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  #1051  
Old 08-20-2019, 07:28 AM
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Double slit experiment - quantum mechanics
'u' with 'oo' sound


Quantum I will grant you but I've never heard of a "doooble slit experiment".
  #1052  
Old 08-20-2019, 08:19 AM
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Supermarkets smelling like dumpsters when you first walk in...
What specific actions by a single person caused the greatest impact?


Probably it was Bob forgetting about that carton of cabbages behind the display case.
  #1053  
Old 08-20-2019, 09:52 AM
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How many cowboys died in bar room shootings
Notches in a (wooden) Ceiling Joist


They're counting how many cowboys died in that bar.
  #1054  
Old 08-20-2019, 05:45 PM
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Will you turn down that blasted (wedding) music?!

How young is too young to get married?


When they play that blasted hippity-hop music turned up to 11!

And get that bride and groom off my lawn!
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  #1055  
Old 08-20-2019, 08:32 PM
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How young is too young to get married?
Disagreement over a cat
Please do my homework for me!


Even mature adults argue about cats, but the homework thing makes me wonder if nuptials should be delayed awhile.
  #1056  
Old 08-21-2019, 06:29 AM
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Disagreement over a cat

Issues that delay retirement and the effect on work


I'm not retiring until my wife agrees that scooping the litter box is her job!
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
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  #1057  
Old 08-21-2019, 07:28 AM
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How Did Aleister Crowley 'Get Away' With It?
Juicing a watermelon


....IF you know what I mean.
  #1058  
Old 08-21-2019, 09:49 AM
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Juicing a watermelon

'u' with 'oo' sound



"Jooicing a Watermelon"
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
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  #1059  
Old 08-21-2019, 11:38 AM
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Classical music haters: Why?

Encores at concerts



Well, Okay, but they don't always play "Stars and Stripes Forever" as an encore.
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
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  #1060  
Old 08-21-2019, 03:16 PM
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Alternatives to buying Greenland
Buy Me Lunchbox!


It's cheaper but won't keep your lunch as cool.
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This is my signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
  #1061  
Old 08-21-2019, 05:43 PM
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Who trains these customer service people???
Meet Bob


Bob is pretty bright, but he's a dog, and is barely trained himself. Also, easily distracted by cats.
  #1062  
Old 08-22-2019, 06:36 AM
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Most Revolutionary TV series

S.W.A.T. (70s show)




A debatable proposition.
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  #1063  
Old 08-22-2019, 07:31 AM
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What is the most unusual beer you've ever had?
Pumpkin spice SPAM?


Pumpkin spice Spam IPA was pretty weird.
  #1064  
Old 08-22-2019, 10:51 AM
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Favorite currently running comic strips.
Gags through repetition


Charles Schulz once remarked: A comic strip writer has to write the same thing every day and make it different.
  #1065  
Old 08-22-2019, 12:07 PM
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Quick, what's your current earworm?

Name that tune

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  #1066  
Old 08-22-2019, 03:08 PM
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Issues that delay retirement and the effect on work

Youth and sports




Yes, excessive Youth is the Number One factor delaying retirement,

"Sports" is a bit surprising, though. Both factors, I suspect, affect Work.
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  #1067  
Old 08-22-2019, 03:16 PM
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Bummed. Big kidney stone.
Who trains these customer service people???


I dunno, when the doctor's office staff said "have you tried rebooting", it was like a revelation.
  #1068  
Old 08-22-2019, 08:06 PM
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Who trains these customer service people???

Would it bother you if evil people made it into heaven?


Just imagine the telephone menu in the afterlife.
  #1069  
Old 08-23-2019, 08:38 PM
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"A new high school will have ... places to hide from a mass shooter."

Positive gun news of the day.


Well, that's positive gun news.

I guess?
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  #1070  
Old 08-24-2019, 09:14 AM
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Question for college professors: What should a conservative do?
Ask the atheist psychologist who did ayuahasca yesterday.


"Oh wow...conservatives are pouring out of my drip coffee maker! And the refrigerator is full of them! Aieee! Kill! Kill!!!"

Thanks, great advice.
  #1071  
Old 08-25-2019, 09:52 AM
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Meet Bob
My Cat and the Fan


These Dr. Suess knock-offs can't compare to the originals.
  #1072  
Old 08-26-2019, 08:45 AM
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Help me understand the world of streaming.

Sodastream users

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  #1073  
Old 08-26-2019, 03:29 PM
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Do women break up more decisively than men?
Was this rude?


"G'bye, loser" could have been phrased a bit less bluntly.
  #1074  
Old 08-26-2019, 06:10 PM
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Strange car in your driveway - what do you do?
Meet Bob

Hi, Bob, I couldn't help but notice you've been staring down at your phone any time any of us have been doing anything, allow me to introduce myself?
  #1075  
Old 08-27-2019, 07:19 AM
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911 called me!
Help! Can you identify this screw head


Hey, they've got their emergencies, same as us.
  #1076  
Old 08-27-2019, 10:28 AM
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Little things that briefly take you out of a movie:
Spotting Star Trek actors in other programs


Isn't that Christopher Pike playing Jesus?
  #1077  
Old 08-27-2019, 11:01 AM
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What’s your opinion of refrigerator magnets?
What is the Latest Drama in Your Hobby...


