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Old 03-30-2013, 11:09 PM
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Silly, weird, perhaps unanswerable questions about movies and TV


I've posted a couple of these before*, but I thought of some more and invite others to add their suggestions.

What would happen if Dracula's brain was implanted in the Frankenstein's Monster's body?

What happened on Hogan's Heroes at the end of WW2?

*
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=354911

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=284771

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=165672
  #2  
Old 03-31-2013, 03:22 AM
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What would happen if Dracula's brain was implanted in the Frankenstein's Monster's body?
It would depend on the exact version. I can image several possibilities offhand:
  • Dracula shapechanges into vapor, a wolf or a bat, and the Monster's head explodes as his brain takes on that form.
  • Dracula's brain infects the Monster's body with vampirism, and you have Giant Ugly Dracula.
  • Dr Frankenstein's reanimation process resurrects Dracula's brain along with the rest of the monster's body, rendering him no longer a vampire.
  • You end up with a Monster that has Dracula's intellect and hypnotic powers.
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Old 03-31-2013, 03:30 AM
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You end up with a Monster that has Dracula's intellect and hypnotic powers.
So, dumber than the original, but with added mesmerism?
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Old 03-31-2013, 04:01 AM
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So, dumber than the original, but with added mesmerism?
Like I said, it depends on the version - the result would be much smarter than the movie version; not so much for the book version.
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Old 03-31-2013, 04:08 AM
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Well the first would make for a horror movie that sucks and the second may produce After MASH in an earlier decade.
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Old 03-31-2013, 04:33 AM
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What happened on Hogan's Heroes at the end of WW2?
Klink and Schultz are arrested by the Allies, and during the interrogation, they only repeat "I know nothing. NOTHING!". After reading their service records, the Allies believe them.

Here's something that struck me as I watched Fast Times At Ridgemont High for about the nine millionth time recently: Is Linda (Phoebe Cates' character) lying about having a fiance? I never thought much of it before, but the last time I watched it the whole thing just seemed like she was making it up. Nobody's ever met the guy, not even her closest friend. Part of the movie takes place during the Christmas season and he doesn't even show up then. And the perfectly timed breakup at graduation. Reading way too much into it, I thought maybe Linda is supposed to be a closeted lesbian and it was a ruse to avoid dating guys.

So is "my fiance in Chicago" the female version of "my girlfriend in Canada"? I haven't read the book since the 80's, so I don't remember if there is more to it than is shown in the movie.
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Old 03-31-2013, 05:03 AM
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Is there a transitive property of movie bad guys? For example, Malcolm McDowell and David Warner both usually played villains. But when they were cast in a movie together (Time After Time (1979)) McDowell played H.G. Wells and Warner was Jack the Ripper. But does their relative bad-guy-ness stay consistent, and are there enough such pairings to establish the ultimate bad-guy actor?

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Klink and Schultz are arrested by the Allies, and during the interrogation, they only repeat "I know nothing. NOTHING!". After reading their service records, the Allies believe them.
My idea for a Hogans Heroes reunion movie was to have the characters meet up at a reunion, and then show flashbacks to their final acts of sabotage as the war was ending. At the reunion, they're going to finally meet the mastermind who created and ran their operation during the war. He walks into the room, and it's Colonel Klink.
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Old 03-31-2013, 09:00 AM
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Was Grandpa Munster a Dracula or The Dracula? The show does answer that Herman was one of at least two Frankenstein monsters.

And of course, how does a Frankenstein male & a female vampire have a werewolf son?

(Mockingbird Lane did attempt an answer for that- Herman's heart had werewolf genes- either it was from a werewolf or a descendent of one, and it spread so that Herman was not a werewolf but able to father one.)

Last edited by FriarTed; 03-31-2013 at 09:03 AM.
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Old 03-31-2013, 09:38 AM
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There is a pretty good story on fanfiction.net that proposes that Hogan founded the Impossible Missions Force.
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Old 03-31-2013, 12:48 PM
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...And of course, how does a Frankenstein male & a female vampire have a werewolf son?...
Easy, Herman's testicles were harvested from a werewolf.
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Old 03-31-2013, 02:47 PM
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My idea for a Hogans Heroes reunion movie was to have the characters meet up at a reunion, and then show flashbacks to their final acts of sabotage as the war was ending. At the reunion, they're going to finally meet the mastermind who created and ran their operation during the war. He walks into the room, and it's Colonel Klink.
That would be freaking hysterical! I would love to see it [though now it would have to be done in CGI cartoon, most of the actors are dead, I think.]
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:43 AM
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Klink and Schultz are arrested by the Allies, and during the interrogation, they only repeat "I know nothing. NOTHING!". After reading their service records, the Allies believe them.

