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  #51  
Old 10-16-2019, 06:32 AM
msmith537 is offline
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Originally Posted by Gatopescado View Post
Most people are assholes?
Everyone is someone else's "idiot".
-Dilbert
  #52  
Old 10-16-2019, 09:45 AM
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I can fly my introvert flag as proudly as any one else. I can walk into a room full of people at a conference and come out an hour later having talked to almost no one and knowing absolutely nothing about anyone in the room (my sister and niece, on the other hand would know the names of 80% of the people and have made plans with about 20%).

That said, I learned a long time ago to fake it. In faking it, I found out something interesting. Most people are not, in fact, assholes. Most people are basically nice but self-involved, and, well, friendly if approached. Just like me. If I find them to be a mix of boring and interesting, I find that they regard me the same way (though usually too nice to say anything rude). It's really not that bad, and if you're going to lead, you have to engage.

Though, as an introvert at heart, I have many acquaintances, but only a certain small number of friends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qgsst15iI2k
  #53  
Old 10-16-2019, 10:06 AM
overlyverbose is offline
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As the family social director and a woman with a full time job, two kids and a husband, I'd rather hang out with people I know and am comfortable with than find novel things to do and dance around the niceties of making plans with people I can't be relaxed with.

I like the IDEA of new people and new friends, but I'm typically the one who does all the heavy lifting to check calendars, coordinate activities and make things like that work. By the end of the week, I'd just as soon not.
  #54  
Old 10-16-2019, 11:13 AM
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I have a fairly wide circle of friends, and through those friends, I will very occasionally meet new friends. Recently - like over the past four years, I've become really good friends with someone that way, which has caused new acquaintances to open up and for me to become better acquainted with other people. For some reason, this woman and I existed in the same circle for years, but really never met - and when we did we hit it off. Then events in her life along with some in mine conspired to throw us together for a bit, and now we are close. And thinking about it, my friends circle has grown quite a bit over the last few years, my friends' children are getting old enough that I see some of them as friends, and my own children are old enough that their friends are becoming mine. But I haven't gone seeking these people, they've grown organically.

But I have no desire to make friends with - oh say, my husband's coworkers who I will never see after he leaves his job. If he goes to one of those parties, I tend to stay home. We've been together almost 30 years, and in almost 30 years, I haven't been to one of those yet where I do anything other than make senseless small talk with people I don't make any connection to. I can much better use that time on myself - reading, knitting - then expend energy (I'm an introvert, so its significant energy going out with none coming back) for those events. I'll do the corporate wife thing for official events. His coworkers would be great "networking" contacts for me - since we operate in the same industry - but I don't tend to use acquaintances in that fashion - and don't like being used by acquaintances in that fashion - too often its the idiot you wouldn't give a recommendation to who is reaching out to you for an introduction to someone you respect, instead of someone you respect reaching out to you for an introduction to someone you respect. (I have no problem putting two idiots together, or two people I respect together - but I hate to facilitate an introduction against my better judgement.)

I can't imagine moving to a place where I didn't know anyone and creating new friendships from scratch.
  #55  
Old 10-16-2019, 03:07 PM
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Usually I find interacting with strangers more than superficial "How's it going?" and "Have a good day" very tiring. I will break out of my shell occasionally but by and large mixed social situations wear me out.
  #56  
Old 10-17-2019, 11:25 AM
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Haven't seen my "excuse" listed yet.

I am hearing-impaired. And the hearing loss is progressive, it won't be too much longer until my hearing is completely gone.

For me, meeting new people is WORK. I have to explain myself, and then work like sonofabitch to figure out what is being discussed. I have to be around someone, to become familiar with their speech patterns, before I can even begin to understand maybe, maybe 65% of what is being said. Multiply that by however many is in the group.

And to "converse," I have to face the person speaking. If I'm in a group, I end up spinning like a dervish.

Ideally, I have a "translator" with me. Preferably Mr VOW, because he knows how desperate I am. I tap him on the arm and say, "What is the topic of discussion?"

I am an expert and reading faces, smiling and nodding, and making vague statements like, "I understand," or, "Anyone would feel that way."

Whoo! I am emotionally drained just explaining all that.


~VOW
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Klaatu Barada Nikto
  #57  
Old 10-17-2019, 11:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VOW View Post
I am an expert and reading faces, smiling and nodding, and making vague statements like, "I understand," or, "Anyone would feel that way."
~VOW
Someone recently was attempting to tell me how horrible their life had been going, with her parents both dying and her home facing foreclosure. But as she was going over the litany of horrible things she was also laughing, as in nearly hysterical laughter. I lost track of the conversation direction and when she started laughing I just joined in. My gf pulled me away.
  #58  
Old 10-17-2019, 05:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Jackmannii View Post
I was surprised to learn that this sentiment appears to be quite popular.
It's me in a tee shirt.

Management here has ordered me to start taking two meals a day in the main dining room to make me more sociable. I'm 65 and as sociable sober as I'll ever be but they're extroverts with no concept of the possibility that anybody could be anything else. Eating with strangers is like torture to me. Maybe I should threaten a lawsuit. Enough elder abuse lawyers advertise on daytime TV.

Last edited by dropzone; 10-17-2019 at 05:06 PM.
  #59  
Old 10-17-2019, 05:20 PM
filmore is offline
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Originally Posted by dropzone View Post
Management here has ordered me to start taking two meals a day in the main dining room to make me more sociable. I'm 65 and as sociable sober as I'll ever be but they're extroverts with no concept of the possibility that anybody could be anything else.
Sounds like HR needs to add a new slide to the diversity training educational materials.
  #60  
Old 10-17-2019, 05:56 PM
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I'm a resident of a nursing home, not an employee. And HR tends to be full of the worst violators of personal space.

Last edited by dropzone; 10-17-2019 at 05:57 PM.
  #61  
Old 10-17-2019, 08:47 PM
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You shouldn't be forced to intermingle with people you don't know or much like, for that matter. It's not easy being shy, full of social anxieties. Drop, put on your stink eye, eat and move on.
  #62  
Old 10-17-2019, 09:27 PM
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My earliest photo, when my name was still babyzone, has me giving the photographer a withering stink eye.
  #63  
Old 10-17-2019, 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted by dropzone View Post
My earliest photo, when my name was still babyzone, has me giving the photographer a withering stink eye.
Awwww. I wanna see that!
  #64  
Old 10-18-2019, 08:00 AM
actualliberalnotoneofthose is offline
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I have social anxiety, but I very much would like to meet new people. It's just very difficult. Even though I have difficulty making friends, I have a handful of very good ones who "get" me, I prefer a few friends to many acquaintances, and there's a steep learning curve for each individual social interaction.
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