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Old 01-23-2018, 12:07 AM
russian heel russian heel is offline
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Dude: are you 50 or 15?????

So I have a friend who I've known for 30 years and last night we make plans to watch the Super Bowl together at his favorite sports bar. When I come home and tell my wife, she says actually she would like to see the Super Bowl but wants no part of this sports bar. It would include showing up 2 hours before game time, lots of noise, etc etc. Said friend insists on seeing the game at said sports bar because he is a Patriots fan and is his "good luck" bar.

I call said friend and leave him a VM that I am making different plans for the game because my wife wants to see it just not there. He's also 50 and married, which means of course he can understand, right?

This is when I'm reminded said friend is still a fucking teenager.
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Text One: Well, you are a Pats fan and she doesn't care about football so isn't this about what you want????

OKAAAAY, Mr. Homewrecker . . . .

I reply what I want is a happy marriage, one I've had for 23 years, and if my wife wants to come out and root for my team even when she doesn't like football, that's pretty important to me.

Text Two: Oh, well I was looking forward to watching the Patriots tie the Steelers 6 win Super Bowl Record with my best friend, but I don't want to get in the way of your 23 year marriage! (emphasis added)
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Bro: Passive aggressive much?????

1. A "best friend" wouldn't try to drive a stake between and my wife like that

2. Actually I'm not your "best friend". Artie is your best friend: you've gone to Vegas, Cancun, Atlantic City about 25x without ever inviting me, not that I care; just don't use the "best friend" card with me when I'm clearly not! SURELY your REAL Best Friend will join you for the game.

3. I get the underlining message: I'm pussywhipped and should just abandon my wife because she is not convenient to YOUR plans.

This from a guy who when single was fucking everything that walked that would allow him to settling down and marrying a woman with a daughter, and now I can't go one week without a Facebook post about taking her and her daughter out for tea, going to see an orchestra, a romantic dinner, even weekends at a bed and breakfast.

I have no problem with any of this: you've found a good woman who you are madly in love with and would do anything for.

Just because I do the same, don't act like a child.

Dude you are FIFTY years old. So my wife kaboshed your super fantastic Super Bowl plans. Don't act like a teenage girl over it.

You want to try and drive my and my wife apart? Maybe I should show YOUR wife these texts. Maybe then she would reconsider how much YOU respect marriage.

I won't do that of course. But yes, I agree with what most people here are probably thinking: you just aren't that good a friend after all and after 30 years, it's about time I reconsidered the difference between a true "friend" and what turns out at the end of the day seems to just be an immature passive-aggressive User.

Last edited by russian heel; 01-23-2018 at 12:11 AM.
  #2  
Old 01-23-2018, 12:33 AM
BobBitchin' BobBitchin' is offline
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I don't know you or your friend, so I must ask for context.

Are you both polite adults, who use coasters and never burp out loud for fun? If so, your buddy is being rude.

Are you both loud jovial ball busting buddies? Like if said buddy refused to do shots, would you tell him his tampons fell out of his purse or vice versa? If so your being a bit of a buzz kill.

My whole point is you are making guy plans to do guy stuff in a guy place and you want to appease your wife. That gives your buds an opening to razz you.

Being a good husband is never wrong, but sometimes it's time to be a dude.
Not when she needs you, not when she sick, but maybe it's ok to be a dude on Superbowl Sunday.
  #3  
Old 01-23-2018, 12:46 AM
Beckdawrek Beckdawrek is online now
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I am a chick and a wife. I think your wife crowding in on super bowl plans might be a tad passive/aggressive on her part. You have a right to do whatever you want, of course. Does your wife like fooball or shown any interest in it during your marriage? I am just saying, it seems out of left field.
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Old 01-23-2018, 12:53 AM
russian heel russian heel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobBitchin' View Post
I don't know you or your friend, so I must ask for context.

Are you both polite adults, who use coasters and never burp out loud for fun? If so, your buddy is being rude.

Are you both loud jovial ball busting buddies? Like if said buddy refused to do shots, would you tell him his tampons fell out of his purse or vice versa? If so your being a bit of a buzz kill.

