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Thankful 21 11.54%
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  #201  
Old 06-19-2019, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post
Of course not. It the property owner sees you, he or she can eject you. But you will not be arrested (at least in my state) if you did not pass over "No Trespassing" signs or if the property owner has not previously told you to stay out.

In this situation if the police are called, the camper will be served by the police with a notice to stay the hell out and if the camper comes back again, he or she could be arrested.

Same with our OP, although the woman who had her lawn mowed for free seems happy about it, just like I would be.



They are real people in the same situation, but are asking, at least in this thread, to be treated differently. I thought that was bad because in almost every other instance, you may not treat a woman differently lest you be accused of misogyny.



This seems to be your answer for most of these things. If you are a man, then just shut up. I don't think that is conducive to reasoned debate and is insulting.

My opinion is more respectful to women in that I give them the benefit of the doubt that even if they find something "creepy" they don't take the next three or four missteps of logic and either shoot the lawnmower or think he is Ted Bundy. You seem to be arguing that only men are capable of being rational in this situation.

If the genders were reversed and I was in that situation (can we say that women are just as likely to mow grass as men?) and I came home to find my grass cut, I would certainly be surprised. If I found out it was a woman from work who did it, I would certainly thank her and tell her it was not necessary and the next step would depend on how well I knew her, what I thought her intentions were, and yes, indeed, I would at least keep a corner of my eye out to ensure that she wasn't a crazy stalker who would kill my wife and cook the pet rabbit for dinner a la Fatal Attraction.

However (and I don't really have a pet rabbit) I wouldn't immediately think that she was crazy and I damned sure wouldn't shoot her if I saw her in the yard with a lawnmower.

There are a hell of a lot of nice people in the world who do nice things for other people, but this new attitude is killing that. Remember all of the old guys that used to pat little girls on the head and give them lollipops? Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore because people now think those guys are child molesters. Just for being nice to a sweet little girl!

So, yeah, keep that look out of the corner of your eye. But don't think that everyone has some malevolent intent. Anymore, if they are mean to you, it's bad, but if they are nice, they are also bad because they are just hiding that mean intent that will surely be next.

And I'm not innocent of it either. I don't think the OP wants to do harm to the lady, but as I said before, I think he is sweet on her. I know I hate mowing my own grass, let alone a co-worker's.
Oh good grief.

I'm a man, and if some strange woman followed me home and started treating my lawn as her own, I'd instantly be creeped out, because that's pretty obviously creepy as fuck. Stalker, anyone? No sense of boundaries? Yep.

God help me if I ever accidentally leave the door unlocked; clearly my underwear drawer needs sorting. Just to be nice!

This is not a "people are so paranoid nowadays" thing. This sort of thing was never appropriate. If it used to be different back in the crusty ancient old days, the difference was that in the dinky country town you're picturing everyone knew everyone. If your neighbor wanted to do you a favor he'd just mention it; he wouldn't have to stalk you and do it on the sly.
  #202  
Old 06-19-2019, 06:17 PM
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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post
<snip>
They are real people in the same situation, but are asking, at least in this thread, to be treated differently. I thought that was bad because in almost every other instance, you may not treat a woman differently lest you be accused of misogyny.

This seems to be your answer for most of these things. If you are a man, then just shut up. I don't think that is conducive to reasoned debate and is insulting.
It's just you and a handful of other men here. The enlightened men here are fantastic. Read them. You might learn something. You refuse to understand that the world is different for women. "Reasoned debate" in your vernacular means to agree with you.

Quote:
<snip crap I don't even understand.

If the genders were reversed and I was in that situation (can we say that women are just as likely to mow grass as men?) and I came home to find my grass cut, I would certainly be surprised. If I found out it was a woman from work who did it, I would certainly thank her and tell her it was not necessary and the next step would depend on how well I knew her, what I thought her intentions were, and yes, indeed, I would at least keep a corner of my eye out to ensure that she wasn't a crazy stalker who would kill my wife and cook the pet rabbit for dinner a la Fatal Attraction.