Here's something that struck me as I watched Fast Times At Ridgemont High for about the nine millionth time recently: Is Linda (Phoebe Cates' character) lying about having a fiance? I never thought much of it before, but the last time I watched it the whole thing just seemed like she was making it up. Nobody's ever met the guy, not even her closest friend. Part of the movie takes place during the Christmas season and he doesn't even show up then. And the perfectly timed breakup at graduation. Reading way too much into it, I thought maybe Linda is supposed to be a closeted lesbian and it was a ruse to avoid dating guys.

So is "my fiance in Chicago" the female version of "my girlfriend in Canada"? I haven't read the book since the 80's, so I don't remember if there is more to it than is shown in the movie.
FTaRH: I think she may have hooked up with the Chicago guy, but had to make him her fiance to seem less trashy -- at the most. It's more likely, she made the whole thing up to seem more experienced and worldly than she is. She was very disdainful of high school guys throughout the entire movie and served as a Dr. Ruth advice giver to all the other girls. But Stacy would ask questions that Linda clearly answered incorrectly; I think she enjoyed feeling like the wise, experienced "woman" and having all her friends go to her for advice.

There was always a girl or two like this in high school and they were invariably virgins. You didn't figure that out until you took their advice and realized -- she had no clue what she was talking about.

I don't think it was a ruse to avoid dating guys, I think it was a ruse to come off being wiser, more experienced and more grown up than she really was.
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Old 04-01-2013, 12:01 PM
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IIRC, in the book, the guy was real. That just didn't come across too clearly in the movie.
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Old 04-01-2013, 12:08 PM
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FTaRH: I think she may have hooked up with the Chicago guy, but had to make him her fiance to seem less trashy -- at the most. It's more likely, she made the whole thing up to seem more experienced and worldly than she is. She was very disdainful of high school guys throughout the entire movie and served as a Dr. Ruth advice giver to all the other girls. But Stacy would ask questions that Linda clearly answered incorrectly; I think she enjoyed feeling like the wise, experienced "woman" and having all her friends go to her for advice.

There was always a girl or two like this in high school and they were invariably virgins. You didn't figure that out until you took their advice and realized -- she had no clue what she was talking about.

I don't think it was a ruse to avoid dating guys, I think it was a ruse to come off being wiser, more experienced and more grown up than she really was.
Sounds reasonable. She may have actually done it with some guy, but at the time of the movie there were still plenty of girls in high school that were virgins, and the ones who had 'done it', even once, were considered to be sages of sexual activity. Same thing applied to the boys, though they may have lied about it more often. Now-a-days, I don't know, but I think girls are losing their virginity long before the prom.
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Old 04-01-2013, 12:21 PM
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Sounds reasonable. She may have actually done it with some guy, but at the time of the movie there were still plenty of girls in high school that were virgins, and the ones who had 'done it', even once, were considered to be sages of sexual activity. Same thing applied to the boys, though they may have lied about it more often. Now-a-days, I don't know, but I think girls are losing their virginity long before the prom.
Yep.

Both the movie and this post are good summaries of what my high school experience was like. I find it so much more accurate and relatable than, say, The Breakfast Club, which I would have considered mostly fantasy at the time. I went to a school that was more like Ridgemont High -- drugs, booze, sex, etc. Breakfast Club was about the rich kids in the wealthy suburbs, which did not reflect my experience at all.
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:11 PM
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You'd have Count Frankula, a delightful chocolate/strawberry concoction vaguely resembling a breakfast cereal.
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Old 05-13-2013, 08:25 PM
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Just thought of another question about Hogan's Heroes: did they ever explain, perhaps in a pilot episode I never saw, how the heck an allied espionage/sabotage base got founded literally under a stalag?
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Old 05-16-2013, 07:32 PM
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Just thought of another question about Hogan's Heroes: did they ever explain, perhaps in a pilot episode I never saw, how the heck an allied espionage/sabotage base got founded literally under a stalag?
In the pilot, the whole underground operation was enormous — room after room, scores of people. And it was commercial as well as strategic, e.g., in one room, a half-dozen employees were manufacturing fake war souvenirs (Nazi flags, lugers, etc.).