My whole point is you are making guy plans to do guy stuff in a guy place and you want to appease your wife. That gives your buds an opening to razz you.

Being a good husband is never wrong, but sometimes it's time to be a dude.
Not when she needs you, not when she sick, but maybe it's ok to be a dude on Superbowl Sunday.
I'd take it as good natured razzing but without getting into the history with this guy, trust me it's not. His feelings are really hurt and he's taking it out on my wife.

As for getting to be a dude on Super Bow Sunday, I'm not being forbidden from seeing the game; my wife is offering to go to a very suitable sports bar to see the game and help me root for my team.
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Old 01-23-2018, 12:55 AM
russian heel russian heel is offline
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Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
I am a chick and a wife. I think your wife crowding in on super bowl plans might be a tad passive/aggressive on her part. You have a right to do whatever you want, of course. Does your wife like fooball or shown any interest in it during your marriage? I am just saying, it seems out of left field.
Maybe but what is better? Satisfying my passive aggressive so-called self proclaimed "best" friend or my as you say "passive aggressive" wife?

As a wife-chick you know the answer. You KNOW the answer.
  #6  
Old 01-23-2018, 12:59 AM
snfaulkner snfaulkner is online now
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The answer is please the wifey, duh. Or opt out of both and go do your own thing. I personally try to avoid everyone/thing on big sportball days.
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Old 01-23-2018, 01:05 AM
Beckdawrek Beckdawrek is online now
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Originally Posted by russian heel View Post
Maybe but what is better? Satisfying my passive aggressive so-called self proclaimed "best" friend or my as you say "passive aggressive" wife?

As a wife-chick you know the answer. You KNOW the answer.
Well okay, you know the situation better than I could. Have fun. Personally I won't be watching, but Mr.Wrekker and Son will watch together.
  #8  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:17 AM
BobBitchin' BobBitchin' is offline
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Originally Posted by russian heel View Post
I'd take it as good natured razzing but without getting into the history with this guy, trust me it's not. His feelings are really hurt and he's taking it out on my wife.

As for getting to be a dude on Super Bow Sunday, I'm not being forbidden from seeing the game; my wife is offering to go to a very suitable sports bar to see the game and help me root for my team.
Ok, he's actually bummed, I get that.

You said you made plans, then bailed because of your wife.

As I said before...suite and tie, polite people don't act like this and you are off the hook.
I
If you're less than polite/housebroken, beer drinking, burp out loud bros and value the bro code...take your lumps.

If you guys are mismatched I feel for you, but you know your bud and you know your woman. You made plans and bailed, he's really let down.

If you want to make it better, buy him some booze/weed (if legal), take him to a titty bar or the drag races.

that's the great thing about buds/bros...yes they will toast you with the macho bullshit/ bro code stuff...but

They can be bought off with booze/broads and bumper cars.

So are you a bro or a polite adult?
Neither is wrong, hell bros can be a pain in the ass.

But you cant be one and get credit for the other.

Last edited by BobBitchin'; 01-23-2018 at 01:20 AM.
  #9  
Old 01-23-2018, 03:40 AM
GreedySmurf GreedySmurf is offline
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Completely on your side OP. Even if you’re fart-lighting, beer bros with this bloke, his response is just whiny BS.

Personally, my wife takes little enough interest in my sports interests, so on the off chance she expressed an interest to share a big match experience with me, hell yes I’m changing plans to Watch the game with her.
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Old 01-23-2018, 05:11 AM
Grrr! Grrr! is offline
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Yeah, this sounds an awful lot like "Bros before Hos" which I thought was lame in my 20's, and think it's even more lame now.
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Old 01-23-2018, 05:32 AM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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If you feel you need to side with your wife in order to keep your marriage happy, well yes, go ahead with her.

I have to say though, and I say this as a woman, it ill-behooves her to agree to join you in an event, and then insist on a change in the event's location.

If I were your friend, I'd be disappointed too. And leery of making future plans with you.
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Old 01-23-2018, 05:45 AM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is offline
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Good grief, it's not like these were long-established and anticipated plans that are being shot down at the last second. The teams were just decided.