However (and I don't really have a pet rabbit) I wouldn't immediately think that she was crazy and I damned sure wouldn't shoot her if I saw her in the yard with a lawnmower.
I'll type more slowly so you understand. Women. Do. Not. Have. The. Same. Experiences. As. Men. In. The. World. This is a false equivalence. A woman is less likely to rape you than a man is to rape me.

Quote:
There are a hell of a lot of nice people in the world who do nice things for other people, but this new attitude is killing that. Remember all of the old guys that used to pat little girls on the head and give them lollipops? Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore because people now think those guys are child molesters. Just for being nice to a sweet little girl!

So, yeah, keep that look out of the corner of your eye. But don't think that everyone has some malevolent intent. Anymore, if they are mean to you, it's bad, but if they are nice, they are also bad because they are just hiding that mean intent that will surely be next.
Boo hoo. I'm sorry the problems of wimmen interfere with your world view. /s
  #203  
Old 06-19-2019, 07:48 PM
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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post
You know, this gets confusing. In some threads we are not supposed to treat women any differently at all because that is just stereotyping and archaic. Yet in some cases we are to treat women as if they are in 1588 Elizabethan England because they are delicate flowers that cannot conform to the scary people that they see in society and likely need protection from their husbands. Which is it?



When I post here, I am doing so as some guy who likes to come here for entertainment and/or education.
So you are obviously refusing to learn anything. That leads me to believe you are just posting ridiculous shit for entertainment...

Quote:
That being said, of course I would not advise anyone to do this. But this idea that was briefly mentioned that you could shoot someone you saw outside mowing your lawn is frightening to say the least, especially when those making that statement are likely those who would otherwise argue against gun ownership, and it seems to me that if they think that way, then that is what colors their thoughts.
I find it very disturbing to instantly go for one's gun in any situation. But this is literally the go to situation the gun nuts point to justify having guns. I'm not, and have never said they'd instantly shoot the trespasser. I just meant that they would see a trespasser and get said gun ready for that all important Defensive Use of Gun Just In Case said trespasser means harm.


Quote:
This is several steps removed from danger. Sure the guy who mows your lawn COULD be the next Ted Bundy, but it is not reasonable to make that assumption without more.
Do you really want to wait until he's upon you before getting your gun ready?

Quote:
Further, I noted above that an invasion into your home is far more serious than mowing your grass, which is exposed to the public.
I agree. But how do you know he's not casing the joint? Certainly call the cops, but when seconds count, the cops are minutes away. Best get your gun ready.

Quote:
But, to the majority of the thread, let's have a sterile society where nobody does anything nice for someone else.
Nobody here has said that. And I find it hard to believe that you think anyone has.

Quote:
Let's always assume the worst of people and keep our distance. I mean, don't invite the neighbors over because one of them could be a murderer for all you know. Put razor wire up around your house in case someone violates the sanctity of your yard by mowing it. I'm sure that will be better for everyone.
If you are having such a hard time comprehending the situation, then please go ahead with all of that.
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  #204  
Old 06-19-2019, 08:49 PM
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You see a co-worker cutting your grass and you are going to get your gun "ready"? For what? In case he starts trimming the hedges or God forbid, knocks on the door?

This is horrifically irresponsible gun use and I would also be against owning a gun myself if I thought it was proper gun usage.

Being cautious and approaching him at work the next day to say you didn't like it? Sure. Ready to fire at him? That is complete hysteria and not a male/female issue.

Honest question: Do you feel the same about the Jehovah's Witnesses when they knock on your door? I mean, they could be Ted Bundy in disguise after all.
  #205  
Old 06-19-2019, 09:29 PM
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Who said anything about a co-worker?
  #206  
Old 06-19-2019, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post
You see a co-worker cutting your grass and you are going to get your gun "ready"? For what? In case he starts trimming the hedges or God forbid, knocks on the door?