But no, they never explained how it was built.
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:28 PM
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I had a friend in college who had an elaborate theory about how Col. Klink was actually with the Resistance but so deep undercover that Hogan and the other Heroes never even suspected he was intentionally helping them with his bumbling bureaucrat routine. This, she said, explained many seemingly implausible things about the show, from the existence of the underground base itself to Col. Klink's perpetual "failure" to get promoted to General.
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:42 PM
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One thing that I always wondered about "Bewitched" (and even started a thread about a long time ago), just what was the medication Gladys Kravitz was taking?

"Abner! Mrs. Stephens across the street is flying around outside over the house, and Benjamin Franklin is outside!"

"Take your medicine Gladys."

So, did Mrs. Kravitz have a prescription to some type of anti-psychotic serum? If so, what was it?
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:53 PM
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2 oz. gin, 1/6 oz. dry vermouth, shakes over ice, strain, garnish with a cocktail onion.
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:06 PM
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{snip} what was the medication Gladys Kravitz was taking? {snip}
Mother's Little Helper. Note: pdf

It's NBD, but I find it ironc and sad that a "Don Draper" hasn't a clue as to what Gladys is taking.
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:52 PM
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In the remake of Rear Window starring Christopher Reeve as Jason Kemp, he states he has an edetic memory, but doesn't remember the bad guy was hired to do the scultures because the trama of his accident made him forget that whole week in his life. Why the hell didn't he go over that week's work while he was recovering?

That's a plot hole big enough to drive a Greyhound bus through.
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Old 05-19-2013, 12:17 AM
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...
What happened on Hogan's Heroes at the end of WW2?
...[/url]
Newkirk becomes a used car salesman.
LeBeau becomes an insult comic.
Kinch invents the coffee pot TV set and retires with millions.
Carter becomes a homeless schizophrenic.
Schultz and Burkhalter pool their money to buy a brothel.
Klink becomes the Prime Minister of Germany.

Hogan makes his fortune in pornography. His first starlet is Fraulein Helga.
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Old 05-19-2013, 08:42 PM
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I see the obvious end for Hogan's Heroes as the Russians are close to over-running the camp. There is no transport left - so Hogan and the boys help Klink, Schultz and co escape via the secret tunnels.

Don't spoil it by pointing out that Stalag 13 was in West Germany!
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Old 05-20-2013, 10:27 AM
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Robot Arm had it pretty close. The genius behind it all wasn't Klink, but Schultz.
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Old 05-23-2013, 05:52 PM
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Who put Michigan J. Frog in the cornerstone originally? Where did he come from?
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Old 05-23-2013, 07:47 PM
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Michigan, obviously.
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Old 05-23-2013, 08:31 PM
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Is there any episode of Firefly where some member of the crew doesn't get cut up or shot?
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Old 05-23-2013, 09:01 PM
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Newkirk becomes a used car salesman.
Used-Car Salesman? Used-Car Salesman. Answers on the board; survey says? Sorry, the correct answer was "Game Show Host". Game ... Show ... Host. Kimble family, I'm afraid you're going home, but we do have some lovely parting gifts for you.
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Old 05-23-2013, 09:28 PM
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Is there any episode of Firefly where some member of the crew doesn't get cut up or shot?
Heart of Gold
The Message
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Old 05-24-2013, 02:13 AM
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What happened to the GIs (and the Tiger crew, for that matter) at the end of Kelly's Heroes, since they're all guilty of misappropriation of government property, dereliction of duty, desertion, and Lord knows what else?

Were they actually allowed across the Swiss border with all their gear, vehicles, and loot? If they were forced to abandon their vehicles, how did they get the gold across the border? Would the Swiss have actually accepted tons of obviously hot gold from private belligerent combatants? Did they fake their own deaths to avoid military and civilian criminal prosecution? If they were interned in Switzerland, would they have been allowed to stay after the end of the war? If they were allowed to stay, would the Swiss have given them new identities? Would they not have been considered criminals by the Swiss as well?