Then again, I'm not much for football. Or bars. So maybe my opinion doesn't carry much weight.

Still, I think you're right and he's wrong. For whatever that's worth.
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Old 01-23-2018, 06:34 AM
Tom Terrific Tom Terrific is offline
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How often does she do things like this? If the answer is seldom then he is being an ass. If the wife jumps in the middle of your friendship regularly then she has a problem with him and you being together.
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Old 01-23-2018, 06:46 AM
pulykamell pulykamell is offline
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Originally Posted by Two Many Cats View Post
If you feel you need to side with your wife in order to keep your marriage happy, well yes, go ahead with her.

I have to say though, and I say this as a woman, it ill-behooves her to agree to join you in an event, and then insist on a change in the event's location.

If I were your friend, I'd be disappointed too. And leery of making future plans with you.
Yeah, my opinion is pretty much this. I mean, sure, the friend's reaction is a bit immature, but I think the wife's is a tad dickish, too, especially if she doesn't give a damn about sports. I'd say the same thing with roles reversed, and with people outside the husband-wife dynamic. I mean, my wife is a Bills fan. If the Bills made it to the Super Bowl and she made plans with a good friend of hers to watch it at a particular bar and invited me along, I'd be an asshole (IMO) to insist on a different bar (even though I actually like the Bills and football in general, and would love to see the game.)
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Old 01-23-2018, 07:47 AM
Living Well Is Best Revenge Living Well Is Best Revenge is offline
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I'm on your friend's side and think your wife is being the passive-aggressive one.
  #16  
Old 01-23-2018, 07:56 AM
muldoonthief muldoonthief is offline
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Your friend is out of line, but I'm jumping on the bandwagon that he's got a point. This is what happens though, since the Super Bowl has become a big social event instead of just a championship game. You spend year after year watching football every weekend with other fans, but when your team finally makes it to the SB, you find yourself going to a lame Super Bowl party thrown by one of your wife's friends where half the attendees don't even know what a first down is.
  #17  
Old 01-23-2018, 08:07 AM
muldoonthief muldoonthief is offline
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Too late to edit - OP, I'm not criticizing your decision to watch it with your wife, of course you are free to do whatever you like. And I missed your later post that you'll be going to a different sports bar, so you probably won't have the "forced to socialize with your wife's friends instead of watching the damned game" experience that I was referring to. But it definitely happens.
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:16 AM
JcWoman JcWoman is offline
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I'm shocked by some of the replies here. Regardless of who is right in the "where do we watch the game" challenge, the texts that the friend sent OP are just snivelling little cry-baby stuff.
  #19  
Old 01-23-2018, 08:23 AM
DesertDog DesertDog is offline
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I personally try to avoid everyone/thing on big sportball days.
This. DesertWife and I were traveling toward home one evening and stopped for dinner at a place recommended by a friend. This was about 6pm Sunday evening and the friend had not mentioned it was a sports bar (the name of the place, oddly enough, gave no clue). We stepped in and were hit in the face with a wall of noise. Without even glancing at each other we took two steps back and eased the door shut; they never even knew we were there. I can only imagine the pandemonium had been the Super Bowl Big Game.

Now, I may be prejudiced because I am not a football fan. I am a fan of horse racing and last year spaced out making reservations at the track where we watch the Kentucky Derby until it was too late. There was a sports bar nearby with OTB but it didn't take reservations. We arrived what I figured was plenty early but took the last table, a four-topper. About twenty minutes later a couple horseplayers came in (we could tell because like us, they were carrying their DRFs) so we invited them to sit with us. We spent a couple hours with them chuckling at the clueless (Awww, too bad. Maybe he'll win the Derby next year.) but the place was really noisy.
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:30 AM
sandra_nz sandra_nz is offline
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I can understand your friend being upset - you made a commitment then you broke it.

What confuses me is that you made the commitment without realising that your wife would (a) want to watch the same event and (b) wouldn't want to watch it at this location. If you've been married for 23 years, wouldn't you already have an inkling on that?
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:41 AM
pulykamell pulykamell is offline
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I can understand your friend being upset - you made a commitment then you broke it.