This is horrifically irresponsible gun use and I would also be against owning a gun myself if I thought it was proper gun usage.

Being cautious and approaching him at work the next day to say you didn't like it? Sure. Ready to fire at him? That is complete hysteria and not a male/female issue.

Honest question: Do you feel the same about the Jehovah's Witnesses when they knock on your door? I mean, they could be Ted Bundy in disguise after all.
Not surprisingly, you are missing the point. I am not a gun guy. I'm repeating the gun guys' talking points that they tell me. And yes, I find them completely hysterical and paranoid. And yes, I was excluding the very large middle, just as you are. If you were here to learn maybe you'd see how ridiculous your argument is in the same way my gun argument is. If I see someone cutting my grass that shouldn't be, I might think they might be casing the joint. So I'm telling someone to get ready to call the police while I go out and talk to them to see what the fuck they think they're doing.

As for the male/female issue, I was trying to put things in terms that you might understand since you seem unwilling to actually listen to anyone about that. But if you want me to address it, fine. Being a tallish, biggish white male, I understand that I have less to fear than my sister who is 85 lbs and mostly deaf. Nobody has ever stalked me or accosted me or beaten me up when I refused their advances. She has had all that happen. A lot. The threat is real for her. And she can handle herself better than most. Why? Because she recognizes the red flags early now, thanks to those horrible experiences. And some semi rando "just showing up to do an unrequested favor" is huge fucking red flag.

And nobody here is talking about a co-worker. We're talking about some semi rando you've barely had words with. The fact you've changed it to a co-worker makes me think you are just fucking with us for entertainment. But, to play along, I would still be concerned about ANYone just showing up and doing that without asking first. I probably wouldn't be so ready to call the police before talking to them as I would a rando, unless i knew them to be super creepy at work too.

And to answer your "honest" question, I fucking hate HATE unexpected door knockers (and phone callers) even if they are my close friends. And it's not because Im scared of Ted Bundy (remember, I'm tallish and biggish white male with no history of life threatening harrassment against me) but because, unless it is a dire emergency, it is just fucking RUDE.
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  #207  
Old 06-19-2019, 11:38 PM
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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post

There are a hell of a lot of nice people in the world who do nice things for other people, but this new attitude is killing that. Remember all of the old guys that used to pat little girls on the head and give them lollipops? Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore because people now think those guys are child molesters. Just for being nice to a sweet little girl!
I doubt you are actually interested in a real discussion but here goes.

There would have been absolutely no problem if the OP simply asked the woman if she would have liked to have her lawn mowed. If yes, then asked for the address. End of story.

The nicest thing you can do for someone is to respect their boundaries. If you don’t know them well enough to know their boundaries then just ask.

As far as giving candy to and touching children you don’t know? As a parent of young children, Stop that shit. That’s fucking creepy.
  #208  
Old 06-19-2019, 11:47 PM
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Yeah, hello -- one thing every kid is taught is, "don't take candy from strangers". It's pretty much a universal rule. Who WASN'T taught that growing up?
  #209  
Old 06-20-2019, 12:01 AM
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I doubt you are actually interested in a real discussion but here goes.

There would have been absolutely no problem if the OP simply asked the woman if she would have liked to have her lawn mowed. If yes, then asked for the address. End of story.

The nicest thing you can do for someone is to respect their boundaries. If you donít know them well enough to know their boundaries then just ask.

As far as giving candy to and touching children you donít know? As a parent of young children, Stop that shit. Thatís fucking creepy.
Holy shit, I missed that UV post. I'm not a gun guy, nor am I a kid guy. But I would absolutely point a loaded gun at some rando giving my (or a friend/reative's) kid unconsented head pats and lollipops.
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  #210  
Old 06-20-2019, 12:02 AM
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If the OP is being honest about what he did (which I'm beginning to seriously doubt), I hope he looks at all the anger and negativity his post has brought about.