A very good movie, but the ending is completely implausible!
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Old 05-24-2013, 05:09 AM
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What happened to the GIs (and the Tiger crew, for that matter) at the end of Kelly's Heroes, since they're all guilty of misappropriation of government property, dereliction of duty, desertion, and Lord knows what else?

Were they actually allowed across the Swiss border with all their gear, vehicles, and loot? If they were forced to abandon their vehicles, how did they get the gold across the border? Would the Swiss have actually accepted tons of obviously hot gold from private belligerent combatants? Did they fake their own deaths to avoid military and civilian criminal prosecution? If they were interned in Switzerland, would they have been allowed to stay after the end of the war? If they were allowed to stay, would the Swiss have given them new identities? Would they not have been considered criminals by the Swiss as well?

A very good movie, but the ending is completely implausible!
They just need to find one border guard who can be bribed. And in the world of that movie, everybody was corrupt.
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Old 05-24-2013, 05:44 PM
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Was Grandpa Munster a Dracula or The Dracula? The show does answer that Herman was one of at least two Frankenstein monsters.
The Dracula. He's specifically referred to as Count Dracula at least twice.
From wiki:
For example, in the episode "The Musician", Mr. Gateman refers to him as "Count Dracula" when he comes to dinner. In "The Fregosi Emerald", Grandpa refers to himself as Count Dracula to an operator in Transylvania.
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Old 05-24-2013, 06:19 PM
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When Superman changes in a phone booth, what does he do with his clothes?
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Old 05-24-2013, 06:24 PM
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When Superman changes in a phone booth, what does he do with his clothes?
Three or four reboots ago, canon was that his civie clothes were a special fabric that could be compressed into a small wafer and that and his glasses went into a pocket in his cape. It's been a long time since he changed in a phone booth anyway.
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Old 05-24-2013, 07:26 PM
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Heart of Gold
The Message
Those were two of the three I hadn't seen. Just watched The Message, and Wash does get a flesh wound from a ricochet.
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Old 05-24-2013, 07:33 PM
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Jerry's girlfriend, why....:

-...didn't she try the apple pie?
-...did she wear the same clothes all the time?
-did her friends tell him he was so great for taking her out, and what did George and Kramer see in her that Jerry didn't?
-what did she say to Jerry that was so dirty?
-didn't she want to give him a massage?
-couldn't she spare a square?
-did Newman dump her?
-didn't she ever laugh?
-did she eat her peas one at a time, but scooped the corn?
-did she have man hands?
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:35 PM
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What happened to the GIs (and the Tiger crew, for that matter) at the end of Kelly's Heroes, since they're all guilty of misappropriation of government property, dereliction of duty, desertion, and Lord knows what else?
I happened to see this on cable tonight, and they had a retired military officer and author of several books on WWII military history talking about the movie. At the end, he basically said that realistically everyone but the German tank commander probably would have been killed shortly after the final scene. They were a bunch of Americans in German vehicles, so even if they succeeded in evading the Germans for their return trip they would have been shot or blown up by the Americans as soon as they saw them coming. The German tank commander just had to make it safely out of town and come up with a selectively edited version of events for his superiors and he presumably would have been fine.

But, as mbh said, no one in this movie ever said no to gold. Clint Eastwood could probably just whip out a bar of gold whenever they ran into trouble and make it into Switzerland with most of the loot. The Carroll O'Connor character was ready to give them all medals for bravely pushing through enemy lines and liberating Clermont, so they were presumably in the clear with regard to dereliction of duty, etc.
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Old 05-25-2013, 06:35 AM
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The Dirty Dozen attacked a château deep in occupied France. There were three survivors of the mission, all were injured. At the end they are in an American hospital, being visited by the General.

How the hell did they get back there?
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Old 05-25-2013, 09:57 AM
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Jerry's girlfriend, why....:

-...didn't she try the apple pie?
-...did she wear the same clothes all the time?
-did her friends tell him he was so great for taking her out, and what did George and Kramer see in her that Jerry didn't?
-what did she say to Jerry that was so dirty?
-didn't she want to give him a massage?
-couldn't she spare a square?
-did Newman dump her?
-didn't she ever laugh?
-did she eat her peas one at a time, but scooped the corn?
-did she have man hands?
Why would you become obsessed about whether your girlfriends breasts were real? If I had a girlfriend who looked like that I sure wouldn't care.
  #42  
Old 05-25-2013, 10:27 AM
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Before the penultimate episode aired my question would have been:

Are the "The Office" camera crew ever going to finish filming and actually complete the program they've been filming for, what, like 9 years?