What confuses me is that you made the commitment without realising that your wife would (a) want to watch the same event and (b) wouldn't want to watch it at this location. If you've been married for 23 years, wouldn't you already have an inkling on that?
Excellent point. Plenty of non-ideal behavior to go around.
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Old 01-23-2018, 09:09 AM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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I think you should divorce the wife and marry the friend. He's totally in love with you, dude!
  #23  
Old 01-23-2018, 09:26 AM
muldoonthief muldoonthief is offline
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Originally Posted by sandra_nz View Post
I can understand your friend being upset - you made a commitment then you broke it.

What confuses me is that you made the commitment without realising that your wife would (a) want to watch the same event and (b) wouldn't want to watch it at this location. If you've been married for 23 years, wouldn't you already have an inkling on that?
The OP said his wife doesn't like football. So is it fair to take him to task for not expecting her to say that she wants to watch a football game all of a sudden?
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Old 01-23-2018, 10:17 AM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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The teams were just decided.
Were they tho? Both of them?
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Old 01-23-2018, 11:21 AM
Sunny Daze Sunny Daze is offline
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Sounds like you aren't besties. If your wife is willing to do you a favor and go to "his" bar, great. You owe her one. Otherwise, stick with the wife. It sounds like you'd rather spend the time with her.
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Old 01-23-2018, 11:59 AM
kanicbird kanicbird is offline
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By accepting your friends invite were you also including your wife as part of the deal w/o discussing it with her? She would have the right to put you in your place as you should not be making plans for her as if she is your child.
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Old 01-23-2018, 12:39 PM
StrTrkr777 StrTrkr777 is offline
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My wife is defintely not a fan of the Foosball. She thinks it is stupid when they run up the middle and get no where. She complained often during the CFP game and the Falcons playoff game.

Then thing is, I know that if I am making plans to go somewhere without her to watch Football, that is not going to go well. But then we do most everything together.

Was this odd of her to want to go with you? And since we are talking rooting for the Pats, it is not like there is not several years worth of history to know the answer to that. If you normally go with a buddy and she stays home, then ask her why this year is different. If she normally goes but you do not normally go to a bar (that bar), then it is understandable.

But the friend's reponse does seem out of line. My best buddy might razz me if I changed plans on him, but he knows my wife well and knows that we do things together. Of course, he also knows that the SuperBowl party is at his house.
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Old 01-23-2018, 12:56 PM
pulykamell pulykamell is offline
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It’s hard to tell from the OP, but I think he’s an Eagles fan based on the sports threads I’ve read and participated in.
  #29  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:48 PM
jz78817 jz78817 is offline
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I'm on nobody's side here, I think there's bad behavior all around.

1) you made plans to go watch the game with someone at a sports bar, apparently w/o your wife being part of those plans (initially) because she doesn't like football

2) your wife decides to invite herself and insists on a change of venue

3) despite this guy being your "best friend for 30 years," you agree to the venue change w/o considering your "best friend," and

4) your "best friend" takes it as though he's a petulant child.

a rare case where everyone is wrong to some degree.

edit: just to give my POV some context:

Quote:
Originally Posted by StrTrkr777 View Post
Then thing is, I know that if I am making plans to go somewhere without her to watch Football, that is not going to go well. But then we do most everything together.
I've never understood why some people think a relationship means "from now on we will always do everything together and only ever spend time with each other." to me that in and of itself sounds rather immature. if you can't trust your gf/wife or bf/husband to spend time with their friends every once in a while, your relationship sounds like it's eventually going to fail.

Last edited by jz78817; 01-23-2018 at 01:52 PM.
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Old 01-23-2018, 02:47 PM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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4) your "best friend" takes it as though he's a petulant child.

.
I dunno. All I saw in the opening post from the friend were two snippy text comments. Not sure if that qualifies as a petulant child by my standards.

If I were the friend in this case though, I think I would take the classier route. Text back, "Okay, whatever. Go Pats."

And then I would make a note to myself to make plans with Artie for fun stuff from now on.