FYI, "Mr. Nice Guy" isn't so nice to at least one woman he's in contact with. From his "The nickname "Elvira"......should someone be offended" thread:
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=877021

"Someone I know, her first name starts with "E". I've nicknamed her "Elvira".


Would you take offense??"

"Patronizing is kind of the point of the nickname with this person."

"I'll just add this. This lady is a pure bitch. She's not a friend. I've never used the name in front of her. Just asking if "Elvira" would irk someone. Appears so."

Sooo...if you're a female and he likes you, he mows your lawn. If he doesn't, he goes out of his way to insult you!
  #211  
Old 06-20-2019, 12:06 AM
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UV, all everyone is asking for here is consent. And respect of said consent. That's it. Can you find it within yourself to at least agree to that statement?
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  #212  
Old 06-20-2019, 04:32 AM
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UV, all everyone is asking for here is consent. And respect of said consent. That's it. Can you find it within yourself to at least agree to that statement?

There, there. (pat, pat) Have a lollipop.

I hate to burst UV's Leave it to Beaver bubble, but little girls throughout time have hated having their heads patted and being bought off with candy. Peg Bracken specifically calls this behavior rude in I Try to Behave Myself written in the early sixties.
  #213  
Old 06-20-2019, 05:51 AM
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Imagine for a moment you have an acquaintance from the gym. Not a friend, just someone you sometimes talk to. You don't invite them over. They probably don't even know your full name. You don't live in the same neighborhood. They don't know where you live.

Then, one day, you see them on your front lawn, doing you a "favor".

I dunno about you, but I'd call the cops, because that's fucking scary. And I'm a 250-pound man.

I'm honestly at a loss as to how anyone doesn't get this.

It's weird and creepy no matter the genders of those involved, but the fact that you're a guy and she's a gal makes it considerably worse, because an awful lot of women have some experience with stalking (15%), harassment (81%!), or rape (15%.

If you don't get it, consider reading this twitter thread. It details the kind of interaction that women face on a disturbingly regular basis. There's a reason that, when asked "if men didn't exist, what would you do", the number one answer given by women is "go outside after dark and not be afraid".

If you can read all that and still don't get it, do us all a favor, and just don't interact with women. You're not ready. You are unable to look past your own privilege, unable or unwilling to grasp the reality women live with, and your actions are going to make their lives worse. If it's not literally part of your job, don't do it. Don't talk to them. Don't make eye contact with them. Don't ask them out on the street. Don't (holy fucking shit DO NOT) go to their homes unasked by looking up their address in a public database. Because that's not just creepy. That's grounds for a restraining order, and doing it repeatedly is stalking.

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Originally Posted by LiveFree View Post
I need not read any of those links. Go ahead and bash me more.
Or, alternatively, don't learn anything from any of these interactions. About 150 people have weighed in to say, "You're being super fucking creepy", mate. If that doesn't raise red flags for you the problem may be colorblindness.

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Originally Posted by Flyer View Post
How in the name of common sense can it be an "invasion of privacy" when that information is PUBLICLY available?
If I looked, really looked, I could probably find your phone number, home address, real name, date of birth, high school, et cetera. If I started a thread on this forum listing those PUBLICLY AVAILABLE details and documenting exactly how I used only information that was PUBLICLY AVAILABLE, the only forums that wouldn't ban me for that are places like 4chan and kiwifarms, because it's a massive invasion of privacy, incredibly fucking creepy, endangers you and your family, and is just an incredibly shitty thing to do. Even threatening to do that is a bannable offense on many forums (so let's be clear, that's not what I'm doing, Steve).

(Okay he's probably not actually named Steve but the joke is funny.)

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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post
This seems to be your answer for most of these things. If you are a man, then just shut up.
No, more like "If you're a man who really does not understand why a woman would find the interactions described in this thread as creepy, shut up." Because failing to see why people find this creepy shows a fundamental failure of empathy and reasoning, and a complete unwillingness to look past yourself and walk a mile in someone else's shoes, and nobody needs more of that in their lives, especially not women.