But now my question is:

Is what we saw as the show that finished product, or is it more like the raw footage?
  #43  
Old 05-25-2013, 10:50 AM
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In Die Hard, the bad guys shoot out the office glass partitions, and Bruce leaves a bloody trail to the bathroom where he picks the glass out of his feet. Why didn't they follow the blood?

In Dumb & Dumber, why was Mary happy to see the briefcase that was supposed to ransom out her kidnapped husband?
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Old 05-25-2013, 11:12 AM
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Lost In Space: Did the Space Family Robinson ever make it back to earth? If not, did Major Don West ever end up ripping Dr. Smith apart? Did Don West ever end up mating with Judy and Penny? Poor Will.

The Sopranos: Did Paulie Walnuts eventually become a victim of that curse he was worried about? So whatever DID happen to the Russian? Was that a power failure at the restaurant in the final scene of that last episode?

Soap: Did Jessica die from the firing squad?

Sledge Hammer: So what really happened after the bomb destroyed the city?

The Big Sleep: Okay come on, WHO killed the chauffeur and why?

Doubt: Was Father Flynn guilty or was Sister Aloysius just hateful because he was different?

And of course: where did Chuck Cunningham disappear to after that first season of "Happy Days" ended?
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Old 05-25-2013, 11:17 AM
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The Big Sleep: Okay come on, WHO killed the chauffeur and why?
I realized how great that movie was when it dawned on me I didn't know what crimes had been committed, or by whom, and I completely didn't care.
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Old 05-25-2013, 11:36 AM
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I realized how great that movie was when it dawned on me I didn't know what crimes had been committed, or by whom, and I completely didn't care.
I agree with you but I'll take it one step further: in "The Big Sleep" many people usually comment on the chemistry of Bogey and Bacall. However, I was absolutely HOT for Martha Vickers as the younger sister!
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Old 05-25-2013, 01:02 PM
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Sledge Hammer: So what really happened after the bomb destroyed the city?
The only witnesses to Hammer's incompetency being dead, he was revered as a hero.
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And of course: where did Chuck Cunningham disappear to after that first season of "Happy Days" ended?
Drafted into the US Army, served a tour of duty in West Germany and was recruited by the CIA. Disappeared under classified circumstances.
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Old 05-25-2013, 01:26 PM
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Before the penultimate episode aired my question would have been:

Are the "The Office" camera crew ever going to finish filming and actually complete the program they've been filming for, what, like 9 years?

But now my question is:

Is what we saw as the show that finished product, or is it more like the raw footage?
From what we saw in the last episodes of the show, it looked like what aired on the in-universe PBS station must have been a much shorter series than what's aired in on real-world NBC. (I'm not even certain it was an in-universe series and not just one documentary movie.) Events that happened recently, like Oscar's affair with Angela's husband, were apparently revealed pretty early in the documentary's run, and it seemed like everything had already been broadcast by the time of the series finale, which was set six months after the previous episode.

What we saw was perhaps a "director's cut" version that had to be edited down for broadcast in-universe.
  #49  
Old 05-25-2013, 02:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Hottius Maximus View Post
I agree with you but I'll take it one step further: in "The Big Sleep" many people usually comment on the chemistry of Bogey and Bacall. However, I was absolutely HOT for Martha Vickers as the younger sister!
"Get up angel, you look like a Pekingese." Dorothy Malone as the clerk in the bookstore did it for me.

I consider The Big Sleep to be almost a proto-James Bond film. Just about every woman in that movie threw herself at Marlowe.
  #50  
Old 05-25-2013, 03:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Peter Morris View Post
The Dirty Dozen attacked a château deep in occupied France. There were three survivors of the mission, all were injured. At the end they are in an American hospital, being visited by the General.

How the hell did they get back there?
1. It wasn't deep in occupied France. The Chateau was outside Rennes, in Brittany. The assault took place in early June, 1944. That should give you a hint as to how they got back to Allied lines.
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