Last edited by Two Many Cats; 01-23-2018 at 02:49 PM.
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Old 01-23-2018, 02:54 PM
jz78817 jz78817 is offline
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they were worse than snippy, IMO; they come off as snide and whiny.
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Old 01-23-2018, 03:24 PM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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they were worse than snippy, IMO; they come off as snide and whiny.
Is there a scale of degree between snippy and snide?
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Old 01-23-2018, 03:55 PM
Grrr! Grrr! is offline
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Is there a scale of degree between snippy and snide?

I think there is. Snippy is a knee jerk, unintended reaction. Snide is a more deliberate reaction. IMO.
  #34  
Old 01-23-2018, 05:26 PM
gigi gigi is offline
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Originally Posted by russian heel View Post
So I have a friend who I've known for 30 years and last night we make plans to watch the Super Bowl together at his favorite sports bar. When I come home and tell my wife, she says actually she would like to see the Super Bowl but wants no part of this sports bar.
In retrospect, the plan you made should have had a caveat -- sounds good, let me check with my wife and get back to you tonight.
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Old 01-23-2018, 06:06 PM
Spice Weasel Spice Weasel is offline
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I think friend is acting immaturely. From my perspective, you communicated that you'd rather be with your wife. He may be taking it out on your wife but the real message is he's not hearing you say what's important to you. It's also clear this isn't a one time thing, it sounds like you've been frustrated with him for a while.

I'm really glad Sr. Weasel hates sports. But if he liked them, he'd be doing that shit on his own. It's pretty cool your wife has been a part of this with you despite her indifference. I can tell you love her. Having that is worth preserving.
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Old 01-23-2018, 06:24 PM
Tim R. Mortiss Tim R. Mortiss is offline
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In retrospect, the plan you made should have had a caveat -- sounds good, let me check with my wife and get back to you tonight.
I would invoke the Seinfeld Rule here: all plans between men are tentative. If an opportunity arises to do something with a woman instead, all men are allowed to cancel the original plans.
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Old 01-23-2018, 07:50 PM
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Then thing is, I know that if I am making plans to go somewhere without her to watch Football, that is not going to go well. But then we do most everything together.
I'm cringing at that.

I need to thank my wife that I can go watch whatever I want with whomever I want.

Tonight's one of the few nights we're together watching TV. Last night I was teaching, then stopped at a brewery with some teachers and students til 10. Let's see, Monday night? Oh, she didn't come home from work, so I walked dogs and she texted that she'd gotten coffee with a friend and was now at Target. Sunday I went right from church to the local tavern and watched football til evening ... I asked her if she wanted to come and she just snorted.

Wishing everyone here true love and time to yourself.
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:18 PM
BobBitchin' BobBitchin' is offline
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I would invoke the Seinfeld Rule here: all plans between men are tentative. If an opportunity arises to do something with a woman instead, all men are allowed to cancel the original plans.
To be clear I think this is a fine rule IF you're a Seinfeld type.

He threw away a brand new belt because it touched a urinal He is nowhere near a bud/bro/dude. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I asked the OP early on, if he was subject to stupid macho bro code bullcrap. He hasn't answered that question directly yet.

On the second point" the opportunity to do something with a woman"
That has never been about placating your wife when she invites herself to a guy event.
That is about getting some strange.

There is nothing wrong with being a family man. There is nothing wrong with being part of polite society that sees bro shit as juvenile.

It seems to me the OP is a polite family man.

You can stay in a hotel on vacation...but don't tell me you were roughing it in Montana.
  #39  
Old 01-24-2018, 03:03 PM
watchwolf49 watchwolf49 is offline
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I would cancel my Super Bowl plans to spend the time with my wife ... then act pouty and grouchy the whole time so she never makes that mistake again ... she does that to you, it's fair to do it back to her ...
  #40  
Old 01-24-2018, 03:43 PM
StrTrkr777 StrTrkr777 is offline
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Originally Posted by jz78817 View Post
I've never understood why some people think a relationship means "from now on we will always do everything together and only ever spend time with each other." to me that in and of itself sounds rather immature. if you can't trust your gf/wife or bf/husband to spend time with their friends every once in a while, your relationship sounds like it's eventually going to fail.
A couple of people commented on a portion of a post I made.

