#151  
Old 02-01-2018, 01:48 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Google Assistant - Will everyone eventually use it? Fad?
Weird croaking sounds emitting from a lamp shade - what is causing it?


That's why I had to get rid of my personal assistant - she kept hearing my lampshade's croaking sounds as "Alexa, hire a hit man to wipe out everyone in the house".

Last edited by Jackmannii; 02-01-2018 at 01:50 PM.
  #152  
Old 02-01-2018, 03:29 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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You Have *Consensual* Sex With A Wealthy And Powerful Person: How Much To Keep Quiet
Yellowstone supervolcano eruption. How to capitalize and profit?


401k not working out, huh?
  #153  
Old 02-01-2018, 07:42 PM
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Where's davidm? In the hospital recovering from a medical screwup.
Someone Tried to Take a Peacock on an Airplane


...with wacky results!
  #154  
Old 02-02-2018, 07:10 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Do you feel comfortable masturbating with a pet in the room?
What are your regional "vocal tics"?


And do they include saying "Woof!" at certain moments?
  #155  
Old 02-02-2018, 01:21 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Wanna help me name my fledgling business?
Is this a good computer deal?


After "Half Decent Haircuts" and "Maybe Meet Somebody Dating Service" went down the tubes, his next business needs a name that projects a bit more confidence.
  #156  
Old 02-03-2018, 08:35 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Trivia Dominoes: Play Off the Last Bit of Trivia
I like bananas a bunch
I think eggs are ova rated


Food Trivia Dominoes strikes again!

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 02-03-2018 at 08:36 AM.
  #157  
Old 02-03-2018, 09:35 AM
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'XXX days since last serious crash' road sign: does this really prevent accidents?
Head-on Collision Physics


Let me explain the physics of that.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 02-03-2018 at 09:35 AM.
  #158  
Old 02-03-2018, 09:56 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Butt-Hurt Trump Takes to Twitter Again
I'm a greedy, selfish straightdope leech


So that's where he's been getting his ideas!*

*imagine the juicy Pit threads if he started posting under the name Butt-Hurt Trump.
  #159  
Old 02-03-2018, 11:35 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Do you feel comfortable masturbating with a pet in the room?
Critter Cam out back.


There's a helluva joke about Austraila in there.
  #160  
Old 02-03-2018, 06:28 PM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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Share a story
I saw a BEAR today!


The End.

Hey, I didn't say it was a good story.
  #161  
Old 02-03-2018, 06:44 PM
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Any landmarks visible from your house?

Impending sinkhole in Carlsbad, NM


The caverns. For now, anyway
  #162  
Old 02-04-2018, 07:16 AM
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Share a story
Johnny L.A.

Sleep formula.
CastletonSnob

C'mon, Johnny L.A. isn't that boring.
  #163  
Old 02-04-2018, 09:56 AM
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From my subscribed threads list:

Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits
Someone Tried to Take a Peacock on an Airplane


And I'd fry it up if it comes back but I don't think I'll ever have that recipe again.
  #164  
Old 02-04-2018, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludovic View Post
From my subscribed threads list:

Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits
Someone Tried to Take a Peacock on an Airplane
There's a peacock on my jet plane
Don't think that I'll be back again.
  #165  
Old 02-04-2018, 11:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludovic View Post
Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits
Someone Tried to Take a Peacock on an Airplane


And I'd fry it up if it comes back but I don't think I'll ever have that recipe again.
or even to another tune ...

Grandma Tried To Take A Peacock On An Airplane
Heading home to our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe
  #166  
Old 02-04-2018, 11:49 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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What's for dinner?
Boiled eggs for dummies... I'm a dummy, please advise.


To be clear, I'm not looking for 'instructions for dummies'. We're having boiled eggs for dummies.
  #167  
Old 02-04-2018, 12:39 PM
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Why don't we hear more from the President's cabinet?
Unscrewing tub drain


Because the tub drain is a higher priority.



How to beat North Korea
Ever met or known a Mafia member?


'Little Kim. Understand this isn't personal. It's just business.'





.

Last edited by Johnny L.A.; 02-04-2018 at 12:40 PM.
  #168  
Old 02-04-2018, 02:12 PM
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Why don't we hear more from the President's cabinet?
Tongue and Tongue, Groove and Groove Lumber


It's designed to keep them locked up securely. But if you listen closely, sometimes there are thumping noises.
  #169  
Old 02-05-2018, 08:03 AM
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Songs that contain the name of the band - except...
I'm late. I resign in disgrace.
  #170  
Old 02-05-2018, 08:33 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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What's a misconception you had when you were a kid?
I'm pretty danged smart


A lot of kids have that miconception
  #171  
Old 02-05-2018, 10:37 AM
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Intermittent wi-fi connection
Would having large breasts be a major disadvantage in a gun fight?


No, but if they're keeping you from logging into Facebook, it's time to take action.
  #172  
Old 02-05-2018, 11:50 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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Let's plan an Occasion in the MMP!!
The Incident


A planned 'incident' shows malice aforethought.
  #173  
Old 02-05-2018, 07:55 PM
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What's the advantage of having softer facial features?
Access to Public Records?


The clerk didn't want to let me see the marriages on file until she noticed my rounded forehead and smoothly sculpted cheeks.
  #174  
Old 02-05-2018, 08:47 PM
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Presidential Portraits; aka "Is Nixon's in the White House?"
How do I find out if a painting I have is worth anything?