Star Wars or Harry Potter? The debate rages on.
  #1078  
Old 08-28-2019, 06:26 AM
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Atheists: Do you believe you are an atheist because you are smart?

Ask the atheist psychologist who did ayuahasca yesterday.


No, I'm an atheist because I'm stoned!
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
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  #1079  
Old 08-28-2019, 07:43 AM
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Vagina Boiling & You *internal screaming*
Rear end collision and brake lights


Sheesh, couldn't you wait until you got home?
  #1080  
Old 08-28-2019, 09:50 AM
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Kansas City Dopefest
Meet Bob
  #1081  
Old 08-28-2019, 09:59 AM
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You are eventually going to stub your toe again on a very hard surface and it's going to hurt a lot.

Vagina Boiling & You *internal screaming*



Which pain do you prefer?
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  #1082  
Old 08-28-2019, 05:04 PM
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Vagina Boiling & You *internal screaming*

Favorite Words/Phrases/Quotes and Sayings
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Harry Bellerophonte
  #1083  
Old 08-29-2019, 01:39 AM
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The Worst For Prince Andrew.
Lizzie Borden?


Yeah, that would be hard to top.
  #1084  
Old 08-29-2019, 07:43 AM
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Was this rude?
I think I want a toilet that hangs from the wall


Not rude at all to put it in the dining room, that way guests don't have to traipse all the way to the bathroom.
  #1085  
Old 08-29-2019, 10:25 AM
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Ok, Trump buys Greenland.
visiting Canada next month-currency advice


How much to buy Greenland in Canadian dollars?
  #1086  
Old 08-31-2019, 09:00 AM
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Favorite Words/Phrases/Quotes and Sayings
Losing all sense of time in the Orient


Oddly, they don't appreciate that at the China Palace when I stay past closing time.
  #1087  
Old 08-31-2019, 09:14 AM
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What do y'all think about "Reveal Parties"? (sex of unborn babies)
What would you do? (Hornet nest)


I don't think the sex of a hornet is all that surprising.
  #1088  
Old 09-01-2019, 09:36 AM
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Odds of photon from one element being able to be absorbed by another?
Embarrassing question- farting in a leather chair


Yes, eventually photon absorption will result in your La-Z-Boy being transformed into a giant fart. Better put it out by the curb while there's still time.
  #1089  
Old 09-01-2019, 02:08 PM
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How has President Trump pissed you off today?

Murder by Deportation




Not funny -- too true.
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  #1090  
Old 09-01-2019, 04:05 PM
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Are We Ready For First Contact?
Embarrassing question- farting in a leather chair


If we're asking questions like this, evidently not.
  #1091  
Old 09-01-2019, 07:43 PM
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Franco Columbu has died.
I make bad coleslaw.


Well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
  #1092  
Old 09-02-2019, 11:02 PM
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Are We Ready For First Contact?
What does 'just about' mean?


We're ready to meet the aliens as soon as we wash our hair.
  #1093  
Old 09-03-2019, 04:56 AM
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Boris Johnson asks the Queen to suspend Parliament.
Oh, fuck off, Boris Johnson.


Her response made all the papers.
  #1094  
Old 09-03-2019, 05:34 AM
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I ..., but I don't consider myself a ...
Transgender youth - lessons learned and resources


I've learned not to call myself a transgender youth when I'm a cisgender adult.
  #1095  
Old 09-03-2019, 07:12 AM
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Since was yoga considered erotic or mature?
Oh, fuck off, Boris Johnson.


There's an image I didn't need.
  #1096  
Old 09-03-2019, 08:46 AM
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Mass Killings in the United States 2019
I ..., but I don't consider myself a ...
I really hope I die first...


I killed a lot of people, but I did it in Connecticut, not Massachusetts. And I hope I die before someone calls me a MASS killer.
  #1097  
Old 09-03-2019, 11:58 AM
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September's shot already (mini-rants)
Stupid Gun news of the day...
  #1098  
Old 09-03-2019, 12:54 PM
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What does Sex smell like?
Were electric fans a big hit with consumers from the jump?


Yes, but the early ads focused on cooling rather than smell dispersal.
  #1099  
Old 09-03-2019, 04:01 PM
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One dead and 8 sick from suicide. What was used?
Embarrassing question- farting in a leather chair
  #1100  
Old 09-04-2019, 09:00 AM
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From IMHO:

How quickly does it generally take for American to get used to driving in UK?
Renting a car overseas - is the insurance offered by my credit card adequate?

Need answer fast?
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