{Then thing is, I know that if I am making plans to go somewhere without her to watch Football, that is not going to go well. But then we do most everything together.} - Me

Just for some context.

1) We are about to celebrate 26 yrs of marriage, so I would say whatever we are doing works for us.
2) I am not suggesting that others conduct their marriage or relationships as I do
3) We share a lot of the same interests, that is what lead us to believe that we would be a great couple (we both like the same TV shows and movies and recreational activities, about the only thing we do not have in common is I like Football and she does not)
4) We are completely ok with doing things with friends and separately, we just spend most of our non-work hours together because we enjoy each others company.
5) We don't make plans without discussing it with the other, because that is how we live our lives.
6) Of all of my friends, I have more in common with my wife than I do with any of them, so why would I not want to hang out with her.

I am not sure why the comments bother me. I guess that happens on message boards.
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Old 01-24-2018, 04:46 PM
BeenJammin BeenJammin is offline
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Originally Posted by russian heel View Post
So I have a friend who I've known for 30 years and last night we make plans to watch the Super Bowl together at his favorite sports bar. When I come home and tell my wife, she says actually she would like to see the Super Bowl but wants no part of this sports bar.
Why not just do what you want to do and what you already agreed to do with your friend? Why did the problem crop up only after the wifey learned of the already made plans? She should just not go, if the bar really is not just an excuse to ditch the friend she apparently does not like.

Seriously dude, you're the one who needs to grow up - and determine just exactly how pussy-whipped you really are, and if it's worth it.
  #42  
Old 01-24-2018, 05:01 PM
bucketybuck bucketybuck is offline
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Go watch the damn game with your friend, in the place you were originally perfectly content to go and watch the game with your friend of 30 years.

And really, the guy isn't trying to drive a stake into your marriage or drive your wife away, get over yourself.

Honestly, I'm a little unsure who the thread title applies to.
  #43  
Old 01-24-2018, 05:27 PM
Rhiannon8404 Rhiannon8404 is online now
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Originally Posted by gigi View Post
In retrospect, the plan you made should have had a caveat -- sounds good, let me check with my wife and get back to you tonight.
I agree.

I don't need permission from my husband to go do things with my friends, and he doesn't need permission from me, but we always check with each other first just to make sure one or the other of us didn't have plans or some other idea of what was going on that day. FWIW, happily married 25 yrs.
  #44  
Old 01-24-2018, 05:41 PM
Not a Platypus Not a Platypus is offline
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While I find the "be a dude, don't be so pussywhipped" attitude laughably immature, especially when we're talking about middle-aged men, I do think it makes sense for your friend to be upset that you're bailing on plans you made with him.

As a wife, I also think her behavior might have been rude, depending on what exactly she said. I wouldn't invite myself to plans my husband made with his buddies and then tell him he needs to change his plans to suit me, but I could easily see him thinking he needs to if I say I'm interested in the event but not thrilled about where it is, even if I'm genuinely fine with missing out.

There's really nothing wrong with deciding you'd prefer your spouse's company, but it's pretty rude to make plans with someone, then dump them as soon as you realize you could spend that time with someone else instead. I don't think anyone likes that second banana feeling.
  #45  
Old 01-24-2018, 05:43 PM
pulykamell pulykamell is offline
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Originally Posted by Not a Platypus View Post
While I find the "be a dude, don't be so pussywhipped" attitude laughably immature, especially when we're talking about middle-aged men, I do think it makes sense for your friend to be upset that you're bailing on plans you made with him.

As a wife, I also think her behavior might have been rude, depending on what exactly she said. I wouldn't invite myself to plans my husband made with his buddies and then tell him he needs to change his plans to suit me, but I could easily see him thinking he needs to if I say I'm interested in the event but not thrilled about where it is, even if I'm genuinely fine with missing out.

