I did not. Why? Because Iím a good Do Bee Shopper.

Iím a good Do Bee for purely altruistic reasons. And, it makes me feel superior to all the dregs of society (which is almost everyone else).

Of course, being a perpetually good Do Bee is exhausting, so at the end of the day, I relax by stoking up a good doobie.

...hookers and blow help, too.
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ďDo you believe in such nonsense?Ē "No, but they say it works even if you don't believe in it.ĒóNiels Bohr

Last edited by Tibby; Yesterday at 07:07 PM.
  #49  
Old Yesterday, 09:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
I wonder whether Asparagus Boy is related to String Bean Lady whom I've encountered. Filling her bag with string beans, one at a time, inspecting each bean, and putting all the rejects in an ever-growing pile. She was there for a good 15 minutes, while I patiently waited for her to individually inspect each goddamn string bean. Then she turned to me and mumbled some comment about my "attitude."

I didn't even want any string beans (I don't care for them), but she was blocking the eggplants. I had politely asked her to move, but she pretended not to hear me.
Or is related to broccoli floret lady, who was stealthily tearing florets off the cheaper whole broccoli under the guise of careful examination of same.
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