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  #2701  
Old 08-28-2013, 08:22 AM
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You are the sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?
  #2702  
Old 08-28-2013, 09:33 AM
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And keep the noise down, please! Those possessed by devils, try and keep them under control a bit, can't you? All right. Now, those with gifts come forward, please. Incurables, you'll just have to wait for a few minutes.
  #2703  
Old 08-28-2013, 09:35 AM
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You're absolutely sure I won't be disturbing you?
  #2704  
Old 08-28-2013, 10:26 AM
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If I may begin at the beginning. First, there is the Cherry Fondue. Now this is extremely nasty... but we can't prosecute you for that.
  #2705  
Old 08-28-2013, 10:30 AM
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Good. Because I don't want to disturb you. Specially as you're being so kind about me not disturbing you.
  #2706  
Old 08-30-2013, 04:20 AM
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No welcome could be more heartfelt than that which I am sure you'll all want to join with me in giving this great showbiz stiff!
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  #2707  
Old 08-30-2013, 10:17 AM
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Good, so I can go ahead and join you then? Can I?
  #2708  
Old 08-30-2013, 01:04 PM
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No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given by Svenge–her brother-in-law–an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink".
  #2709  
Old 08-30-2013, 01:08 PM
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Good, good. You're very kind. A lot of people are far less understanding than you are. A lot of people take offense even when I talk to them. Let alone when I specifically tell them about my being disturbing.
  #2710  
Old 08-30-2013, 03:55 PM
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Where's the pleasure in that? When people pop a nice little choccie in their mouths, they don't expect to have their cheeks pierced!

In any case, it is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.

Regards,
Shodan
  #2711  
Old 08-30-2013, 04:22 PM
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No, absolutely, absolutely, that's what I always say. But you'd be amazed at the number of people who really don't want me - I mean, even doing this gets people looking at me in the most extraordinary way.
  #2712  
Old 08-30-2013, 04:28 PM
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Hey, Vance!
  #2713  
Old 08-30-2013, 08:31 PM
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There is an epic quality about the sea which has, throughout history, stirred the hearts and minds of Englishmen of all nations. Sir Francis Drake, Captain Webb, Nelson of Trafalgar and Scott of the Antarctic - all rose to the challenge of the mighty ocean. And today another Englishman may add his name to the golden roll of history: Mr. Ron Obvious of Neaps End. For today, Ron Obvious hopes to be the first man to jump the Channel.
  #2714  
Old 08-31-2013, 01:47 PM
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We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.
  #2715  
Old 08-31-2013, 02:30 PM
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I knew I'd disturb you ... I knew I'd disturb you ... It always happens ... whenever I've found someone I really think I'm going to be able to get on with...

Last edited by Prof. Pepperwinkle; 08-31-2013 at 02:30 PM.
  #2716  
Old 08-31-2013, 08:03 PM
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Well, no, no, provided I get a good liftoff and maybe a gust of breeze over the French coast, I shall be jumping into the centre of Calais itself.
  #2717  
Old 09-01-2013, 12:43 PM
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I've come for some free repetition of doubtful words on an inland telegram.
  #2718  
Old 09-01-2013, 03:23 PM
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Er, oh, eleven foot six inches at Motspur Park on July 22nd. Er, but I have done nearly twelve feet unofficially.
  #2719  
Old 09-01-2013, 03:48 PM
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Last year you were the subject of controversy when you grafted a pederast onto an Anglican bishop.

Regards,
Shodan
  #2720  
Old 09-01-2013, 06:52 PM
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Quite right - you don't want to come back from Sorrento to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. We're going to have to have our budgie put down.
  #2721  
Old 09-01-2013, 11:21 PM
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You see, if you're five miles out over the English Channel, with nothing but sea underneath you, er, there is a very great impetus to stay in the air.

Last edited by Elendil's Heir; 09-01-2013 at 11:21 PM.
  #2722  
Old 09-03-2013, 09:32 AM
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Your life or your lupins, my lord.
  #2723  
Old 09-03-2013, 02:55 PM
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Oh, oh. I see. I thought, I thought you were the, er... I like the police a lot, I've got a lot of time for them.
  #2724  
Old 09-03-2013, 03:17 PM
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All right, all right! It's bloody albatross flavor! It's bleedin' seabird, bleedin' flavor! Albatross!
  #2725  
Old 09-03-2013, 04:10 PM
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It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of all Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
  #2726  
Old 09-03-2013, 04:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir View Post
Or banking, yes, yes, banking that's a man's life, isn't it? Banking, travel, excitement, adventure, thrills, decisions affecting people's lives.
Apropos of this: Just had a call from a customer-service person at our local bank, asking if my wife and I would like to come in "for a half-hour or so" to discuss recent changes in the kinds of accounts they're offering.