There's really nothing wrong with deciding you'd prefer your spouse's company, but it's pretty rude to make plans with someone, then dump them as soon as you realize you could spend that time with someone else instead. I don't think anyone likes that second banana feeling.
Well summarized.
  #46  
Old 01-24-2018, 06:03 PM
Spice Weasel Spice Weasel is offline
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Originally Posted by StrTrkr777 View Post

I am not sure why the comments bother me. I guess that happens on message boards.
Just a word of advice for consideration. Every relationship thread on the Dope functions as a Rorschach test for each poster's individual view of relationships. This includes their past relationship drama, gender biases, wonderful marriages or exes from hell. I have never seen posters make such broad and uncharitable assumptions about people as they do in relationship threads (I am speaking in generalities, not commenting on responses in this thread specifically.) As a result, I have concluded that nobody will ever get unbiased advice about relationships on this board. Which isn't to say that you won't get good advice sometimes. Just try to keep in mind that, as much as you would like it to be, this thread is not about you, it's about everyone else's biased assumptions about what relationships are. This also means that whatever is said about you or your wife, it's neither well-informed about your specific situation, nor is it personal.

My own bias is that I've been happily married for almost 12 years to a man I love so much I sometimes go to the grocery store with him just so I can spend time with him. (I hate grocery shopping.) We don't share every activity, but we share many. My takeaway was: ''They've been married 26 years and he clearly prefers her company. So probably whatever they have been doing is working.'' It's also clear that you're fed up with your friend, and it's not based on a single incident.

I recently signed up for a Tai Chi class with a friend that took away a good three hour chunk of time I could be spending with my husband during the week. I went to one class, was not personally enthralled by it, and said, to my friend, ''I have many competing priorities right now, I didn't have the best time at this class, and I'd rather spend time with my husband than do this every Wednesday for the next three months.''

She was like, ''Yeah, I totally get it if you have higher priorities.'' She is 23. She is exhibiting, in my opinion, more maturity than your friend.

I also go to a coffee house every other Tuesday to waste time talking work on writing with this same friend, so it's not like I'm incapable of doing things on my own, and I certainly do not neglect my friendships.

If your friend was disappointed, he could have just said that, rather than insulting your marriage to make his point. That, IMO, is what makes his response immature.
  #47  
Old 01-25-2018, 06:35 AM
TheMightyFro TheMightyFro is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by russian heel View Post
Said friend insists on seeing the game at said sports bar because he is a Patriots fan and is his "good luck" bar.
Real Patriots fans have their "good luck" bar in the basement or garage of their homes. Sports bars are for the weak.
  #48  
Old 01-25-2018, 10:10 AM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is offline
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Spice Weasel is, as always, on point.
  #49  
Old 01-25-2018, 12:14 PM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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Originally Posted by Left Hand of Dorkness View Post
Spice Weasel is, as always, on point.
Mmmmm, not this time, no offense. No matter how happy your marriage is, dumping your previous plans with a friend to please a spouse is still a crappy way to behave. If the friend makes snide remarks about it, well, it's unfortunate, but that friend is upset. Should the friend have restrained himself? Perhaps, but he's the injured party here.

And as for insulting the OP's marriage, or trying to drive a wedge into it, give me a break. It was two texts, and fairly mild ones at that. He didn't call the guy's wife a c-word or something, like some of you are reacting.
  #50  
Old 01-27-2018, 06:36 AM
mr horsepower mr horsepower is offline
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your buddy is right to be a little miffed. you've known your wife for however long and been married to her for 23 years.. he should be able to assume you followed protocol regarding your ability to make plans with someone. after all, you're 50 years old.

how many games did your wife watch with you during the season? I'm guessing none.

i think it's kinda crappy for her to insert herself in something at the last minute that she's had the opportunity to participate in all season with you but has chosen not to.

I'll allow for your buddy maybe not behaving like a normal (whatever that is) 50 year old behaves. you've known that since you've known him though.

let's just agree that everyone is a little to blame in this situation.


alternate ending -

what's his wife doing during the game?

how do yours & his wife get along?

your wife clearly doesn't really enjoy football. I'm gonna guess neither does his wife. maybe they could hang out while you guys went to the bar?
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