Here, let me see if this helps. What if the guy who just randomly shows up on your property is black?

Do you get it now?


Last edited by Budget Player Cadet; 06-20-2019 at 05:54 AM.
  #214  
Old 06-20-2019, 07:16 AM
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(Also, corollary to the previous statement about not interacting with women unless it's your job: if it is your job consider finding a different job.)
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  #215  
Old 06-20-2019, 07:43 AM
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Originally Posted by TokyoBayer View Post
I doubt you are actually interested in a real discussion but here goes.

There would have been absolutely no problem if the OP simply asked the woman if she would have liked to have her lawn mowed. If yes, then asked for the address. End of story.

The nicest thing you can do for someone is to respect their boundaries. If you donít know them well enough to know their boundaries then just ask.
...
UV - 5 pages in, what do you really expect from this thread?

Are you unable to appreciate that the overwhelming percentage of folk here believe what is quoted so clearly, succinctly, and reasonably above?

Do you really think you have ANY chance of saying anything now that will change anyone's mind, or present yourself as anything other than unreasonably inflexible?

Just observing - I had no opinion of your on-line persona before this thread. But saying anything other than - "Gee, you guys are right." Or at least, "You've given me something to think about." - creates the probability that several posters will now think of you as that unreasonable creep from the lawnmower thread.
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  #216  
Old 06-20-2019, 08:21 AM
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This got re-opened? Lol. Jesus, you people are as stupid as the day is long.
  #217  
Old 06-20-2019, 09:06 AM
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OP is, let's just say, B.S.
As usual, that somehow goes undetected
Thread gets closed to protect people from squicking out.
Someone writes and says, hey can you re-open that thread, I wasn't done squicking out yet.
  #218  
Old 06-20-2019, 09:29 AM
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From today's Carolyn Hax column: Who would be creeped out to receive a dozen roses?
  #219  
Old 06-20-2019, 09:47 AM
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OP is, let's just say, B.S.
As usual, that somehow goes undetected
Thread gets closed to protect people from squicking out.
Someone writes and says, hey can you re-open that thread, I wasn't done squicking out yet.

No, the thread got closed because of creepy threadshitting by you. You didn't get a warning for it, but you probably will for the "everybody is stupid" post added on to that.
  #220  
Old 06-20-2019, 09:52 AM
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If you don't get it, consider reading this twitter thread. It details the kind of interaction that women face on a disturbingly regular basis. There's a reason that, when asked "if men didn't exist, what would you do", the number one answer given by women is "go outside after dark and not be afraid".

And while reading this thread I think about this recent article on another site that I frequent.
  #221  
Old 06-20-2019, 10:32 AM
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I love how some dude comes into that Twitter thread to explain how it feels to be viewed as a "monster" and let's make this thread about MEEEEE and my FEELINGS and what about MEEEEE!
  #222  
Old 06-20-2019, 10:36 AM
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Mods, I think the re-opening of this thread can now have a re-closing...
  #223  
Old 06-20-2019, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post
You know, this gets confusing. In some threads we are not supposed to treat women any differently at all because that is just stereotyping and archaic. Yet in some cases we are to treat women as if they are in 1588 Elizabethan England because they are delicate flowers that cannot conform to the scary people that they see in society and likely need protection from their husbands. Which is it?
Neither. It's use a "reasonable woman" standard instead of use a "reasonable man" standard. Hey, you get to use it too.

Treating everybody in society exactly the same by treating everyone as if they're able bodied neurotypical adult white straight cis Christian males didn't work out well. We're trying out some other variations these days.