I promptly but politely declined.
  #2727  
Old 09-03-2013, 07:28 PM
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And now for something completely different.
  #2728  
Old 09-03-2013, 08:29 PM
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Hello, good evening and welcome to the Ronald Reagan Memorial Bowl, here in the pretty little L.A. suburb of Hollywood. Well, we're about to go in all for wrestling, brought to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum, the world's first ever combined hair oil, foot ointment, and salad dressing. And the makers of Titan, the novelty nuclear missile! You never know when it'll go off! Surprise your friends, amuse your enemies, start the party with a bang!
  #2729  
Old 09-03-2013, 08:48 PM
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Interviewer: And who is the sponsor?

Mr. Vercotti: The Chippenham Brick Company. Ah, they, er, pay all the bills, er, in return for which Ron will be carrying half a hundredweight of their bricks.
  #2730  
Old 09-03-2013, 10:01 PM
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Uh, well sir, I have got a silly walk and I'd like to obtain government backing to help me develope it.
  #2731  
Old 09-04-2013, 07:23 AM
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We've done that!
  #2732  
Old 09-04-2013, 09:02 AM
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Well, er, it looks as if Ron is ready now. He's got the bricks. He's had his passport checked and he's all set to go. And he's off on the first ever cross-Channel jump. (Ron runs down the beach and jumps; he lands about four feet into the water).
  #2733  
Old 09-04-2013, 09:44 AM
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This new housing development in Bristol is one of the most interesting in the country. It's using a variety of new techniques: shock-proof curtain-walling, a central high voltage, self-generated electricity source, and extruded acrylic fiberglass fitments. It's also the first major housing project in Britain to be built entirely by characters from nineteenth-century English literature.
  #2734  
Old 09-04-2013, 01:59 PM
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Well, there he goes, Ron Obvious of Neepsend, in an attempt which could make him the first man ever to eat an entire Anglican cathedral.
  #2735  
Old 09-04-2013, 02:05 PM
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Did you say "ex-leper"?
  #2736  
Old 09-04-2013, 07:42 PM
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Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
  #2737  
Old 09-04-2013, 08:07 PM
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My brain hurts!
  #2738  
Old 09-04-2013, 08:29 PM
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David, this is something which Ron and myself are really keen on. Ron is going to tunnel from Godalming, here, to Java, here (indicates inaccurately on map).
  #2739  
Old 09-05-2013, 02:09 AM
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The tenants arrive at the entrance here and are carried on a conveyor belt down the corridor in extreme comfort past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes to the rotating knives. The last 50 feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed.
  #2740  
Old 09-05-2013, 09:12 AM
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Mr. Vercotti, are you sure there isn't a spade?
  #2741  
Old 09-05-2013, 09:14 AM
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Hello again, and welcome to the show. Tonight we continue to look at some famous deaths. Tonight we start with the wonderful death of Genghis Khan, conqueror of India. Take it away Genghis.
  #2742  
Old 09-05-2013, 09:27 AM
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Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.
  #2743  
Old 09-09-2013, 02:54 PM
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Ah - good evening everyone, and welcome to the second of our Italian language classes, in which we'll be helping you brush up your Italian. Last week we started at the beginning, and we learnt the Italian for a 'spoon'. Now, I wonder how many of you can remember what it was?
  #2744  
Old 09-09-2013, 03:56 PM
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I don't know much about art but I know what I like!
  #2745  
Old 09-11-2013, 07:02 AM
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Yes, mothers, new improved Whizzo butter containing 10% more or less is absolutely indistinguishable from a dead crab. Remember, buy Whizzo butter and go to HEAVEN!
  #2746  
Old 09-11-2013, 09:40 AM
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It's funny how one can go through life, as I have, disliking bananas and being indifferent to cheese, and then be able to eat, and enjoy, a banana and cheese sandwich like that.
  #2747  
Old 09-11-2013, 09:42 AM
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He's going to split a railway carriage with his nose.
  #2748  
Old 09-11-2013, 04:38 PM
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Good evening. One of the main elements in any assessment of the medieval open field farming system is the availability of oxen for the winter plowing. Professor Tofts of the University of Manchester puts it like this:
To plough once in the Winter
sowing and again in lent
Sowing with as many oxen
Sowing with as many oxen
As he shall have yoked in the plough
Oh yeah, oh yeah
As he shall have yoked in the plough
oh yeah yeah
oh yeah
oh yeah
  #2749  
Old 09-11-2013, 10:08 PM
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Holy Grail gets a new trailer: http://now.msn.com/monty-python-and-...ler-goes-viral
  #2750  
Old 09-12-2013, 06:58 AM
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Let us not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
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