I can guess the answer is "not that much."
  #175  
Old 02-06-2018, 08:30 AM
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Is it still reading if...
A Trucker Went Off-Roading on the 2,000-Year-Old Nazca Lines


It's still reading, but don't do it while driving!
  #176  
Old 02-06-2018, 09:12 AM
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Separated by one:

Head crash of a laptop hard drive, does it scratch stuff off the disk?

What's the advantage of having softer facial features?


When your face is softer, it's less likely you'll get scratches from a Head Crash. D'uh!
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It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli
  #177  
Old 02-06-2018, 03:25 PM
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Inbred families in Appalachia? Or elsewhere?
Is male pattern baldness inherited? Who’s to blame?


Well, if your father's side of the family is also your mother's side of the family ...
  #178  
Old 02-06-2018, 05:15 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Admittedly, I don't have kids....
What "problem" do theoretical megastructures "solve"?


Well, they're a great way to use up all those extra Lego blocks.
  #179  
Old 02-07-2018, 07:58 AM
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Did you get a flu shot this year? Did you get the flu?
Admittedly, I don't have kids....


Otherwise I probably would have gotten the flu.
  #180  
Old 02-07-2018, 08:22 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Help me use one quart of cocktail onions in a recipe
Eating When Ill


Eating a quart of cocktail onions would make me too ill to eat.
  #181  
Old 02-08-2018, 07:52 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Marijuana states and drug dog searches
Please check this method of finding the derivative of ln(x)


For that you're gonna need a border collie.
  #182  
Old 02-08-2018, 04:43 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Not (very) offensive ethnic jokes
Cheddar Lives Madder
  #183  
Old 02-09-2018, 06:52 AM
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The Democratic party is changing on the issue of mistreatment of women; the Republican party is not

Cloning a Neandertal



Well, first you collect some DNA from a Republican......
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It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli
  #184  
Old 02-09-2018, 09:36 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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Are concept albums dead?
A Ghost Story


'Horror Show', by Iced Earth?
'Ghost Reveries', by Opeth?
'Lovers' Requiem', by I Am Ghost?
  #185  
Old 02-09-2018, 10:35 AM
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Why am I here?

The Incident


Oh.

Well, that explains that. I guess.
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It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli
  #186  
Old 02-09-2018, 12:25 PM
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I've been photographing the night sky lately, or what a decent camera can do.
SLR for orphan street kids in Rwanda


There's so many more stars visible w/ the lack of light pollution in deepest, darkest Africa...& it's not like they have a parent enforcing their bedtime, either.
  #187  
Old 02-10-2018, 08:42 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Prerequisites for the Presidency
Cloning a Neandertal


That explains so much.
  #188  
Old 02-10-2018, 09:23 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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How long does it take vagina to clean sperm inside it
If X is partner with Y, can Y be partner with Z, where X may compete with Z


Can't a good DNA lab sort all this out?
  #189  
Old 02-10-2018, 04:01 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Ultimate fate of Elon's Tesla Roadster
Prison time for DUI


How did they get a self-driving car to take a roadside sobriety test?
  #190  
Old 02-10-2018, 08:47 PM
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MEBuckner MEBuckner is online now
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A coupla lunch questions for y’all...
What's for dinner?


Always one step ahead of us, eh?
  #191  
Old 02-11-2018, 08:02 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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White Privilage
"They're all a bunch of crooks"

#NotAllWhitePeople
  #192  
Old 02-11-2018, 09:09 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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2018 Mass Killings in the United States
They're not making TV meemaws like they used to.


Over 2,000 mass killings! That's a lot!

Anyway, killings and grandmothers reminded me of A Good Man Is Hard To Find.
  #193  
Old 02-12-2018, 05:31 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Small things you notice when travelling abroad
mercury in the tundra
  #194  
Old 02-12-2018, 08:45 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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[b] Greatest Scientists: Elimination Game
I've seen fire and I've s[een rain/b]

That really makes you a great scientist!
  #195  
Old 02-12-2018, 10:50 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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What is your relationship to alcohol?
When you're in a dedicated turning lane, do you signal?


Yeah, but I can't get the bartender to bring me a refill.
  #196  
Old 02-12-2018, 11:04 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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What is your relationship to alcohol?
Good archery set for beginners


Yeah, I always like to have a snort or three (or four) before I do the William Tell routine. None of my partners, who put the apples on their heads, thought it was a good idea. But they've been as silent as the grave since their performances.
  #197  
Old 02-12-2018, 11:18 AM
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Explain this bird behavior

Is "chlorinated chicken" something that Americans worry about?





Generally speaking, how many masculine groups/cultures are there?

Women, how bad is it when a man approaches you?
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It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli

Last edited by CalMeacham; 02-12-2018 at 11:20 AM.
  #198  
Old 02-12-2018, 11:23 AM
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What Existed Before Anything Existed?

The Edge of the Universe
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It was then that he noticed that the Thing in the room with him consisted of a mass of hideously twisting tentacles and pseudopods, writhing in all directions, each of them an unworldly shade of green or yellow, with a nacreous glossy sheen.
---The Call of Chihuli
  #199  
Old 02-12-2018, 11:24 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is online now
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Whatever happened to "Hot n Juicy"?
It's Really, Truly Over After 15 Years
  #200  
Old 02-12-2018, 12:23 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Another inexperienced couple sinks their boat.
Whatever happened to "Hot n Juicy"?


"Hot" was able to swim to shore, but "Juicy" is still missing.
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