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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post
But, to the majority of the thread, let's have a sterile society where nobody does anything nice for someone else. Let's always assume the worst of people and keep our distance. I mean, don't invite the neighbors over because one of them could be a murderer for all you know. Put razor wire up around your house in case someone violates the sanctity of your yard by mowing it. I'm sure that will be better for everyone.
Oh, good grief. Absolutely no one has said nobody should ever do anything nice for anyone else. What people are saying, as ought to be utterly obvious, is that you should ask first. 'Would you like me to mow your lawn and/or to take your lawnmower in for repairs in my truck?' Nothing in the world wrong with that. Maybe the answer will be 'Sure, thanks!' Maybe it'll be 'Thanks, but it's OK, I've got this.' (Which may mean that they've got it figured out otherwise, or may mean that they're not comfortable giving you their address. Which of those it is is none of your business.) Maybe it's 'That would be great but first let me show you where those rare plants are, a lot of people take them for weeds but they mustn't be mowed at this part of their growth cycle.'

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Originally Posted by UltraVires View Post
Remember all of the old guys that used to pat little girls on the head and give them lollipops?
No, actually. And I was a little girl in the 1950's.

I do remember people of various ages and genders who used to like to chuck little kids under the chin. And I purely and absolutely hated it.

If little kids now don't have to put up with that crap, I'm all in favor of the change.

And no, that does not translate to 'nobody should ever touch anybody even if invited to'!
  #224  
Old 06-20-2019, 11:55 AM
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Remember kids: the difference between "doing something nice for someone" and "grand theft and murder" may be in asking someone. This is a lesson taught by Spongebob.
  #225  
Old 06-20-2019, 12:00 PM
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Jesus, you people are as stupid as the day is long.
This is an official warning for insults.

If you feel a need to make comments like this, do so in the Pit, and nowhere else.
  #226  
Old 06-20-2019, 12:08 PM
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They are real people in the same situation, but are asking, at least in this thread, to be treated differently. I thought that was bad because in almost every other instance, you may not treat a woman differently lest you be accused of misogyny.
No, they are not in the same situation. Being a woman is a different situation than being a man. Women are statistically at much higher risk of being the victims of violence and rape than men.

Quote:
There are a hell of a lot of nice people in the world who do nice things for other people, but this new attitude is killing that. Remember all of the old guys that used to pat little girls on the head and give them lollipops? Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore because people now think those guys are child molesters. Just for being nice to a sweet little girl!
Hint: they were being creepy then, too.
  #227  
Old 06-20-2019, 12:58 PM
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Hint: they were being creepy then, too.
The difference is they could get away with it. Ah, the good old days!
  #228  
Old 06-20-2019, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Budget Player Cadet View Post
Imagine for a moment you have an acquaintance from the gym. Not a friend, just someone you sometimes talk to. You don't invite them over. They probably don't even know your full name. You don't live in the same neighborhood. They don't know where you live.

Then, one day, you see them on your front lawn, doing you a "favor".

I dunno about you, but I'd call the cops, because that's fucking scary. And I'm a 250-pound man.
I can't quite follow UltraVires's logic; in particular, I don't see how he gets from "women want equality" to "women should be nice to creepy randos." What I think he's saying is that women should "man up" and stop being afraid of creepy randos, because HE isn't afraid of them, and would be thrilled to pieces if someone mowed his lawn for free.

Well, I'm male, and I'm here to tell you that I would be completely freaked out if I was on the receiving end of LiveFree's little "favor," even if the gender was reversed and the lawn-mowing was done by a female.

Would I call the cops? Arguably that's the smarter move, but my typical response in tense situations is to de-escalate and smooth things over. I'd manage a "thank you," because one thing I've learned about people who pull stunts like this is that they want gratitudeólots of it. And if they don't get it, they're going be VERY displeased, because they went to a lot of trouble for you. Then I'd say that their selflessness and generosity has inspired me to step up and do my own yardwork from now on. Then I'd do everything possible to avoid them in the future, including switching gyms. Or maybe I'll just drop gym entirely.
  #229  
Old 06-20-2019, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by BeeGee View Post
There, there. (pat, pat) Have a lollipop.

I hate to burst UV's Leave it to Beaver bubble, but little girls throughout time have hated having their heads patted and being bought off with candy.
Speaking of Leave it to Beaver, the Beav and Gilbert tried mowing someone's lawn without asking first. Spoiler alert: it does NOT go well. (To be fair, it was Eddie Haskell's idea.)
  #230  
Old 06-20-2019, 05:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishman View Post
Hint: they were being creepy then, too.

When I was in high school in the late 1980s there was this retired principal who would occasionally visit. He was a very cheerful old fellow who loved the high school girls, and insisted on hugging all of them. They would line up to hug him. At the time, I thought that the old perv had a nice scam going, but he got away with it even though for students the school had rules against things like kissing, hugging and holding hands. A few years after I graduated he, his wife, and two of their friends were killed in a wreck while crossing a certain bridge. They named the bridge after him. I sometimes think about how the old creep would have been treated differently if he were pulling that shit today.
  #231  
Old 06-20-2019, 07:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbarian View Post
Finding out where someone lives in this day and age is dead easy.

There's some guy who comes around my neighbourhood selling frozen products door-to-door. This week I accidentally learned his full name and address because he made a comment on social media.
You should do something nice for him - since he sells frozen products, surely he would benefit from someone dropping by his house and performing routine maintenance on his freezers. Heck, maybe you do freezer maintenance for a living and have maintained 25,000 freezers, so it's no trouble at all for you. Since your intentions would be good, no need to bother him by asking about it, just go ahead and do it and it'll be a nice surprise. Don't let anyone else tell you different - they're just oversensitive snowflakes who forget how people back in the 1950s used to maintain each other's freezers all the time and nobody kicked up a fuss.
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  #232  
Old 06-20-2019, 09:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Melbourne View Post
I'm not voting either way -- I'm not creeped out, and if I wanted my lawn mowed badly enough to be thankful for it, I would have got the lawn mowed.

FWIW, I, like the father of one of my friends, found that when I looked sufficiently old and derelict, young women didn't treat me with suspicion and disdain. As long as they think that you think that you have a chance, they are gonna be creeped out by anything you do. I suggest that you just accept that and get on with your life. If that includes mowing lawns, go ahead and do it. Expect to be treated with suspicion. Don't expect to be thanked.

Moving slightly away from the creepy/stalker note, Americans are known in general to be uncomfortable with social debt. If you're the kind of person who wants to do things for people, that's not going to work. You need to find a way to balance what you do with what they can do for you.

One of my friends actually did do yard work for his friends and co-workers. He had an open invitation: will work for food. If you've got something that needs doing, like moving, or digging, or mowing, he'd spend the day or afternoon doing it in exchange for a family dinner.
Iíve got a friend, he is 73, and in poor health. He and I go to lunch occasionally. He knows all the waitresses in the restaurants in town, (small town) and has many of their phone numbers. He is on Facebook with them daily. If I asked for their number, theyíd freak out. He tells me being considered safe is a good part of being old.
  #233  
Old 06-20-2019, 09:25 PM
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Now if the Swedish bikini team wants to mow my lawn, I wonít freak out. If three finger John from the bar does it, Iím going to get my gun.
  #234  
Old 06-20-2019, 10:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bubba001 View Post
Now if the Swedish bikini team wants to mow my lawn, I wonít freak out. If three finger John from the bar does it, Iím going to get my gun.
Perhaps intentionally apt username/post combination.
  #235  
Old 06-20-2019, 11:38 PM
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Honestly, what more do you need to know about UltraVires than his username?
  #236  
Old 06-21-2019, 12:21 AM
Isamu is offline
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Got no use for boundaries
Got no use for locks,
so when you least expect it,
I'll come and mow your box.
  #237  
Old 06-21-2019, 06:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Melbourne View Post
I, like the father of one of my friends, found that when I looked sufficiently old and derelict, young women didn't treat me with suspicion and disdain. As long as they think that you think that you have a chance, they are gonna be creeped out by anything you do.

This is a really insightful observation. At least third-level metacognition. Maybe fourth, because you are observing them observing you observing them? I wonder if psychologists have studied this.
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